Monday, November 13, 2006

Beastiality, Red Bull and the Ocean

Well I just got back from a fun-filled weekend on Vancouver Island where I went and visited a friend that is up there taking law (yes some of my friends are smart because they aren't stupid like me and spend there weekends killing/drowning their brain cells). My flight was rather uneventful. I watched some sweet O.C. action (who knew that that show started up again) on the plane.

When I arrived, we immediately ordered some Pad Thai from my friend's fav Thai place (she apparently lives there part-time) and busted out the Rye. I decided since I was in B.C. and did not want to forget my Albertan roots, I bought the cheapest rye I could find "Alberta Premium" (which is totally ghetto). Victoria is known to be very politically correct so I figured I should offend everyone I could during my short stay on the Island. So at the liquor store my friend was talking about one of her classes she has which is entitled "Animals and the Law" or something like that. So naturally I asked her if they had a module on not having sex with animals (that's a law isn't it?) The liquor store clerk looked slightly appalled, as did everyone else. The whole weekend our motto was "even ugly animals need love". We were commenting on how hot dogs and other wildlife were. Yeah I'm twisted but it's a joke people.

On the Thursday night we got liquored up and went out to this bar that had no one in it. It was a fun night though. Couldn't tell you why because I may not remember. Could have involved some motorboat action with some friends...but one cannot be sure. I danced up a storm on the completely deserted dancefloor and proceeded to get refused entry into the next bar I tried to enter. The bar that wouldn't let us in was called Plan B. Well they were our Plan B so screw them for not letting me in because I was falling over.

On Friday I went shopping in downtown Victoria and I found a really nice pair of Sevens (not Seven but Sevens for all Humanity) for 100 bones. I was super happy about them. They are slightly tight but a couple of rounds of lunges in them should stretch them out. I know so because my other pair of Sevens stretched ridiculously. On Saturday Night we saw Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Gotta love that title. Seriously, all though the hotel scene was traumatizing, that movie was so funny. I pretty much peed my pants the whole way through. My favorite part is when they go to the dinner party. So awkward. Gotta love it! "My wife is dead....High Five!" After that we headed to a bar called Sauce and had a few drinks.

On Saturday, my friend I was staying with went to the airport to pick up her 17 year old brother. Since he was so young, we couldn't go to the bar so we ended up going over to her man's house and playing this game called "Beer Die". It's a silly game where you try to bounce a dice into the other person's drink and they have to try and catch the dice if you miss. If you miss catching the dice then you have to take a drink and if you get the dice in the other persons' drink, they have to drink the rest of their drink. It was pretty fun but got out of hand the more you drank. I spent the entire night making an ass of myself but it was a blast. I may have smooched a guy from the party (I will never tell) and I may have stolen him out from under another girls grip. Whoops! Another inside joke from the party is Gigi the Bum Blaster. But I am not going to explain that one, because those that know are the only ones who get to know!

On Sunday I took it easy and have a wonderful flight back to Calgary. The damn shuttle took about 40 minutes after my late-ass flight to even leave the airport but I save $10 damn it, by not taking a cab. The trip was really fun and I love the people that my friend goes to school with. They are so unjudgmental and they can handle and roll with my sick and twisted sense of humor. I will definitely have to make another trip out there next year to see them all.

One last item of interest from this week is that I scored my first indoor goal of the season in soccer last night by drop-kicking the ball out of the opposing goalies hands into the net. I'm dirty but it put a point on the board and we only won 3-2 so thank god it did!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Hockey Game Hijinks

My boss came to me yesterday and gave me two tickets to the Calgary Flames Game (NHL) for putting up with the crap client I was working on last week. That is such a sweet deal. I guess I should have a mental breakdown at work more often. In Cowtown we are obsessed with our Flames and I have yet to go to a Hockey Game. The ex told me that he was going to take me to a game last year and then proceeded to go to like 4 or 5 with his friends. Did he ever take me? No. Fucker! Speaking of the ex, I saw him the other night at the Indoor Soccer Centre in Cowtown and he completely ignored me. I typically ignore him but him ignoring me...how rude (I know I am a complete hypocrite).

I went for sushi today with a friend that is going to Thailand tomorrow. I am so jealous of her. It has been a really long time since I've gone anywhere but the US and I am getting the travel bug something wicked. I need to find a job where they will let me work for 9 months and then I can travel for 3 months. I don't care if they only pay me for the 9 months (and I am unpaid for the rest). I don't want to have a normal life where I work 9 to 5 and only have the weekends off. Something is backwards about that shit. Shouldn't you spend the majority of your life doing something you like (i.e. not work) and the minority making the money to do it? I just think providing me with only 3 weeks of holidays a year is bunk. It's not even close to enough time to enjoy my life. Think about it if I was to work until I was 60 and I got on average 4 weeks of holidays a year I would get 140 weeks of holidays. This equates to working 32.3 years and only having 2.69 years off (that is only 7% of my weekdays of my working life spent enjoying myself). That is a raw deal if you ask me.

Anyways I probably wont post again until after the weekend where I will be visiting a friend that lives in Victoria, B.C. (she's going to law school there). There is a cute boy there that I will get to see that I had HUGE sexual tension with when I met him when he came down to Cowtown to visit my friend. But I couldn't do anything with him because I was being faithful to my ex. Who knew that weeks later he would kick the lovely me to the curve. If I could only turn back time! Ah well now I can explore what the cute boy has to offer. I will provide the details! Have a good remembrance day and remember to give your one minute of silence on Saturday at 11 (for those of you in the U.S. disregard the previous).

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Stupid Stuff to do when You are Drunk

So this week at work sucked. I had the most disrespectful client I have ever met try to tell me how to do my job and he also accused me or one of my co-workers of having a ringtone on our phone that says "Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you". What a nut! We were right by his office the whole week and no one had that ringtone. On the plus side my manager didn't believe a thing that was said and took me out for drinks on Friday because I looked like a needed it.

So Friday night started with a couple of drinks at the bar by my work with a bunch of workmates. I got a slight buzz from that and realized that it was 6:30pm and I had to haul ass home to change. My friend and her friend drove picked me up and we went to the James Blunt concert (the guy that sings that "You're Beautiful" song). The concert was pretty good but all the songs are super depressing. So you better believe we had to go out after that (so we didn't go home and kill ourselves).

After the concert we got dropped off on 17th Avenue (the Red Mile) and we went on an impromptu pub crawl. First we got pizza and I put honey on it (my friend suggested that I do so) and damned if it ain't good. After that we hit up a pub called Bungalow but there were a couple of creepy guys there that wouldn't leave us alone so we left that place in a hurry. After that we headed over to another pub called Mercury. That place is crazy. One of the bars is a fish tank but instead of putting rocks in the thing, it is just made out of clear glass. It's really lovely to see the fish poop while you are thinking of what drink to order. "I'll have a fish poop...I mean rye and coke"

We stayed there the rest of the night because we ran into a couple of friends we knew from soccer. One guy that was friends with a friend showed up and he was kind of cute. So I threw on the charm and he seemed interested. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with him. In Cowtown, a friend had put on the 30 Hour Soccer Marathon to raise money for cancer this weekend. So the whole night, we were talking about how we were going to find someone to drive us to the soccer centre to play for the 3 oclock shift. We were kind of half joking. But when the bar closed, me, my friend and the cute guy caught a cab together and we somehow convinced the cabbie to drive us to the Soccer Centre for $20 (it's a long-ass drive so that was a deal) because it was in the name of cancer. We all went and got our soccer gear from our places and went down to the soccer centre then we played our $20 to get in the marathon each.

When we got to the soccer centre there were a bunch of people I know playing soccer. They happened to be none other than my ex's complete soccer team (who I still love despite the breakup) and his best friend and brother. But, thank god, the ex wasn't there (he has to work every Saturday so I guess he didn't go). God all of us were so drunk and we were playing some good soccer. Every time I kicked someone in the shins or something I was like "Sorry, it's in the name of cancer". I would line up these awesome goals and then miss the ball completely and fall on my ass and lie there laughing for like 5 minutes. The best part of the night was that the cute guy was hitting on me harshly and right in front of the ex's best friend and brother. Haha! Take that one home to the ex. He can see just how sad I am about the whole breakup! I know...I'm immature...but I'm allowed to be from time to time.

We played soccer from 3am til about 5:30am. Then we found someone to give us a ride home. I unfortunately didn't get the cute guys number or give him mine because there were so many people in the car. But we run in similar circles...so I'm sure I'll see him soon. I hope so anyways.

Saturday night was pretty chill. The guy that works on the pipelines drove in from where he was working to visit me. We watched a couple of movies. He's pretty cute. We have been joking all week (via text messages) about how I am his sugar momma and that he should feed me grapes. So when he came on Saturday night, he brought grapes. I was like "Awwwww!" He's a good guy but still not sure how serious I can get with him.

We tied my soccer game 1-1 last week and that is only because the ref was an evil she-bitch and she gave us like 4 two minute penalties and 1 4 minute penalty for stuff that was completely incidental and one that was completely unfounded. That's okay though because we played down a 2-man power play from the other team and we scored a goal when they were on a power play (you should have seen the refs face...she was pissed when we did that). I missed a sweet goal in the last 30 seconds that I totally should have gotten. Ah well...what can you do eh? I'm going rock climbing for the first time in almost 2 weeks today so I am super excited. Next weekend I am going to Victoria, B.C. for the weekend to visit a friend. Should be a blast!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

All I Want to do is Dance Dance!


(This was the pumpkin I made the other year but I didn't write a blog back then so I'm posting it now people!)

Well this weekend should've been funner (considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year). It was fun, but I different kind of fun. I saw myself dressing up all three nights (Friday - Sunday) but unfortunately that did not happen. I begged and pleaded with everyone to dress up but it's kind of hard to convince your friends to wear their skankish Halloween outfits when its -10 Celsius outside. Yeah it sure did get cold and just in time to rain on my parade.

On Friday night I headed over to my friend's house for her birthday. I made my first sushi and let me tell you they have given me honorary Japanese citizenship. Damn I was good. I put a ridiculous amount of Rho (orange fish eggs) on my sushi but they were a big hit. It's suprisingly not that hard to make sushi. The Japanese chef's at the sushi restaurants look all intense and it kind of made me thought it took magic or something to do. After that we chilled out and listened to some music. Then the cute boy (from last posting) showed up.

We then headed out to the Ship and Anchor (aka the Pip and Thank Her aka the Hip and Canker aka the Slip and Shank Her, etc) and we bought some drinks. My sister than showed up and me and the cute boy had to keep our distance because we know that she'd be watching and I wasn't ready to let her know that me and a guy that she formerly dated (don't worry people it wasn't serious) might be hookin' up. So we were all awkward.

Then all of the sudden everyone in the bar left except for me and him. So I asked him if he'd like to hang out. So he came over and we stayed up talking til the wee hours in the morning. The poor guy had to work at 7 am but I don't think he made it until 10ish. He brought up the fact that he'd like to not be single anymore and that he'd like to not be single with me. I brushed it off. I just babbled some incoherent shit and pretended to forget what I was saying. It's not that I don't want to date him it's just that maybe he isn't good for me. Like I said in the last post, we have converging life goals and also he works on the pipelines and is gone the majority of the time. But at the same time, he's really cute, sweet and I laugh my head off when I'm around him. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on yet.

The next day I slept most of the day and then I went to a movie. I saw The Departed. What I friggin' good movie. So many good actors in it and for once, Leonardo Dicaprio was able to act his way out of a paper bag. Good for him. He still looks 16 years old though.

After the movie I decided to go to Red Deer to meet said boy again. It was his friend's birthday and also kind of his send off (because he was moving to Costa Rica for the foreseeable future). So I drove down at about 8pm and we went out in Sylvan Lake (a small town by Red Deer). Sylvan Lake was a ghost town so we went into Red Deer to go out. We went to a bar called the Club. I used to not be able to turn a corner without seeing someone I knew in Red Deer but I didn't see anyone I knew all night. That's okay though...some people are there that I don't really want to run into (aka exes). Nothing eventful happened but there were a bunch of obscenely dressed girls there. Last time I check wearing a white bikini and angel wings is not a costume.

After that we went back to the boys place and hung out. He unfortunately rents a room in a barn. I know what a catch eh...but it actually makes sense for him to live in a barn. He works like the majority of the month and then is only home for like a couple of days a month (the rest of the time he is in Calgary visiting friends). The barn was cold, but it's a good excuse to cuddle with said boy. I hung out with him until 5 o'clock on Sunday then I drove back to Calgary to get ready to finally wear my Halloween outfit.

The outfit was really good (if I do say so myself). I dressed up as Britney Spears...but I was pregnant. I wore the hit me baby one more time (schoolgirl outfit) and I had a fake pregnant belly. It was awesome. I also had this hideous doll I bought from Value Village that used to be a girl but I gave it a home haircut. The doll acted as Britney's son Sean Alexander. I kept dropping it on its head and putting smokes in its mouth and feeding it booze throughout the night. She's just like Britney momma. I went to this show that my sister's boyfriend put on. He's so good at what he does. I will post some pics when I can find my damn camera cord and when blogger lets me upload photos. I seriously was never interested in drum and base music until I heard his. It was a fun night but I went home at midnight because I had to work Monday morning.

This weekend should be okay. I am going to the James Blunt concert on Friday night. I am undecided on how much I like him. I think the concert will be kind of depressing because he whines slightly too much. Ah well. I'm excited to go out after the concert though with a friend I haven't seen in forever. Then on Saturday the boy is supposed to be coming in to town for the evening to hang out. Tomorrow night I have a soccer game so I hope I kick some butt. We shall see.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Boys Boys Boys!

This last week was pretty fun. I attended the Calgary Business Hall of Fame Dinner on behalf of my company and it actually turned out to be a pretty decent affair. The host of the event was Ron McLean. For those of you who live under a rock (or in the US), Ron is a co-anchor on our much beloved Hockey Night in Canada. He regaled us with anecdotes that involved ice of some sort (the most non-hockey related story he told was about a couple of figure skaters). Man that guy is a good story teller. The dinner was really good and fancy but we had, by far, the youngest table going. I swear I have not seen so many middle-aged men in one room, along with their shining bald heads.

On Friday night, we had a girl's night out. We started off with a little indoor wall climbing (which yes, I am still obsessed with), then we went for supper and then to a movie. The climbing was really fun. I'm getting way better at it but I still have a lot to improve upon (aka my chicken arms need to get with the beef). We went out for supper and were going to go to this Cajun place but the bartender claimed that they were setting a table up for us but when we went sent someone in to have a look, they hadn't even touched any of the 5 open tables. So we said Screw you guys and went to a nearby pub and had some very healthy pub food. You can't knock the pub food.

After that we went to the worst movie ever Marie Antoinette. Again, save yourself the time and hit yourself in the head with some stilettos. Dammit, this movie was so pointless and boring. The story didnÂ’t even portray Marie Antoinette as a hero but more as a naive girl that just spent all of France's money. LAME-O!

After that everyone went home and I went on to go see my sister's boyfriend DJ at a pub. He's really good. Then this guy that I know (he's friends with my sister) showed up and started laying on the charm. I have to admit that I think I have a new crush. I'm not sure if he is the type of guy I could have anything super long-term with because he definitely has different life aspirations than I do. foreseeee myself having a good career, eventually getting married (if I meet any boys that aren't complete commitment-phobic poo-poo heads), and having kids. He, on the other hand, wants to buy land in Costa Rica and open up a hostel. Yeah...slightly converging life goals. But I'll be damned if he isn't cute.

So Saturday night I went out with said boy, one of my best buds from Edmonton, and a bunch of my friends and we saw a really good band from Australia play at our local university. They are called Cat Empire, and let me be the first to tell you...best show ever. I don't know if it was just because I'd drank a sizeable amount of rye or not, but I have never danced my ass off more at a concert. They had the whole place dancing all over. If they ever come to you town GO SEE THEM! You won't regret it. Apparently they are huge in Australia and I'm sure they'll do alright here.

After that we went to the pub that my sister waitresses at and had some more drinks. By that point I was so wasted I could barely walk. But when we were at the table, the boy grabbed my hand and held it. He's such a dream-boat. But there is one problem...he used to date my sister. So I am trying to fight this crush but damn is he cute. Anyways we have been texting each other back and forth all week. He's really cute and I get all happy and excited each time I hear the texting beep. Hopefully I will be able to see him this weekend. We shall see.

On Sunday morning, me and my Edmontonian friend were bored so we set up a profile on lavalife so that we could check the listings in Red Deer (the town where I grew up) to see if there was anyone on there that I knew. I set my name up as "Boobs McGee" and my tagline was "I have large breasts. Please put your head in them". Then in the section where it asked you to tell a little about yourself, I wrote "Motorboat. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" The I put the following picture as my profile pic:



(Yes kids.....this are actually my boobs. They may or may not be thrusted vigorously into the camera but impressive none the less!)

So needless to say I got a instant message from someone the someone the second I hit enter. I convinced this guy I was stripping for a living and trying to put myself through medical school. Meanwhile, me and my friend were pissing ourselves laughing. Stupid men!!!

Well this week is almost over and it is sure to be a good one. I have a sweet Halloween outfit lined up, which I will not disclose until I have some good pics to go along with it. I hope y'all have a good Halloween. Trick or Treat. Treat for me s'il vous plait!!!!!

Monday, October 16, 2006

A Long Time in the Making

Yeah so I suck and haven't posted in a long time. I sat down to write a rather lengthy and inspired post last week but then my laptop, which has a battery life of about 5 minutes after it performs the tedious task of starting up, died on me when I was putting the finishing touches on a good blog. I have only just worked up the motivation to re-write the blog today. Sorry!!! I will upload some photos once blogger stops being STUPID!

Okay so the weekend before last, on Thursday, I went out to a dueling piano bar called "Aussie Rules" and to the lovely Cowboys (circa last Thursdays - still had fake breasts on tap, along with cheap draft beer). I developed my first crush since being single there. But, it is so taboo......on a guy from work. I am normally really outgoing but as soon as I like a guy, I clam up and get all nervous. I don't know what happened. First I'm like "Yeah he's really nice" and that turned into "Actually he's really nice.....looking". And from there I was hooked. I am not going to describe more about him because I know lots of people from work read this and I do not want to specify more about him lest the rumor mill start a turning. It was a fun night, but I drank only one drink, which incidentally was from the breast of a hooter shooter girl (a friend paid me to do it). There may or may not be a video. Eek!

On Friday, I went out with a couple of friends to a bar called "Soho" which plays lots of hip hop and is frequented by lots of black people (which is quite alright with me). I invited the crush to come along....and he did! So that was good. Too bad that I had drank way too much Soho before I went to Soho and he saw me at my best (worst?) He came with 3 girls though (all of which I was assured were only friends), so that sucked. I just played my shy card as I do with people I like and nothing happened and one of his friends made him leave while I was in the bathroom. So my friend wrestled my cell phone out of my hands and texted him "The bar was alot cooler when you were here." Yeah so someone needs to invent a cell phone with a breathalizer in it that will only allow you to call a taxi to take your drunk ass home after about 0.1 blood alcohol level. So I looked at my call list last night and noticed that I called the crush at 1:15am. Totally don't remember that. Hope I didn't say anything too stupid. Whoops!

On Saturday I picked my friend Just an Alberta Girl at the airport and we then went shopping. The weekend before I had bought some tanktops at a store and then put them down to try something on and forgot them in another store. So I rebought those tanktops and I bought a nice hoodie. Then we went back to my place and got ready to go out. We went to a hard rock bar called "The Back Alley" or as people in Cowtown refer to it "Crack Alley" or simply "the Crack" because of its colorful clientele. In the time I was there I saw a girl dancing on the speaker with a short pleated skirt and I think she forgot to put on underoos! I also saw a gothic gal leading around a gothic guy by a leash (ummm no comment!) We took a couple of people that my friend new from Korea. They were hilarious. One guy could barely speak english but he sure did like the scantily clad beer tub girls! He was like the paparazzi! I ran into another couple of friends there that I wall climb with. They were on a date. So I tried to make it as uncomfortable as I could for them (yeah I know I'm nice).

On Sunday night I went to Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving) dinner with Just an Alberta girl. It was me and 30 Basians (people from Barbados). Man are they hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I could barely talk the next day because I laughed so much. And the drunker they got, the louder they got and the stronger their accents got. Some highlights from the evening was where they pulled out some wine and my friends aunt claimed that "Monks make this wine". I looked at the bottle, and it was Kosher wine with Hebrew writing on it. First, I don't think monks drink and I don't thing that they let monks in synagogue. It was funny they had a glass of Kosher wine in one hand and then a fork with ham on it in the other. Also, one of my friends cousins claimed that he bakes bread and makes salad for Co-op (one of our local grocery stores) and then sell it to them and then rebought it to support his own business. Thats why he brought store bought buns and salad. Too funny. I love my friends family!

Monday, I watched Employee of the Month. Trust me, just go save yourself some money and hit yourself in the head with a shoe. I love Dane Cook though! He's cute. And then we had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents (which happens to be my house now). It was good but everyone kept talking to me like I'm gonna kill myself because of the recent break-up. Seriously people....I have moved on! Leave me alone!

This weekend was rather uneventful. Me and my friend have been waiting for like 4 months to watch Get Rich or Die Tryin' but haven't been able to find a night where we could both get together. We watched movies and ate alot of junk food. Than on Saturday, I went for supper at an Etheopian restaurant (who knew that Ethopians even ate) and then we partook in some "herbal remedies" and watched a cheesy movie. Wow, can I ever not make nachos when I'm f'ed up!

We had our first soccer game of the season and am please to report that we won 5-1! Seriously, my team kicks ass. Not so much me personally, but my team is good! I have to play my old team, which I left due to bad coaching, this season. So that won't be fun. All in all, I had a good weekend though because I was able to stay away from the bar.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Oh you.....you crazy world!

Well I've been crazy busy lately not to mention I was in training last week, and had no internet access at training. And since I'm so awesome, I usually blog at lunch (don't worry I don't charge my time to a client or anything). So I dropped off the face of the earth. I'm extremely sorry to the 5 people that read my blog. I know, it must have been hard for you. Don't worry, I'm here to update you.

So last weekend, I went out to a party with some friends and it was a good time. It was weird though because I met these friends through a girlfriend of the ex's friend. So the one of the ex's good friends were there. I'm sure he enjoyed me telling them how I hate men now. And then watching my other friend trying to find a cute boy in the party to set me up with. Haha! Good, I hope he told the ex all about it. She's doing fine despite your blind, silly ass! We then went out to a bar where my sister's boyfriend was djaying. He's really good. I'm not a big techno fan but I love his stuff. I spent the night with my friend (who happens to be a bit of a male slut) and we were creeping out my sister by trying to convince her we were going home together. She looked full on creeped out. It was classic.

On Saturday I went to another party which was a going-away party for a friend who is taking off to Asia for 3 months. I'm so jealous. That'll be me next summer though. I am leaving for two months (first month to Eastern Europe and second month to Nepaul). Anyways I was promised that there would be cute guys there but all there ended up being were these two guys from work. They are hilarious. They are both a couple of years younger than me, and you can tell. But they crack me up. I think one of them had smoked up for the first time ever and the other one spilt a liter of drinks on the floor an hour.

Last week we spent the week training. All the people from our Vancouver and Winnipeg offices came down. The training is really fun though because one of my favorite managers was teaching it. He's amusing. Slightly politically incorrect but funny none the less. We had a good table. We got nick-named the "ADD table" (ADD in attention deficit disorder). I didn't learn much but I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.

Anyways we all headed out to the bar Cowboys (where the waitresses are famous for their large fake breasts) one night. It was lots of fun. There's this girl from Winnipeg (which is a small city in Manitoba) that was like this little fake looking china doll. She had quite the outfit on (short skirt, leopard print shirt). When we showed all the pics of the night, I think every guy in our training group had a picture grinding with her. Trust me, she was the last person in the room you would have accused of being an accountant. I danced up a storm with one of my good friends from work (neither of us know how to two-step worth a damn!!!) Anways I came home and passed out in my bed fully clothed and with all the lights in the house still on. Thank god I set my alarm to make it to training in time! I think I may also have developed a crush on a guy from work. We shall see. Right now I am scared of men though!

On Friday night, I went out for drinks again. I know, I know. I may be considered an alcoholic lately but it's keeping me busy and I don't know if I could handle sitting at home on a Friday/Saturday because it would make me sad. But alas, I haven't had to yet. I met a couple of friends at a pub and went home early because I was going rock climbing early on Saturday morning and shopping for a new watch.

The Saturday night, I went out (AGAIN) with some friends for a girl from my works birthday. It was a good time. It think that I got hit on for the first time since being single. That was exciting. I'm not yet interested but it was atleast good to know I've still got it. Anyways we tried to go to a bar called Ranchman's but the line was wayyyyyy too long and then we went to a pub next door instead. Pretty tame night, but it was okay. The only problem with the night is that I had two friends say "Hey, Cowtown Gal, I'm right here" when I was talking to them a bit too loud. That is my pet peeve when someone says those exact words to me. I don't know why. Like for god sakes we are standing outside a loud-ass bar and I'm slightly drunk. Seriously, don't make me feel stupid for speaking loudly. I don't blame them. But when people talk loud to me, I just don't say anything.

So that has been the exciting Cowtown Gal's life for the past couple of weeks. Too much booze-filled fun. I miss having a boyfriend only for the fact that it's hard to find someone to just chill out with. As most of my friends are in couples now and it is hard to get one of them to just chill with me and watch movies (because they just want to go out as they spend their chill-time with their boyfriends/girlfriends). Next weekend Just an Alberta Girl is coming down and we are going out on the town. Yes, AGAIN! Woo hoo! Should be good fun. Hopefully I will have internet access during training next week (we are changing locations).

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

It's High Noon at the O-K Corral

Well yesterday was a good day because my real estate agent told me that she thinks my condo is worth $30,000 more than the other realtor said. So that means that, if I let the ex buy me out, I will get $15,000 more than before (half the equity). I also went and bought some climbing shoes so I can be on my way to become an expert rock climber! These shoes are on crack. I usually wear size 8.5 women's shoes but I ended up with size 5.5 shoe! My feet have never looked so dainty! My friend ended up with size 3 shoes. Crazy stuff!

So I read this the other day and was so damn proud of Madrid. Seriously banning underweight models! Right on! I am by no means fat (I actually think I am in good shape) but I'm no waif but sometimes, I feel myself wishing I was skinnier. Than I smack myself in the head and wake up. I am in the normal range for BMI but I think it's all the subconscious messages that are being sent to me via my weekly peruse with US weekly (looking at Nicole Richie's and other such starlets skinny asses) and through Cosmo.

Seriously people, bones are not hot. Could you imagine if you were "intimate" with one of those skinny-ass models/celebrities. You would get bruised hips, you'd break her bones and afterwards, she'd probably want to go throw up the $75 a plate dinner you just bought her (which she proceeded to pick at the lettuce and shift the chicken around the plate so it looked like she ate some). The world these days! But atleast they are taking a step in the right direction.

I am really sorry that Cathy Gould, of New York's Elite modeling agency thinks that the "fashion industry was being used as a scapegoat for illnesses like anorexia and bulimia" but seriously, we aren't stupid, we know that there when young girls stop eating it's because of their heroin-induced asses and not because God told them to. And don't even get me started on the "plus-sized" models on America's Next Top Model. They aren't plus-sized, they are normal! Get glasses!

This rant was brought to you by Cowtown Gal and the letter C.

Monday, September 18, 2006

It's my Party and I'll Drink Rye if I want to!

Seriously, I threw the most epic of birthday party's this weekend and there was a sweet turn out. Nevermind that people probably came out because they all think that I should be suicidal because of my recent break up (which, incidentally, I am definitely not). But I was glad to have em!

Friday - We went out to this small pub in my area of Cowtown and drank ourselves silly. I was very impressed as I filled up half of the pub with my friends. The creepy waiter (think campire - a campy vampire) was like "Oh my gawd!" He couldn't handle all the peeps. I also got a happy birthday wish (from my friend calling me on my cell phone) from who I thought was Ryan Seacrest. He turned out to not actually be Ryan Seacrest but a look-a-like. My friend thought she was pretty funny tricking me like that. We then moved on to another pub and I managed to get so drunk that me and my buddy were singing Bryan Adams songs at the top of our lungs. This guy seriously knows every one of his songs off by heart. It's funny.

Saturday - After waking up with a wicked hangover, me and a couple friends went for breakfast. I love Humpty's because they will give you perogies (a Ukrainian potato dumpling) instead of hashbrowns (which I hate).

Then I went on to play laser tag. I went to the laser tag place, only to find out that they had booked me in for the following Saturday, and not the current one. I was pretty pissed considering I had 18 people showing up. What if we had been 18 six year old kids instead of mature twenty-somethings? This guy is like "Uhhh do you want to keep your booking next weekend?" and eventually "Do you want some free vouchers?" I'm like no....I want to play frickin' laser tag here, right now. I ended up forcing him to phone the laser tag place down the road and getting me to book in there. We then proceeded to rustle everyone up and play a game of laser tag. And seriously, as stupid as laser tag sounds, it was soooo much fun. This place was crazy! It had all sorts of tunnels and ramps and there were 2 floors. They had windows on the 2nd floor that you could pop out of and shoot people. The best part is that there were like 20 kids under 6 playing with us. Call me cheap, but man they were walking cute little targets. My sister's boyfriend (who by the way is the best laser-tagger ever) would send the kids out in front of him, using them as a human shield, and then would kill off all of the other team. We then went out for a quick lunch with the worst service ever. I guess people aren't equipped for my posse!

Then Saturday night, me, my sister and my two friends went to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. It was really cool. They had the sweetest light show going on and they sounded so good live. One complaint though, they didn't play "Under the Bridge". Oh well, I got to hear it last time they were in town. My friend's boyfriend was quite drunk as he drank 6 beers before we even got to our seats! We then went out to a bar and did some dancing. It was really weird being at the bar though. I was thinking "Wow, I could make out with that guy if I was so inclined." It has been 2 and a half years since I have been able to do that. Kind of surreal.

Sunday - I went for breakfast again with some friends and then out for supper with my family at a wicked Thai restaurant called "Thai Chili Club House". They have the best sea bass ever. I felt bad for my dad though, because he is on this medical diet where he can't eat peanuts and that equals bad news at a Thai restaurant. And the Sunday night I went rock climbing with a friend. We took a beginners course. I have taken like 4 beginners courses in my time, but always forget how to tie the knot. It was a good course though and I made a new hippy friend, whom I am going climbing with tonight. Should be fun. Hopefully my arms don't fall off!

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Weekend AT LAST!!!!

Well it is finally here, my birthday weekend (well I don't technically turn 25 until Monday but Monday is a boring day to celebrate a birthday). This week was pretty laid-back. I spent alot of time (actually way too much) doing schoolwork. I had appointments with house appraisors and the bank. Good times.

I forgot to post on my experience at the corn maze because I returned home after being in the maze, only to be broken up with (sue me....my mind was elsewhere). Anyways, it was a really good time. We got lost because me and the other blonde were leading the way. Everytime we got lost, we looked for my friends husband (who is 6'8) because you could always see him sticking out of the corn. We split up in teams and my team got so bored that we quit half way through and didn't do the 2nd half of the maze. Instead we bought fudgesicles and checked out the farmers.


(I am the farmer driving the tractor. I wish I was the one manhandling the pig!)

After our day out at the farm, we headed out on the town. Me and a friend drank martinis using my married friend's martini shaker that she has not yet cracked open since her wedding (2 years ago). That just proves she is married and that also is a damn shame. We proceeded to drink a whole bottle of vodka and then headed out on the town. I have no idea why but when you go out in my home town, the place to go before 11 is the strippers. So here is a picture of me at the strippers with my other friend (sorry you don't get to actually see any strippers but you can imagine they are dancing in front of us as the pic was taken).


We then went out dancing and I think that my friend's friends (which are a married couple) might have been interested in propositioning me for a threesome. They were both overly nice to me and when I asked my friend if they are just creepy or harmless, she told me that the wife usually ropes the girls and brings em home to pappa with that couple. I was like.....oh...ummm...okay. Well I danced up a storm and ran into my only gay friend. It was nice to see him again!

But this next weekend (my birthday weekend) should be alot of fun.

On tap:

Friday: Going out for drinks for my birthday. A bunch of peeps from work and soccer are coming and a few friends from home.

Saturday: Playing Laser Tag (trust me it was fun to plan a birthday party package at Laser Quest when they are like "And how old is the birthday person turning?" and I'm like "Uhhhh....25.") and out for lunch with the crew. A bunch of friends are coming from the town where I went to university and also the town where I grew up. Then last but not least, I am going to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert! So excited. And the ex, being the nice person that he is, he gave his ticket up and I am now bringing my sister. I don't blame him because we would've been going with one of my best friends and she can give a mean evil stare! I feel bad for him though, because he is obsessed about the Chili Peppers! Well he should've thought about that before he dumped my ass! Just kidding, no hard feelings!

Sunday: Gong out for a birthday dinner with the famdamily to a Thai restaurant. Very excited about it because we are going to the best restaurant. And then I am taking a beginner indoor climbing course. I am so excited about it because it is my first new activity that I am doing now that I have freed up some time sans boyfriend.

I will definitely post and will show some good pics!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Trying to Find the O-K Corral

So things are now in perspective for me. I am not 100% okay and I will not be for a while. But I am definitely on a break from men. I am trying to force myself to stay single, and find myself, as a result, in the next 6 months. Don't get me wrong, if I see a cute boy and I want to smooch him, I may just partake but I feel as though I have to figure out who I am before sharing that with someone else. I have seriously been that girl who always has a boyfriend. I want to try out single for a while. I think it could be fun. No perma-Saturday night dates, no making sure he is okay with your friends, no more just looking at the menu without sampling, etc.

The perfect man is out there for me and I plan on finding him, but in the meanwhile, I want to have some fun. There are two people whom I thought were him in my life, but they turned out to not be him. He is apparently hiding somewhere in the haunted house that is my life, and he will probably jump out and scare the crap out of me, when I least expect him to.

In the future, here are the qualities I would like to find in my future man:

1. Has to be attractive to me - He does not have to be the perfect Hollywood guy, but I have to be attracted to him.....duh!
2. Has to have a good heart - He has to basically have the capacity to love me and not too fast
3. Has to like the outdoors - I love camping, hiking and other such sports and I would like to share that with someone because I will be doing it regardless
4. Has to have a good sense of humor - Seriously, when a guy talks to me for the first time, it can knock him from a 7 to a 10 or from a 10 to a 6 depending on what comes out of his mouth and how much he makes me laugh
5. Has to be ambitious - If he is my age, he cannot be at the point in his life where he is ready to coast because there is lots more to accomplish (please note that ambition doesn't necessarily=money, but rather a want to enrich his life)
6. Has to be able to disagree with me - something I learnt from this last relationship is that fights are inevitable but if you ignore your issues than they snowball
7. Has to be silly and slightly strange - I like to have fun and sometimes I can get downright silly, he has to keep up!

Well, I spoke to the ex last night and he sounded like he may be slightly regretting his decision. He didn't say for sure but it seemed that way. But I don't think that changes anything. I think that him saying those things to me motivated me to look at our relationship and come to my own conclusion that we were not good together. But how do I know that there is something better out there or that I will not regret this many years down the road?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

When the World Turns Around and Bites you In the Ass

Well, I haven't written in the last week because I was getting perspective on what happened last weekend. I went to my hometown to go in the Corn Maze and when I returned home I convinced my significant other to go for a run. We went for a run and everything seemed great and then when we were riding in the elevator, I looked over and he looked sad. I asked him what was wrong and he proceeded to sit me down and break up with me. He essentially said that he could not see himself marrying me and since he was getting older he did not want to waste my time in something he truly believed would not work. I was seriously like WHAT THE FUCK??? This, seemingly came out of nowhere. I was so emotional that I tried to talk him out of it.

For the last week I have been thinking a lot about our relationship. It is hard to get past the good parts of our relationship and the good memories. When I first saw him, our first kiss, our first trip together, etc. But there is a glimmer of sense in the break-up. It was a hard week filled with very little sleep. We are both fundamentally different people and he may have been holding me down.

I am a guys girl. I get along great with other girls like me (most of my friends from home) and typical guys but when it comes to super girly-girls, I will be nice to them but..... The ex's friends all have girlfriends that are girly girls and, don't get me wrong, they are nice but they are very different from me. When we hang out with his friends that are couples (which are most of them) the girlfriends will sit there and not really talk and the girls themselves are not friends, they are simply there to accompany their mates. I am so not like that. I like to go out and have a good time always so I joke around with them and say my typically obnoxious stuff. I always felt that his friends were humoring me rather than truly listening to me. I felt kind of alienated when I hung out with them. The ex noticed this too and he would call me out on stuff I said to his friends and would over-analyze . He cares too much about what his friends think of him and since I was different than all his friends girlfriends, I guess that was too much to for him to handle.

Also, I think that we may have had different levels of motivation. When it came to our careers, I believe I am highly motivated whereas he is just "buying" his father's business. This would normally not be an issue because I can love anyone no matter what they do, as long as they aspire to do something. In our 2.5 year relationship, he never took any action to purchase the business. Also, as far as doing stuff, he never made any plans. If it was up to him, we would sit at home all the time. At first I tried to get him to come along with me and people I know to do interesting stuff, but gave up on trying and started to do stuff myself sans him. He was also impossible to get to go to the gym.

We also couldn't fight. We had different fighting styles. I would like to cool off a bit before talking whereas he would force me to talk about it immediately in the heat of the moment, where emotions ran high and bad things could be said. Essentially this resulted in us not being able to resolve anything and this snow-balled into the break-up.

I think that neither of us was willing or should have had to change the way we are. So essentially that results in me being SINGLE. Wowsa. The world is in trouble after a couple of months when I get over this shit. I am coming for you cute men! Now all I have to do is figure out how to split up a mortgage. Eeek!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Way Down Yonder in South of Cowtown...That is Where my Work Has Sent Me (To be sung to the tune of Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee)

So this week I am working in the dirty south (of cowtown) and I have to sit in traffic everyday for like 2 hours. It sucks because I usually get home (b/c I live so close to downtown) in like 15 minutes. I hate traffic. I am planning to go the gym on the way home, to avoid having to sit in it tonight. By the time I have gotten good and sweaty, everyone will be at home eating their happy meals, cats, dogs, whiskey or whatever they eat for supper (Note: No dogs/cats were hurt in the writing of this blog...I am kidding!).

We are working with a guy from Texas this week and we have been sitting around talking about all the things that are different between Canada and the US. He was asking me about if anything was good on the "Sentray" street in Cowtown. I am like what the 'F' are you talking about "Sentray"? He then says "You know the street spelt C-E-N-T-R-E". I finally figured out that he is saying Centre Street which is how we spell Center in good ol' Canada. Seriously the differences between Canada and the US astound me considering how close we are to eachother. Lets all sit down and figure out one temperature gage and decide on km or miles and get on with our lives. Seriously, if the US citizens had embraced the queen o' England, we would all be on the same damn page. Darn proud Americans! (Just kidding, you know I love you guys!!) Another funny thing that this guy says is "Y'all this" and "Y'all that" all the time. I seriously look for his horse to be tied to the fence when he comes to work, but alas he is just driving a rent-an-SUV. I tried to explain to him how cold it gets in Alberta and he looked at me like I'm crazy as it gets down to -50 Celsius which is -55 Fahrenheit. Yeah why do I live here? Because they won't let me move to Cali!

So I watched the movie "Match Point" the other day to reconfirm my suspicion that Scarlet Johanson is the most beautiful girl on earth. That girl needs to share her boobs because she has more than enough to go around. I hate her because life is not fair. They had that fruity looking guy from Bend it Like Beckham (the coach of the gals soccer team) in the movie. I really don't like him. He is skinny and short and looks slightly like he may bat for the other team (if you know what I mean). I would way rather stare at Scarlett than him and I don't bat for that team (again, if you know what I mean).

Guess what! I went to the gym 2 times this week and plan to go again tonight. Me and the boyfriend are having a "Too Sexico for San Francisco" contest. And I am going to win it. I bought some gold-stars and made an Excel Spreadsheet that I magneted to the fridge (after all I am a an accountant and I love the Excel Spreadsheets). The way the contest works is that we tally up how many times we have gone to the gym, run, gone to soccer, etc. (for which you get a star each day) and the person who had the most instances of physical activity for the month gets supper bought for them by the other person (I know buying supper is counter-productive to working out). This is the only thing that will work because me and the boyfriend are quite lazy and what we lack in laziness, we make up for in competitiveness.

This weekend is sure to be fun. We, being the huge-ass hicks that we are, we are going to get drunk on rye-whiskey and go through the corn maze (a maze made of corn) in honour of mine and a couple other gals birthdays. Yeah seriously I am a hick. I am well aware and have learnt to embrace it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Interesting Day in Cowtown......ummm sure!

Well I went back to work again today and surprise, surprise, I didn't do any work today. I was not too sad about that though because it was a struggle getting up at 7am this morning after a month of 11am wake ups. So I tackled that beast, and the next plan is to go back to the gym. I plan on packing my stuff in the car and going to the gym after work (its on the way back from the client that I am working at tomorrow). I'll give you an update on whether or not that actually happens.

The news today, I got my annual review at work and I did well. They are lucky because if I didn't I would've snapped. I am a huge nerd and volunteer my time doing lots of stuff for them. I was a CASB (Chartered Accountant's School of Business) module champion (I marked cases for the new people and taught a session), I volunteered to be a mentor for the Junior Achievement High School company from hell (lets just say that they made a loss in their company and had a coup where they fired their president) and I went to a bunch of the women's network events on behalf of the company. To top that off I think I did, at least, a decent job. If they had given me simply an average rating, I would've lost it and quit all my volunteer positions at work. I know I am a huge philanthropist. I didn't find out how much of a raise I get yet but hopefully I'll find out soon so I can start planning all the stuff I am going to buy!

I caught up with people at work today and the only inappropriate thing that I did was have a loud conversation (are there ever any other kind with me?) about sexually transmitted diseases with a friend in front of a partner's office. Disclaimer: I do not have a sexually transmitted disease and neither does my friend, we were talking about the Hep A and B vaccines she had to get before going to Thailand next month). I wore my new polka dot shirt and that was pretty much the highlight of my day as a vibrant slave-driven auditor.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

After a Short but Extremely Uninteresting Hiatus....I am Back!

I have been out of the bloggosphere for a week because I have been studying my butt off. Well I am finally done writing my module 4 test to become a Chartered Accountant. It was a 1 hour multiple choice and a crazy-ass hard 4 hour case. The case was brutal, I had to scramble for the entire 4 hours and wrote a short and concise 28 page answer, The good news is I think I more than likely passed but the bad news is I have to wait until Friday to find out. And then the lovely people at the chartered accountant school of business give me a whole 10 days off before they force me to take module 5. I also get to go back to work on Monday! Eeek! The summer just flew by and I had plans to do way more fun stuff, but I didn't get around to it. Ah well, I guess there is next summer.

This Friday I went to a bachelorette party. It was fun but I only knew the bride. The boyfriend is the best man in his best friends wedding. That means I get to watch him stumble through a speech and have to sit alone with his friends while he sits at the head table. That's okay though. His friends are good people. Sometimes they are slightly appalled about the stuff that comes out of my small-town mouth because apparently they don't build girls like me in the big city. Anyways, at the bachelorette party we went out for supper and then went to the dueling piano bar. That place is pretty fun. There are 3 piano players that rotate and play and sing requests (anything from the traditional songs to Eminem!) They're really good. The only problem is that only one of the piano players is actually funny. The other two are talented but they can put you to sleep after a while. The party was pretty tame. We all went home at midnight. I was considering going and seeing my sister's boyfriend, who is a DJ, spin at a club after but was wiped because my test that I had written started at 8am and I couldn't get much sleep as I was freaked to death that I would fail.

On Saturday I went out for lunch with my sister and then I got all spiffed up and wore my new shorts I bought in Edmonton and went to my friends house for her going away BBQ. She is going back to law school in Victoria, B.C. next weekend. I bunch of her guy friends came out to visit. They were really fun people. I will definitely have to visit her in Victoria later this year. We drank with her family and talked politics (me and my friend are liberals and her family are conservatives). Of course we solved all of Canada's problems, as we always do with drunken debates. Then we moved on to downtown.

We went to a pub which was busy as hell and I knew no one there. Then we went to the infamous Cowboys, where the drinks are small and the fake boobs are big. I danced up a storm with my friend's friends from B.C. while getting progressively drunker. Everytime country music came on I sat in the corner and pouted until one of them dragged me out to the dance floor. Good times. A couple of my friend's friends were switch dancing with this girl they picked up in the line to get into another bar. It was funny. They were taking shifts dancing with her. But in the end she ended up going home alone, despite their protests.

I stayed at the bar super late and then went back to a friend's house to hang out. I haven't stayed up that late in years or laughed that hard in a while. One of my friend's friends went into the shower earlier on in the night (which I didn't notice) and then came out. I introduced myself to him again after the shower because he looked soooo different without his glasses on. He's like "You have to be kidding me!" as I had had a 30 minute conversation with him earlier on in the night. I was a butt of many Clark Kent and Superman jokes after that. During another part of the night one of her friends asked me if my bracelet, which I was wearing part way up my forearm, was keeping my prostheses on. So the whole night we pretended to take are arms off and dance with stumps. It was very politically incorrect and probably wouldn't have been funny unless you had been there. People were giving us some strange looks!

Well I am back to work tomorrow, which sucks, but I am extremely excited to get paid again. I am so friggin' broke right now. And I have my annual review at work at work, so I'll find out what my raise will be this year. I'm nervous but I think I'll do okay.

Friday, August 18, 2006

SPF: Don't Really Understand the Theme this Week but I'll go with It!

My supplies: I have the coolest job ever that you all should be jealous of......I am an accountant. So my supplies are my laptop and my brilliant mind (hence why I put my fine-ass self in the picture). My laptop is attached to my hip and it's a love-hate relationship (like I frequently wish that my laptop would blow-up so I could get a day off work).


My bag: This is my current favorite. My lovely Coach bag that I purchased in New York. Now guess away....do you think I bought it in the Coach Store or Chinatown? Hahaha! I shall never reveal the truth!

My Mailbox: Since I was too lazy to run down to the lobby of my condo building to take a picture of my communal mailbox and since I didn't want my neighbors to think that I am crazy or lame taking a picture of the mailbox (I have a reputation to uphold with my geriatric neighbors you know!) so I took a picture of the beloved key that opens the box which brings me so much joy (and by joy I mean bills).


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Way Back Wednesday - Agua, Eau, Water, Wasser, Acqua, etc.


I toggled with what picture to use for this weeks WBW because I have about a million of them sitting around from my travels in New Zealand, Fiji, Australia, Thailand and Malaysia. I decided to go with the below, because I had gained about 25 pounds on my trip (I enjoyed the food and the drink a bit too much!!!) This picture is the one that least accentuates that fact.


This is a picture of me cliff diving in New Zealand. It was somewhere on the North Island, close to Rotorua (the stinkiest town on earth). I am not sure how I was able to capture this, as my camera cost $20 (including batteries and a 24 film). It actually turned out to be a great camera (better than the expensive one I bought that happened to fall in the ocean) and the best thing was that I wouldn't give a rats ass if I ruined it! Anyways the water was warm and a beautiful colour of blue, so I had to jump into it!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Largest Mall in the World and my Disabilities in Playing the Game of Golf

Well this weekend I went to Edmonton (or as I affectionately referred to it in University as Deadmonton). I haven't been their in a while. The last time I went was for my convocation ceremonies where they unknowingly gave me my business degree diploma. It's better to visit than live in! I drove down there listening to a book on tape by Stephen king on my Ipod through my radio (due to the joys of an I-Trip). Trust me, listening to a book on tape or a comedy CD is the way to go on a long trip, whether that be a long drive or a long run or whatever you would like to end quickly. You forget what you are doing and get engrossed in the book. Just don't fall asleep or veer off the road because one of the main characters die!!!

When I got to town me and my friend ordered pizza and got liquored up to go to the bar. We went to a pub-style bar that has a small dancefloor. This is a place that was legendary in university for its drunken fun times (not to mention it's long-ass lines) which I never went to once in my years living in Edmonton. It did not disappoint. The DJ at the bar loved me! It was like total request Cowtown Gal! He played EVERYTHING I asked him to. And he wouldn't wait the entire night to play a song, he'd play it the next song. This guy was my hero DJ. I was surprised too. Their were tons of way more scantily-clad girls asking him to play songs but he played mine. I wish I could bottle this guy and sell him to every bar I plan to go to in the future. If I have to fight another DJ to play My Pony by Genuiwine so that I can do my patented "My Pony" dance (circa 1999) I will cry.


(This is a picture of me and my friend at the bar with the pink, inflatable flamingo that I stole from a bachelorette party!)

The bar was filled with lots of cute guys, not that I'm looking. Boys are like food in a restaurant to me, I can look at the menu but I always go with my tried, tested and true favorite. Usually I like to bring a single friend along so I can have an excuse to talk to the cute ones (to pick them up and pass em off to a single friend). No single friends on Saturday night though, so I had to avoid them all together. I danced my butt off all night and drank way too much. I also tried to speak my rendition of French to a French guy because I swear I can speak fluent French when I am drunk. He was really impressed! Riiighttt!

On Sunday we met up with a couple of friends that were visiting Red Deer and a couple of my other friends who still have not gotten the memo indicating they should move to the good city (a.k.a. Cowtown!) and still live in Deadmonton, for lunch. I then went to the lovely West Edmonton Mall. Almost immediately after I left Deadmonton they built an Abercrombie and Fitch, a Hollister and an Urban Outfitters in that mall. Since we don't have those stores at all in Cowtown (even though it is a rich oil city that would jump all over and buy up all their merchandise), I went crazy. Well not that crazy. I love Hollister by why don't they turn on the lights there. I doesn't make sense. I also get the impression that they have run out of room or couldn't afford a big enough space because I knocked over a display (then proceeded to run out of there embarrassed). I informed the retail clerks at the store that they should invest in a store in Cowtown. They gave me a "I'll-Get-Right-on-That" look. I also went to MAC and bought my first eyeshadow. I walked in and told one of the artists and told her that I wanted to do the smoky-eyed look and $80 later, I was given some makeup and a card telling me how to do it. I'm scared shitless to try it out though!!! I then went out for supper with the same friends to the Sicilian Pasta Kitchen (the best restaurant if you are ever through those woods).

On Monday, I was invited to play golf with a couple of guys from work. I warned them, many times, that I sucked a lot! But they kept on brushing me off and saying "You can't be that bad". Did I prove them wrong. I seriously lost one ball per hole. Thank goodness my dad lives on a golf course and has a secret-spot where people lose their balls and can never find them. He literally has thousands of balls in his garage. So I feel obligated to lose them (yeah I know, good excuse). Well I went for the hit it into some trees and then go grab the ball (if I can find it) and throw it on the fairway. I stopped keeping score after the 2nd hole because I was on track to golfing a 180. Man I need to take lessons next year!!! The highlight of the game is where the marshall came along and told me to "Put more clothes on". I was wearing a tank top which apparently is too nice for that bougie course!!! Ah well. This weekend is going to be extremely exciting because I have to sit through a three day course (8am til 4pm) as part of my schooling to become a chartered accountant (like the CPA's of Canada). Woo! Go accounting!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Cowtown Gal's First Stuff Portrait Friday

Since it's a week of first, I decided to join in the SPF fun! And since I was complaning about not having anything to blog about, figured this might fill up today's blog! Be prepared for the most unoriginal SPF ever!!!


Title of a Song - Where Did You Sleep Last Night by Nirvana


This is quite literally where I slept last night. I typically don't make my bed that often (why would I as I spend the majority of my life in it and am just going to get back in it in about 12 hours). Please note how the duvet cover does not match the sheets at all. Our regular duvet cover (that matches) is too thick for the hot summers in my top-floor condo! The sheets are 400 thread-count (which I got super on sale at Linens and Things, but that's beside the point!).


Title of a Book - The Undometicated Goddesss by Sophie Kinsella

Essentially, that is me, in a nutshell. I am the undomesticated goddess. Since you guys have already seen plenty pictures of me, I decided to take a picture of the proof of my undomesticness. Here are dinner dishes from last night. Am I gonna do them? Probably, but in my own good time.

Title of a Movie - Office Space

Another original one. Here is a picture of my beautiful office. I never go in here because there are no windows and its bloody hot! I am thinking of taking out the desk and the rest of the odd furniture that is in here (that you can't see) and making it into a workout room with a bench and some weights. So I can have yet another gym I won't go to. At least it will cut down on the excuses!!


I hope you enjoyed the first installments of Cowtown Gal's Stuff Portrait Fridays!!! Hopefully I'll remember to play again next week!



Thursday, August 10, 2006

What Do People Blog About on a Daily Basis?

I would love to blog daily but my life is just not that damn exciting. My blog would go as follows:

Got up at 11am. Did some school work. Made something to eat. Watched some TV. Talked on messenger. Did some more school work. Went to bed.

If I was extremely motivated that day I may even throw in a "I went to the gym". Doesn't happen often, but once in a while. I'm actually kind of excited to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I am sure that will wear off when I actually go back to work and the reality sets in! I guess in the meantime, I'll talk about the most exciting thing that I do....watch movies. Woo hoo (don't you wish you were me?)

Well today was as uneventful as the last. I watched the Ringer yesterday. That movie is funny but at the same time, I feel really bad for laughing at mentally challenged people. I am not sure how this movie came into being. There are at least 20 actually developmentally disabled people in this movie but it's a comedy. Who the hell allowed this to happen? I guess it's a learning experience for Johnny Knoxville because the mentally challenged people become his "friends" at the end of the movie but he starts out by doing a really poor imitation of them. I'm glad that Johnny could take some time out of his busy schedule of tattooing a likeness of himself on his back and shooting rockets out of his ass to bring us this heart-felt classic, but which guardians let their mentally challenged children be in this movie to be laughed at by millions?

I also watched the Blue Lagoon the other day. I remembered liking that movie way more than I did when I watched it the other day. You know that this movie had to have been made a while ago because there are full-on naked children in this movie when that run around the island. I am talking tatas and ding-dongs, naked. Nowadays, there is no way that any person, under 18, would be allowed to be naked in a movie, unless it was child porn. I swear the pedophiles of the 80s must have cursed the day their Betamax fizzled and they could no longer watch their precious Blue Lagoon. They must have rejoiced when it came out on DVD. One thing that struck me a weird in the movie is that Brooke Shield's character notices that she is bleeding from her cookie one day (aka she is becoming a woman) and she tries and hides it from her cousin (who she proceeds to have a baby with later in the movie - but don't let me get started on that) but doesn't know why because they didn't have sex ed in school back in the time period this movie was set in. She emerges from the pool where the incident occurred and apparently her "bleeding" is done. It is not mentioned for the rest of the movie. I have never, in my life, heard of a girl who gushes from her hoo-hoo for 5 minutes than never does it again. I could only wish for such a blessing!

Well on tap for the next few days is perhaps more sleeping and I might go see "Talladega Nights" sometime this weekend. I am planning on going to Edmonton (home of the largest mall in the world) this weekend to visit a couple of friends (one of which just recently abandoned me in Cowtown and moved there). I can't wait to go to the first Abercrombie & Fitch in Canada and look at some stuff and then scramble through the dark, with my arms out, in dark-ass Hollister and find the same thing for $20 cheaper. I also wouldn't mind visiting some of my old favorite bars from my University days (as noted in the last post they ended so long ago - last year!) Also, tomorrow I will most likely go for a drink with my friend, who is back from California, where she is currently working as a genetic counselor. I haven't seen her in like a whole 2 months (god knows how she affords to come back so frequently?) Have a good weekend!!!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Beautiful B.C. - A Vacation from my Vacation

Well I have returned after a hiatus of doing jack squat, to tell you more about my jack squat!!! Last Sunday I took off to the beautiful Shuswap lake (houseboating capital of the world). We stayed at the boyfriends boat-access-only cabin. It's a beautiful cabin that barely has electricity and water. A while ago, the group of cabins that his cabin is in rigged up a generator in the creek and they put tubes in the creek to get running water. It's a really nice cabin though that his parents built by themselves (which I am surprised because I watched his dad try and build a door that looked like a fence that had been crashed into).


(This is me enjoying the 1 hour of nice weather I saw the whole week!)

Well his dad is a proponent of the phrase "working holiday". It's fine and dandy to put your son to work for a day each year (considering he usually spends a max of 7 days a year out there) but to put him...and his girlfriend to work for 3 full days out of the 5 they spend there....ummm lame. His dad had us digging holes for vines the first day and we had 2 very labour intensive days of staining his cabin (this is the 2nd time in 28 years it has been done). The cabin is super tall too. You can't even reach the top with one of those huge-ass extendo ladders, so his dad had to rig up some freaky-ass looking scaffolding which he made with spare planks he had kicking around and it was really scary because I do not trust his dad's building skills (see above). But it actually worked out okay which was a good thing considering he sent the boyfriend up there and I thought that he was going to bite it.

Anyways, so we worked our asses off which was okay because the weather was crap. I have only been out to the cabin 5 times and 4 times, the weather has been complete shit. I have the worst luck because it was 35 Celsius the week (even the day) before I got there and then 29 Celsius the day after I left. Oh mother nature, what the F did I do to you. I am sorry that I couldn't wait until the rest stop and a peed behind a tree on the way up, but I was trying to be one with nature.

We spent most of the weekend inside and we played some cards and had a sweet debate. I schooled his entire family at hearts (which they had just taught me the first night). I swear that is the easiest game ever. My game plan was to screw over the boyfriend's dad as much as I could (least I could do after all the work he made us do). I would dump the queen of spades on him like it was going out of style.

Me and the boyfriends father had a debate about health care one night. My position is that even broke people should be able to have a chance to live and be healthy (i.e. have access to all the cancer treatments, MRIs, etc.. that rich people have access). I also said that some people can't get jobs (which gets them the good insurance) through no fault of their own (e.g. if they are an alcoholic because their father was an alcoholic and they are predisposed to be an alcoholic, they can't afford school because their family is poor, they have mental disabilities, etc.). His position was that if you have money, you should be able to spend it how you like. So if you feel like paying a crap load of cash to get that special cancer treatment, you should be able to. It was a frustrating debate in which neither of us budged. Kind of made me want to pull my hair out of my head, but it explains a lot about how the boyfriend fights with me (like father, like son!)

After the lovely cabin experience, me and the boyfriend jetted off to the desert (aka Kamloops) for the annual August long-weekend soccer tourney. I got there before everyone else but
shortly after, my friend from Vancouver arrived. She hadn't seen her boyfriend for 6 months because he had been in China. Her boyfriend is on the boyfriend's soccer team. We walked towards the boyfriend's hotel (which was two blocks away) and we saw the boyfriend and her boyfriends walking down the road. We both turned to them (me to my friend and the boyfriend to her boyfriend) all wide-eyed, expecting an exciting movie-style reunion. But they were being casual, so we clapped them on and my friend (who is like 5 ft 3 and a super-pint-sized-and-cute Japanese girl) finally started running and jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. We all laughed a little and cried a little. All in all, a beautiful reunion. That night we took it easy and slept because we had a game the next day at 8am.

Well I discovered, during the evening that we had been placed in the competitive division of the tournament because we were supposed to be playing with a really good team (none of whom actually ended showing up). We are a team of older gals (aged 25 + on average) which never practice and drink wayyyy too much beer. We had to play university and major league teams. They are essentially mostly 18 year olds that practice 5 days a week for soccer. Essentially were ready to get schooled. We show up at the field like 10 minutes before the game and the girls we were playing had obviously gone to bed at like 9pm and had been warming up for at least 1 hour. We show up and are like "Don't worry you are going to smoke us because we suck". They didn't believe us. Did we show them though (how to provide us with a really good ass-kicking).

We decided to rename our team "the Snakes" because we were wearing these heinous uniforms that looked like snakeskin (our back up jersey for our team at home). Our cheer was to slither like a snake and hiss like a snake and go SSSSSSSS-NAKES! Yeah I am well aware that we are probably the coolest people that you have ever met, but please try to contain yourselves! We kept making snake references. I started operation "Snake in the Grass" . This is where we lay low and "pretend" like we suck the first half of the game (staying in the grass) and then we pounce on the other team the second half. Oh and pounced we did by conceding another 4 goals!!! We also kept referring to giving them the "snake bite" and that our goalie is like a snake charmers "cobra in the basket". Needless to say we sucked it up all weekend and our best game ended in a 0-4 defeat. I took a stint in goal as goalie and ended up standing in front of the attacking forward (on the goal line) and trying to stare her down and waved my arms to distract her. Not the best tactic but apparently amusing to watch (one of our teammates was on the ground rolling and laughing). But it was the most fun I have had playing soccer since my college girls soccer team got beat by our college guy's hockey team.

We played another game that day too and lost horribly but ended up going out that night. We ordered pizza after a long-deserved nap (I mean we played so hard that day!) and then got all beautied up to go to the bar. We got to the bar super-early (at about 9pm) and walked in. We were the only girls in the whole bar when we got there and there were about 50 guys. They all turned towards us, tongues hanging out, when we walked in. Gotta love that. It was a fun night. We danced our tushes off and got even drunker. The boyfriend and a couple of his friends decided not to play soccer that day (because the team they came up with had 20 players already). Instead they played a game of golf and ended up having another person join them as their fourth. This guy turned out to be the owner of the bar we went to. So the boyfriend and his friends all stayed at the hotel drinking until 11pm and sauntered up to the front of the line for the bar (past the 100 people standing in line) and said hey we are blah blah and blah and we played golf with the owner. The bouncer had been told about them and they got to come straight in. The best part is that my old soccer team was standing in line (I left the team because they are a bunch of back-stabbing bitches) and they walked in right past them.

A couple of little gems of stories from the night were when our goalie decided to pretend to be a waitress at the bar because she found a tray. Needless to say she got "hired" and then "fired" in the period of 3 minutes when she went up to a table of people we didn't know and asked them if they would like a shot (she had 3 empty shot glasses and two beer glasses on her tray). She then proceeded to fall over and flip the tray face down on their table with a HUGE SMASH and then she ran off. Also me and my soccer teammates have been joking about how we were going to hook one of the gals from the team up with a guy off of the boyfriends team and that they were going to make out. We have been teasing her about it for 2 months. Needless to say....mission accomplished. They had a little kiss-and-tell-which-spreaded-to-the-whole-two-teams at the end of the night. I've never been more proud of her. Lastly, there is a girl on my team that is 6ft and she had this guy off of the other team that was about 5ft6. He was intrigued with her height because when he stood up straight, he was straight at her boob level. I have never seen so many motorboats in one night! Ahh good times. No one parties like soccer girls!

The next morning we played our last soccer game which we agreed to forfeit if the other team would lend us some players. We were all so hung-over that we were yelling at each other "could you get that" when the attacker beat our defense. We also fell all over the place and sweat out alot of booze. We spent the rest of the day being lazy and watched a soccer game. When we were sitting in the beer gardens after the game, there was a streaker. He was money. He ran out during half time of another game. Ran off with the ball (that was sitting at half) and tried to score a goal (which he missed by a mile). He then got down on the ground (remember he is naked all this time) and threw his arms in the air screaming "NOOOOO!!!!" He then casually sauntered back to the beer gardens and put on his shorts and continued to drink.

That night we went for dinner at this place that was really good. It was called "the Players' club Chophouse" and his owned partly by our hometown hero, Jerome Iginla of the Calgary Flames. If you are ever through Kamloops, I highly recommend it! Then we played sociables at the hotel room before going to the soccer dance. When we got there we went and bought some drink tickets and discovered that when you bought your drink, you had to mix it yourself. They had a table with a bunch of bottles of pop on it that you could put in your little glass of hard alcohol that you got when you handed over your ticket. I swear if someone put Rohipnol in one of those pop bottles, they would have gotten a lot of people F-ed up.

A couple of fun stories from that night is when our goalie found a beer bong which had some letters on it. The only letters I could find was an R, an S, a P and another R. So me, being the nerdy accountant I am, spelt RRSP with the letters. RRSP, for those of you from the states, stands for Registered Retirement Savings Plan (like a 401K). I then put them on my arm as a tattoo (see picture below) and made up a RRSP cheer song:

R-R-S-P
What does that mean to me?
Life Savings!
Ya! Ya!
Life Savings!
Wooooo!

(Me with my sweet RRSP tattoo).

Also the boyfriend had a dance off with his friends and got bootied out of the circle by his best friend; Me and my friend tried to climb on the top of some scaffolding to dance like party girls but got chased down by the bouncer (who we made a stealth getaway from); I got my ass grabbed by more guys then a care to count; etc.

We then found a bus out front and chartered it to go to our hotel. We thought that we were all cool convincing the bus driver to give us a ride, but we then found out that the bus was kept to drive drunk people back from the party to their hotels rather than everyone having to take cabs. I made up some good songs for each of the people on the bus (like we used to do back on the school bus in elementary) and then fell on my ass when the bus stopped and I was trying to take a picture. We hung out at the guy's hotel room for a bit and then went back to sleep off the last night. The next day we drove home.

All-in-all, it was another fun soccer tourney. But it is unfortunately the last soccer tourney of the summer. So you guys will have to wait another year to hear of more fun stories. I am trying to convince the girls to go to a tourney in Edmonton during indoor soccer where we can hit some of my old stomping grounds from my university days (I talk like they were a long time ago rather than last year). Other than that my summer has been uneventful. I will try and do something interesting in the next little while that would be worth talking about!

Cowtown Gal's First Way Back Wednesday



I had the perfect picture for this Way Back Wednesday, so I couldn't resist! I didn't stray too far from the stated idea (pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey), but this pic is money!


This is a picture of the bachelorette-version of pin the tail on the donkey. It's appropriately called "Pin the Macho on the Man". The kit had assorted "machos", some of which even had faces! Please note my friend's sweet ass phallic ring. Ahh bachelorette parties......too much fun!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Why The Hell Do I get Sick in the Summer?

Seriously, it rains for the last two weeks and I'm banned to inside (so I don't get wet) and as soon as the weather takes a turn for the best, I get sick. It's a beautiful 30 degrees Celsius outside and I get really sick. Also I was working with a friend this week and we were super busy. So instead of drinking a ton of neo-citran and passing out like I usually do when I am sick, I had to go do the audit from hell. The audit was supposed to take 2 days and ended up taking 3 weeks. It's not even done but today was my last day of work before I go on study leave for two months.....so guess what? I don't care! My manager can finish the damn audit! But it's fun asking clients question when you head feels like it is in a vice and your ears are ringing so loudly that you can hardly hear their answers!!!!

This weekend was pretty fun! On Saturday I drove out to Banff and laid by Johnson Lake all day and listened to my friend talk about her roommate that she made the mistake of doing. The lake was lovely but my poor friend. She always gets herself into these sort of situations because I don't think she respects herself. I keep telling her to stop pursuing these losers (her roommate is currently dating and maybe sleeping with 2 other girls). Ah well. I didn't get to go in the lake though because it was too cold. The lake is glacier fed. Last year, me and my friends swam across the lake and one of my friends had an asthma attack because her lungs tensed up due to the cold ass water.

On Saturday night I watched this cute foreign film called Advertising Rules. It was German and let me tell you, the Germans do not disappoint....in the strange department. Then me and the boyfriend went for a walk around our neighborhood. We don't do that enough. I mean we paid an extra $50K to get a condo in a trendy neighborhood with good shopping, that's close to the river, and we never even walk around. Well we ran into a couple of the boyfriends friends and went for a drink at my favorite neighborhood pub, Original Joe's. We didn't get too wild but we decided that we are going to all dress up, as a group, as Dog the Bounty Hunter and his gang for next Halloween (I know...we sure are planners). And I get to be Beth. Sweet! I must go to Value Village and get a pair of tapered legged, black jeans, some huge-ass heels and a tight black wife-beater. Oh and can't forget the teased blonde wig. I will stuff a beach ball in the belly and two balloons for ta-tas. I'll be so hot.

On Sunday I went to a wedding. It was my best friend's sister's wedding. It was a cute and short ceremony in a little church. The priest was really cute (looked like Santa Claus) and the bride looked gorgeous. Unfortunately the groom is kind of a dungeons and dragons kind of nerd. His best man had an undercut. Eeek! Me and my friend got pretty drunk off of rye and cokes and ending up leaving after the bride and groom. My sober boyfriend was nagging me to go the whole night because we were seated beside a couple of boring gals (or deaf-mutes as the boyfriend puts it) and the best man's girlfriend. I thought that the best man had done well for himself (because his girlfriend was cute) until his girlfriend opened her mouth. I was like talking to a stick of gum. Seriously. We stayed over at my only friend who still lives in Red Deer (my home town).

On Monday we slept in and then floated down the Red Deer river. The weather is perfect but I could've used a couple of beers on the river. Ah well. And remind me not to share a raft with the boyfriend. He is such a pain in the butt. It never gets old to boys to splash their girlfriends with cold ass water.

Well tomorrow I am off to Fairmont for a vacation of laying by the hot spring pools and getting a tan. I also plan to drink a lot (surprise, surprise). Hopefully I'll have some good stories for you after the weekend. Happy Canada Day!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Aloha, Mr. Hand

Wowsa it's been a long time since I last posted. Well what's new? Not a whole lot! Things are winding down at work here and I am getting ready to go on study leave for 2 whole months. I can't wait! I can sleep in until 11 and watch as much of my secret nerd vice as I want (Star Trek the Next Generation). Yeah I am aware that I am cool but everyone has to like one lame thing. Actually come to think of it, I love crappy teenage movies too (Think Crossroads starring Britney Spears) and 80s movies and don't even get me started on crappy 80s teenage movies (Fast Times at Ridgemont High baby, Ahhh Yeah!). My boyfriend says that I have a tv crap radar in me. At any time during the day, I can find the worst possible thing on tv and will sit down and watch it. It's better than watching UFC though...so whatever boyfriend.

My best friend's little sister is getting married this weekend. It makes me feel old. God knows if the boyfriend is ever going to pop the question to me. Seriously, he's not one to go against the norms of his friends and they are like a bunch of confirmed bachelors that are in monogamous relationships (don't ask me how that works, but it does). His best friend has been dating his girlfriend for 5 years and they are just moving in together and I have only been dating the boyfriend for 2.5 years. Ah well, no rush. I plan on traveling as much as is possible in the future. And we have to see if the boyfriend can hack my new job that I plan on taking next year, where I travel a lot. We shall see, we shall see.

Well as far as my sports life, not much is new either. We are still either tying or losing at soccer (we've only won one game so far) and we are still sucking ass at rugby. My rugby team is currently planning a mutiny against my coach. I don't really know why. I think he is a decent coach. I mean he shows up and runs our asses off. Everyone is complaining that he doesn't explain anything to the new girls but I am spankin' new and I understand the game now and also that he doesn't play anyone, every game but I am on the field for the majority of the time and I am probably one of the worst players due to my lack of experience. I just sit there going.....duhhhh! And then one of my teammates will yell at me and I will move to where they tell me. I have learnt not to listen to certain players (as they have no idea WTF they are talking about) and to listen closely to others.

Plans for the summer -> since I actually get to do shit this summer, I am planning on going to British Columbia a lot this summer! British Columbia has some sweet lakes and the boyfriend has a cabin on one of them. The cabin is boat only access. I can't wait to bbq my ass off there and be driven by his father into slave labour (he always makes everyone earn their keep when he comes out at the same time as us). The slave labour sucks but the lake is sweet. Going wakeboarding all day and lying on the dock. Trying to get on people's houseboats (the lake that his cabin is on is the "houseboating capital of the world").

I plan also to do the Calgary Stamped up right (the Calgary Stampede is the largest outdoor show in the world). It's a sweet ass rodeo. The whole of Calgary dresses up in jeans (which is pretty crazy considering most people downtown could pass for New Yorkers usually, as they are so dressed up for work) and don the cowboy hats. Then you listen to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" and various Garth Brooks songs and get drunk out of your tree. The whole city puts on free pancake breakfasts speckled around downtown and you eat your fair share of pancakes and if you are lucky, they have those hotel buffet breakfast eggs that are made from a powder. There is also the Stampede grounds where you pay $10 to get in and then you spend $50 on various fair food (mmmm elephant ears) and, if you are lucky, you catch a free show (I think Nelly Furtado, the Trews, and Sam Roberts are coming this year). I want to go to the actual rodeo this year as I have never been. It looks like fun. I also plan on going to the bar Cowboys a couple of times (apparently there is an urban legend that if you work at that bar for long enough, the owner will buy you fake boobs).

Well I will attempt to blog more frequently in the near future, because I will have a ton more time (will be off work in t-minus 4.5 working days). Love yall!