My Damn Arm is Falling Off

Well I have had the weekend from hell. So on Friday me and the boyfriend got in a small fight over a stupid prank he pulled on me that I thought went too far. So needless to say, Friday night, I wanted to go get my drink on, sans the boyfriend. So me and a couple of guys from work drank in the boardroom for a while. I was supposed to meet the boyfriend at the bar for somebody's going away party whom I didn't know (yes I will miss them dearly?) at 7pm. But I got caught up in drinking and chatting in boardroom that I didn't show up to the pub until about 9pm. The boyfriend had gone home as he knew only one person there (the rest of the people he knew were with me drinking in the board room). At about 2pm that afternoon I started to experience a sharp pain in my elbow. The scariest thing about it, is that I had not banged my elbow on anything, so I found it really strange considering it hurt so bad.

The next morning, I awoke to a very red and swollen elbow. It was so bad that I forced the boyfriend, who, bless his soul, even though he was mad at me for being a no-show at the pub the night before, drove all the way to work to get my helmet out of my bike and then drove back to our place to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, it wasn't that busy because Bermudians are kind of lazy and can't get their asses out of bed until about 11am on a Saturday morning.



My hot-ass arm. It only got worse from this point. Note the circle drawn around the swelling. It about doubled in size from this picture at its worst point!

So I saw a doctor and he said I had an infection and that I needed to go on antibiotics. Usually you get the infection through a cut or bug bite, but strangely I had no such item on the end of my elbow (where the swelling was). So the doctor geared me up with a sling (because it hurt so bad to straighten my arm) and a prescription for antibiotic pills. I think the boyfriend was having sympathy pains because he had a bug bite on his arm that seem to be swelling (though at a much less alarming rate) as well. The nurse also drew a circle around my arm with a pen and told me to come back if the redness and swelling extended out of the circle (as that meant that the oral antibiotics were not doing their job and they would have to put me on IV antibiotics). My arm ended up swelling more so I went back to the hospital and the nurse pretty much laughed at me and told me to come back only if it was swollen significantly outside of the line (it was only about an inch outside the line at this point). She then sent me packing, slightly embarrassed.

On Saturday night we had some friends over and we ate ribs (an amazing feat for me considering I only had one functioning arm) and played Mario Party 8 on Wii (fun game that you'd think guys would be better due to the overwhelming amount of vigorous arm shaking involved). I ended up being able to eat all my ribs and I ended up schooling the boyfriend and our guests at the Wii game! Pretty good for a gimp! I felt so bad for ditching the boyfriend the night before and since the boyfriend was being so nice (he had to make all the food and clean up as I was useless with one arm) I let him go out that night with our guests to another party. Apparently it was the 2nd annual Fryalation party (these people threw the same party last year) where they fry up anything and everything and consume it. Considering the lack of activity I would be experiencing until my arm healed, and the lack of alcohol I was able to drink due to its potential to render my antibiotics ineffective, I was more than happy to give it a miss. I would normally offer to DD but I couldn't operate a bike with one arm.

The next day I woke up and my arm had swollen a bit more but I wanted it to be significantly more swollen before I returned to the hospital and dealt with that evil nurse again. On Sunday afternoon, the "Canadians in Bermuda" club was holding their annual bowling event. Since bowling is about the only sport I could do with one arm, I did not cancel (as many people suggest I did). I scored the lowest on our team in the first two games but I beat the most competitive person in the third game. I think I did decent considering my balance was thrown off by having my left arm in a sling. I named myself Tit, my friend Ass, and the boyfriend Poo.



Here is my patriotic outfit. I have a Canadian flag on my back and note my awesome hair and makeup (yep can't do much with only one functioning arm!)



Here is my sweet ass bowling form. I sling really throws you off balance!

When I returned home I got the boyfriend to inspect the arm, and alas, the redness and swelling had almost doubled in size since the nurse had drawn the circle, so I finally accepted the fact that it may be time to return to the hospital to get hooked up with some IV goodness. When I got there, the nurse concurred that I needed to get an IV. So he put the IV in the most inconvenient place ever (in the crease of my arm) and he put it in my right arm (which basically rendered both arms useless now instead of just the one). Life is hard when you can't straighten either arm! Let me tell you! I ended up bleeding all over the bed and then the nurse didn't even clean it up (he just took the paper off the bed) before sending me home. I hope to god they cleaned that bed before the next patient came along. I was also informed that I would have to come to the hospital 3 times a day (every 8 hours) for IV injections of antibiotics. Also, that I would have to wait, in emergency, each time to get the injections. I don't know if you have ever had the privilege of waiting in an emergency room for a long period of time, but the prospect of having to do so 3 times a day for the next few days was a grim one.

I decided to take the first couple of days off of work. I wanted to go to work, but the boyfriend insisted that I stay home and rest my arm. I guess it made sense considering I would be useless without the use of my arms. So right now I am sitting at home, bored out of my tree, waiting for the boyfriend to come home from work. i have about 200 channels on my TV, but I swear to god nothing is on! But hoorah, I have to go wait in the emergency waiting room for god knows how many hours another two times today. At least that will fill my time!

Fight Night!

Sorry, I have been gone for a while because I had an unfortunate mishap with my arm (I will explain more in my next post) and I have been generally busy enjoying life here in Bermuda. So to recap the Fight Night Weekend: Friday I just laid low in order to save my energy for Saturday night (Fight Night!) and watched some TV. On Saturday morning, I went to go pickup a sofa-bed from a lady across town but the movers didn't show up. So we gave them a call, and they said they had forgotten about us. So they finally showed up about an hour and a half late. Well it was the first nice weekend day since we moved to the island, so the boyfriend went and got some coolers and chocolate and we sat on the couch, on this lady's lawn (she had to take her daughter to a birthday party) and basked in the sun. The movers finally showed up and we went and picked up our BBQ as well (I love that frickin' thing and have used it every night since I got it!)

On Saturday afternoon we headed to a friends house to go to a pool party. It wasn't all that warm out, so the pool was more a centrepiece to our party than a functional part of it. A couple of people jumped in but I left that to the brave. Also, after finally getting my hair straight (which is a feat and a half in this humid weather) I did not want to destroy said hair with a swim. We drank (alot) and had some BBQ. One thing I noted is that beef in Bermuda is wayyyyyy worse than beef in Cowtown. They are not exaggerating when they go on about Grade A Alberta beef being of much higher quality than beef from anywhere else. It's edible, but nothing to write home about. All the usual suspects were at this party (including the Naked Guy). Highlights included drinking Magaritas out of a Margarita maker that was acquired by the host of the party from the local hardware store in an effort to use up his $15,000 credit he won in a draw before he leaves the island (at the end of April); Naked Guy wrapping himself up in only wrapping paper after a lull in the party on the insistence of his drunk wife, who screamed "PARTY BOY! NOW!" in a plight to entertain off-island guests that were staying with them; Naked boy and two others showing up in their matching hideous Hawaiian shirts; Naked boy and company jumping on the bed demonstrating the sexual norms of having a three-way with same-sexes; the Boyfriend and another person using a wrapping paper tube to "Get all Dominatrix"; etc.

After the afternoon party, we headed, in cabs, downtown to attend the legendary Fight Night. Fight Night is a fundraiser held by one of the rugby teams on the island where anyone can train (with the local boxing outfit) as long as the get in the ring and fight on Fight Night. So basically, a bunch of locals (ie amateurs) fighting each other. Good fun though and an excuse to get ridiculously drunk. Drinks were only $4 each and they poured them with about 75% alcohol and 30% mix. Needless to say everyone got way too drunk, and a night that should have lasted into the wee hours of the morning, ended, for most, after the event.

The fighting was fun but it ended up being only a background to the drinking schenanigens for me and my crew. I somehow got convinced to play in the rugby game on the following morning (which I knew I would be ridiculously hung-over for and unprepared as I had only had one training session prior to the game). I ended up having to go home early because the boyfriend (who was way past drunk) locked himself out of the house and insisted that I had punched him in the face because he had a chipped tooth. I went back to my place and explained to him that I had accidentally bumped him and his teeth smashed together (thus chipping his teeth).

My other friend decided (at 11pm) that he should sleep it off in the office (which is a 5 minute walk from where the event was held) but was dangerously drunk, so Naked Guy decided to follow him to the office to make sure he was safe. Right by the office, there is a 24 hour gas station and when he approached the office, 5 suspicious looking characters followed him up the ramp to our front door but Naked guy called out to him to make sure he was okay and the suspicious characters ran off (god knows what they were up to). Naked boy came home to a very drunk wife who proceeded to tell him to get the hell out, drove his bike to the office (as he had guests on the couch) to get some shut-eye. The other guy that was sleeping at the office, awoke at 6am and decided he needed to get home. Him and Naked Guy both have the exact same scooter so he somehow grabbed Naked Guys helmet and tried to start his bike with his own key (which obviously didn't work). He then got in a cab with Naked Guys helmet (it is still unclear to me why he took his helmet). Naked guy awoke with no helmet and had to walk home (there are crazy steep fees to pay if you are caught driving without a helmet here).

On Sunday I played in my first flag rugby game but had no clue what I am doing. I know the basic rules of rugby and the movements/plays that should be occurring from my short foray in the tackle rugby world back at home, but had no idea what to do with the flags once I pulled someone's off or had mine removed. I left the game more confused than I had came but I have straightened it out since in training. We won the game 11 to 0. My team rocks and I am glad I chose the first place team (well Google chose it as it was the first team to show up when I searched for "Women's rugby in Bermuda")

TGIF/RIP NIU Students

After a rather unventful week at work filled with client's ignoring my emails and taking off and leaving in the middle of working at their site when they won't be around for the next week, it is finally Friday! Thank goodness. I am bored as hell and can't wait to enjoy this fun filled weekend (Fight Night!)

Valentine's Day was rather unventful. The boyfriend bought me the best of the roses leftover at 10am on Valentine's Day and I showed it to the girl whose boyfriend also works in the office who had received a dozen roses and two giant balloons. She laughed. Meh, don't really care because Valentine's Day is for suckers! Good on you for not getting too far into the spirit of it boyfriend! I ended up getting some Indian Food and watching Resident Evil and drinking wine. I bought myself three bottles of wine because I have always wanted to be one of those people that had multiple bottles of wine that require the use of a wine rack.

"Oh thanks for coming over Foxworth (yes my classy friend's name is Foxworth). What would you like to drink? I have a nice Pinot Noir or a Merlot?"

Unfortunately, alcohol never lasts more than about 24 hours in our house. We buy the amount of alcohol we are likely to drink, then we drink it. I know...classy!

Well I heard about the Northern Illinois University Shooting. That freakin' sucks! And it was in a geology class. There you are, bored out of your damn mind, taking "Rocks for Jocks" (which is what we affectionately referred to geology as at home as every degree is forced to take one science elective to get the degree), and someone comes in guns ablazin'. He didn't even go to the school anymore. Why is he not shooting up some workplace that was pissing him off, instead of these poor kids at school, with their whole lives ahead of them? The vast majority that died were 20 years old! They can't even legally drink! That's just lame. The worst thing that ever happened at my university is that someone once put poop in the projector (yes seriously poop). The guy was apparently off his meds or something. Yo buddy......they were obviously working. And the damn coward shot himself afterwards. Why not just shoot yourself and cut out the middlemen (the victims). Not enough press? Shoot yourself in a public place, but leave everyone else out of it. I wish these people at least had a stance they were fighting for...but I guess we will never know. Well my thoughts and prayers go out to the people who's family members and friends were effected by this shooting. I am so sorry that it had to happen to you guys!

The Dreaded V-Day

So here comes another Valentine's Day. The stupidest holiday of the year. Where, for some reason, men are supposed to spend tons of money on their girlfriend's just so they won't get bitched at and so they won't look like the lamest one out of their friend's when their girlfriends get talking to each other about how the night went down. How easy is it for them to buy the same old shit on the same day each year? Not that hard. Now give me a boy that will buy me flowers or a sweet gift on a day other than the obligatory Valentines, birthday or Christmas, then we can talk about romance. But, being told by a calendar when to be extra nice.....lame! That is why I like to keep things low-key on Valentines day. Just an excuse to get something different to eat and to watch a movie that I want to see (just for once!)

Well I went to rugby last night and had a really good time. The girls are really nice and touch rugby (sorry to those that play full-contact and would baulk at the thought of the pusiness of tag rugby) is much, much better. I loved rugby when I played and I thought that I might have the ability, once in my life, to be good at something, but I hated the tackling (especially in practices) because it freakin' hurts! I am sort of a jack at all trades but a master at none when it comes to sports. My speed and aggressiveness is welcome in any team sport and considered useful but my lack of ball handling, frisbee throwing, etc. has prevented me from ever being MVP at any time. Maybe touch rugby will be my sport. We shall see? Too bad the season is close to over and I will have to wait until next year to find out. In the meanwhile, I will train with these girls and get ready to kick some butt next year.

Well, going home soon to have the low-key Valentine's Day date. I will update y'all tomorrow on how it went down! Have a happy V-Day!

Hump Day! Hump Day! Everyone Loves Hump Day!

Well it is my favorite day of the week.....Wednesday. Too far into the week to bitch that the weekend is never going to come but just far enough away from the weekend that it is annoying! Last night we went to our friend's house for his birthday. Many people showed up and I totally blew my Body for Life diet. I ate a butt-load of Cool Ranch Doritos (those things are better than crack to me), a bunch of cookies and some cake. Meh....I am not that fat anyways.

The boyfriend: "Cowtowngal is just on the Body for Life diet because she likes to eat alot. Instead of just having three meals a day, she gets to eat six."

Me: "Yes but they are six smaller sized meals."

The boyfriend: "Well it kind of defeats the purpose when you eat snacks of chocolate and cookies in between each of the small meals."

Me: "Touche!"

Ya I might have to revisit this whole Body for Life thing. It's good because I don't feel hungry throughout the day, but I can't keep my damn hands of chocolate!

So today I got a bill for electricity for 14 days and it is over $570. There is no friggin' way that I used $570 of electricity in 14 days. There is supposed to be a $200 deposit in there but still...$370 in 14 days is crazy. Our friends run their A/C and dehumidifier all day and night long and have a larger place than ours and their electricity bill is only, at the most, $200 for the whole month. This bill did not even include the power used by our dehumidifier as we only got it the other day! I hope there is a mistake or I will go completely broke just turning on lights and the tv!

Tonight I am going to my first rugby practice. Unfortunately the Rugby season in Bermuda is winding up (it is their last game on Sunday) but they invited me to come out anyways. I love that it is touch rugby. I loved the concept of rugby, but hated coming home bruised to shit each night after some 300 pd orangutan bowled me over. Granted it is hard for the bigger ones to catch you, but some of them can move surprisingly fast! They also play sevens, which is a really good game if you are quick. They didn't call me "Speedy" on my soccer team for nothing!

I don't have big plans for Valentine's day. My perfect Valentine's day would be:

1. Get a card with a nice sweet message written in it
2. Get some takeout food
3. Rent a movie
4. Cuddle on the couch
5. Get laid and have it take more than 10 minutes

Is that too much to ask?

Laid-Back Weekend in Paradise

So this weekend was a pretty uneventful but relaxing weekend. And still no luck with the being sunny on a weekend front. Damn mother nature! On Friday night we got some Indian food and rented a couple of movies and just laid low because on Saturday we wanted to hit some yard sales in the morning. Yes, I said yard sales. I am not 60 years old, but I don't mind using used kitchen shit and I am kind of cheap....so that equals going to yard sales. It is nuts how much stuff people can sell here second hand. You can sell seriously anything. I saw someone selling some plastic throw-away cups that they didn't use and a used Swiffer Wetjet, etc. This country is nuts but everything is really expensive new because of the 25% tax they tack on to imports. I also ended up buying a dehumidifier. That thing is frickin wicked! I could finally sweep my floor because there wasn't a thing layer of mist over everything (my god sweeping a wet floor is probably one of the more frustrating things I have ever done) and my towel finally dried from using the week before (don't worry I shower at the gym from Monday to Friday).

On Saturday night we had a couple of friends over and we drank and played Mario Party on Wii. I love the Wii. The Wii is the best invention ever! I think I play a little too much, but whatever! Mario Party is pretty damn fun. We borrowed it from a manager at work and have played it tons since. I came home from Ultimate on Sunday to find the boyfriend playing a Mario Party a la uno. We are obsessed. Well I needed something to fill the void after Guitar Hero started to get old!

On Sunday I played Ultimate and had pretty crappy games the first two games but the last game I did well. I ended up spiking the frisbee away from two guys and scored a point and an assist. I love ultimate. I hate going but once I get there, it's a blast. Apparently they play touch women's rugby here. That is really good and I am going to look into it because I was pretty decent at rugby the one year I played but I hated being bruised from head to toe from the tackling. This weekend should be more fun because it is "Fight Night" where they turn this car park into a giant boxing ring and local Rugby players fight. Also, I hear the drinks they serve are pretty strong....sure to be a perfect recipe for some good stories!

One last thing before I go! The Grammy's were last night and I totally didn't watch them but I was surprised about the outcome when I looked at the results this morning. Amy Winehouse cleaned house this year. That must be embarassing for everyone involved as they just got beat by a girl who's lucky if she walks out of the house without her pants on her head and her shirt as pants. Hopefully this will snap her out of her bad place and motivate her to clean up her act. She is a wicked singer and I hope she eventually puts out another album. And congrats to Kanye for finally get rap album of the year. He can stop whining now!

Joi de Vie

So after another hiatus......I am back. I have been settling into work and figuring out how to do my job, so time on the internet has been precious. I would have written sooner, but I tripped over the cord attaching my home laptop to the modem (ya I have been to cheap thus far to buy a wireless modem) and my computer has stopped working. Every time I boot it up it goes into a endless cycle of looking like it is going to boot into Windows and then giving me the evil blue screen of death and then restarting again. I hate the damn blue screen of death. The least it could do is stick around long enough to let me see what the error message is so I could google it and try to home-fix my computer, but alas, the thing stays up for 0.25 seconds and then disappears.

The boyfriend had lugged his desktop computer up from Canada and although it made it through a cross-ocean trip, the damn ghetto movers here in Bermuda, traveling at 40km/h for about 10 minutes, managed to destroy the thing. We are without home computers right now! We are still paying the $100 per month for internet though, which provides us with the intense surfing power of 256kb/s. But don't you worry, I ordered a new laptop from the lovely people of Dell Latin American, and when they get off their fat-asses and make the damn thing, I should return to more regular blogging. I miss the modern conveniences of living in Canada. They would have had my Dell computer assembled and sent to me within a week. In Bermuda, they will likely get it to me in a month and then charge me $300 in duty! But I guess paying $300 in duty is better than losing half my paycheques to the tax-peeps!

So I am settling into life here. Me and the boyfriend have moved out of our guesthouse and into our apartment. The place is furnished but the furniture is so crappy (read: twin bed and futon that won't convert completely upright thus destroying my back). So I have been on a mission to slowly replace the furniture in our place. I am trying to find a decent second-hand sofa-bed but the Bermudians sure do like ugly, gaudy furniture....but I don't! I am going to have to buy a new one, probably at great expense! Another fun thing about Bermuda is the damn humidity here. I usually shower at the gym in the mornings before work but I showered at home last Sunday and then didn't shower again, at home, until the following Saturday. And to my chagrin, my towel was still freakin' wet! I definitely need to get a dehumidifier! And man is sweeping all my long-ass dark hairs off the floor annoying when the floor is always damp! Driving me nuts! What do you even use to get rid of them?

So we have started hanging out with an interesting crew of people and we seem to have weekly drinking and Wii parties at someone's house. We, along with two other couples, have Wiis. Man that thing is fun. I borrowed Mario Party 8 from my manager and have been playing lots of that and Guitar Hero (which I bought the boyfriend for Christmas). One of our new buddies likes to get naked. Like all the time. I have only been here for 1 month, and in the 3 weekends of hanging out with him, I have seen him:

-Completely naked with only the Wii guitar covering his nether-regions
-Wearing a skin-tight Ace and Gary suit (that he had hand-made for Halloween last year)
-Wearing only a jock strap
-Wearing no shirt with a happy face drawn around his belly-button (the belly-button was its mouth and he made it talk)
-Wearing a lovely pair of little briefs

The guy is a riot. Very amusing! His poor wife!

Other than that, I have started playing ultimate frisbee once a week. I have never played before but it is really fun. It's a wicked workout! The thing that sucks is that there is only one other girl that plays and I have only seen her the first day I was out. I am all for equality between the sexes, but men can just run faster than me. So covering people sucks! Also, it is very intimidating when a 6'4 black man, built like a linebacker, purposely tries to scare the shit out of me on a regular basis. For example, I tried to jump to get the frisbee and he towered over me and plucked it easily out of the air and yelled "You want this little girl?" He is actually a really nice guy, as I discovered when the following week he was on my team instead of against me (it is drop-in ultimate frisbee). I have to work on some basic skills to get better at the game such as throwing a frisbee, catching a frisbee and moving to the right spot to have it be beneficial for someone to throw the frisbee to me. Meh....that'll come with time I am sure!

I also joined a yoga class put on by the Dept. of Community and Cultural Affairs of Bermuda called "Yoga for Exercise". The description reads "Learn to relax while toning and trimming your body." It is the world's worst yoga class and should be called "Yoga for senior citizens"! The lady that teaches the class has us put our mats in a circle around her and takes the first 10 minutes of the class taking attendance. Not even sure why she continues to take attendance week after week, since the people are always the same. She is teaching a class of people who range in age from 16 to about 30 but she keeps talking about osteoperosis and back-health. Also, she gets us to put aside our traditional yoga mats and lugs out the thick mats that are used for the kids gyms classes. During the first class, she took us through a really easy stretching routine (not even a yoga move in sight) and then ended up telling us to do the fish pose:



This is probably one of the worst poses for your back! This lady is clearly not qualified to teach this class and I feel like standing up and doing it for her. I think I am going to quit this class and stick to doing yoga via tv (they have this great Fit TV channel that has all sorts of good yoga shows on).

I also bought a new scooter, which I love. Here is a picture of me on it:



I am planning on taking some pretty pictures of the beautiful white and pink sand beaches here in Bermuda some weekend, but every weekend is rainy and overcast. The weather is usually beautiful during the week, while I am stuck inside at work and then turns shitty come Saturday. Seriously, get your act together weather!!!! I need photos to make my friends at home (who experienced -40 to -50 Celcius in the last little while) jealous!