50 Random Things About Me

1. I crave Cadbury's Chocolate more than I crave sex (don't get me wrong both are flying around my mind on a regular basis!)
2. I have unlimited text messages on my phone but only send about 10 a month (ya waste of money!)
3. I have a nasty habit of picking at my cuticles and the only way I have ever cured it was by getting acrylic tips (hmmm maybe I should do that again)
4. I like the taste of fake banana (think banana shakes made with syrup at Dairy Queen) more than real banana
5. Speaking of Dairy Queen, I worked at the one in my hometown for 6 years (ya I know I am awesome!)
6. I worked in the plumbing department at Home Depot for a spell too
7. I hate being cold at all (I have a heater blowing at my desk at all times)
8. When I am doing most things in life I wish they were over (i.e. I keep checking my watch frequently)
9. The only things that I don't ever wish to hurry up and get done are movies that make me laugh so hard I could pee (Old School, 40 year-old virgin, etc) and hiking
10. I own a scooter and that is how I get around
11. Getting groceries on a scooter is a bitch therefore I miss my Rav4 from home
12. My favorite country on earth is Thailand because I love the food so much
13. I think the best non-authentic thai food is from Thai Express (yes the chain setup that you find in malls in Canada)
14. I have never felt challenged (overall) at any job as of yet (ie I feel as though I could surf the internet for 4 hours and then do a little bit of work and still get praise for doing a good job)
15. I live on an island that is 23 square miles yet I have never driven from one end to the other
16. When I go to the beach I prefer to read and tan and I dislike going in the water
17. I have my advanced diving certificate
18. When I was 20 I was supposed to go to Australia for 1 year and my flight would have left on September 11, 2001 (I ended up going later)
19. My best friend ever is my sister; though she can be judgmental at times, it is often what I need to hear
20. I love my sister's husband (no not like that) and I think that he and my sister are going to have the most beautiful kids ever
21. The best thing I have ever ate in my life is fried macaroni balls from the Macaroni Grill
22. If I could change anything about myself it would be my thighs - I wish they were thinner but damn soccer has turned them into monsters!
23. I picked my bracket for March Madness based on association (for example I picked Wisconsin because I like cheese and I picked Duke because that is the university that Nathan from One Tree Hill wants to go to when he grows up). I am currently in last place in my pool.
24. I only cook 2 things: Enchiladas and Thai Pita Pizzas (yes the boyfriend is a lucky man)
25. I hated red wine up until a year ago (damn J!) and now I hate white wine because red is so good in comparison
26. I hate when I have new mail in my inbox and I have to click on it so that it is no longer highlighted as "not read"
27. I think Facebook is kind of lame now but cannot stop checking it
28. I think my single friends are the most deserving of boyfriends and my friends that are in couples aren't as deserving (this is not as a rule though)
29. I have little stretch marks on my thighs and I don't care!
30. I have a natural weight of between 140 and 145 and I can't seem to weigh more or less no matter how hard I try
31. The thing I miss the most about home are Wendy's Junior Cheesburgers and Tim Horton's French Vanilla
32. My boyfriend's parents own the best ice cream shop on earth and I am tempted to fly home just to go to the store and get some ice cream
33. My boyfriend's parents are the first parents I have actually liked out of all the boyfriends I have ever had (if we ever broke up, I might even miss them more than him!)
34. I lose my big toenail on my right foot atleast once a year due to soccer cleats being too tight (but damn I can kick the ball)
35. The only reason I am good at sports is because I can run fast (I do not have any ball handling skills whatsoever - with my hands or feet)
36. When I was in high school I was in the chorus of the following musicals: Bye Bye Birdie and Pajama Game
37. At the end of grade 10, I was asked to leave the advanced placement program at my school because my personality didn't fit the typical smart person personality (despite the fact I got high grades)
38. I have ADHD and I think it makes me interesting!
39. I haven't found any really close girlfriends yet on the island and that makes me sad (I miss you J, G and S!)
40. Both times I have gone to Vegas I have cried due too incidents involving too much alcohol and too much gambling
41. There are no good clothes shops on the island and that has been the best money saver ever for me (now only if they could shut down e-bay)
42. I hate the taste of non-diet pop. Aspartame is good!
43. I love yoga but I am the most inflexible person on earth (I guess that's what playing sports hardcore for 15 years without ever properly stretching does to you)
44. When I settle down, I want to move back to home my home town, even though, my entire life, I said that I couldn't wait to get out of there
45. I think there is nothing better than watching Law and Order SVU (sexy crimes!)
46. I hate the Stampede (large rodeo that is put on every year in Cowtown)
47. I think cowboys and army guys are the sexiest (I think I am going to love the movie Stop Loss coming out soon)
48. I can think of a list of the top 10 sexiest woman in Hollywood but cannot think of a list of the top 10 sexiest men (am I gay?)
49. I don't really miss not playing soccer (but I miss the tournaments!)
50. I want a puppy but I want to travel so I have to wait for a while before that is going to happen and that makes me sad

Chocolate Eggs are the Devil!

I had a really good Easter weekend (my first official holiday on the island). I discovered the world's most wonderful thing: Galaxy Mini Eggs. What do you get when you cross the best year-round chocolate bar with the best holiday treat? Well you get sweet, sweet heaven! Love it!

On Friday I went on a booze cruise. It was a fundraiser for my rugby team. The boat we were on was pretty small. We had originally booked a 500-person boat but the rental company decided to perform maintenance on the boat and informed us about a week before the cruise. So we had to halt sales of tickets immediately. The boat we were on was supposed to fit about 220 people but we had sold 250 tickets. So ya....it was a tight squeeze. Me and some of my Canadian friends spent the first half of the cruise on the front of the boat until it got wayyyyyy too windy. We then moved it inside for a bit and then onto the roof of the boat. I was drinking swizzles (rum with fruit punch - but you can only taste the fruit punch) for the first half of the night (they came out of giant orange gatorade coolers) until it was suggested that I switch to something else because apparently the swizzles are like crack and will turn on you and before you know it, you will puking off the side of the boat.

I successfully did not puke off the side of the boat. I stuck mostly to rum and diet coke's. Even though they were poured half and half, I still managed to keep track of how many I had drank by stacking all my cups. Once I finished a drink, I stacked the next drink in the last drink's plastic cup. That way I wouldn't lose track. Yes...I know genius! Highlights of the cruise included playing "Boob or Bum". "Boob or "Bum" is a game I created by taking pictures of my butt crack and my cleavage (very close up so all you can see is the slit) and getting people to guess which is which. This was the best round ever. I have never had my butt crack look more like boob cleavage. Everyone guessed wrong! Also, there were these people on the boat that were playing "Dentist Chair" and they would keep grabbin people and shoving them in a chair and then throwing a combination of straight vodka and rum down their gullets. I was naive enough to go "What's up with this chair?" and proceeded to get restrained into the chair and had said alcohol poured down my throat! Bastards.



Here is me getting "chaired".

On Friday I went to Horshoe Bay to fly kites. Man flying $5 kites are a bitch. On Thursday, I grabbed the last kite available (Yu-Gi-Oh themed) to fly on Friday. It is a tradition on the island to fly kites on Good Friday. Other traditions include eating fish cakes on hot cross buns (yuck). I did not partake in the latter. It was a pretty nice day out. It was sunny with a bit of a breeze. Saw just about everyone I knew at the beach and finally got the kite in the air after almost losing it on the boyfriend (man that was frustrating!) On Friday night me and the boyfriend went out for supper to Blu (restaurant on Bellmont Golf Course). It was really good. I had the lamb and he had the prime rib. I felt very cheap though because we were using these coupons we had that we purchased earlier on in the month were you get 3 full meals for $130 (appetizer + entre + dessert) and we kept having to ask which meals were included in the deal. The waitress tried the best she could not to roll her eyes. Well we would've ordered two entrees and one appetizer if we hadn't had the coupon so she should be happy to get the extra added tip (they automatically add 15% gratuity to all meals here on the island). The meal was really good but there was this obnoxious British girl that was half way across the restaurant who spoke so loud that it would have been offensive even if she had been sitting across from me at the volume I heard (being half way across the restaurant).



Here is me trying to fly a kite.



Here is the beautiful beach I can get to in a 20 minute drive.

On Saturday I played in the Easter Seven's Tournament. As I am the new girl on the team, I usually only get to play about 5 minutes in each game. Because a couple of the players that are never off the field were either off-island or were playing on the tackle team that weekend, I got to play the entire time. And let me tell you. I did well! I ended up getting 2 tries in the first game and 3 in the 2nd. I had the most tries out of anyone in the tournament (on any of the teams). Hopefully I will have proven that I deserve to start now and will get a bit more playing time! I watched the end of the tackle rugby game between the island team and the team that was down from NYC and we got rocked badly. Oh well....girls playing tackle on the island is a new concept and they have no one to practice against all year. After the games we went out to the bar for the after-party. It was pretty fun but only the tackle girls were out and none of my tag team.



This is my beautiful team.

On Sunday it pissed down rain. So I spent the whole day inside (bar going to the gym to run 6 miles on the treadmill - staying on track with my half-marathon training schedule!) I watched a couple of movies (Karate Kid and Duplex). And then ate a wonderful Easter dinner cooked by the boyfriend. He is a wicked cook. I also baked some cookies....because I really needed more fat after ingesting enough chocolate eggs to feed a small village for a month. I hope everyone had a wicked Easter weekend. Back to work today! Next weekend should be fun as it a going away party for a guy that is friends with practically everyone on the island. He will be dearly missed!

My Damn Arm is Falling Off

Well I have had the weekend from hell. So on Friday me and the boyfriend got in a small fight over a stupid prank he pulled on me that I thought went too far. So needless to say, Friday night, I wanted to go get my drink on, sans the boyfriend. So me and a couple of guys from work drank in the boardroom for a while. I was supposed to meet the boyfriend at the bar for somebody's going away party whom I didn't know (yes I will miss them dearly?) at 7pm. But I got caught up in drinking and chatting in boardroom that I didn't show up to the pub until about 9pm. The boyfriend had gone home as he knew only one person there (the rest of the people he knew were with me drinking in the board room). At about 2pm that afternoon I started to experience a sharp pain in my elbow. The scariest thing about it, is that I had not banged my elbow on anything, so I found it really strange considering it hurt so bad.

The next morning, I awoke to a very red and swollen elbow. It was so bad that I forced the boyfriend, who, bless his soul, even though he was mad at me for being a no-show at the pub the night before, drove all the way to work to get my helmet out of my bike and then drove back to our place to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, it wasn't that busy because Bermudians are kind of lazy and can't get their asses out of bed until about 11am on a Saturday morning.



My hot-ass arm. It only got worse from this point. Note the circle drawn around the swelling. It about doubled in size from this picture at its worst point!

So I saw a doctor and he said I had an infection and that I needed to go on antibiotics. Usually you get the infection through a cut or bug bite, but strangely I had no such item on the end of my elbow (where the swelling was). So the doctor geared me up with a sling (because it hurt so bad to straighten my arm) and a prescription for antibiotic pills. I think the boyfriend was having sympathy pains because he had a bug bite on his arm that seem to be swelling (though at a much less alarming rate) as well. The nurse also drew a circle around my arm with a pen and told me to come back if the redness and swelling extended out of the circle (as that meant that the oral antibiotics were not doing their job and they would have to put me on IV antibiotics). My arm ended up swelling more so I went back to the hospital and the nurse pretty much laughed at me and told me to come back only if it was swollen significantly outside of the line (it was only about an inch outside the line at this point). She then sent me packing, slightly embarrassed.

On Saturday night we had some friends over and we ate ribs (an amazing feat for me considering I only had one functioning arm) and played Mario Party 8 on Wii (fun game that you'd think guys would be better due to the overwhelming amount of vigorous arm shaking involved). I ended up being able to eat all my ribs and I ended up schooling the boyfriend and our guests at the Wii game! Pretty good for a gimp! I felt so bad for ditching the boyfriend the night before and since the boyfriend was being so nice (he had to make all the food and clean up as I was useless with one arm) I let him go out that night with our guests to another party. Apparently it was the 2nd annual Fryalation party (these people threw the same party last year) where they fry up anything and everything and consume it. Considering the lack of activity I would be experiencing until my arm healed, and the lack of alcohol I was able to drink due to its potential to render my antibiotics ineffective, I was more than happy to give it a miss. I would normally offer to DD but I couldn't operate a bike with one arm.

The next day I woke up and my arm had swollen a bit more but I wanted it to be significantly more swollen before I returned to the hospital and dealt with that evil nurse again. On Sunday afternoon, the "Canadians in Bermuda" club was holding their annual bowling event. Since bowling is about the only sport I could do with one arm, I did not cancel (as many people suggest I did). I scored the lowest on our team in the first two games but I beat the most competitive person in the third game. I think I did decent considering my balance was thrown off by having my left arm in a sling. I named myself Tit, my friend Ass, and the boyfriend Poo.



Here is my patriotic outfit. I have a Canadian flag on my back and note my awesome hair and makeup (yep can't do much with only one functioning arm!)



Here is my sweet ass bowling form. I sling really throws you off balance!

When I returned home I got the boyfriend to inspect the arm, and alas, the redness and swelling had almost doubled in size since the nurse had drawn the circle, so I finally accepted the fact that it may be time to return to the hospital to get hooked up with some IV goodness. When I got there, the nurse concurred that I needed to get an IV. So he put the IV in the most inconvenient place ever (in the crease of my arm) and he put it in my right arm (which basically rendered both arms useless now instead of just the one). Life is hard when you can't straighten either arm! Let me tell you! I ended up bleeding all over the bed and then the nurse didn't even clean it up (he just took the paper off the bed) before sending me home. I hope to god they cleaned that bed before the next patient came along. I was also informed that I would have to come to the hospital 3 times a day (every 8 hours) for IV injections of antibiotics. Also, that I would have to wait, in emergency, each time to get the injections. I don't know if you have ever had the privilege of waiting in an emergency room for a long period of time, but the prospect of having to do so 3 times a day for the next few days was a grim one.

I decided to take the first couple of days off of work. I wanted to go to work, but the boyfriend insisted that I stay home and rest my arm. I guess it made sense considering I would be useless without the use of my arms. So right now I am sitting at home, bored out of my tree, waiting for the boyfriend to come home from work. i have about 200 channels on my TV, but I swear to god nothing is on! But hoorah, I have to go wait in the emergency waiting room for god knows how many hours another two times today. At least that will fill my time!

Fight Night!

Sorry, I have been gone for a while because I had an unfortunate mishap with my arm (I will explain more in my next post) and I have been generally busy enjoying life here in Bermuda. So to recap the Fight Night Weekend: Friday I just laid low in order to save my energy for Saturday night (Fight Night!) and watched some TV. On Saturday morning, I went to go pickup a sofa-bed from a lady across town but the movers didn't show up. So we gave them a call, and they said they had forgotten about us. So they finally showed up about an hour and a half late. Well it was the first nice weekend day since we moved to the island, so the boyfriend went and got some coolers and chocolate and we sat on the couch, on this lady's lawn (she had to take her daughter to a birthday party) and basked in the sun. The movers finally showed up and we went and picked up our BBQ as well (I love that frickin' thing and have used it every night since I got it!)

On Saturday afternoon we headed to a friends house to go to a pool party. It wasn't all that warm out, so the pool was more a centrepiece to our party than a functional part of it. A couple of people jumped in but I left that to the brave. Also, after finally getting my hair straight (which is a feat and a half in this humid weather) I did not want to destroy said hair with a swim. We drank (alot) and had some BBQ. One thing I noted is that beef in Bermuda is wayyyyyy worse than beef in Cowtown. They are not exaggerating when they go on about Grade A Alberta beef being of much higher quality than beef from anywhere else. It's edible, but nothing to write home about. All the usual suspects were at this party (including the Naked Guy). Highlights included drinking Magaritas out of a Margarita maker that was acquired by the host of the party from the local hardware store in an effort to use up his $15,000 credit he won in a draw before he leaves the island (at the end of April); Naked Guy wrapping himself up in only wrapping paper after a lull in the party on the insistence of his drunk wife, who screamed "PARTY BOY! NOW!" in a plight to entertain off-island guests that were staying with them; Naked boy and two others showing up in their matching hideous Hawaiian shirts; Naked boy and company jumping on the bed demonstrating the sexual norms of having a three-way with same-sexes; the Boyfriend and another person using a wrapping paper tube to "Get all Dominatrix"; etc.

After the afternoon party, we headed, in cabs, downtown to attend the legendary Fight Night. Fight Night is a fundraiser held by one of the rugby teams on the island where anyone can train (with the local boxing outfit) as long as the get in the ring and fight on Fight Night. So basically, a bunch of locals (ie amateurs) fighting each other. Good fun though and an excuse to get ridiculously drunk. Drinks were only $4 each and they poured them with about 75% alcohol and 30% mix. Needless to say everyone got way too drunk, and a night that should have lasted into the wee hours of the morning, ended, for most, after the event.

The fighting was fun but it ended up being only a background to the drinking schenanigens for me and my crew. I somehow got convinced to play in the rugby game on the following morning (which I knew I would be ridiculously hung-over for and unprepared as I had only had one training session prior to the game). I ended up having to go home early because the boyfriend (who was way past drunk) locked himself out of the house and insisted that I had punched him in the face because he had a chipped tooth. I went back to my place and explained to him that I had accidentally bumped him and his teeth smashed together (thus chipping his teeth).

My other friend decided (at 11pm) that he should sleep it off in the office (which is a 5 minute walk from where the event was held) but was dangerously drunk, so Naked Guy decided to follow him to the office to make sure he was safe. Right by the office, there is a 24 hour gas station and when he approached the office, 5 suspicious looking characters followed him up the ramp to our front door but Naked guy called out to him to make sure he was okay and the suspicious characters ran off (god knows what they were up to). Naked boy came home to a very drunk wife who proceeded to tell him to get the hell out, drove his bike to the office (as he had guests on the couch) to get some shut-eye. The other guy that was sleeping at the office, awoke at 6am and decided he needed to get home. Him and Naked Guy both have the exact same scooter so he somehow grabbed Naked Guys helmet and tried to start his bike with his own key (which obviously didn't work). He then got in a cab with Naked Guys helmet (it is still unclear to me why he took his helmet). Naked guy awoke with no helmet and had to walk home (there are crazy steep fees to pay if you are caught driving without a helmet here).

On Sunday I played in my first flag rugby game but had no clue what I am doing. I know the basic rules of rugby and the movements/plays that should be occurring from my short foray in the tackle rugby world back at home, but had no idea what to do with the flags once I pulled someone's off or had mine removed. I left the game more confused than I had came but I have straightened it out since in training. We won the game 11 to 0. My team rocks and I am glad I chose the first place team (well Google chose it as it was the first team to show up when I searched for "Women's rugby in Bermuda")

TGIF/RIP NIU Students

After a rather unventful week at work filled with client's ignoring my emails and taking off and leaving in the middle of working at their site when they won't be around for the next week, it is finally Friday! Thank goodness. I am bored as hell and can't wait to enjoy this fun filled weekend (Fight Night!)

Valentine's Day was rather unventful. The boyfriend bought me the best of the roses leftover at 10am on Valentine's Day and I showed it to the girl whose boyfriend also works in the office who had received a dozen roses and two giant balloons. She laughed. Meh, don't really care because Valentine's Day is for suckers! Good on you for not getting too far into the spirit of it boyfriend! I ended up getting some Indian Food and watching Resident Evil and drinking wine. I bought myself three bottles of wine because I have always wanted to be one of those people that had multiple bottles of wine that require the use of a wine rack.

"Oh thanks for coming over Foxworth (yes my classy friend's name is Foxworth). What would you like to drink? I have a nice Pinot Noir or a Merlot?"

Unfortunately, alcohol never lasts more than about 24 hours in our house. We buy the amount of alcohol we are likely to drink, then we drink it. I know...classy!

Well I heard about the Northern Illinois University Shooting. That freakin' sucks! And it was in a geology class. There you are, bored out of your damn mind, taking "Rocks for Jocks" (which is what we affectionately referred to geology as at home as every degree is forced to take one science elective to get the degree), and someone comes in guns ablazin'. He didn't even go to the school anymore. Why is he not shooting up some workplace that was pissing him off, instead of these poor kids at school, with their whole lives ahead of them? The vast majority that died were 20 years old! They can't even legally drink! That's just lame. The worst thing that ever happened at my university is that someone once put poop in the projector (yes seriously poop). The guy was apparently off his meds or something. Yo buddy......they were obviously working. And the damn coward shot himself afterwards. Why not just shoot yourself and cut out the middlemen (the victims). Not enough press? Shoot yourself in a public place, but leave everyone else out of it. I wish these people at least had a stance they were fighting for...but I guess we will never know. Well my thoughts and prayers go out to the people who's family members and friends were effected by this shooting. I am so sorry that it had to happen to you guys!

The Dreaded V-Day

So here comes another Valentine's Day. The stupidest holiday of the year. Where, for some reason, men are supposed to spend tons of money on their girlfriend's just so they won't get bitched at and so they won't look like the lamest one out of their friend's when their girlfriends get talking to each other about how the night went down. How easy is it for them to buy the same old shit on the same day each year? Not that hard. Now give me a boy that will buy me flowers or a sweet gift on a day other than the obligatory Valentines, birthday or Christmas, then we can talk about romance. But, being told by a calendar when to be extra nice.....lame! That is why I like to keep things low-key on Valentines day. Just an excuse to get something different to eat and to watch a movie that I want to see (just for once!)

Well I went to rugby last night and had a really good time. The girls are really nice and touch rugby (sorry to those that play full-contact and would baulk at the thought of the pusiness of tag rugby) is much, much better. I loved rugby when I played and I thought that I might have the ability, once in my life, to be good at something, but I hated the tackling (especially in practices) because it freakin' hurts! I am sort of a jack at all trades but a master at none when it comes to sports. My speed and aggressiveness is welcome in any team sport and considered useful but my lack of ball handling, frisbee throwing, etc. has prevented me from ever being MVP at any time. Maybe touch rugby will be my sport. We shall see? Too bad the season is close to over and I will have to wait until next year to find out. In the meanwhile, I will train with these girls and get ready to kick some butt next year.

Well, going home soon to have the low-key Valentine's Day date. I will update y'all tomorrow on how it went down! Have a happy V-Day!

Hump Day! Hump Day! Everyone Loves Hump Day!

Well it is my favorite day of the week.....Wednesday. Too far into the week to bitch that the weekend is never going to come but just far enough away from the weekend that it is annoying! Last night we went to our friend's house for his birthday. Many people showed up and I totally blew my Body for Life diet. I ate a butt-load of Cool Ranch Doritos (those things are better than crack to me), a bunch of cookies and some cake. Meh....I am not that fat anyways.

The boyfriend: "Cowtowngal is just on the Body for Life diet because she likes to eat alot. Instead of just having three meals a day, she gets to eat six."

Me: "Yes but they are six smaller sized meals."

The boyfriend: "Well it kind of defeats the purpose when you eat snacks of chocolate and cookies in between each of the small meals."

Me: "Touche!"

Ya I might have to revisit this whole Body for Life thing. It's good because I don't feel hungry throughout the day, but I can't keep my damn hands of chocolate!

So today I got a bill for electricity for 14 days and it is over $570. There is no friggin' way that I used $570 of electricity in 14 days. There is supposed to be a $200 deposit in there but still...$370 in 14 days is crazy. Our friends run their A/C and dehumidifier all day and night long and have a larger place than ours and their electricity bill is only, at the most, $200 for the whole month. This bill did not even include the power used by our dehumidifier as we only got it the other day! I hope there is a mistake or I will go completely broke just turning on lights and the tv!

Tonight I am going to my first rugby practice. Unfortunately the Rugby season in Bermuda is winding up (it is their last game on Sunday) but they invited me to come out anyways. I love that it is touch rugby. I loved the concept of rugby, but hated coming home bruised to shit each night after some 300 pd orangutan bowled me over. Granted it is hard for the bigger ones to catch you, but some of them can move surprisingly fast! They also play sevens, which is a really good game if you are quick. They didn't call me "Speedy" on my soccer team for nothing!

I don't have big plans for Valentine's day. My perfect Valentine's day would be:

1. Get a card with a nice sweet message written in it
2. Get some takeout food
3. Rent a movie
4. Cuddle on the couch
5. Get laid and have it take more than 10 minutes

Is that too much to ask?

Laid-Back Weekend in Paradise

So this weekend was a pretty uneventful but relaxing weekend. And still no luck with the being sunny on a weekend front. Damn mother nature! On Friday night we got some Indian food and rented a couple of movies and just laid low because on Saturday we wanted to hit some yard sales in the morning. Yes, I said yard sales. I am not 60 years old, but I don't mind using used kitchen shit and I am kind of cheap....so that equals going to yard sales. It is nuts how much stuff people can sell here second hand. You can sell seriously anything. I saw someone selling some plastic throw-away cups that they didn't use and a used Swiffer Wetjet, etc. This country is nuts but everything is really expensive new because of the 25% tax they tack on to imports. I also ended up buying a dehumidifier. That thing is frickin wicked! I could finally sweep my floor because there wasn't a thing layer of mist over everything (my god sweeping a wet floor is probably one of the more frustrating things I have ever done) and my towel finally dried from using the week before (don't worry I shower at the gym from Monday to Friday).

On Saturday night we had a couple of friends over and we drank and played Mario Party on Wii. I love the Wii. The Wii is the best invention ever! I think I play a little too much, but whatever! Mario Party is pretty damn fun. We borrowed it from a manager at work and have played it tons since. I came home from Ultimate on Sunday to find the boyfriend playing a Mario Party a la uno. We are obsessed. Well I needed something to fill the void after Guitar Hero started to get old!

On Sunday I played Ultimate and had pretty crappy games the first two games but the last game I did well. I ended up spiking the frisbee away from two guys and scored a point and an assist. I love ultimate. I hate going but once I get there, it's a blast. Apparently they play touch women's rugby here. That is really good and I am going to look into it because I was pretty decent at rugby the one year I played but I hated being bruised from head to toe from the tackling. This weekend should be more fun because it is "Fight Night" where they turn this car park into a giant boxing ring and local Rugby players fight. Also, I hear the drinks they serve are pretty strong....sure to be a perfect recipe for some good stories!

One last thing before I go! The Grammy's were last night and I totally didn't watch them but I was surprised about the outcome when I looked at the results this morning. Amy Winehouse cleaned house this year. That must be embarassing for everyone involved as they just got beat by a girl who's lucky if she walks out of the house without her pants on her head and her shirt as pants. Hopefully this will snap her out of her bad place and motivate her to clean up her act. She is a wicked singer and I hope she eventually puts out another album. And congrats to Kanye for finally get rap album of the year. He can stop whining now!

Joi de Vie

So after another hiatus......I am back. I have been settling into work and figuring out how to do my job, so time on the internet has been precious. I would have written sooner, but I tripped over the cord attaching my home laptop to the modem (ya I have been to cheap thus far to buy a wireless modem) and my computer has stopped working. Every time I boot it up it goes into a endless cycle of looking like it is going to boot into Windows and then giving me the evil blue screen of death and then restarting again. I hate the damn blue screen of death. The least it could do is stick around long enough to let me see what the error message is so I could google it and try to home-fix my computer, but alas, the thing stays up for 0.25 seconds and then disappears.

The boyfriend had lugged his desktop computer up from Canada and although it made it through a cross-ocean trip, the damn ghetto movers here in Bermuda, traveling at 40km/h for about 10 minutes, managed to destroy the thing. We are without home computers right now! We are still paying the $100 per month for internet though, which provides us with the intense surfing power of 256kb/s. But don't you worry, I ordered a new laptop from the lovely people of Dell Latin American, and when they get off their fat-asses and make the damn thing, I should return to more regular blogging. I miss the modern conveniences of living in Canada. They would have had my Dell computer assembled and sent to me within a week. In Bermuda, they will likely get it to me in a month and then charge me $300 in duty! But I guess paying $300 in duty is better than losing half my paycheques to the tax-peeps!

So I am settling into life here. Me and the boyfriend have moved out of our guesthouse and into our apartment. The place is furnished but the furniture is so crappy (read: twin bed and futon that won't convert completely upright thus destroying my back). So I have been on a mission to slowly replace the furniture in our place. I am trying to find a decent second-hand sofa-bed but the Bermudians sure do like ugly, gaudy furniture....but I don't! I am going to have to buy a new one, probably at great expense! Another fun thing about Bermuda is the damn humidity here. I usually shower at the gym in the mornings before work but I showered at home last Sunday and then didn't shower again, at home, until the following Saturday. And to my chagrin, my towel was still freakin' wet! I definitely need to get a dehumidifier! And man is sweeping all my long-ass dark hairs off the floor annoying when the floor is always damp! Driving me nuts! What do you even use to get rid of them?

So we have started hanging out with an interesting crew of people and we seem to have weekly drinking and Wii parties at someone's house. We, along with two other couples, have Wiis. Man that thing is fun. I borrowed Mario Party 8 from my manager and have been playing lots of that and Guitar Hero (which I bought the boyfriend for Christmas). One of our new buddies likes to get naked. Like all the time. I have only been here for 1 month, and in the 3 weekends of hanging out with him, I have seen him:

-Completely naked with only the Wii guitar covering his nether-regions
-Wearing a skin-tight Ace and Gary suit (that he had hand-made for Halloween last year)
-Wearing only a jock strap
-Wearing no shirt with a happy face drawn around his belly-button (the belly-button was its mouth and he made it talk)
-Wearing a lovely pair of little briefs

The guy is a riot. Very amusing! His poor wife!

Other than that, I have started playing ultimate frisbee once a week. I have never played before but it is really fun. It's a wicked workout! The thing that sucks is that there is only one other girl that plays and I have only seen her the first day I was out. I am all for equality between the sexes, but men can just run faster than me. So covering people sucks! Also, it is very intimidating when a 6'4 black man, built like a linebacker, purposely tries to scare the shit out of me on a regular basis. For example, I tried to jump to get the frisbee and he towered over me and plucked it easily out of the air and yelled "You want this little girl?" He is actually a really nice guy, as I discovered when the following week he was on my team instead of against me (it is drop-in ultimate frisbee). I have to work on some basic skills to get better at the game such as throwing a frisbee, catching a frisbee and moving to the right spot to have it be beneficial for someone to throw the frisbee to me. Meh....that'll come with time I am sure!

I also joined a yoga class put on by the Dept. of Community and Cultural Affairs of Bermuda called "Yoga for Exercise". The description reads "Learn to relax while toning and trimming your body." It is the world's worst yoga class and should be called "Yoga for senior citizens"! The lady that teaches the class has us put our mats in a circle around her and takes the first 10 minutes of the class taking attendance. Not even sure why she continues to take attendance week after week, since the people are always the same. She is teaching a class of people who range in age from 16 to about 30 but she keeps talking about osteoperosis and back-health. Also, she gets us to put aside our traditional yoga mats and lugs out the thick mats that are used for the kids gyms classes. During the first class, she took us through a really easy stretching routine (not even a yoga move in sight) and then ended up telling us to do the fish pose:



This is probably one of the worst poses for your back! This lady is clearly not qualified to teach this class and I feel like standing up and doing it for her. I think I am going to quit this class and stick to doing yoga via tv (they have this great Fit TV channel that has all sorts of good yoga shows on).

I also bought a new scooter, which I love. Here is a picture of me on it:



I am planning on taking some pretty pictures of the beautiful white and pink sand beaches here in Bermuda some weekend, but every weekend is rainy and overcast. The weather is usually beautiful during the week, while I am stuck inside at work and then turns shitty come Saturday. Seriously, get your act together weather!!!! I need photos to make my friends at home (who experienced -40 to -50 Celcius in the last little while) jealous!

Life is Coming Along!

So both me and the boyfriend both passed our scooter-driving tests on Monday and are now liscenced to drive a scooter. What an epic journey that was. Well they have this thing called "island time" here. Whatever would take you like 20 minutes at home will take you about 4 hours here.

First of all, our Examiner started the test about 45 minutes late. So we both did our test and then we went inside to wait for the guy to stamp our form as "passed". So the Examiner saw one of his friends and chatted to him for 30 minutes. After that he finally gave us our cards and told us to go to the information desk. The information desk lady then gave us a number. It was about 3:05 at this point. So we waited in line. It was at number 275 and we were number 350 and 351. Finally, they processed our licence at 5pm. We then get home and the boyfriend notices that the dumb bitch who processed our licence had forgotten to put that we were able to drive motorcycles as well as scooters. This would be fine except that the island is really hilly and you need at least a 100cc bike (which is considered a motorcycle here) to pass people on these hills.

At this point the Transport Control Department was closed so I decided I would go the next day. So I went down the next day and complained. Some guy takes my licence and then goes in the back and does not emerge for 45 minutes. He then gives me a piece of paper saying that I passed for motorcycle too and then tells me to see information. I then see information lady and she gives me another number. I am like "You have to be kidding me" and everyone around me gives me a "Stupid white girl is throwing a fit for no reason look". So I sit down and wait in the waiting area. They finally call my number at about 10:30am (I had shown up at the place at 8:30am) and then act like they are doing me a favour by correcting something they should have done in the first place! Ya so needless to say, I hope I never have to go in that damn place ever again!!!!

Yesterday I bought a new scooter (a MIO 100cc cappucino coloured). I will post some photos of it when I get a chance (ie remember to bring a camera with me!) and I got a cell phone. The cell phone salesperson was pretty awesome too. She looked pissed at me when I prevented her from sending text messages for 10 minutes so she could set me up with a phone. It's not like it's not your job biatch! She also had this disgusting long-ass fake nails with some sort of decoration that looked like a spiderweb or something on them. Ah well, gotta get used to a slower-paced life. Not a good move when you come from Cowtown because everyone is so impatient at home. If you don't get served in like 10 minutes of sitting down, in Cowtown, you start to eliminate parts of the servers tip! That shit would never fly here!

First Weekend in Bermuda

Well this weekend was pretty busy! On Friday night we hit up the gym. By the way, my friends from Cowtown that bitch about Banker's Hall gym being expensive at $1000 per year, they aint got nothing on the gyms here! I had to pay $1700 for a 1 year pass at this gym! That is crazy talk! Since I am a nerdy accountant type, that works out to about $8.50 per visit to the gym (if I am able to make it 4 times a week - which is freakin' unlikely!) After that, we hauled it over to a work-mates home for some burgers.

The guy who's house we went to is quite a joker. He told us all sorts of stories that ranged from when he fell asleep without his pants on in the office and a partner found him to why he failed his Chartered Accountancy exam twice and his CFA exams 3 times. He's a pretty funny guy and his wife puts up with his chananigans quite well. We then headed out to a pub. We had a few drinks there and then my work-mate bought me a Crown and Ginger (one of my favorite drinks ever), which happens to cost practically an arm and a leg here in Bermuda, and some drunk Irish dude threw a blow-up doll at my drink and smashed my drink all over my legs. First of all, what was he doing with a blow-up doll and why the hell was he throwing it. I think I shed a tear for my Crown....because Crown is a mint in Bermuda. I have to switch to rum instead....as the stuff practically comes out of the taps here. It was pretty fun there, but the highlight of my night is when they played "Soulja Boy" and I did the Soulja Boy dance along with some of the locals. I have never seen so many people give me a "Holy Shit what a cracker" look at the same time. Oh well, they didn't even know how to do the dance properly......wannabes!

On Saturday night I went with some friends to the Just for Laughs comedy show. I love me some live comedy. Most of the comedians were friggin' hilarious. One of my favorites is when, in referring to Tyra Banks, one of the comedians says "When the fuck did we start letting models talk?"

On Sunday, as I have been looking for stuff to be involved in, I joined the Bermuda Ultimate Frisbee Federation. I have never played ultimate before but let me tell you, that shit is fun. I ended up getting so into it I was trash talking the other team by the end. I am definitely going to regularily attend! Also, me and my boyfriend finally found a place to live. A really small 1 bedroom apartment, for the bargain price of $2000 per month (trust me that is actually cheap here!) My boyfriend made the comment that we will be living like students for the next 2 years. I am like "why?" because we are chartered accountants now and are making a good amount of money. He's a major cheapskate but whatever I will hopefully be able to change him a bit!

So all I have to do now is pass my scooter test later today, and my life will be almost in order!

Cowtown Gal Becomes Beachtown Gal!

Sorry for the massive hiatus, but I have been very busy, as of late, and actually didn't have anything that interesting to talk about. But, upon the suggestion of friends, I have started this blog up again to keep my friends at home up to date with what is going on in my life.

Well I got sick of good 'ol Cowtown so I decided to move this show to a different locale. I have officially become a resident of Bermuda. In about May of last year, as I walked through a snowstorm that had no business being there at that time of year (April flowers should bring May flowers god damn it!), I turned to my boyfriend (yes I am still dating the one I was dating a new year's last year) and asked "Hey do you want to move to Bermuda?". He is a chartered accountant too so it was both super easy for us to make the move here. So he obviously agreed and fast forward to January of 2008 and we are now here!

Well lots has happened in the last year:

• I went through a change in soccer teams because the coach of my old soccer team cut me from the team after I helped bring him a provincial win



• I studied all summer for my Uniform Final Examination to become a Chartered Accountant and passed that shiznit (wrote the test in September then they made me stew in my own nervousness until November 30 when they finally told us the results)


• Was a maid of honour when my little sister got married two times (haha I know what you are thinking but it was twice to the same guy - once legally in Canada and once cerimonially in the Dominican Republic)



• Went to Vegas for the second time in my life with the boyfriend and won a whole $400 (I know I am so rich) and found out that the boyfriend likes to drunkin' break up with me when he gets past a certain level of drinks (it is about at the 15 beer area) and regret/not remember it in the morning



• Went on a trip to Japan and Thailand with my friend from work to celebrate finishing our Chartered Accountancy exam



• Went to the Dominican Republic with my sister and family and friends to witness my sister getting married (let me tell you, all inclusives are fun but the food tends to shoot through your system quickly due to its poor quality - if you know what I mean). Dominican Rum is yummy and potent!


• Spent Christmas at Canmore with the family and New Year's with friends in Calgary

So all in all, it was a great year, to say the least! I am very broke now but I am rich with life experience. Well if life experience = drinking/no money!

So I own a condo in Cowtown, which I wish I had never bought, which I wanted to sell before I left. My realtor sat me down and said that I would basically only get $10,000 less than I paid for the place (less his $12,000+ in realtor fees that I would have to pay him to do so). He suggested that I wait for 6 months and sell it at that point. At this point, I had my best friend living in the condo with me so I asked her if she wanted to stay, which she did and then we set out on a search to fill the other room with a roommate. I paid money to list it on a bunch of sites and then, when I was at the wedding, one of my sister's friends asked about the place, and ta-da, he moved in. I am losing a bit of money each month but that bit of money is better than losing $22,000! I will try and sell it again after the 6 months is up. The market in Cowtown is ridiculous!!!!!!! No one is buying anything and the only people that sell are those that are willing to part with their place for $30,000 under what they list it for (and that my friends is not me!).

I also sold my car the day before I left to go to Bermuda (thank god) but have to wait for the dude that bought it from me to pick it up from my parents when he gets back from work on the rigs up North. The guy paid me a deposit but I still have to wait for a couple of weeks for the money (which would be really useful right now to pay damage deposits and to buy a scooter!) Ah well, at least I can sleep easy knowing it is sold.

So I finished up work at my old workplace on December 21st and spent the rest of the xmas holidays packing and such to get ready to leave. I managed to pack all my worldly possessions into three 50 pound bags (after giving approximately four very full garbage bags of clothes that I never wore away to charity!) I brought only clothes, shoes, a bunch of bathroom crap and books here with me. It is crazy to go with so little (I typically pack the same amount just to go on a one week trip!) We left to Bermuda on the 3rd of January on the Red Eye flight to Toronto that was supposed to leave a midnight. Unfortunately the plane was two hours late which made us late to catch our plane from Toronto to Bermuda. So we landed at 8am in Toronto and the flight to Bermuda was leaving (from the other side of the airport) at 8:30am. So we hauled ass across the airport and made it to the plane before it left. Because our luggage wouldn't quite make it as fast as us, they would not let us go on the plane. Air Canada sucks, that is all I can say!

In the end, they put us on a Delta flight to JFK and then we transferred onto an American Airlines flight from there to Bermuda. Because me and my boyfriend had extra bags, they made us repay the extra bag fee for Delta (even though stupid Air Canada already had a bunch of our money for that). When waiting for them to re-route the flights, we met a man that actually worked at the place we were going to be working at in Bermuda. He helped us call the office to let my friend that was meeting us at the Bermuda airport know that we would be late. So the Delta flight ended up being 1 hour late because there was too much luggage on the plane (probably mine and my boyfriend's fault so I can't complain too much) and then the American Airlines flight was 2 hours late because customs had to search the plane for something (which was a little worrisome considering the plane came from San Fran prior to arriving to JFK!)

We finally arrived in Bermuda at about 10:30pm (we were supposed to land at noon) and then we had to go through the fun experience of going through customs as a first time resident. This is where they search your bags for stuff you are trying to smuggle into the country. In case you didn't know, Bermuda does not charge income tax to employees that work in their country. So how do they pay for roads, police, firemen, etc. you ask? By taxing the shit out of everything that is imported into Bermuda. They charge 25% on everything other than used clothes and shoes (thank god for that because my jeans collection alone would have cost me about $700) that you bring into Bermuda. My new employer had informed me of this, so they told me to write a list of all my possessions I have that were not clothes and assign them a reasonable value (i.e. what someone would pay for them if they bought them as they were today). I of course opted for a low value (all my stuff is crap anyways).

While we were waiting in line for them to search our bags, some idiot pulled a can of spices out of his bag and they exploded thus making all the customs agents and all us poor suckers that were standing in line, cough our lungs out. The damn potent shiat stayed in the air for a good 20 minutes after he put it away. It felt like the one time someone maced someone in the hallway that vented into the gym I was working out in in Edmonton. The customs agents pulled out the SARS masks which we all put on. It was funny. We all looked like there had been an outbreak of some deadly virus. I would hate to see what the relatives/friends, picking people up at the airport, thought when people walk through the doors with these masks on!

Anyways we finally got through customs, paid a small fortune in taxes, and met up with our poor friend who had been waiting since 10pm to pick us up from the airport. We caught a cab to the guesthouse we were staying at and then passed out. The next day we rented a scooter and found a grocery store. The first thing we noticed is how much everything friggin' costs here. To give you an idea, here is the price of some common household items:

1. Toothbrush - $5.50

2. 1/2 gallon of milk - $4.35 (by the way it is powdered milk too!)

3. 2lb of frozen chicken breasts, boneless, skinless - $9.99

4. Ice cream (1/2 gallon) - $7.20

5. Normal chocolate bar - $1.25

6. Coke (6 pack of cans) - $9.00

Ya so needles to say, I may go broke buying food!

On Saturday night we were invited to a managers house for dinner. They served us a wicked meal (may be the last time I eat after taking in the freakin' price of food here!) We sat around drinking wine and bullshitting! Apparently my friend and the manager whose house we went to that night scrapbook on Wednesday nights. My manager's husband claims that they never scrapbook and just sit around drinking wine. My friend showed me her scrapbook and she had only done 3 pages in 1 whole year. Ya sounds like my kind of scrapbooking club!!!! On Sunday we took it easy and drove around the island a bit (it is only 23 square miles and has a population of about 62,000) and had a picnic on the beach. I love that I only have to drive a 1/2 mile, at the furthest, at any point on the island to reach the ocean!

My first week of work has been very uneventful because the rest of the employees are not starting until January 17th and they do not want to train me and the boyfriend (yes we both work at the same place and yes I know that this will eventually end up causing us problems!) until all the new employees arrive. So I am surfing the net all week (but getting paid!!!) Tonight I am hitting up my first Bermuda pub and then I am going to a Just for Laughs show at some Bermuda hotel. Should be fun! I will take out the camera this weekend and capture some good moments and hopefully capture the beauty of this island a little bit!

You know what makes you feel old....When your Sister, Two Years your Junior, Gets Engaged!

Well it has been quite a week here. First thing, my sister got engaged on the weekend. He boyfriend (I guess FIANCE now) proposed to her in Radium (a.k.a. the mountains) at the top of a little mountain. He acted completely uninterested in their romantic weekend getaway, set up a romantic little sit down with candles and such and then popped the question. It was their 2 year anniversary. They haven't been together for that long but they are perfect for eachother. My sister is an artist/tattoo artist and he is a DJ/caretaker for mentally challenged people. They both have weird hair/tattoos/piercings. But he is the best guy ever. He's like a brother to me and he's always there when I need him. Congrats sis! I love ya and am so proud of ya!

(Here is the lovely couple. Yes its true...we are getting a lil bit 'o color in the family. Thank god too because we are some of the palest people you'll ever meet!)

Her wedding will most likely be in the Dominican Republic and will be at the end of November. I can't wait. My sister is having 5 bridesmaid (I think that almost everyone going to the wedding will be in the wedding party...eek!) and I am a co-maid-of honor with her best friend. That's a good thing though because I want to be there for my sister but unfortunately I will be a a sucky one til the end of Sept because I am writing my Chartered Accountancy exam, for which I must study for for 2.5 months. It's a 3-day exam where they could ask you essentially anything about accounting/auditing. So I'll be quite occupied.

Other than that, I have been looking for a condo to purchase and rent out for year (then eventually move in). So this weekend I found a wicked place that was already rented out (til Dec). I love it. Its a two-bedroom, 915 sq ft place that is right off of 17th Avenue (the red mile for all you NHL Flames Fans). That may not sound that big of a place but in downtown Cowtown, most two-bedroom places are 700-800 sq ft and typically cost about $20K more. It's bright (south-facing), the floors were recently re-done and it has stainless steel appliances. So I put an offer down and I found out that I could be approved for a lot more than I thought I could for a mortgage because I have good credit. So now the offer is conditional on seeing the condo documents. I'm a little worried about the condo's reserve fund but it looks like it will be okay. It's a stressful situation but atleast I don't have to move in for a while. I decided to keep it rented out because I am getting a good raise next year and will be able to afford to live in it (with a roommate) in a year.

Yah so boring but informative post. On tap for the weekend....I am gonna relax tonight because I have been down with the stomach "flu" (I know TKW that there is no such thing) for the past 3 days. Then I am going to watch the UFC fight tomorrow night and watching the Superbowl on Sunday at my boyfriends "Eat bad food and watch the Superbowl party." Well it wont be much of a party as only me and his roommate are invited....but it's fun to pretend.

Crazy Ladies, Non-Gay Bars and Big Texans

Well I am nearing the end of my trip to Houston for two-fun filled weeks for work. During my stay, I resided mostly at the Holiday Inn Express in West Houston. Let me tell you...DO NOT STAY THERE! Why you ask? WHY? Because they have taken crap-hole hotel to the next level. Well to be fair, the hotel was fine last week but this week has been the week from hell.

First, on Monday night, at 1am, I awoke to a loud beeping sound. It took me about 5 minutes to figure out that no, I did not cause this sound. I was so confused that I spent about 2 minutes trying to turn off my alarm (which I finally figured out was set for 6:30am) and then about 2 minutes trying to figure out that my heater wasn't making that sound (yes I have great deductioning logic at 1am). So I poke my head out of the door and I see smoke. I am like oh my god I am going to die. So I do what any logical person would do, I grabbed my pair of Citizen of Humanity Jeans and put them on and ensured that all my new clothes that I just bought were in a bag. Then I placed my work computer as close I could to the door (I wanted that son of a bitch to burn, burn, burn, so I would have an excuse to stop working). I then made sure that I had my camera and other important items like my passport. This took me about 5 minutes. Then I was out the door. It turned out it was the heater in the hall (closest to my room) that apparently hadn't been turned on for months that had started to smoke. I learnt an important lesson about myself...apparently I value clothes more than my own life. I am so sad. In ten minutes, with the proximity of that heater to my room, I would have surely perished, had it actually caught on fire. But damn I would be one hot charred body (my new Citizen jeans and all).

But no the Holiday Inn fun does not stop there! On Tuesday night, the hot water stopped working. So they get someone in to fix it on Wednesday. On Wednesday night I get a letter under my door that apologizes but the valve that needs to be replaced for the hot water to work needs to be flown in and will be there in the morning. This is an exact quote from the letter: "The good news is that the cold water is still working." Wow thanks holiday inn, I am so happy that we have not reverted to third world status, sans running water, as one expects when paying $125 US a night for a crappy room.

So, you ask, what else could go wrong. Well I come back to my room last night (Thursday) and I get a another note under my door that says that, hoorah, the hot water is back, but that the only way to know for sure is to test it out. I'm like....oh thank god a hot shower. Then I scan to the bottom of the letter and there is a lovely post script. It says: Oh by the way our T-1 phone lines are not working and that they have been working on it all day. This normally wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I had just left the client site at 8pm (even though I had like 2 more hours of work to do) in hopes that I could just curl up in my pajamas and do some work back at the hotel because I had spent 12-13 hours a day sitting in the same office out at the client site that week. But alas, I needed internet access for the work I needed to do. At this point I just said "Meh" I guess that is what is to be expected. So this morning, when I went to check out of my hotel, I complained and they offered me 25% off of my room. How does that help me though? My company pays for my hotel...so thanks for putting some more money in the partners pockets. So I made them give me some extra hotel points. Maybe I can get enough to stay at another crappy Holiday Inn. One can only hope.

Well the rest of the trip was decent (other than the long-ass days of work). We (as in me and my co-worker) spent the weekend in downtown Houston and stayed at the cutest little boutique hotel called the Hotel Derek that was right by the Houston Galleria mall. Let me tell you that mall was the highlight of my trip. I love it! So many nice stores. I didn't bother going in the Coach, Versace, etc because the sales people didn't appreciate my $15 Target-bought shoes. So I stuck to the Nordstroms, Macy's, Fossils, etc. I managed to buy a new watch, some new Citizen of Humanity jeans (which I am currently in love with) and some shirts. We also ate at this wicked restaurant called the Cheesecake Factory and at the best freakin cheesecake and appetizers I have ever had. I had a chocolate chip cookie dough-peanut-butter cheeescake and fried macaroni and cheese balls (yumm!) I had all these brilliant plans to eat at all these amazing places downtown but after that massive lunch, I couldn't bring myself to eat anything for like 24 hours.

(This is a picture of me and my new boyfriend....just kidding, he was an Abercrombie and Fitch model that was at the Galleria)

That night we went to a bar called Rich's. We went there because my co-worker is gay and I was up for going to a gay bar (hey why not!) I can play the "Fag Hag" as he put it! We got there and the place was completely empty. I kept looking around the bar and noting that there seemed to be an awful lot of girls dancing with guys at that bar. So in a couple of hours, people start showing up and my co-worker saw some cute guys who turned out to be twins so he went and spoke to them. So I came over and spoke to them too and my co-worker thought they were cute. I had to break the news to him that I think that they weren't gay because they kept coming up and talking to me first and then him. One of the twins explained that the bar used to be a gay bar but now it has turned into an after-hours club. But since we had taken a $20 cab ride to the bar, we decided to stay.

We ended up meeting these two girls and dancing with them all night. Some highlights of the night is when I danced with this 6'5 drag queen and when I went up to this guy, who had just finished this wicked break dancing set in a circle, that had formed on the dancefloor, and I challenged him to a robot-off (FYI in case you have ever seen my robot....it's probably the worst robot in existence). My robot looks like if Elaine from Seinfeld attempted to do the robot. Jerky movements, not so robot-like. Needless to say "He got SERVED!"

(This is a pic of me, the co-worker and one of the random gals we met at Rich's).

Other than that, the trip was pretty uneventful. I ate alot of food and learnt to ask for half-portions (explaining why there are alot of "glandurally-challenged" people in Houston"). Also, the weather was nice up until the day we got to Houston (it rained so much and there was even frost one day) and then got nice the day we left. So that kind of was a bummer!

So last story to leave you with is the lovely surprise when I checked my voicemail last night. I had 3 messages from a crazy East-Indian lady who claimed that I am shacked up with her ex-husband. She kept saying that all she wanted to do was talk to her son and kept telling me that her ex-husband is crap in bed. She left her phone number and I am debating calling her and telling her that she has the wrong number but she seemed pretty loco. I am scared she make think that I am lying and that I am in fact sleeping with her ex-husband. A conundrum. I'm heading home though people and I can't wait (there's someone there I miss alot!!!)

No Actually I am Alive!!!

Well it's been a long-ass time since I last posted. Sorry bout that. I was really busy. What have I been up to? Well work has gotten pretty busy, I wrote my 5th (and last module) exam of my Chartered Accounting schooling and passed, I did alot of climbing and alot of snowboarding. Although I've had lots to say, I haven't had time to say it. I met a couple of boys in the last while and finally found one that I think I'll stick with for a while.

(Me climbing).

So for Xmas I spent some time in Canmore (a beautiful mountain town by Banff, where my parents are planning to retire). There wasn't much eventful that happened other than my mom exclaiming (while looking at our ridiculously large free-range turkey) "This turkey has large breasts just like us" (we Cowtowngal's have a decent sized bosom). But atleast my parents didn't get pleasantly plastered and tell me to what album I was conceived this year circa Xmas 2005(by the way it was apparently Led Zepplin's physical graffiti). If I ever forget how I became so blunt and inappropriate, I need only to look as far as my immediate family. For xmas I got a new camera, perfume (Vanille de Apricot), and some silver necklaces.

I went snowboarding quite a big over the holiday which was sweet until I hit a tree and busted my bindings. I proceeded to take in my binding strap to try and get a new one and they informed me that they no longer replace 10 year old bindings and then asked me how the hell my bindings lasted that long in the first place. Well I got a new pair of white Burton Custom bindings with some bling (gold buckles) and they are awesome. I can't wait to get out some more and use them.

I also ended up going to Invemere which is a lake town close to Panorama (a sweet ass ski hill) with a bunch of friends. My sister was there with her boyfriend, some other friends and some of the cabin owner's brother's friends. I loved the brother's friends. So much fun. They showed me this fun-ass dice game, which I proceeded to kick ass at and then began losing miserably. But all weekend we were out with the "your momma" jokes. And man were they bad. They were horrible. Anything we heard that we could make into a your momma joke was made into one. We were also making up some stupid handshakes like the rainbow (punch your knuckles together, than make a rainbow motion with your hands and say Awwwwwwwwwww!), the sparkle (punch knuckles together, than wave your fingers and spout out a campy "Sparkle!", and last but not least the semi truck (punch knuckles together, pretend to shift into reverse, and back your knuckles away from the other person going "Beep, beep, beep"). We tried to take these to the local bar in invemere and let me tell you the locals were not impressed. Oh well, we had some fun none the less.

I drove the pipeliner up with me to the cabin and shared a couch with him. But I couldn't bring myself to even kiss him anymore because he was annoying me so much. Also, I kept thinking about my friend at home that I had been hanging out with lately (only supposedly as friends). So needless to say when I got home, I told the pipeliner that we should just be friends because we were better that way. He proceeded to ask me if it was because I had met someone else, and I didn't respond.

Well immediately when I got home, I phoned my friend (the one I was thinking about while hanging out with the pipeliner) and asked what he was doing. He came out with me and I met some his friends and then we met up with some of our friends. I tried to set up my one friend with my friend that I didn't realize I liked but to no avail. So, I went back to my friend's house to hang out and all of the sudden, I found myself cuddling with him on the couch. Seriously had no idea where it came from. It was like, one minute we are friends, and the next minute, we are more than friends. Hmmmm...WTF? Oh well works with me. He's a really good guy. He used to work with me but ended up leaving our company and going to a different auditing firm. So he's cute, doesn't work with me and is super fun to hang out with.

(Me and the guys on new year's eve. The new man is to the right of me).

I spent new years with him and ended up getting wayyyy to drunk but that's okay. I bought a new dress and we went to a club with my new man, his roommate and his roommate's brother. It was pretty fun. I'm pretty sure I was creeping some people out with my sweet sweet drunkin' dance moves, but whatever, I'm sure they liked it. Haha! Not a whole lot worth talking about happened because I was too tipsy to remember what happened. But I had fun. So now and the new man are officially dating (I think that means we are exclusive) so I hope this goes well. We shall see!

Beastiality, Red Bull and the Ocean

Well I just got back from a fun-filled weekend on Vancouver Island where I went and visited a friend that is up there taking law (yes some of my friends are smart because they aren't stupid like me and spend there weekends killing/drowning their brain cells). My flight was rather uneventful. I watched some sweet O.C. action (who knew that that show started up again) on the plane.

When I arrived, we immediately ordered some Pad Thai from my friend's fav Thai place (she apparently lives there part-time) and busted out the Rye. I decided since I was in B.C. and did not want to forget my Albertan roots, I bought the cheapest rye I could find "Alberta Premium" (which is totally ghetto). Victoria is known to be very politically correct so I figured I should offend everyone I could during my short stay on the Island. So at the liquor store my friend was talking about one of her classes she has which is entitled "Animals and the Law" or something like that. So naturally I asked her if they had a module on not having sex with animals (that's a law isn't it?) The liquor store clerk looked slightly appalled, as did everyone else. The whole weekend our motto was "even ugly animals need love". We were commenting on how hot dogs and other wildlife were. Yeah I'm twisted but it's a joke people.

On the Thursday night we got liquored up and went out to this bar that had no one in it. It was a fun night though. Couldn't tell you why because I may not remember. Could have involved some motorboat action with some friends...but one cannot be sure. I danced up a storm on the completely deserted dancefloor and proceeded to get refused entry into the next bar I tried to enter. The bar that wouldn't let us in was called Plan B. Well they were our Plan B so screw them for not letting me in because I was falling over.

On Friday I went shopping in downtown Victoria and I found a really nice pair of Sevens (not Seven but Sevens for all Humanity) for 100 bones. I was super happy about them. They are slightly tight but a couple of rounds of lunges in them should stretch them out. I know so because my other pair of Sevens stretched ridiculously. On Saturday Night we saw Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Gotta love that title. Seriously, all though the hotel scene was traumatizing, that movie was so funny. I pretty much peed my pants the whole way through. My favorite part is when they go to the dinner party. So awkward. Gotta love it! "My wife is dead....High Five!" After that we headed to a bar called Sauce and had a few drinks.

On Saturday, my friend I was staying with went to the airport to pick up her 17 year old brother. Since he was so young, we couldn't go to the bar so we ended up going over to her man's house and playing this game called "Beer Die". It's a silly game where you try to bounce a dice into the other person's drink and they have to try and catch the dice if you miss. If you miss catching the dice then you have to take a drink and if you get the dice in the other persons' drink, they have to drink the rest of their drink. It was pretty fun but got out of hand the more you drank. I spent the entire night making an ass of myself but it was a blast. I may have smooched a guy from the party (I will never tell) and I may have stolen him out from under another girls grip. Whoops! Another inside joke from the party is Gigi the Bum Blaster. But I am not going to explain that one, because those that know are the only ones who get to know!

On Sunday I took it easy and have a wonderful flight back to Calgary. The damn shuttle took about 40 minutes after my late-ass flight to even leave the airport but I save $10 damn it, by not taking a cab. The trip was really fun and I love the people that my friend goes to school with. They are so unjudgmental and they can handle and roll with my sick and twisted sense of humor. I will definitely have to make another trip out there next year to see them all.

One last item of interest from this week is that I scored my first indoor goal of the season in soccer last night by drop-kicking the ball out of the opposing goalies hands into the net. I'm dirty but it put a point on the board and we only won 3-2 so thank god it did!

Hockey Game Hijinks

My boss came to me yesterday and gave me two tickets to the Calgary Flames Game (NHL) for putting up with the crap client I was working on last week. That is such a sweet deal. I guess I should have a mental breakdown at work more often. In Cowtown we are obsessed with our Flames and I have yet to go to a Hockey Game. The ex told me that he was going to take me to a game last year and then proceeded to go to like 4 or 5 with his friends. Did he ever take me? No. Fucker! Speaking of the ex, I saw him the other night at the Indoor Soccer Centre in Cowtown and he completely ignored me. I typically ignore him but him ignoring me...how rude (I know I am a complete hypocrite).

I went for sushi today with a friend that is going to Thailand tomorrow. I am so jealous of her. It has been a really long time since I've gone anywhere but the US and I am getting the travel bug something wicked. I need to find a job where they will let me work for 9 months and then I can travel for 3 months. I don't care if they only pay me for the 9 months (and I am unpaid for the rest). I don't want to have a normal life where I work 9 to 5 and only have the weekends off. Something is backwards about that shit. Shouldn't you spend the majority of your life doing something you like (i.e. not work) and the minority making the money to do it? I just think providing me with only 3 weeks of holidays a year is bunk. It's not even close to enough time to enjoy my life. Think about it if I was to work until I was 60 and I got on average 4 weeks of holidays a year I would get 140 weeks of holidays. This equates to working 32.3 years and only having 2.69 years off (that is only 7% of my weekdays of my working life spent enjoying myself). That is a raw deal if you ask me.

Anyways I probably wont post again until after the weekend where I will be visiting a friend that lives in Victoria, B.C. (she's going to law school there). There is a cute boy there that I will get to see that I had HUGE sexual tension with when I met him when he came down to Cowtown to visit my friend. But I couldn't do anything with him because I was being faithful to my ex. Who knew that weeks later he would kick the lovely me to the curve. If I could only turn back time! Ah well now I can explore what the cute boy has to offer. I will provide the details! Have a good remembrance day and remember to give your one minute of silence on Saturday at 11 (for those of you in the U.S. disregard the previous).

Stupid Stuff to do when You are Drunk

So this week at work sucked. I had the most disrespectful client I have ever met try to tell me how to do my job and he also accused me or one of my co-workers of having a ringtone on our phone that says "Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you". What a nut! We were right by his office the whole week and no one had that ringtone. On the plus side my manager didn't believe a thing that was said and took me out for drinks on Friday because I looked like a needed it.

So Friday night started with a couple of drinks at the bar by my work with a bunch of workmates. I got a slight buzz from that and realized that it was 6:30pm and I had to haul ass home to change. My friend and her friend drove picked me up and we went to the James Blunt concert (the guy that sings that "You're Beautiful" song). The concert was pretty good but all the songs are super depressing. So you better believe we had to go out after that (so we didn't go home and kill ourselves).

After the concert we got dropped off on 17th Avenue (the Red Mile) and we went on an impromptu pub crawl. First we got pizza and I put honey on it (my friend suggested that I do so) and damned if it ain't good. After that we hit up a pub called Bungalow but there were a couple of creepy guys there that wouldn't leave us alone so we left that place in a hurry. After that we headed over to another pub called Mercury. That place is crazy. One of the bars is a fish tank but instead of putting rocks in the thing, it is just made out of clear glass. It's really lovely to see the fish poop while you are thinking of what drink to order. "I'll have a fish poop...I mean rye and coke"

We stayed there the rest of the night because we ran into a couple of friends we knew from soccer. One guy that was friends with a friend showed up and he was kind of cute. So I threw on the charm and he seemed interested. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with him. In Cowtown, a friend had put on the 30 Hour Soccer Marathon to raise money for cancer this weekend. So the whole night, we were talking about how we were going to find someone to drive us to the soccer centre to play for the 3 oclock shift. We were kind of half joking. But when the bar closed, me, my friend and the cute guy caught a cab together and we somehow convinced the cabbie to drive us to the Soccer Centre for $20 (it's a long-ass drive so that was a deal) because it was in the name of cancer. We all went and got our soccer gear from our places and went down to the soccer centre then we played our $20 to get in the marathon each.

When we got to the soccer centre there were a bunch of people I know playing soccer. They happened to be none other than my ex's complete soccer team (who I still love despite the breakup) and his best friend and brother. But, thank god, the ex wasn't there (he has to work every Saturday so I guess he didn't go). God all of us were so drunk and we were playing some good soccer. Every time I kicked someone in the shins or something I was like "Sorry, it's in the name of cancer". I would line up these awesome goals and then miss the ball completely and fall on my ass and lie there laughing for like 5 minutes. The best part of the night was that the cute guy was hitting on me harshly and right in front of the ex's best friend and brother. Haha! Take that one home to the ex. He can see just how sad I am about the whole breakup! I know...I'm immature...but I'm allowed to be from time to time.

We played soccer from 3am til about 5:30am. Then we found someone to give us a ride home. I unfortunately didn't get the cute guys number or give him mine because there were so many people in the car. But we run in similar circles...so I'm sure I'll see him soon. I hope so anyways.

Saturday night was pretty chill. The guy that works on the pipelines drove in from where he was working to visit me. We watched a couple of movies. He's pretty cute. We have been joking all week (via text messages) about how I am his sugar momma and that he should feed me grapes. So when he came on Saturday night, he brought grapes. I was like "Awwwww!" He's a good guy but still not sure how serious I can get with him.

We tied my soccer game 1-1 last week and that is only because the ref was an evil she-bitch and she gave us like 4 two minute penalties and 1 4 minute penalty for stuff that was completely incidental and one that was completely unfounded. That's okay though because we played down a 2-man power play from the other team and we scored a goal when they were on a power play (you should have seen the refs face...she was pissed when we did that). I missed a sweet goal in the last 30 seconds that I totally should have gotten. Ah well...what can you do eh? I'm going rock climbing for the first time in almost 2 weeks today so I am super excited. Next weekend I am going to Victoria, B.C. for the weekend to visit a friend. Should be a blast!

All I Want to do is Dance Dance!

(This was the pumpkin I made the other year but I didn't write a blog back then so I'm posting it now people!)

Well this weekend should've been funner (considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year). It was fun, but I different kind of fun. I saw myself dressing up all three nights (Friday - Sunday) but unfortunately that did not happen. I begged and pleaded with everyone to dress up but it's kind of hard to convince your friends to wear their skankish Halloween outfits when its -10 Celsius outside. Yeah it sure did get cold and just in time to rain on my parade.

On Friday night I headed over to my friend's house for her birthday. I made my first sushi and let me tell you they have given me honorary Japanese citizenship. Damn I was good. I put a ridiculous amount of Rho (orange fish eggs) on my sushi but they were a big hit. It's suprisingly not that hard to make sushi. The Japanese chef's at the sushi restaurants look all intense and it kind of made me thought it took magic or something to do. After that we chilled out and listened to some music. Then the cute boy (from last posting) showed up.

We then headed out to the Ship and Anchor (aka the Pip and Thank Her aka the Hip and Canker aka the Slip and Shank Her, etc) and we bought some drinks. My sister than showed up and me and the cute boy had to keep our distance because we know that she'd be watching and I wasn't ready to let her know that me and a guy that she formerly dated (don't worry people it wasn't serious) might be hookin' up. So we were all awkward.

Then all of the sudden everyone in the bar left except for me and him. So I asked him if he'd like to hang out. So he came over and we stayed up talking til the wee hours in the morning. The poor guy had to work at 7 am but I don't think he made it until 10ish. He brought up the fact that he'd like to not be single anymore and that he'd like to not be single with me. I brushed it off. I just babbled some incoherent shit and pretended to forget what I was saying. It's not that I don't want to date him it's just that maybe he isn't good for me. Like I said in the last post, we have converging life goals and also he works on the pipelines and is gone the majority of the time. But at the same time, he's really cute, sweet and I laugh my head off when I'm around him. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on yet.

The next day I slept most of the day and then I went to a movie. I saw The Departed. What I friggin' good movie. So many good actors in it and for once, Leonardo Dicaprio was able to act his way out of a paper bag. Good for him. He still looks 16 years old though.

After the movie I decided to go to Red Deer to meet said boy again. It was his friend's birthday and also kind of his send off (because he was moving to Costa Rica for the foreseeable future). So I drove down at about 8pm and we went out in Sylvan Lake (a small town by Red Deer). Sylvan Lake was a ghost town so we went into Red Deer to go out. We went to a bar called the Club. I used to not be able to turn a corner without seeing someone I knew in Red Deer but I didn't see anyone I knew all night. That's okay though...some people are there that I don't really want to run into (aka exes). Nothing eventful happened but there were a bunch of obscenely dressed girls there. Last time I check wearing a white bikini and angel wings is not a costume.

After that we went back to the boys place and hung out. He unfortunately rents a room in a barn. I know what a catch eh...but it actually makes sense for him to live in a barn. He works like the majority of the month and then is only home for like a couple of days a month (the rest of the time he is in Calgary visiting friends). The barn was cold, but it's a good excuse to cuddle with said boy. I hung out with him until 5 o'clock on Sunday then I drove back to Calgary to get ready to finally wear my Halloween outfit.

The outfit was really good (if I do say so myself). I dressed up as Britney Spears...but I was pregnant. I wore the hit me baby one more time (schoolgirl outfit) and I had a fake pregnant belly. It was awesome. I also had this hideous doll I bought from Value Village that used to be a girl but I gave it a home haircut. The doll acted as Britney's son Sean Alexander. I kept dropping it on its head and putting smokes in its mouth and feeding it booze throughout the night. She's just like Britney momma. I went to this show that my sister's boyfriend put on. He's so good at what he does. I will post some pics when I can find my damn camera cord and when blogger lets me upload photos. I seriously was never interested in drum and base music until I heard his. It was a fun night but I went home at midnight because I had to work Monday morning.

This weekend should be okay. I am going to the James Blunt concert on Friday night. I am undecided on how much I like him. I think the concert will be kind of depressing because he whines slightly too much. Ah well. I'm excited to go out after the concert though with a friend I haven't seen in forever. Then on Saturday the boy is supposed to be coming in to town for the evening to hang out. Tomorrow night I have a soccer game so I hope I kick some butt. We shall see.

Boys Boys Boys!

This last week was pretty fun. I attended the Calgary Business Hall of Fame Dinner on behalf of my company and it actually turned out to be a pretty decent affair. The host of the event was Ron McLean. For those of you who live under a rock (or in the US), Ron is a co-anchor on our much beloved Hockey Night in Canada. He regaled us with anecdotes that involved ice of some sort (the most non-hockey related story he told was about a couple of figure skaters). Man that guy is a good story teller. The dinner was really good and fancy but we had, by far, the youngest table going. I swear I have not seen so many middle-aged men in one room, along with their shining bald heads.

On Friday night, we had a girl's night out. We started off with a little indoor wall climbing (which yes, I am still obsessed with), then we went for supper and then to a movie. The climbing was really fun. I'm getting way better at it but I still have a lot to improve upon (aka my chicken arms need to get with the beef). We went out for supper and were going to go to this Cajun place but the bartender claimed that they were setting a table up for us but when we went sent someone in to have a look, they hadn't even touched any of the 5 open tables. So we said Screw you guys and went to a nearby pub and had some very healthy pub food. You can't knock the pub food.

After that we went to the worst movie ever Marie Antoinette. Again, save yourself the time and hit yourself in the head with some stilettos. Dammit, this movie was so pointless and boring. The story didnÂ’t even portray Marie Antoinette as a hero but more as a naive girl that just spent all of France's money. LAME-O!

After that everyone went home and I went on to go see my sister's boyfriend DJ at a pub. He's really good. Then this guy that I know (he's friends with my sister) showed up and started laying on the charm. I have to admit that I think I have a new crush. I'm not sure if he is the type of guy I could have anything super long-term with because he definitely has different life aspirations than I do. foreseeee myself having a good career, eventually getting married (if I meet any boys that aren't complete commitment-phobic poo-poo heads), and having kids. He, on the other hand, wants to buy land in Costa Rica and open up a hostel. Yeah...slightly converging life goals. But I'll be damned if he isn't cute.

So Saturday night I went out with said boy, one of my best buds from Edmonton, and a bunch of my friends and we saw a really good band from Australia play at our local university. They are called Cat Empire, and let me be the first to tell you...best show ever. I don't know if it was just because I'd drank a sizeable amount of rye or not, but I have never danced my ass off more at a concert. They had the whole place dancing all over. If they ever come to you town GO SEE THEM! You won't regret it. Apparently they are huge in Australia and I'm sure they'll do alright here.

After that we went to the pub that my sister waitresses at and had some more drinks. By that point I was so wasted I could barely walk. But when we were at the table, the boy grabbed my hand and held it. He's such a dream-boat. But there is one problem...he used to date my sister. So I am trying to fight this crush but damn is he cute. Anyways we have been texting each other back and forth all week. He's really cute and I get all happy and excited each time I hear the texting beep. Hopefully I will be able to see him this weekend. We shall see.

On Sunday morning, me and my Edmontonian friend were bored so we set up a profile on lavalife so that we could check the listings in Red Deer (the town where I grew up) to see if there was anyone on there that I knew. I set my name up as "Boobs McGee" and my tagline was "I have large breasts. Please put your head in them". Then in the section where it asked you to tell a little about yourself, I wrote "Motorboat. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" The I put the following picture as my profile pic:



(Yes kids.....this are actually my boobs. They may or may not be thrusted vigorously into the camera but impressive none the less!)

So needless to say I got a instant message from someone the someone the second I hit enter. I convinced this guy I was stripping for a living and trying to put myself through medical school. Meanwhile, me and my friend were pissing ourselves laughing. Stupid men!!!

Well this week is almost over and it is sure to be a good one. I have a sweet Halloween outfit lined up, which I will not disclose until I have some good pics to go along with it. I hope y'all have a good Halloween. Trick or Treat. Treat for me s'il vous plait!!!!!