America, Fuck Yeah!

So I went to the Sasquatch Music Festival in the beautiful Gorge (see picture above) this weekend and it was sweet!!!! The venue is beautiful. It is a stage set before the valley containing the Columbia River. It looked like someone had put up a giant Hollywood backdrop up behind the stage because it was so pretty it looked fake. So many good bands. The drive was really freakin' long though. We drove through Crowsnest pass down through Idaho to Washington. We stayed overnight in Sandpoint Idaho. The name Idaho is sweet. I'm completely lame but I could not stop saying "No You Da Ho" everytime someone said I-da-ho! I bought a sweet hat for $5 in Moses Lake that said "My Ex Wife's Car is a Broom". I got some interesting comments on that one!!!

After a 10 hour drive we arrived in a farmers field called "the Gorge". I was like, where the fuck is the stage? For god sakes we paid $100 US for 3 days of camping and we were camping under one of those giants irrigation things on wheels on a field that probably had cows cruisin' around it but a couple of days ago. So we set up our camp and freshened ourselves up in the port-a-potties. Allegedly there were showers somewhere, but I didn't see them all weekend. I guess they were an urban legend. We met some nice Americans from Spokane when we got there and proceeded to get obscenely drunk so that we could pretend to like Nine Inch Nails. As I was completely lame (a.k.a drank half a bottle of vodka), I passed out right after the concert in my giant tent (this tent has 2 rooms in it but there was only me and the boyfriend sleeping in it).

When I woke up the next morning, the tent was kind of wet, every pair of spare underwear I had was sitting in a giant pool of rain water, I discovered that the boyfriend had had a "Pants off - Dance Off" (this is where you take off your pants and dance, actually quite literally as the name implies) against one of the people from Spokane and a couple of people showed up at 2am from Victoria to meet my friend that I went up with (she goes to law school there).


I decided to get less drunk on the Saturday because the weather was shitty. We watched two bands and then the sky got really black. I decided to tempt fate, and fingered the storm cloud (see picture above) and then the heavens opened up on us, while we were stuck in a field watching a band, and it shit down rain. Then the rain started to hurt a bit and I was like "What the hell?" and it turns out the rain was hail. So it hailed for a good 15 minutes. It was seriously like a disaster area. Everyone was huddled, 4 under 1 umbrella. There were a bunch of stupid bitches who thought they were all hot in their short-ass skirts, they were freezing to death. I laughed at them. I wore a head-to-toe yellow rain suit. It was sweet. After it stopped hailing, I challenged a hippie, wearing a bright orange rain slicker, to a slip-and-slide off. He won, but barely. I maintain that had a been a bit more heavy, I would've kicked his ass. Should've ate more Chunky soup that morning! Dammit!

Anyways the hail stopped and then we stayed the rest of the afternoon to see the Tragically Hip, the Shins and Ben Harper. Ben Harper was really, really good. You cannot beat when 20,000 people are completely silent and holding lighters, its dark out and sings "With my Own Two Hands". Loved it. I was so tired and went back to the campsite and I missed the Flaming Lips who apparently had Santa's dancing on the stage. Lots of people said they were the best act.

The Sunday was the best day. I saw the Artic Monkeys, We Are Scientists, Queens of the Stone Age, Matisyahu (a Jewish Reggae singer), the Decemberists and Beck. Most of these names are likely foreign to you, but I assure you that they are kick-ass bands. The music was really good but the venue was falling apart. The port-a-potties had toilet paper coming out of the top of the toilet seats (i.e. you couldn't sit down), there was garbage everywhere, and you had to wait 1 hour in line for food for them to tell you all they have left is Nachos. Make a friggin' sign and save us all some time hos! My favorite band was Beck because, on the giant screens at the side of the stage, they had puppets reinacting all the songs that Beck was singing. I took me a long time to notice that the puppets were actually on the stage.

Then we drove to Spokane and stayed the night in a Best Western. We then drove back through Crownest Pass and spent the rest of trip trying to scope out places that BrokeBack Mountain was filmed. It's a really beautiful drive. There are rolling hills with mountains in the background. I hope I can go to Sasquatch again next year! We'll see.

Air Conditioners + Condo Boards = Bad News, Bears

So the boyfriend goes out to buy an air conditioner last night. I told him to buy a portable one but he comes back with one of those window installations. So he proceeds to put the whole thing together and I ask him "Hey, does anyone else in our building have a window air conditioner?" He goes outside and checks. Nope, definitely no one in our condo building has one. And our building is H-O-T. So I stop him before he drills holes with wood screws in our metal window frame and ask "Are we allowed to have a window air conditioner". So I go grab the condo documents and sure enough, you cannot have anything, and I mean anything (e.g. you can't even hang a towel over the edge of the balcony after a day at the pool) hanging outside your window or on your balcony.

So sure enough we have to buy one of the portable ones that are huge but have nothing sticking out the window. The price difference: the portable ones are approximately 3 times the price of the window dealies. Lovely. Stupid condo by-laws. Ah well, atleast he bought it from Costco, at which I once watched a person working at Costco's returns desk take back a used toilet. So they'll most likely take this back. The other bad news, there are like no decent portable air conditioners for sale in Cowtown so we are going to have to order one online. Neither me nor the boyfriend have a Costco card so that means that we shall have to order on his dad's card. I love the boyfriend, but so help me god, if he ever does anything within the month you ask him to do it, it's a miracle. So my predictions is the air conditioner will be ordered at the end of June and we will get it sometime after summer is over. Last night I was so hot and dilusional in my sleep that I was having hallucinations. I seriously dreamt that I got up, took a shower, put on makeup and got to work. It was so real. Come on dreams, we don't dream about that shit, we dream about Brad Pitt, BRAD PITT!!!! Seriously dreams, get on board with the team. And then my boyfriend's alarm went off an hour after mine should've and I hauled ass to work late.

Well I finally heard back from my best friend who is currently in Australia. I miss her a lot and presumed she was dead for a long time as I had not heard from her in months (usually we can't go more than a few days without talking). She has met an Aussie hottie and is shacked up with him. She will more than likely be coming home in 2 to 3 months. I hope she is happy with her man but if she likes him enough to stay with him, she's moving him to Canada. She'll ruin are plans to have a boy and girl baby at the same time, go running with them in our Gladiator strollers, have them play on the same co-ed soccer team and then they fall in love. I can't wait to go drinking with her and see pics of her hotty!

Oh Australia, how I miss that life. In case you didn't know, me and some friends went to Australia for a year in 2002-2003. It was seriously the best time of my life. Every day I'd lay on a beautiful white sand beach reading my women's crap novels, cook sweet dinners and get drunk off of Australian wine. I can't wait to go travelling again. After I write my UFE (the giant exam I have to write to become a chartered accountant, Canada's version of a CPA) I am planning to go to Thailand with the boyfriend for a month and then fly to Nepaul and meet a friend there and go hiking for 3 weeks. I hope it materializes because I need to get the heck out of dodge.

Well tonight is another fun soccer game and my ankle, which is currently a cankle (mix between a calf and an ankle) because of the weekend's wear and tear, still hurts like a bitch. We are playing the first place team which has anihilated every team so far. Sweet, cause half my team has played 6 games in the last week!!!! Oh well. As for rugby, I haven't gone in forever and will start it up again next week. I had to rest a bit, I was falling apart!!!!

Weekend Shenanigans

This weekend was quite alot of fun!!!! Well me and three girls left Cowtown at 1pm on Friday to go to our soccer tourney. I knew two of the girls relatively well from playing soccer with them for a year but the third girl I did not know. She turned out to be my personality twin....so much fun times!!! On the way up not too much that was eventful occurred. On the drive up we got "passed" (more like friggin' cut off) by this idiot in a truck that had a "Size does matter" decal on the back of his truck. That is seriously hot.......................not!!!! Anyways this jackass cut us off and then we went to a truck stop to use the facilities and this guy was there. His wife was in the truck and he started hitting on us. He was the hugest redneck ever. He had a wife-beater on and he was wayyyyy to tanned for it being May. He proceeded to tell me friend that he is "going to check up on his nice cabin in Kelowna and then he is going to put his 40 ft. boat in the water". He told us he would come to Penticton and give us a ride on his 40 ft. boat. Well buddy seriously take your 2 inch penis and go hit on some drunk 18 year olds because that stuff does not work on us!!!

Next we drove for a while and went to another truck stop where we met this guy called Gordon Bird. He was doing a cross-country bike ride from Victoria to Charlottetown. He started on April 1st and was only at Rogers Pass (whoa fast.......ummmmm). He was telling my friend about his bike and said that it was really compact, so she was picturing a bike that you could fold up and put in a briefcase, so she wanted to see the bike. So she went out and was looking at his bike and couldn't help but notice the Birdman's huge bulge in his bike shorts. So funny! So all weekend we were talking about his bulge...oh road trips, how I love thee.

When we got there we played 4 games and won 3 of them. We played this team from Langley, BC and we were all falling apart, as it was our 6th game in a 1 week period, and they beat us 3-2. Under normal circumstances we would have kicked their butts but they had 6 subs and we had none. Anyways they figured that they were for sure in the finals to play for first, as they bragged right in front of us in the beer gardens. But they did not know about the wild card team. So usually, a wild car team is when a team that is close to the bottom is given a chance to play their way back into the tournament when they would have normally been knocked out. Typically they play the 1st or 2nd place team to have a chance to get back into the tourney. But instead, the brilliant organizers of this tournament allowed the 2nd last place team to play the last and the 3rd last place team. So of course they had more points than all the others teams, seeing as though they got to play another whole game and of course they won both games and made it to the finals to play for first place. So the team that we annihilated 5-0 was playing for first.....nice!!! They bumped the 2nd place team from Langley into the bronze medal finals (who were positive that they were playing in the gold finals). The gold and bronze finals were played at different times. So we show up at the pitch at 11 am to play the bronze medal finals against Langley who didn't show up. Instead the coach of the 5th place team who thought he was playing for 3rd against us shows up and we decide to offer to play them for 3rd place instead of stupid Langley who was still asleep in their friggin hotel. Anyways we beat them and won some butt ugly t-shirts and some wine.

The rest of the weekend was fun. We went out to the local Penticton bars (or as we now prefer to refer to it as Pen"dick"ton) and had a good time. The first night it was only the 4 girls from room that went out as we had a game at 9 am the next day. The bar we went to was slightly stange. There were a bunch of skanky gals that we full on grinding with these guys from a frat from the states (they came down because the drinking age in B.C. is 19 instead of the State's legal age of 21). These gals had no shame. They were bending over and stickin' their butts in the guys crotches and shaking it and when they tried to come back up the guys would push them down. They would also shimmy down and they were wearing wayyyyyy too short of skirts and I saw way too much underwear!!!! Ewww. We looked like grandmas, compared to these gals, as we were all wearing jeans and we were dancing normally. Classy girls, classy!

The second night another few girls from the team joined us and we got liquored and went to another bar with our coach. He was happy going out with 8 or 9 gals dressed to the nines!! We danced our asses off and drank way too much. As I was one of the only gals that weren’t single, I was going out and scouting for guys for my friends. I found my one friend this really cute guy that was a bit younger. Turns out he was a virgin (no idea how I found out that) but he tried to dance with my friend with his hands on her butt a la grade nine slow dance style. She wasn't down and told him to beat it. We did all such of other fun things like danced this guy off the speakers.

On the way home we also had a good time. There were these guys honking at each other in one of the huge ass tunnels that protect cars from rock slides in B.C. So we decided to join in the fun and I mooned them. They then passed us and mooned us and then my friend mooned them. The next time they came by one of them had written "HI", one letter on each cheek, on their butt. So my friend was like "Will you write I heart you on my butt?" And I'm like for sure!!!! So my friend rolled down her seat completely and dropped trou and I wrote I love you on her butt. The heart was half on one cheek and half on the other. They next time we mooned them and they were pissing themselves laughing. So they drive by with their number written on a piece of paper. My friend, balsy as she is, immediately phoned them. Her and my other single friend are going out for drinks with them next week. What will they tell the grandchildren about their first meeting? Who knows????

When I got home the boyfriend was a bit mad at me because he thought I would be home way earlier than 11pm and my cell phone was dead so I couldn't call him. Anyways I asked him if he knew the girl I had never met before but had a really good time with and it turns out they had hooked up before. Funny, she never mentioned that.....haha!!! Ah well I guess it's a small world. I will definitely hook with her for drinks sometime despite that knowledge because she and the other gals from soccer team remind me of my friends from Red Deer (the small town an hour and a half North of Cowtown). They were small town gals from the big city. Usually most of the girls I meet that grew up in Calgary are a bit prissy so it's a breath of fresh air to know that there are still people in this city that I don't have to censor myself in front of!!!!

I wonder was crazy shiat we'll get up to this weekend when I go to the Sasquatch Music Festival (http://www.hob.com/tickets/festivals/sasquatch/2006/) at the Gorge this weekend with the boyfriend and two friends? I'll keep you posted.

Summer Lovin'

I seriously love this season. If summer and winter got in a fight than summer would jump winter, kick its ass, knock out it's teeth and then piss on it while it laid in pool of it's own blood. On a happy scale of 1 to 10, I am constantly at a 9 or 10. If something bad happens (e.g. a bad breakup, getting fired, etc.) I may dip down to an 8 but in the winter I rarely get up to a 7 on a good day. In honor of the good weather, I did something completely impractical and bought a white suit (look left). It's gonna get so dirty. I just hope that I am not that girl you see on the bus that has crap on her ass and you don't think it is your place to tell her because its on her ASS. Ah well it's a sweet suit. From this angle it looks like the pants are giant but they actually aren't that big! I swear. I do not have that much junk in my trunk.

Well I am officially getting older. My joints are not working like they used to. My soccer coach must think that I am a hypocondriac because I'm always hurt with something. Last week I wasn't playin my best because my hip flexors were fatigued because I hadn't taken a break since I did my leg in the Banff Calgary relay race on the weekend. And then last night my ankle was aching because I had hurt it in the previous game. Lastly, I got a friggin' charlie horse in my calf in the game last night (I worked through the pain in my ankle only to be booted in the calf by a hefty gal). I was limping around like I had a wooden leg today at work. Took me 30 minutes to walk 3 blocks. People were looking at me like I was drunk. Ah well screw them I hurt it being active while they were sitting on their sizeable behinds watching the Oilers make it to round 3.

This weekend I am off to Penticton for a soccer tourney. Penticton is a sweet lake town on the Okanagan lake. The lake is really clean and the sand is pretty decent (not exactly white sand but the best I've seen on a lake). The problem is that we only have 11 players. That means that we have no subs. So if I get injured again (which I likely will) I will still have to play or we will be playing short. Shitty. Ah well, we mostly go to get drunk and go out. And this will be the first tourney in a long time where the boyfriend won't be there. His team usually frequents the same tourneys as mine but allegedly, we are the only team from Cowtown in that tourney. Should be good times.

It's Gonna be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight!

Well it's fuckin' hot here in ol' Cowtown. The wheather here is fucked. It's only a matter of time before the farmers start complaining. Two years ago they complained because it was too dry and last year they complained because it was too wet. What the hell do you want from mother nature? It was 28 celsius today (83 farenheit for you Americans). It's apparently not too hot for people from Colorado but it's hot enough for me that lives in a 3rd floor condo with no AC. I have to play soccer tomorrow and I hate playing in the heat. Lately I cannot cuddle with the boyfriend at night. It's too hot. He gets pissy about it but I roast to death on my own without the added body heat.

Today my work had us doing this ghetto rendition of the Amazing Race for all the summer students that started. Instead of doing fun stuff like bungee jumping and sledging and going to exciting places such as Thailand or Greece, we arranged pictures in the middle of our version of Central Park (Prince's Island park) while people eating lunch looked at us like we were on crack and we went to the zoo and the mall. It was better than working all day, so I can't complain but why didn't they do this shit when I started. It's gay, instead of spending money to retain the people they have (turnover is ridiculous at my accounting firm - about 1 out of 8 people will stay for more than 3 years) they spend money recruiting new people. I'm pretty sure I read something about how its like 10 times more expensive to train a new person than retain a current employee.

Random rant - I came across this school in another person's blog called BYU (Bringham Young University http://www.byu.edu/webapp/home/index.jsp) and this place is crazy. Fair enough that all the people from one religion want to go to the same school and don't get me wrong, I am for any religion that stops people from doing bad things (aka killing people, stealing, peein in public, etc.) but this place is fucked. They force you to stay in their dorms or you have to have a residence that is approved by the "off-campus housing board". They force you stay in homes that they have chosen that are conductive to their moral and spiritual growth. Okay seriously, wtf happens when these people join the "real world", after they have been forced to go to BYU by their parents and don't have these imposed rules. Mormons gone wild!!! Seriously, I'd love to go to a BYU party. Chips and pop and Disney movies all around.....then a little over the clothes feel-up because you got a little crazy off of a sugar high from too much Mountain Dew! I also read their "Moral Code". Exact quote from the Moral Code: "Advocacy of a homosexual lifestyle (whether implied or explicit) or any behaviors that indicate homosexual conduct, including those not sexual in nature, are inappropriate and violate the Honor Code. " I'm not gay but wow.....that's all I can say is wow!!!!!

The Weekend Lowdown

Well it's nice that the weekend is finally over. It was too jam-packed with fun.

Friday -> I went out for drinks on the firm for my friend's going away thing. She's not really going away, but going upstairs to a different department. But anytime is a good occasion to go for free rye and diets!!! We watched the allergy game and I was extremely pessimistic but then they ended up winning. I love jumping the bandwagon (but I still like the Flames the most but I'd be cheering for them if they hadn't bit the big one!)

Saturday -> I went to Red Deer to go to a bridal shower. It was the first bridal shower I ever went to and it was for a good friend's little sister. What is the point of a bridal shower and why does one have to buy so many gifts for the bride whereas the groom gets hardly any. The bride gets a bridal shower gift and a stagette gift. It's crazy. Thank god most of my friends are likely not to get married in the near future (unless they are sending off to the old country for mail-order-grooms) because it could cost me a mint!!!! The shower was good. We went to Houlihans in Red Deer. That restaurant is hilarious. I have a theory, any guy that takes you out to Hoolihans or the Keg for a first date is bad news. They are all about showing a girl how much money they have (because those are the "classy and expensive" restaurants in Red Deer). And if you are dating a guy that thinks that showing a girl how rich he is instead of trying to be interesting, you know its gonna be bad news. Every guy I've ever gone out with that first took me out to those restaurants......have been BAD NEWS!!!!

In the morning, I woke up extra early and got CHILI PEPPER TICKETS!!! So excited. But, there is a potential issue. I think that the boyfriend's best friend is getting married that day so I may have to miss the concert (I'm not entirely positive on the date but I have a suspicion). That would make me slightly irked and normally I wouldn't go....but the boyfriend is the best man. Gotta keep those bridesmaids off my man.

I also went out for my friend's birthday to a place called Aussie Rules. Its a pretty sweet time if you are drunk. Its a dueling piano bar. They take requests and play all sorts of songs from r&b to hard rock. The whole point of the place is to get up on your chairs and dance. I got relatively pissed off rye and diets and proceeded to take my shirt off and swing it around my head. But don't worry readers, I had another shirt on underneath....the joys of layering. We danced the whole night long. The boyfriend came along and enjoyed our rendition of "Accountants gone Wild". We are crazy......ummm yeah?

Sunday -> Went out to Canmore to visit the momma for mother's day. Me and my sister bought her a gift certificate to her favorite pub. She had just gotten back from England. She enjoyed her trip but man can that woman bitch about family. Her mom has too much old shit in her house, my dad's sister is still smoking, her sister wanted to meet at an extremely annoying time, her sister's husband flirts with her...blah blah blah. She gives my grandma the hardest time. My mother strives to be the exact opposite of her mother. But all in all, it was nice to see momma again and my dad, after he got back from golfing. He shot an 80. Don't know what the hell that means but he sounded excited!

I also went to the Strokes concert on Sunday night. It was pretty good. I wasn't too big of a fan, but the boyfriend really likes them. The lead singer looked cute but I couldn't see from all the way in the back of the concert hall. I wonder what the Strokes thought of us Calgarians. They played to a half-filled building which is normally used to sell cattle in. Did I mention that it is called "the Corral". Man we are hicks. But they don't call it cowtown for nothing!!!! I'm sure that them, being all New Yorkesque, thought we were the hugest rednecks ever. Ah well.....they like their culture like we like out livestock!!!

Come One Come All!

Welcome all! This is essentially about my life as I reach the crossroads in my life, what do I want to do with my life? I live the life of a CA student (a chartered accountant student) in Calgary but I am the least likely to be mistaken as an accountant. I have many friends that ask me: "Doesn't your undiagnosed ADD prevent you from working to your full potential as a accountant?" It's true it does sometimes, but right now I am working to live and not living to work. You are welcome to come with me on my journey of discovering how to do the opposite.

I am obsessed with outside. I love being outside and I hate winter. Why do I live in Calgary? Because it is too damn expensive to live in Vancouver or Victoria, which are the only places in Canada that have half decent wheather year long and the job market sucks there. My dream is to move to California, but I am prevented to by a long-term boyfriend, with which I have purchased a nice condo in Kensington with, who is taking over his father's business and is sort of immobile as a result. The one good thing about Calgary is the proximity to the mountains. I love to hike and snowboard and there's no better place to do it.

I play soccer and rugby, but don't mistake me for a butch. I've been playing soccer for a really long time and rugby is a new addition this year. I figured I always end up taking out girls in soccer, might as well do it legally in rugby. I'm catching on to the game quite quickly but the roughness is a bit hard to swallow. My first game was last week and I got out of it with minor injuries (two large bruises and concussion). Right now I am just trying to adapt to being so active as I have 2 rugby practices and 1 soccer practice a week plus a game for each.

Other than that, I like to spend my time drinking on patios at pubs (when its not -30 celcius) and watching some quality reality tv. My poison of choice is rye (its a Canadian thing) and/or malibu. I loooove Laguna Beach, Lost (I know its not reality), the Office and My Name is Earl. It's quite the tv-crap line up but no one can argue that it is my form of escapism.