Way Down Yonder in South of Cowtown...That is Where my Work Has Sent Me (To be sung to the tune of Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee)

So this week I am working in the dirty south (of cowtown) and I have to sit in traffic everyday for like 2 hours. It sucks because I usually get home (b/c I live so close to downtown) in like 15 minutes. I hate traffic. I am planning to go the gym on the way home, to avoid having to sit in it tonight. By the time I have gotten good and sweaty, everyone will be at home eating their happy meals, cats, dogs, whiskey or whatever they eat for supper (Note: No dogs/cats were hurt in the writing of this blog...I am kidding!).

We are working with a guy from Texas this week and we have been sitting around talking about all the things that are different between Canada and the US. He was asking me about if anything was good on the "Sentray" street in Cowtown. I am like what the 'F' are you talking about "Sentray"? He then says "You know the street spelt C-E-N-T-R-E". I finally figured out that he is saying Centre Street which is how we spell Center in good ol' Canada. Seriously the differences between Canada and the US astound me considering how close we are to eachother. Lets all sit down and figure out one temperature gage and decide on km or miles and get on with our lives. Seriously, if the US citizens had embraced the queen o' England, we would all be on the same damn page. Darn proud Americans! (Just kidding, you know I love you guys!!) Another funny thing that this guy says is "Y'all this" and "Y'all that" all the time. I seriously look for his horse to be tied to the fence when he comes to work, but alas he is just driving a rent-an-SUV. I tried to explain to him how cold it gets in Alberta and he looked at me like I'm crazy as it gets down to -50 Celsius which is -55 Fahrenheit. Yeah why do I live here? Because they won't let me move to Cali!

So I watched the movie "Match Point" the other day to reconfirm my suspicion that Scarlet Johanson is the most beautiful girl on earth. That girl needs to share her boobs because she has more than enough to go around. I hate her because life is not fair. They had that fruity looking guy from Bend it Like Beckham (the coach of the gals soccer team) in the movie. I really don't like him. He is skinny and short and looks slightly like he may bat for the other team (if you know what I mean). I would way rather stare at Scarlett than him and I don't bat for that team (again, if you know what I mean).

Guess what! I went to the gym 2 times this week and plan to go again tonight. Me and the boyfriend are having a "Too Sexico for San Francisco" contest. And I am going to win it. I bought some gold-stars and made an Excel Spreadsheet that I magneted to the fridge (after all I am a an accountant and I love the Excel Spreadsheets). The way the contest works is that we tally up how many times we have gone to the gym, run, gone to soccer, etc. (for which you get a star each day) and the person who had the most instances of physical activity for the month gets supper bought for them by the other person (I know buying supper is counter-productive to working out). This is the only thing that will work because me and the boyfriend are quite lazy and what we lack in laziness, we make up for in competitiveness.

This weekend is sure to be fun. We, being the huge-ass hicks that we are, we are going to get drunk on rye-whiskey and go through the corn maze (a maze made of corn) in honour of mine and a couple other gals birthdays. Yeah seriously I am a hick. I am well aware and have learnt to embrace it.

Interesting Day in Cowtown......ummm sure!

Well I went back to work again today and surprise, surprise, I didn't do any work today. I was not too sad about that though because it was a struggle getting up at 7am this morning after a month of 11am wake ups. So I tackled that beast, and the next plan is to go back to the gym. I plan on packing my stuff in the car and going to the gym after work (its on the way back from the client that I am working at tomorrow). I'll give you an update on whether or not that actually happens.

The news today, I got my annual review at work and I did well. They are lucky because if I didn't I would've snapped. I am a huge nerd and volunteer my time doing lots of stuff for them. I was a CASB (Chartered Accountant's School of Business) module champion (I marked cases for the new people and taught a session), I volunteered to be a mentor for the Junior Achievement High School company from hell (lets just say that they made a loss in their company and had a coup where they fired their president) and I went to a bunch of the women's network events on behalf of the company. To top that off I think I did, at least, a decent job. If they had given me simply an average rating, I would've lost it and quit all my volunteer positions at work. I know I am a huge philanthropist. I didn't find out how much of a raise I get yet but hopefully I'll find out soon so I can start planning all the stuff I am going to buy!

I caught up with people at work today and the only inappropriate thing that I did was have a loud conversation (are there ever any other kind with me?) about sexually transmitted diseases with a friend in front of a partner's office. Disclaimer: I do not have a sexually transmitted disease and neither does my friend, we were talking about the Hep A and B vaccines she had to get before going to Thailand next month). I wore my new polka dot shirt and that was pretty much the highlight of my day as a vibrant slave-driven auditor.

After a Short but Extremely Uninteresting Hiatus....I am Back!

I have been out of the bloggosphere for a week because I have been studying my butt off. Well I am finally done writing my module 4 test to become a Chartered Accountant. It was a 1 hour multiple choice and a crazy-ass hard 4 hour case. The case was brutal, I had to scramble for the entire 4 hours and wrote a short and concise 28 page answer, The good news is I think I more than likely passed but the bad news is I have to wait until Friday to find out. And then the lovely people at the chartered accountant school of business give me a whole 10 days off before they force me to take module 5. I also get to go back to work on Monday! Eeek! The summer just flew by and I had plans to do way more fun stuff, but I didn't get around to it. Ah well, I guess there is next summer.

This Friday I went to a bachelorette party. It was fun but I only knew the bride. The boyfriend is the best man in his best friends wedding. That means I get to watch him stumble through a speech and have to sit alone with his friends while he sits at the head table. That's okay though. His friends are good people. Sometimes they are slightly appalled about the stuff that comes out of my small-town mouth because apparently they don't build girls like me in the big city. Anyways, at the bachelorette party we went out for supper and then went to the dueling piano bar. That place is pretty fun. There are 3 piano players that rotate and play and sing requests (anything from the traditional songs to Eminem!) They're really good. The only problem is that only one of the piano players is actually funny. The other two are talented but they can put you to sleep after a while. The party was pretty tame. We all went home at midnight. I was considering going and seeing my sister's boyfriend, who is a DJ, spin at a club after but was wiped because my test that I had written started at 8am and I couldn't get much sleep as I was freaked to death that I would fail.

On Saturday I went out for lunch with my sister and then I got all spiffed up and wore my new shorts I bought in Edmonton and went to my friends house for her going away BBQ. She is going back to law school in Victoria, B.C. next weekend. I bunch of her guy friends came out to visit. They were really fun people. I will definitely have to visit her in Victoria later this year. We drank with her family and talked politics (me and my friend are liberals and her family are conservatives). Of course we solved all of Canada's problems, as we always do with drunken debates. Then we moved on to downtown.

We went to a pub which was busy as hell and I knew no one there. Then we went to the infamous Cowboys, where the drinks are small and the fake boobs are big. I danced up a storm with my friend's friends from B.C. while getting progressively drunker. Everytime country music came on I sat in the corner and pouted until one of them dragged me out to the dance floor. Good times. A couple of my friend's friends were switch dancing with this girl they picked up in the line to get into another bar. It was funny. They were taking shifts dancing with her. But in the end she ended up going home alone, despite their protests.

I stayed at the bar super late and then went back to a friend's house to hang out. I haven't stayed up that late in years or laughed that hard in a while. One of my friend's friends went into the shower earlier on in the night (which I didn't notice) and then came out. I introduced myself to him again after the shower because he looked soooo different without his glasses on. He's like "You have to be kidding me!" as I had had a 30 minute conversation with him earlier on in the night. I was a butt of many Clark Kent and Superman jokes after that. During another part of the night one of her friends asked me if my bracelet, which I was wearing part way up my forearm, was keeping my prostheses on. So the whole night we pretended to take are arms off and dance with stumps. It was very politically incorrect and probably wouldn't have been funny unless you had been there. People were giving us some strange looks!

Well I am back to work tomorrow, which sucks, but I am extremely excited to get paid again. I am so friggin' broke right now. And I have my annual review at work at work, so I'll find out what my raise will be this year. I'm nervous but I think I'll do okay.

SPF: Don't Really Understand the Theme this Week but I'll go with It!

My supplies: I have the coolest job ever that you all should be jealous of......I am an accountant. So my supplies are my laptop and my brilliant mind (hence why I put my fine-ass self in the picture). My laptop is attached to my hip and it's a love-hate relationship (like I frequently wish that my laptop would blow-up so I could get a day off work).

My bag: This is my current favorite. My lovely Coach bag that I purchased in New York. Now guess away....do you think I bought it in the Coach Store or Chinatown? Hahaha! I shall never reveal the truth!

My Mailbox: Since I was too lazy to run down to the lobby of my condo building to take a picture of my communal mailbox and since I didn't want my neighbors to think that I am crazy or lame taking a picture of the mailbox (I have a reputation to uphold with my geriatric neighbors you know!) so I took a picture of the beloved key that opens the box which brings me so much joy (and by joy I mean bills).

Way Back Wednesday - Agua, Eau, Water, Wasser, Acqua, etc.

I toggled with what picture to use for this weeks WBW because I have about a million of them sitting around from my travels in New Zealand, Fiji, Australia, Thailand and Malaysia. I decided to go with the below, because I had gained about 25 pounds on my trip (I enjoyed the food and the drink a bit too much!!!) This picture is the one that least accentuates that fact.

This is a picture of me cliff diving in New Zealand. It was somewhere on the North Island, close to Rotorua (the stinkiest town on earth). I am not sure how I was able to capture this, as my camera cost $20 (including batteries and a 24 film). It actually turned out to be a great camera (better than the expensive one I bought that happened to fall in the ocean) and the best thing was that I wouldn't give a rats ass if I ruined it! Anyways the water was warm and a beautiful colour of blue, so I had to jump into it!

The Largest Mall in the World and my Disabilities in Playing the Game of Golf

Well this weekend I went to Edmonton (or as I affectionately referred to it in University as Deadmonton). I haven't been their in a while. The last time I went was for my convocation ceremonies where they unknowingly gave me my business degree diploma. It's better to visit than live in! I drove down there listening to a book on tape by Stephen king on my Ipod through my radio (due to the joys of an I-Trip). Trust me, listening to a book on tape or a comedy CD is the way to go on a long trip, whether that be a long drive or a long run or whatever you would like to end quickly. You forget what you are doing and get engrossed in the book. Just don't fall asleep or veer off the road because one of the main characters die!!!

When I got to town me and my friend ordered pizza and got liquored up to go to the bar. We went to a pub-style bar that has a small dancefloor. This is a place that was legendary in university for its drunken fun times (not to mention it's long-ass lines) which I never went to once in my years living in Edmonton. It did not disappoint. The DJ at the bar loved me! It was like total request Cowtown Gal! He played EVERYTHING I asked him to. And he wouldn't wait the entire night to play a song, he'd play it the next song. This guy was my hero DJ. I was surprised too. Their were tons of way more scantily-clad girls asking him to play songs but he played mine. I wish I could bottle this guy and sell him to every bar I plan to go to in the future. If I have to fight another DJ to play My Pony by Genuiwine so that I can do my patented "My Pony" dance (circa 1999) I will cry.

(This is a picture of me and my friend at the bar with the pink, inflatable flamingo that I stole from a bachelorette party!)

The bar was filled with lots of cute guys, not that I'm looking. Boys are like food in a restaurant to me, I can look at the menu but I always go with my tried, tested and true favorite. Usually I like to bring a single friend along so I can have an excuse to talk to the cute ones (to pick them up and pass em off to a single friend). No single friends on Saturday night though, so I had to avoid them all together. I danced my butt off all night and drank way too much. I also tried to speak my rendition of French to a French guy because I swear I can speak fluent French when I am drunk. He was really impressed! Riiighttt!

On Sunday we met up with a couple of friends that were visiting Red Deer and a couple of my other friends who still have not gotten the memo indicating they should move to the good city (a.k.a. Cowtown!) and still live in Deadmonton, for lunch. I then went to the lovely West Edmonton Mall. Almost immediately after I left Deadmonton they built an Abercrombie and Fitch, a Hollister and an Urban Outfitters in that mall. Since we don't have those stores at all in Cowtown (even though it is a rich oil city that would jump all over and buy up all their merchandise), I went crazy. Well not that crazy. I love Hollister by why don't they turn on the lights there. I doesn't make sense. I also get the impression that they have run out of room or couldn't afford a big enough space because I knocked over a display (then proceeded to run out of there embarrassed). I informed the retail clerks at the store that they should invest in a store in Cowtown. They gave me a "I'll-Get-Right-on-That" look. I also went to MAC and bought my first eyeshadow. I walked in and told one of the artists and told her that I wanted to do the smoky-eyed look and $80 later, I was given some makeup and a card telling me how to do it. I'm scared shitless to try it out though!!! I then went out for supper with the same friends to the Sicilian Pasta Kitchen (the best restaurant if you are ever through those woods).

On Monday, I was invited to play golf with a couple of guys from work. I warned them, many times, that I sucked a lot! But they kept on brushing me off and saying "You can't be that bad". Did I prove them wrong. I seriously lost one ball per hole. Thank goodness my dad lives on a golf course and has a secret-spot where people lose their balls and can never find them. He literally has thousands of balls in his garage. So I feel obligated to lose them (yeah I know, good excuse). Well I went for the hit it into some trees and then go grab the ball (if I can find it) and throw it on the fairway. I stopped keeping score after the 2nd hole because I was on track to golfing a 180. Man I need to take lessons next year!!! The highlight of the game is where the marshall came along and told me to "Put more clothes on". I was wearing a tank top which apparently is too nice for that bougie course!!! Ah well. This weekend is going to be extremely exciting because I have to sit through a three day course (8am til 4pm) as part of my schooling to become a chartered accountant (like the CPA's of Canada). Woo! Go accounting!

Cowtown Gal's First Stuff Portrait Friday

Since it's a week of first, I decided to join in the SPF fun! And since I was complaning about not having anything to blog about, figured this might fill up today's blog! Be prepared for the most unoriginal SPF ever!!!


Title of a Song - Where Did You Sleep Last Night by Nirvana

This is quite literally where I slept last night. I typically don't make my bed that often (why would I as I spend the majority of my life in it and am just going to get back in it in about 12 hours). Please note how the duvet cover does not match the sheets at all. Our regular duvet cover (that matches) is too thick for the hot summers in my top-floor condo! The sheets are 400 thread-count (which I got super on sale at Linens and Things, but that's beside the point!).


Title of a Book - The Undometicated Goddesss by Sophie Kinsella

Essentially, that is me, in a nutshell. I am the undomesticated goddess. Since you guys have already seen plenty pictures of me, I decided to take a picture of the proof of my undomesticness. Here are dinner dishes from last night. Am I gonna do them? Probably, but in my own good time.

Title of a Movie - Office Space

Another original one. Here is a picture of my beautiful office. I never go in here because there are no windows and its bloody hot! I am thinking of taking out the desk and the rest of the odd furniture that is in here (that you can't see) and making it into a workout room with a bench and some weights. So I can have yet another gym I won't go to. At least it will cut down on the excuses!!


I hope you enjoyed the first installments of Cowtown Gal's Stuff Portrait Fridays!!! Hopefully I'll remember to play again next week!

What Do People Blog About on a Daily Basis?

I would love to blog daily but my life is just not that damn exciting. My blog would go as follows:

Got up at 11am. Did some school work. Made something to eat. Watched some TV. Talked on messenger. Did some more school work. Went to bed.

If I was extremely motivated that day I may even throw in a "I went to the gym". Doesn't happen often, but once in a while. I'm actually kind of excited to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I am sure that will wear off when I actually go back to work and the reality sets in! I guess in the meantime, I'll talk about the most exciting thing that I do....watch movies. Woo hoo (don't you wish you were me?)

Well today was as uneventful as the last. I watched the Ringer yesterday. That movie is funny but at the same time, I feel really bad for laughing at mentally challenged people. I am not sure how this movie came into being. There are at least 20 actually developmentally disabled people in this movie but it's a comedy. Who the hell allowed this to happen? I guess it's a learning experience for Johnny Knoxville because the mentally challenged people become his "friends" at the end of the movie but he starts out by doing a really poor imitation of them. I'm glad that Johnny could take some time out of his busy schedule of tattooing a likeness of himself on his back and shooting rockets out of his ass to bring us this heart-felt classic, but which guardians let their mentally challenged children be in this movie to be laughed at by millions?

I also watched the Blue Lagoon the other day. I remembered liking that movie way more than I did when I watched it the other day. You know that this movie had to have been made a while ago because there are full-on naked children in this movie when that run around the island. I am talking tatas and ding-dongs, naked. Nowadays, there is no way that any person, under 18, would be allowed to be naked in a movie, unless it was child porn. I swear the pedophiles of the 80s must have cursed the day their Betamax fizzled and they could no longer watch their precious Blue Lagoon. They must have rejoiced when it came out on DVD. One thing that struck me a weird in the movie is that Brooke Shield's character notices that she is bleeding from her cookie one day (aka she is becoming a woman) and she tries and hides it from her cousin (who she proceeds to have a baby with later in the movie - but don't let me get started on that) but doesn't know why because they didn't have sex ed in school back in the time period this movie was set in. She emerges from the pool where the incident occurred and apparently her "bleeding" is done. It is not mentioned for the rest of the movie. I have never, in my life, heard of a girl who gushes from her hoo-hoo for 5 minutes than never does it again. I could only wish for such a blessing!

Well on tap for the next few days is perhaps more sleeping and I might go see "Talladega Nights" sometime this weekend. I am planning on going to Edmonton (home of the largest mall in the world) this weekend to visit a couple of friends (one of which just recently abandoned me in Cowtown and moved there). I can't wait to go to the first Abercrombie & Fitch in Canada and look at some stuff and then scramble through the dark, with my arms out, in dark-ass Hollister and find the same thing for $20 cheaper. I also wouldn't mind visiting some of my old favorite bars from my University days (as noted in the last post they ended so long ago - last year!) Also, tomorrow I will most likely go for a drink with my friend, who is back from California, where she is currently working as a genetic counselor. I haven't seen her in like a whole 2 months (god knows how she affords to come back so frequently?) Have a good weekend!!!

Beautiful B.C. - A Vacation from my Vacation

Well I have returned after a hiatus of doing jack squat, to tell you more about my jack squat!!! Last Sunday I took off to the beautiful Shuswap lake (houseboating capital of the world). We stayed at the boyfriends boat-access-only cabin. It's a beautiful cabin that barely has electricity and water. A while ago, the group of cabins that his cabin is in rigged up a generator in the creek and they put tubes in the creek to get running water. It's a really nice cabin though that his parents built by themselves (which I am surprised because I watched his dad try and build a door that looked like a fence that had been crashed into).

(This is me enjoying the 1 hour of nice weather I saw the whole week!)

Well his dad is a proponent of the phrase "working holiday". It's fine and dandy to put your son to work for a day each year (considering he usually spends a max of 7 days a year out there) but to put him...and his girlfriend to work for 3 full days out of the 5 they spend there....ummm lame. His dad had us digging holes for vines the first day and we had 2 very labour intensive days of staining his cabin (this is the 2nd time in 28 years it has been done). The cabin is super tall too. You can't even reach the top with one of those huge-ass extendo ladders, so his dad had to rig up some freaky-ass looking scaffolding which he made with spare planks he had kicking around and it was really scary because I do not trust his dad's building skills (see above). But it actually worked out okay which was a good thing considering he sent the boyfriend up there and I thought that he was going to bite it.

Anyways, so we worked our asses off which was okay because the weather was crap. I have only been out to the cabin 5 times and 4 times, the weather has been complete shit. I have the worst luck because it was 35 Celsius the week (even the day) before I got there and then 29 Celsius the day after I left. Oh mother nature, what the F did I do to you. I am sorry that I couldn't wait until the rest stop and a peed behind a tree on the way up, but I was trying to be one with nature.

We spent most of the weekend inside and we played some cards and had a sweet debate. I schooled his entire family at hearts (which they had just taught me the first night). I swear that is the easiest game ever. My game plan was to screw over the boyfriend's dad as much as I could (least I could do after all the work he made us do). I would dump the queen of spades on him like it was going out of style.

Me and the boyfriends father had a debate about health care one night. My position is that even broke people should be able to have a chance to live and be healthy (i.e. have access to all the cancer treatments, MRIs, etc.. that rich people have access). I also said that some people can't get jobs (which gets them the good insurance) through no fault of their own (e.g. if they are an alcoholic because their father was an alcoholic and they are predisposed to be an alcoholic, they can't afford school because their family is poor, they have mental disabilities, etc.). His position was that if you have money, you should be able to spend it how you like. So if you feel like paying a crap load of cash to get that special cancer treatment, you should be able to. It was a frustrating debate in which neither of us budged. Kind of made me want to pull my hair out of my head, but it explains a lot about how the boyfriend fights with me (like father, like son!)

After the lovely cabin experience, me and the boyfriend jetted off to the desert (aka Kamloops) for the annual August long-weekend soccer tourney. I got there before everyone else but
shortly after, my friend from Vancouver arrived. She hadn't seen her boyfriend for 6 months because he had been in China. Her boyfriend is on the boyfriend's soccer team. We walked towards the boyfriend's hotel (which was two blocks away) and we saw the boyfriend and her boyfriends walking down the road. We both turned to them (me to my friend and the boyfriend to her boyfriend) all wide-eyed, expecting an exciting movie-style reunion. But they were being casual, so we clapped them on and my friend (who is like 5 ft 3 and a super-pint-sized-and-cute Japanese girl) finally started running and jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. We all laughed a little and cried a little. All in all, a beautiful reunion. That night we took it easy and slept because we had a game the next day at 8am.

Well I discovered, during the evening that we had been placed in the competitive division of the tournament because we were supposed to be playing with a really good team (none of whom actually ended showing up). We are a team of older gals (aged 25 + on average) which never practice and drink wayyyy too much beer. We had to play university and major league teams. They are essentially mostly 18 year olds that practice 5 days a week for soccer. Essentially were ready to get schooled. We show up at the field like 10 minutes before the game and the girls we were playing had obviously gone to bed at like 9pm and had been warming up for at least 1 hour. We show up and are like "Don't worry you are going to smoke us because we suck". They didn't believe us. Did we show them though (how to provide us with a really good ass-kicking).

We decided to rename our team "the Snakes" because we were wearing these heinous uniforms that looked like snakeskin (our back up jersey for our team at home). Our cheer was to slither like a snake and hiss like a snake and go SSSSSSSS-NAKES! Yeah I am well aware that we are probably the coolest people that you have ever met, but please try to contain yourselves! We kept making snake references. I started operation "Snake in the Grass" . This is where we lay low and "pretend" like we suck the first half of the game (staying in the grass) and then we pounce on the other team the second half. Oh and pounced we did by conceding another 4 goals!!! We also kept referring to giving them the "snake bite" and that our goalie is like a snake charmers "cobra in the basket". Needless to say we sucked it up all weekend and our best game ended in a 0-4 defeat. I took a stint in goal as goalie and ended up standing in front of the attacking forward (on the goal line) and trying to stare her down and waved my arms to distract her. Not the best tactic but apparently amusing to watch (one of our teammates was on the ground rolling and laughing). But it was the most fun I have had playing soccer since my college girls soccer team got beat by our college guy's hockey team.

We played another game that day too and lost horribly but ended up going out that night. We ordered pizza after a long-deserved nap (I mean we played so hard that day!) and then got all beautied up to go to the bar. We got to the bar super-early (at about 9pm) and walked in. We were the only girls in the whole bar when we got there and there were about 50 guys. They all turned towards us, tongues hanging out, when we walked in. Gotta love that. It was a fun night. We danced our tushes off and got even drunker. The boyfriend and a couple of his friends decided not to play soccer that day (because the team they came up with had 20 players already). Instead they played a game of golf and ended up having another person join them as their fourth. This guy turned out to be the owner of the bar we went to. So the boyfriend and his friends all stayed at the hotel drinking until 11pm and sauntered up to the front of the line for the bar (past the 100 people standing in line) and said hey we are blah blah and blah and we played golf with the owner. The bouncer had been told about them and they got to come straight in. The best part is that my old soccer team was standing in line (I left the team because they are a bunch of back-stabbing bitches) and they walked in right past them.

A couple of little gems of stories from the night were when our goalie decided to pretend to be a waitress at the bar because she found a tray. Needless to say she got "hired" and then "fired" in the period of 3 minutes when she went up to a table of people we didn't know and asked them if they would like a shot (she had 3 empty shot glasses and two beer glasses on her tray). She then proceeded to fall over and flip the tray face down on their table with a HUGE SMASH and then she ran off. Also me and my soccer teammates have been joking about how we were going to hook one of the gals from the team up with a guy off of the boyfriends team and that they were going to make out. We have been teasing her about it for 2 months. Needless to say....mission accomplished. They had a little kiss-and-tell-which-spreaded-to-the-whole-two-teams at the end of the night. I've never been more proud of her. Lastly, there is a girl on my team that is 6ft and she had this guy off of the other team that was about 5ft6. He was intrigued with her height because when he stood up straight, he was straight at her boob level. I have never seen so many motorboats in one night! Ahh good times. No one parties like soccer girls!

The next morning we played our last soccer game which we agreed to forfeit if the other team would lend us some players. We were all so hung-over that we were yelling at each other "could you get that" when the attacker beat our defense. We also fell all over the place and sweat out alot of booze. We spent the rest of the day being lazy and watched a soccer game. When we were sitting in the beer gardens after the game, there was a streaker. He was money. He ran out during half time of another game. Ran off with the ball (that was sitting at half) and tried to score a goal (which he missed by a mile). He then got down on the ground (remember he is naked all this time) and threw his arms in the air screaming "NOOOOO!!!!" He then casually sauntered back to the beer gardens and put on his shorts and continued to drink.

That night we went for dinner at this place that was really good. It was called "the Players' club Chophouse" and his owned partly by our hometown hero, Jerome Iginla of the Calgary Flames. If you are ever through Kamloops, I highly recommend it! Then we played sociables at the hotel room before going to the soccer dance. When we got there we went and bought some drink tickets and discovered that when you bought your drink, you had to mix it yourself. They had a table with a bunch of bottles of pop on it that you could put in your little glass of hard alcohol that you got when you handed over your ticket. I swear if someone put Rohipnol in one of those pop bottles, they would have gotten a lot of people F-ed up.

A couple of fun stories from that night is when our goalie found a beer bong which had some letters on it. The only letters I could find was an R, an S, a P and another R. So me, being the nerdy accountant I am, spelt RRSP with the letters. RRSP, for those of you from the states, stands for Registered Retirement Savings Plan (like a 401K). I then put them on my arm as a tattoo (see picture below) and made up a RRSP cheer song:

R-R-S-P
What does that mean to me?
Life Savings!
Ya! Ya!
Life Savings!
Wooooo!

(Me with my sweet RRSP tattoo).

Also the boyfriend had a dance off with his friends and got bootied out of the circle by his best friend; Me and my friend tried to climb on the top of some scaffolding to dance like party girls but got chased down by the bouncer (who we made a stealth getaway from); I got my ass grabbed by more guys then a care to count; etc.

We then found a bus out front and chartered it to go to our hotel. We thought that we were all cool convincing the bus driver to give us a ride, but we then found out that the bus was kept to drive drunk people back from the party to their hotels rather than everyone having to take cabs. I made up some good songs for each of the people on the bus (like we used to do back on the school bus in elementary) and then fell on my ass when the bus stopped and I was trying to take a picture. We hung out at the guy's hotel room for a bit and then went back to sleep off the last night. The next day we drove home.

All-in-all, it was another fun soccer tourney. But it is unfortunately the last soccer tourney of the summer. So you guys will have to wait another year to hear of more fun stories. I am trying to convince the girls to go to a tourney in Edmonton during indoor soccer where we can hit some of my old stomping grounds from my university days (I talk like they were a long time ago rather than last year). Other than that my summer has been uneventful. I will try and do something interesting in the next little while that would be worth talking about!

Cowtown Gal's First Way Back Wednesday

I had the perfect picture for this Way Back Wednesday, so I couldn't resist! I didn't stray too far from the stated idea (pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey), but this pic is money!


This is a picture of the bachelorette-version of pin the tail on the donkey. It's appropriately called "Pin the Macho on the Man". The kit had assorted "machos", some of which even had faces! Please note my friend's sweet ass phallic ring. Ahh bachelorette parties......too much fun!