Cowtown Gal in Paradise

Bored

2008-08-08T12:32:00.005-06:00

Here's one of those fill in the blank surveys that was passed around that I decided to fill in because I am bored and trying to pass some time on a Friday afternoon:

1. My uncle once: got drunk and stole mail from the mail slot of a church. It turned out to be all junk mail but I'm sure god wasn't happy!

2. Never in my life: have I been able to keep to any sort of diet or meal plan for more than 1 week (and 1 week is probably a strech too!)

3. When I was five: Ii wanted to be a policeman and I was happy when I wore a match or was playing in the dirt (these are exact quotes from my "Book About Me" that I wrote when I was in kindergarten!

4. High school was: had a slow start until I grew boobs. I then started to become more popular! Go figure.

5. I will never forget: that you should never eat anything bigger then your head - tip from my mom.

6. Once I met: a lady who was the 2nd wife of a man that had left the man when he got a 3rd wife. It was fine when he only had two wives, but the third was too young and too demanding.

7. There’s this boy I know: he's kind of a goof, and kind of annoying....but for some reason I love him!

8. Once, at a bar: I sang too much karoke (actually that wasn't just once!)

9. By noon, I’m usually: hungry and ready to go home for the day.

10. Last night: I felt like shit but somehow motivated myself to go for a 40 minute run in the muggy heat. It made me feel much better though.

11. If only I had: somewhere I could live that I could afford to buy a house, so I could settle down, and where the temperature never gets below 20 celcius.

12. Next time I go to church: it will likely be for someone else's wedding.

13. What worries me most: not selling my condo in Cowtown and the economy going in the shitter.

14. When I turn my head left I see: a messy, but much cleaner than yesterday, desk.

15. When I turn my head right I see: an empty desk (my co-worker is on secondement at another company).

16. You know I’m lying when: when I can't stop smirking.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: being a kid. Too much responsibility these days but I like have a bigger allowance (i.e. my pay cheque!)

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: a friend that sees that the person someone is blindly in love with is not for them.

19. By this time next year: I hope to at least have saved some money. I am spending way too much these days!

20. A better name for me would be: Feels Like Ass Today Girl

21. I have a hard time understanding: why people brush their teeth at work. I think twice a day is good enough. After every meal....excessive.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be teaching an accounting class.

23. You know I like you if: if I grab your crotch. Just kidding. You can tell because I'll talk to you way more then anyone else we are with.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: my parents. They are a pain but I owe them everything.

25. Take my advice, never: settle in life. Sounds cheesy but if I had, I would be living in Cowtown right now, instead of paradise, and dating someone that was embarassed of me when I was being myself. Boo to that business!

26. My ideal breakfast is: Go Kashi Crunch cereal. Love that shiat!

27. A song I love but do not have is: I have them all!

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: learn how to drink. There's not much to do there other than that!

29. Why won’t people: figure out that stick thin is gross so I won't feel like I need to lose 10 pounds.

30. If you spend a night at my house: be prepared to deal with hair. I shed a lot!

31. I’d stop my wedding for: a family crisis.

32. The world could do without: five-day work weeks. I vote that we reduce them to two day work weeks.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat mustard. Blugh.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: the boyfriend.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: not much. I don't use them alot. I much prefer stapling stuff.

36. If I do anything well it’s: procrastination.

37. I can’t help but: surf the internet from time to time at work. If they don't want me too, they should ban it. That would really suck though!

38. I usually cry: at anything sad. Commercials, movies, the boyfriend being an ass, people I know leaving the island, etc.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: be your wonderful self. Who cares what people say to you in high school because 3 years of your life matters very little in the grand scheme of things.

40. And by the way: I'm so tired I could pass out right now.

It's been Awhile

2008-07-28T06:14:00.003-06:00

So my best and longest buddy left the island last nice. Makes me kind of sad. Makes me also miss home. I don't miss Cowtown as a place but the people that call that place home. I miss J (both of them), S, G, DDL (even though she isn't there right now) my sister, my brother in law and M (even though I didn't see him that much while I was there - it was nice to know I could if I wanted!) Having S in Bermuda for the last week and a half just brought it all back. I love my new friends out here but there's comfort in being with friends that know you as good, or arguably better, than you know yourself.

S was a gracious guest and I would love to have her back anytime. She was very thankful and even had dinner ready on the table when we got home from work. We spent nights talking and being lame-ass old people and going to bed at a decent hour. I've realized that as I get older, I can't handle these 4am nights unless I am extremely distracted. I have to be really drunk or having a really good time (usually involves dancing) to make it past the midnight mark. Yes, I am a party animal!

She arrived on a Friday and I couldn't pick her up at the airport because I was on boat day with my work. My work rented a catamaran and we cruised around the island and drank and ate a bunch. It was a great day. The only thing I would have changed was to have the boyfriend there. He didn't end up coming because he was feeling very good that day. People kept asking me where he was and I didn't have that good of an explanation as he was at work instead of on a boat. I guess sometimes you'd rather be along than spend a day with all the people you are with at work all week long. I can feel that. Since he didn't come to the boat day, he was able to pick up S at the airport. So there was a silver lining.

I had a great time with S. I took her all over the island. We saw the dunking of the floozie in St. George, to the boring-ass Maritime Museum in Dockyard. We went scuba-diving a couple of times. The thing that sucks about scuba diving lately (since the hurricane Bertha) is that the South Shore has been really rough thus when you dive there, it is really mirky and hard to see anything. So both dives we did were on the North Side. Would have liked to have shown her a bit more of what the diving had to offer, especially at the price she paid for each dive, but I hope she liked what she saw!

Here's a picture of me and S scuba diving. I'm on the left!

We also went out a couple of nights, watched Dark Knight and rented some movies. We spent a good chunk of time on the beach and she hit up a bunch of beaches while I was at work. On the last night, I took her to a pool party. The party was pretty fun but started dying out quite early (I guess that's what happens when people start drinking at 10am). The house owners had bought all these wicked pool blow-up toys. One of them was a punching bag that had Rocky Balboa on it that had a weight in the bottom and stayed standing when you punched it. It also came with blow-up punching gloves. It was sweet ass! The pool owner kept on talking to it in the Rocky accent. It was classic. The party was fun but I was surprised no one hurt themselves too bad as they were jumping off the roof into the pool. And this is a normal backyard pool, so its shallow as hell! S left on Sunday, a week and a bit after she got down here. Miss ya buddy!

Here's a picture of me getting launched in the pool! I'm lucky I didn't loose the bathing suit!

Showing our Guests a Good Time!

2008-07-07T10:50:00.002-06:00

Well our guests left yesterday. I am sad to see them go but happy to have my place clean. Our place is a nice size for 2 but a bit small for 4! I will miss my friend alot and hope that she comes back to visit sometime!

During the week I had to work from Monday until Thursday and the boyfriend took off Wednesday until Friday. They explored the island on their own on Monday and Tuesday and then I took my friend out for a girls night out with some girls that I don't often hang out with (but who I should as they are really nice). We went for Italian for dinner. My friend got to experience the lovely way in which we split bills in Bermuda. Everyone pays for an equal portion regardless of what you had to eat and regardless of if you were drinking with dinner or not. It would be a bad deal for my friend because she doesn't drink. Luckily the bill wasn't too out of hand. I hate the way of splitting bills as I am not one to drink alot at dinner and also I tend to eat chicken and such rather then steak and usually get one of the cheaper dinners. But it motivates me to care less about what I choose to eat as it will be split multiple ways.

The dinner was nice and after dinner, we headed to watch a movie. We saw Wanted. It was a decent movie but I wouldn't place it up there with the Matrix or anything (which the movie was so obviously trying to emulate). There were some majorly cheesy parts and they went a little overboard with the special effects (uhhh last time I checked you can't curve bullets).

The boyfriend took them to Dockyard to the old naval base on Wednesday. On Wednesday night, after work, I went down and played my first game of beach volleyball. That shit is fun! I haven't touched a volleyball since being in Thailand in 2002 and even then I didn't play much. Before that it hadn't been since grade 9 gym class. I was worried about my skill (well lack there of). The first game I played poorly as I tried to hit the ball with all my force and it would go way over the back border of the court. After that, I came into my own, and played pretty decently. Not amazing but I held my own. After volleyball, I met the boyfriend and my guests in town and we took them out for Harbour Nights (where they close off Front Street in downtown Hamilton and have a bunch of stalls and such). We hit up a few bars and stayed out pretty late. We also met up with some friends and our male guest took a liking to a British girl (who I found a little bit abrasive) and tried to be a baller by paying for the entire tables food when he hadn't even eaten. We danced up a storm and tried to fend off the creepy Portuguese men (they were enclosing us in a circle on the dancefloor until the boys came along and saved us!) I went home a bit earlier as I had to work on Thursday.

The boyfriend took our guests scuba diving on Thursday. Apparently the other guest had some inner ear problems and couldn't stabalize (i.e. pop his ears under what to depressurize them) and as a result he got extremely sick. He ended up throwing up for about 1 hour. He was at the point where he'd have one sip of water and then immediately throw it up. He was so dehydrated that his fingers started locking up on him. My other guest, on the other hand, she was fine. I don't know what it is with guys and inner ear sickness. First the boyfriend loses his lunch, then my friend's guest from Winnipeg and then our guest. The best way to a guys heart is through his stomach so apparently they don't love scuba diving! I have yet to see a girl throw up though!

That night, me and my female guest went out in search of some desert. I was worried because we didn't leave until 10pm and I figured that no one would serve us as everything in town closes at the ungodly early hour of 11pm. So we showed up at the restaurant and sure enough they said they are no longer seating anyone. As we were leaving, this very American sounding young guy came and asked us if we were trying to eat and that they had not yet ordered and we were welcome to come sit with them. So we discussed it and decided we would rather deal with potentially creepy men then to omit dessert. You can't talk a girl out of her cake!

The young guy was with two older men and a local. The men were millionaire sport fishers and were down in Bermuda for a fishing contest. Their boat was called "the Last Stall". They turned out to be quite nice but very American. Had very southern accents (I think they were from Texas). They bought us drinks and dessert. They also invited us to come on their 60 ft yacht the next day and be their good luck charms. The next day we had rented a 17 ft (ya I know very impressive!) Boston Whaler boat and the prospect of not going on that to be on the nice yacht was enticing. Had I been single, I would have gone on the boat in a second, but I doubt the boyfriend would have appreciated that much! Anyways they were entertaining to say the least and we got a free dessert. They were ballers though. While we were sitting there, another group of fisherman showed up and they ended up having a $1000 side bet on who would have the biggest fish out of their two boats. They just each whipped $1,000 out of their pockets and made the bet out of the blue. We wished the Last Stall the best of luck the next day and headed home.

I took the day off Friday and we took our guests out on the Boston Whaler boat. It was pretty nice. It's nice to have the freedom to go where you want that you get with a boat rental that you don't get on the tours. We anchored our boat in two seperate locations. One near a boat that was ship wrecked and was partially sticking out of the water and in a nice calm bay. We brought our snorkeling gear out and saw a bunch of fish (they were mostly Groupers though). After returning the boat back to the yacht club in Hamilton, we saw the weigh in of the contest. The marlin that the winner caught was massive. Probably like 8 feet long. The winner of the contest was Que Mas (unfortunately not our friends from the other night) and they caught two massibe Blue Marlins. I will have to post a picture of the fish I took sometime soon! We then went out to a few bars that night and had a good time. The boyfriends was trying to find ladies and creepy black guys for the male guest and female guest respectively. He's such a nutbar.

On Saturday we slept in and then my guests and boyfriend went into town to go shopping. There shopping mission was to buy pink shirts for the Pink Party that we were going to later that night. That night we got all decked out in our pink and headed to the party. We called a cab at 9:15pm to make the 10pm ferry out to Dockyard which of course showed up at 10:05pm (just in time to make us miss the boat!) We went to the Hogspenney while waiting for the 11pm ferry and caught the beginning of some friends that put on this East Coast kind of music show. My one friend places the violin and the other plays the accordian (yes this type of music only flies on the East Coast!) They were actually pretty good. I'm glad I caught them as it was there last show (the violin player is leaving the island next week for the summer and the accordian player will be gone from the island by the time she gets back). After that, we finally caught the ferry and had a nice ride over to Dockyard.

The Pink Party is a Party that my friend from ultimate (the huge black guy that yelled at me during ultimate who turned out to be a big sweetheart!) was putting on at Snorkle Park to benefit cancer charities. I think his mother or aunt had died due to cancer. We waited for a long time to get into the venue as they only had like 2 people taking tickets for the 1,000 people trying to get in. Once inside, the setup was pretty nice. I love dancing my pants off on the beach. They played some really good music including the Tootsie Roll song (I rock the tootsie roll like no ones business) and lots of good soca, hip hop and reggae! The bad thing about the event was the lineups for the bar. They literally had about 8 bartenders serving all the 2,000 people that showed up to the event. You had to wait about 1 hour each time you went to the bar. That part sucked ass. The boyfriend ended up having to pitch about $50 worth of tickets at the end of the night because he didn't have time to wait in line that many times to use them all up.

We tried to catch the 3:15am ferry back to downtown but missed it and had to catch the 4:30am ferry back. I think we were all pretty tired by the time we busted out of there! The boyfriend and the male guest were particularily bitchy by the end of the night and I sorta wanted to kill them as me and my girl were having a good time. In the end we arrived home safe and sound and I had a decent time. I don't think I'll be getting the boyfriend back to any of those types of parties though anytime soon. He was pretty dissapointed in the lack of organization and lack of staff!

On Sunday we saw our guests off in a cab and then took the day easy. I needed to be a lazy ass that day because I had had two 5am nights in a row. I usually get really tired at about 1am so it was a miracle I lasted that long. I kind of feel like a zombie today at work but I'm obviously not that busy (hence my long ass posts today!) I have another guest coming out on the 18th. Should be fun. She's my best friend and she was actually born in Bermuda (but hasn't been back since she was about 2 years old!)

This Last Weekend!

2008-06-30T07:23:00.003-06:00

Wowsa. It has been a long time since I last updated! I always complain that nobody ever reads my blog, but should I really blame them? I update like twice a month! I don't know how some of these people blog on a daily basis. They crazy...I like them but they crazy!

This weekend was pretty darn fun. On Friday night, we headed to the Princess for happy hour. Nothing too exciting happened there but the weather was nice and lots of people showed up. After that, we went over to the yacht club. This club is usually closed to members only (meaning that you have to pay annual dues of $3,000 just to go drink there and that is not including any drinks!) There was a massive yacht race that occured recently. It took them about 4 days to race from Newport, Rhode Island, to Hamilton, Bermuda. They apparently sail in 6 hour shifts 24 hours a day for those whole 4 days. So the whole week after the race (they had gotten in on the 23rd) they open up the yacht club to the public. It was a pretty fun party. They had Gombey dancers (traditional Bermuda dancing), singers, and some dancers (the ones that I saw were whorey ones that danced to that It's Gold song from Austin Powers). We walked around and looked at many of the yachts. Man some of those yachts are massive. Apparently they all cost like $1 millionish or more to buy (there was a $22 million yacht there!) Nice to look at but I would never have one!

On Saturday we picked up our guests at the airport. Two people that me and the boyfriend used to work with in Cowtown are currently down visiting. Their flight was a bit late and they of course got searched as they wrote that they are staying with with us rather then at a hotel (so of course they must be bringing us electronics!!!) So they finally emerged in the arrivals lounge at 1:45pm (their flight landed at about noon). Good times! We rushed them home and then rushed off to Chaplin's Bay for the annual Canadians in Bermuda's Canada Day Party. By the time we got there it was about 3pm but the party was still bumping. That party is the best deal in town! You pay $10 for your annual membership and you get lunch and 4 drinks! You can usually barely get 1 drink for that price! Pretty much everyone we knew was there and there were tonnes of people I knew that weren't Canadian (coveters!) It was a beautiful day out and everyone seemed to be pretty sunburnt! No exactly remniscent of a Canadian summer....but it'll do!

That night we took the guest over to the naked guy's house for one last bru ha ha with him. Alas, he has now left the island (as of 1pm today!) for good. I am going to miss him alot! He was really good at organizing things or atleast at getting people to come out. And no party was complete without him flashing his fishing tackle! The party was pretty fun but there was a guy there that I hardly know that was getting kind of fresh with all the girls. I've only met him once before but he thought he had the right to try and rip off my shirt right when I walked in. I was like.....whooaaa buddy calm down. He was retardo drunk though! He ended up liking beer off of naked guy's floor. That is frickin' digusting because they don't clean very well and they have dogs that end up having accidents at least once every few days! The whole night was pretty fun. Lots of drinking and Guitar Hero. A few people didn't take to well to one of our guests because he is outspoken but often doesn't have anything too constructive to say. People were picking fights with him but nothing happened. Anyways I am going to miss naked guy alot and its not the same without him already. I am going to have to visit him over xmas (he lives about 3 hours away from Cowtown!)

Fun Filled Weekend

2008-06-23T07:00:00.001-06:00

This last weekend was a pretty good time! On Friday night, we took it relatively easy and rented a movie. Pretty boring night but well needed! On Saturday, we woke up early and went scuba diving. This time the boyfriend didn't throw up. So that was a plus. We had gone scuba diving with a friend and her friend from Winnipeg that was down visiting. The first dive was called the Cathedral and was pretty nice. There were many massive rocks that towered above us and it kind of gave you the sense you were standing in or in front of a cathedral. Pretty cool dive. Saw a bunch of difference fish, whose names I do not know.

My friend's friend had a little upchuck after his first dive, but was a trooper and did his 2nd dive regardless. It was a good thing he did because you can't come to Bermuda, the shipwreck capital of the world, and not dive a shipwreck and the 2nd dive was a wreck dive. I cannot remember the name though but it was pretty nice. I wanted the dive to end the entire time though because my feet kept cramping up (I think I must've been dehydrated a bit) and I was in the process of developing massive blister from my too-loose flippers. I had such bad blisters that I had to wear flip flops to work the whole next week (the only shoes I have are all covered toed pointy shoes which hurt too much to put on!)

After we got back, we showered quickly and then met some friends and their visitors at the ferry and took the ferry to Dockyard. We ended up going to a pub named the Frog and Onion to watch the Russia and Netherlands game. Russia ended up winning in overtime. With Euro Cup, it seems as though you could get away with only watching the overtime and shootouts as no one seems to score in regular time! We drank a bunch of girly drinks at the pub and had a good time.

After that, we headed in and went to another friends house for a couple of drinks. The boyfriend ended up getting quite drunk and was being generally inappropriate to our friends guests that were down visiting from Halifax (i.e. he was asking them if they had sensitive nipples). Our naked friend was there and only got topless. We played some drinking games and sat around a talked. The boyfriend then headed into town (thank goodness though because he was quite drunk and I didn't feel like dealing with him at that point) and I went home.

The next day I headed to the beach alone (sans boyfriend because he was too hungover) and spent a day tanning. After the beach, I met up with some friends and went to the Bermuda and Trinidad & Tobago world cup qualifier game that was held at the National Stadium with the friends that I went to the pub with the previous day. It was extra fun because the guys that I went to the game with were avid Trinidadian supporters so I had to yell extra loud for Bermuda.

Bermuda is generally a shitty team because of the small size of the population here (60,000) and them making it to the World Cup would have been crazy as it would be like my hometown becoming a country and making it to the World Cup (actually my hometown is slightly more populated). Trinidad was in the last World Cup and is a pretty decent team and Bermuda ended up beating them, in Trinidad (2-0), when they had played the first round of the Qualifier match last weekend in Trinidad. The Trinidad Express had this lovely article in the newspaper after Bermuda's win in their homeland. I love how they maturely state that Bermuda is a "sub-standard bunch", referred to the players as "pudgy Bermudians" and called them a "poor quality team". Well those pudgy, sub-standard, poor quality players beat your ass.

The game was pretty fun. I would have been annoyed though if I had been one of the players because they played drums the entire time. At half time they had Gombey dancers which were pretty good. There were some really young ones that were wicked at dancing. They were probably only up to my knees. So cute! Bermuda ended up losing the game 2-0 (unfortunately) but they gave it a good go!

The Trinida Express had previously partially blamed the referee for Bermuda's win in Trinidad saying that "Bermuda were given a gift when Costa Rican referee Walter Marquesada allowed the game to continue despite T&T keeper Clayton Ince crashing into his defender Makan Hislop and going down injured". In a later article they poke fun at Bermuda blaming the referees for their win. The game I watched looked something like a major league game in Cowtown and not like the World Cup Qualifier I expected to see. The Trinidadian Soca Warriors are going to have a tough time making it past the next round as their caliber of play was lacking!

It's all Greek to Me!

2008-06-10T06:07:00.003-06:00

Well this weekend was both sad and fun at the same time. On Friday, me and the boyfriend decided to take it easy because we were going to another friend's going away party the following night. We were going to go see the Happening but then realized that it didn't start until the following week. As we only have two decent theatres that show one movie at a time (for a week period) I sometimes get confused. For some reason they had shown the Sex and the City movie for 2 weeks straight at one theatre and the new Indiana Jones flick. I understand showing the new Indie film for a couple of weeks but why Sex and the City? Seems like an odd choice to keep around for that long. So after discovering that the movie we wanted to see was not actually playing, we went and rented two dvds. First movie was Semi-Pro. It was kind of funny but more in a Talladega Nights/Blades of Glory kind of way then in an Old School/Anchorman kind of way. That is to say that it was basically Will Ferrell making an ass out of himself. After that we watched Untraceable. It was okay but I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to pick it up. I do love Diane Lane though. She is beautiful and will probably be that way for many years to come; as far as she is going lately.

At about 8pm, we got a call from the boyfriend's step dad saying that his grandma had had a heart attack that day and was very sick and likely to die. So the boyfriend had to book a flight out to Victoria (about as far away from Bermuda as it gets in Canada) to go and say goodbye to his grandma. He booked a flight for the following day and will be returning on Thursday. He would have liked to have stayed longer, but his other set of parents (father and stepmother) are coming out on the same flight as he is coming back on. He didn't want to leave me alone with them as I do not know them that well. I know his mother and stepfather alot better as I spent much more time with them.

So the boyfriend left on Saturday and made it safely to Victoria but he sent news, via email, that his grandma had passed away during the early hours of Sunday morning. She passed about five hours after he got there, so atleast he got to say goodbye. His family said that she was waiting for him to show up before leaving. It's really sad but atleast he had gone out and spent a week with his grandma last year before coming out to Bermuda (something that he hadn't done since being a child). I never got to meet her, but if she is anything like her daughter, than I'm sure I would have gotten along great with her.

On Saturday night, I went to my friend's going away party. It was a toga party. I bought a bolt of neon pink material and built this lovely toga:

This is a picture of me doing the classic Marilyn Monroe pose over a fan.

The party was fun but pretty tame compared to what I thought it was going to be. The guest of honor is a bit of a legend on this island as he parties hard and tends to get naked alot. There is never a dull moment around him. He ended up only getting naked once and jumping into the pool. He, of course, also didn't wear any underwear under his toga. We all got a couple of flashes throughout the night. Unfortunately, not many people showed up to the party. But I guess its better only having close friends.

Highlights of the party included when I had a "wardrobe malfunction" and when our friend showed up wearing a toga that was made out of a shower curtain. Trust a boy to make a toga out of a shower curtain. I bet he just pulled it right from his bathroom at the last minute. My other friend showed up without a toga and everyone questioned why (because he is the type to go all out for events like this). Apparently he had started this elaborate toga which involved sewing gold trim on material that apparently got eaten by his sewing machine. He was extremely bitter and boycotted wearing a toga due to the sad memories it brought about. I ended up not making a fool of myself, like the weekend prior, as I limited myself to one drink an hour. It was a great plan! It ensured I stayed up late and gave me something to look forward to! I stayed until about 3am and then split a cab back with the naked guy and with the guy's whose toga was eaten by the evil sewing machine.

Sunday was a very lazy day. Everyone was heading to the beach at 2pm. I was up at about 10 am and waited around until then as I didn't want to show up alone. As soon as I was ready to go, the sky clouded over and it got shitty out. I am seriously getting sick of being so pale! Mother nature, please cooperate with me for once!

10 Random Things for Friday

2008-06-06T12:50:00.004-06:00

1. Why is this guy doing this? It is so random. Poor socalites. Imagine seeing a massive 211 pound guy scavenging in your garden in the early hours of the morning. I love how his one friend describes how much he's eaten in the past.

2. Everyone has to join Twitter. It's an additive site where you can show people what you are doing. It's pretty amusing and addictive. I am at this page on Twitter.

3. Apparently this is the best place to get a burger and a shake in New York. I will definitely have to check it out. There is a Twitter page that describes how long the line is for the Shake Shack at any one time. I think someone needs to make a page like that for the Tim Horton's on 4th and 4th in Cowtown!

4. So apparently Hillary stepped down the other day. That is cool I guess but I was hoping for some women power in the Whitehouse. Frankly, right now, I only care if they keep the Republicans out of there! All the people on Hillary Clinton's Forum are definitely being sore losers though!

5. This guy is the best artist ever. I bought a bunch of his stuff for my sister who had her birthday last week. He is so wonderfully strange!

6. Ooooooo.....apparently Amazon.com is not working. I bet they are losing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of revenue as we speak:

I hope my yoga video that I have in the mail gets here okay. I need to start my daily practice ASAP!

7. Going to a toga party tomorrow night. I just bought obnoxious pink material from which I am going to make my toga. Check out some of the skanky toga pics here from some randoms girls party. My toga won't be quite so skanky!

8. I haven't sent in my 2007 tax return yet! I am so badddddd! Thank god the government owes me money and not the other way around!

9. If you are looking for a fun way to contribute to the world than check out Kiva. Check out my lender page here!

10. Everyone have a great weekend. I am going home in 10 minutes!!!

Sex and Sea-Ty

2008-06-02T06:26:00.005-06:00

On Friday night I headed to the sex and the city premier. I got all dressed up in my little black dress. The premise behind this premier was wonderful but the shotty execution behind it was horrible. But what do I expect from Bermuda! They stuffed an entire theatre of girls into a shoebox sized room and put the two bars right beside each other. They had to hors d'ouevres coming out of the kitchen that was beside the bar, so by the time the plates made it over to the other end of the room, the food was gone. It was a pretty fun night but let me tell you, eating no supper and drinking martinis at an open bar equals bad news. My friend threw up in a popcorn bucket and I don't even remember the movie. I will have to go see it again (which sucks because they only play movies here for one week and I don't have much time this week!)

On Saturday, I felt like dying from consuming all the damn sugary martinis the night before. I also woke up with the most massive bruise on my arm and hip and I even managed to break blood vessels. I had no idea where it came from but from enquiry from my friends, I got it from falling over the back of the movie seats. We were sitting in the middle of the back row and instead of walking around all the seats, we were jumping over the back of them to go to the washroom/get additional drinks. I ended up catching my foot on the back of the seat and fell HARD on my left side. Ouch!

Then on Saturday the boyfriend made a wicked lamb dinner with Greek salad and then we went to a pub for a friend's birthday. Needless to say, since I was in my lovely hungover condition, I stuck to the diet cokes! The birthday bash was pretty fun but everyone was watching the hockey game. I usually don't care about hockey but throw in two American teams, and I really couldn't be bothered. Luckily, someone had brought along Rock Band. I sang a couple of songs and played the drums. Man the drums are freakin' hard! It was a good time until some gal insisted that we turn off the Rock Band and watch the game. Why???? Not everyone likes hockey so don't force them to watch it!

On Sunday, me and the boyfriend went scuba diving with a couple of friends. I think the scuba dive masters thought the boyfriend beat me or something because they kept asking about my bruises (which were very prevalent in my bikini with my radiantly pale skin!) The dives we did were really good. The first one was really pretty but epically long. I saw a bunch of fish (I would tell you what their names are but I have no idea). The dive was along the coral reef and lasted 44 minutes! The next dive was on a shipwreck. This ship, as opposed to the last one we saw, was smashed to smithereens. It was still pretty cool though because there was coral all over the whole ship and quite a bit more fish then the last dive.

Some other highlights of the dive was when the guide was telling me to swim through a hole by putting her finger through a loop made with her thumb and index finger and I was confused as to why she was making the penis/vagina sign and when the boyfriend mysteriously disappeared at the beginning of the second dive. I was concerned but figured he accidentally latched on to another group as sometimes happens because it is hard to tell who is who when underwater. When I got out of the water, I discovered that he had gotten sea sick and threw up in the ocean when he started his dive! All in all, a good weekend! Next weekend should be fun because it is a close friend's going away party and it's Greek style (i.e. gotta wear togas!) I don't think I'll be drinking much though thanks to last Friday night!

Love It!

2008-05-29T11:06:00.002-06:00

This made me laugh!

Haven't you ever wanted to kill someone that sends you all those stupid requests in facebook. Wouldn't it be nice if life was like this!

And don't you love the random fees that ticketmaster charges you? Seriously a "convenience charge" for printing your own tickets. I am saving you mofos paper and staff to pass out the tickets at the on-call desk, how do I need to pay you more money?

Enjoy!

Bermuda Day Weekend

2008-05-28T13:52:00.004-06:00

This past weekend was the lovely Bermuda day. We rip off the same weekend as the US' Vetran's Day but make it our own! On Friday night I went to the Princess and had a few drinks and then we headed to my scuba club's annual party and dinner. We know absolutely no one in the scuba club so we thought this would be a good place to start. We ended up meeting this nice couple from Denver that we hung out with all night and I met a couple of the dive instructors.

One of the dive instructor's girlfriend told me how she had been ditched for the half marathon by her training partner. We had a little vent about that (both my partners ditched me in the early stages). Neither of us were the ones that actually wanted to run the race but somehow we both ended up being the only ones that saw it through. She didn't train much so we both had a big conversation about how much the race was going to hurt. She was convinced that the paramedics van would be following her (they traditionally loom behind the last runner) and how embarassing it would be to be seen by so many people (literally thousands come out to watch the race).

The party was pretty good and we ended up eating a ridiculous amount of meat. They had ribs, chicken cooked with cans of ginger beer up their butts, roast beef, pork, etc. The only non-meat items were buns and coleslaw. Oh yah for the vegetarians, someone had gone to the store and bought a vegetarian lasagna. Eat meat or get out! My kind of party! The band was really good too. I had seen them before (apparently there is only one band in Bermuda?) but they had this girl singing for them. She was wicked. A young girl rockin' out with some old school guys. She had the kind of voice that I wish I had and that I think I have when I'm drunk singing karaoke!

On Saturday I went to the beach. Sure enough, it's really nice out and as soon as I arrive to the beach, the entire sky clouds up and it starts to get cold out. The world is on a mission to ensure that I stay as pale as humanly possible. I actually had someone at the scuba party come up to me and say "Hey girl, you need some sun" and I actually currently have tan lines. Seriously, there is no hope!

On Saturday night I went to a bachelorette party. We rented a catamaran and played games on the boat. It was raining and cold and too dark to see anything. I think the boat rental was a nice thought but ended up being a bit of a rip off at $50 a head! The girl who is getting married seemed to enjoy herself despite having tried to change the date of the party at the beginning. We all dressed up in red tank tops and sailor hats and drank alot. We went to Flanagans and the DJ played some bad music. At one point my friend got me to hold a beer for her and then next thing I know I had the bartender yelling at me that I can't bring my own beer into the bar (she had brought that beer from home). I'm like "Dude! I don't even drink beer!" I ended up going home no too late because the music at the Purple Onion really sucked (it was a crappy live band with a drum machine).

Here's me and some friends at the bachelorette party. AHOY!

On Sunday I relaxed all day to get ready for my half marathon on Monday. I ended up finding the girl from the scuba club and sat with her on the ferry over to the start of the race. There were so many damn fit people there. I guess the half-marathon distance is where the out of shape people get weeded out (there are often lots of larger individuals at the 5km races). I found it funny because when I went downtown I saw a whole tonne of overweight people setting up their chairs getting ready to watch the parade (more on that later) and then I got to the race start and I was the out of shape person. And trust me, that is no small feat making me feel out of shape on this island (over 80% of the population is considered clinically overweight).

My warm up consisted of walking from the washroom over to the field and doing some light streching. There were people there that ran aroudn the field for 30 minutes warming up. For god sakes people, we are about to run 13.1 miles so you don't need to do anymore running then necessary! The race itself was pretty good. The first 10 miles of the race is very hilly but there is a nice view and there are people all along that cheer you on. I kept a pretty steady pace of 9 minute miles for the first 10 miles and then all of the sudden, it felt like someone stabbed me in the hip flexors with knives and I could no longer lift my legs (I did a granny shuffle for the last 3 miles). I guess that may have something to do with only training to 10 miles. Next year (if I can forget the pain that occured from this year's race) I will definitely gradually train up to the full distance rather than stop short and hope that adrenaline brings me the last few miles!

The race was well organized and there were tons of water/gatorade stations along the way. Gatorade is a life saver. Every time I drank some, I would get second legs for the next 2 miles (except when it came to those fateful last few miles were I could have taken crack and it wouldn't have helped me at all!) The worse part of the race was that I knew that the finish was close to downtown and you could literally see downtown from about the 7th mile. It never seemed to get any closer. But yay! I am finished. I did the race in 2:13:45. My goal was to run the entire thing (which I did). I must've run my last few miles really slowly because my overall average per mile pace was 10:13 minute miles (down from the 9 minute miles I was runing at the beginning).

Here's me at about 10 miles. This is when my legs began to fail me!

When I finished the race and was limping back to town, everyone that had set up their chairs patted me on the back. I guess it's because the most exercise they'd be getting is from lifting their fried chicken to their mouths from their plates. I was downtown on Sunday night and I saw people setting up chairs and taping their areas (they put duct tape down and write their names on it). They are hardcore. You should have seem some of the tents and set ups people had. They were nicer than my apartment! These people take their Bermuda Day Parade watching seriously. From what I've heard, people can get really bitchy if you put your chairs in someone's space that they had "reserved" the night before by putting down tape. My friend said she saw someone get sworn at and almost get in a fist fight over it last year! All in all the race and Bermuda Day went down well and I will definitely have to beat my time next year. I would really like to train extra hard and get under 2 hours next year. But I will have to be hard core! I have faith though!

Friday Ramblings!

2008-05-23T12:15:00.003-06:00

So the weather has finally taken a turn for the better. It has been generally crappy and muggy out the past few days with a few major rain storms thrown in the middle. But just in time for my half-marathon, it gets nice out. The only day where I would like an overcast day! Seriously what the f powers that be?

Here's a picture of some locals enjoying the lovely weather (read: flooded roads)

I saw something hilarious on the internet today that I have to share. Seriously, what would you think if you got a present in one of these? Love it! I hope everyone (i.e. all 2 people that read this) have a wicked weekend!

Playing Ketchup

2008-05-08T08:29:00.003-06:00

The weekend before last was pretty fun. On Friday night I took it easy and rented "Dan in Real Life". It's a pretty decent movie but a bit slow. I love Steve Carrell though. He makes any movie wonderful.

On Saturday, me, the boyfriend and a couple of friends participated in the End-to-End walk. We only did the middle-to-end portion of the walk though because I figured walking 16 miles was enough. I was fine for about the first 10 miles of the walk but the last 6 were painfull. I thought for sure my hips would be the first things to fail me, but the bottom of my feet was the bodypart that won out. Walking on cement for that long is horrible. But all in all, the weather was really good (overcast - so not too hot) and the walking trail was really nice too. It was a trail that followed along the old railway that used to be in Bermuda (before they had roads). You gotta love the bush here, because it is covered with colourful flowers. The company was good too.

It's funny in this country because the people really get behind every and I mean pretty much every event. I swear almost every local was either in the walk or was along the trail cheering us on. From the old people sitting at their windows in their wheel chairs to the crack-heads that were booted off Railway Trail (there usual haunt) so we could do the walk. I got lots of high fives and cheers. Also, at about every mile or two there were stations that gave out water, cookies, muffins, chocolate bars, gatorade, etc, etc. The stations are what kept me going. I couldn't wait to see what fun treat would be at the next station. And then at the end they gave us a party favour bag complete with chips and nacho cheese dip. Congrats on being healthy and walking half the island, here enjoy you can of fat. So Bermudian! Apparently the turn-out for the half-marathon that I am doing the Monday after next (on Bermuda Day) is supposed to be about 4 times more people. Hopefully all those people will give me the adrenaline I need to finish the race!

On Saturday night we walked down the raod to the local pub to have a couple of drinks to let loose after that massive walk. We were enjoying some lazy drinks when a bunch of 30-40 year old men busted through the door on a pub crawl. They bought up the bar (and offered to buy us drinks for "ruining our night" which they very much didn't). They were hilarious. The future groom ended up throwing up outside the bar and the rest of them ended up running out, into the rain when somoene thought they heard one of the waiters had "called the cops". Then someone finally figured out that no one had called them and they trickled back into the bar, drenched wet because their bus driver had abandoned them. Apparently after that they let loose on downtown Hamilton (as witnessed by my friends that were down there). On Sunday I ended up being lazy as hell and thank goodness because I needed it!

This last weekend was a riot too. On Friday we headed out for Happy Hour at the Princess and I of course drank too much (which you totally cannot help in this country because they poor about 4 oz of booze into each drink). I don't remember much but I had just gotten a new camera and I ended up having alot of pictures of me making out with said purse. I really do love that purse, I wasn't sure how much, but apparently I loved it alot.

On Saturday I went to my rugby dinner. It was the 50th anniversary of the team this year so the dinner was a black tie affair at a ritzy country-club-like locale. I wore my the bridesmaid's dress from my sister's wedding. I headed out on the back of my boyfriends bike to the dinner but it started to drizzle and I didn't want to ruin my dry-clean only dress so I turned around and went back and thank god I did because I would've gotten drenched! I ended up calling a taxi driver. I live on a road that is a close and the intersecting road that leads up to my close has the same name but is a road instead of a close. So I gave directions to the taxi and told them we are the blue house at the top of the hills. The directions were pretty simple. Basically you turn off of a main road and then turn left and voila, there is our house. So I am waiting for the cab for a long time and then the boyfriend goes out and he sees the taxi driver at the top of the intersection road with the same name in front of a PINK house laying on his horn. So we call the taxi dispatcher back and say we can see the taxi driver and he is on the wrong road. We can hear the taxi driver in the background (because the dispatcher was on a radio with him) and he's saying "I was on the right damn road" and she is telling him that he obviously wasn't because we had seen him on the wrong road. So he gets all pissed off and refuses to pick me up (not quite sure why). So she sends another cab. At this point, I am about 45 minutes late to the dinner. Finally the cab arrives and I finally get there 1 hour late.

I had enough time to gobble down one drink before they closed the open bar and started charging for drinks. Thank god for wine on the table though. The dinner was very good. We started with a scallop with risotto, main course was lamb shanks with these cool-ass scalloped potatoes (they looked like a pastry or something) and then ended with a brownie with vanilla ice cream and pineapple. I really am not good at describing food, so I do it no justice, but I promise you it was really good. Then the speeches started. Up first was our captain who talked about our year (we won everything this year so it was a good year). There was this obnoxious old drunk woman at the back that started vocalizing her disdain for the length of my captain's speech. She was really loud too. It was so rude. One of the girls on our team politely told her it was not necessary but she continued on so finally is escalated to the point that she had to full on tell her to shut up. And then the guys' team captain went up and she did the same thing. So I yelled out "Atleast you aren't sexist!" Lastly, one of the founding members went up who was a very sweet man but he had to be about 90 years old. He had the most boring speech ever that he battled through with the pace of a snail. The old drunken lady was loving that. I went to the bathroom and to get a drink for 15 minutes and came back and he had moved from the 70s to 80s. I think he finally got asked to go sit down. Then the guest speaker went up. He was a player for the Irish National rugby team and was nicknamed the mullet. Pretty funny guy. By this point I was well drunk, so I don't really remember much of that speech. But I made it home safely! So that's all that counts.

This weekend I am planning on going out a bit tonight and taking it easy tomorrow. I am going to do my first scuba dive of the year on Sunday so should be a great time. I will let you know how it goes. Have a great weekend!

Lazy Dayz

2008-04-28T10:40:00.002-06:00

I've found that I could seriously sleep the entire weekend away if given the chance. Anytime I get comfortable, on the weekend, I could fall asleep (including sitting up!) This means that I need to force myself to get up and do something. This weekend it was too windy to go to the beach, despite my desperate need for the sun! I was really hoping to get a little colour, but my adversity to the cold prevented me from going. So I basically spent all of Saturday inside! How lame! I am on this beautiful island, and I wasted my time away on the couch. I ended up renting the third season of Lost (so good by the way) and chilling out watching it. The boyfriend was having boys night out and every girl I know here was either off island, had concrete plans or had a visitor, so I also spent the night on the couch. I did take a brief break from being lazy to do my prescribed long-ass run for my half-marathon training, but that is about all the activity this lady saw all day.

I just want to say that Lost is a wicked show. I have no idea where this show is headed but I am definitely around for the ride. Apparently after this season, there are another two seasons. I seriously have no idea where this show is going and don't even know how they could end this show, with all its plots and sub-plots, in a way that is going to satisfy it's viewers. All I know is that I hope it never ends. But I guess something will replace it. I thought I would cry when Six Feet Under and Sex and the City ended, but I found new shows. So I'm sure some program will keep me mesmerised by the glowing of my TV for years to come.

On Sunday, me and the boyfriend went down to St. George. St. George is one of the places that I mentioned in an earlier post, to which locals rarely go (unless they live in that area) because it is not in the center of the island and thus takes to much effort to go to. It's quite pretty but definitely not somewhere where I'd hurry back to. The lack of walking paths in Bermuda is stagerring and I know that it will drive my parents mad when they come to visit me later this year (they are walk-oholics). St. George has a road with some shops on it but no nice long boardwalk or seaside path to warrant going for a walk. The only half-decent walking path in Bermuda is the railway trail, which I will have to walk soon! But I am kind of saving it for a really boring weekend, because it is the only decent walk in the whole country. I am going to have to go home for a week of hiking in the summer next year because this lack of hiking is killing me!

This weekend I am doing the end-to-end walk for charity. This is a massive event where locals walk from either the middle of the island to the end of the island (which is what I am doing) or from one end of the island to the other. I opted for the shorter version because I am training for the half-marathon and know that the end to end walk (40km or 24 miles) would result in my legs feeling like they are going to fall off for a long period of time (likely being a week or so after I am done the walk) and this would put my training behind (because I wouldn't be able to run due to sore legs). So I am walking the condensed version, which is only 24km (14.7 miles). I am sure it will still hurt, but probably not as bad. I will aim to do the full walk next year.

Does Anybody Read This?

2008-04-25T08:00:00.004-06:00

I think I need to work on getting my blog URL out there to my friends. I don't think anyone even reads this. Oh well, atleast it is an online reminder of what I did last weekend. Time flies here on the island and so do memories! If you do read this, say hello!

Contentment

2008-04-24T10:26:00.002-06:00

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about relationships and how everyone is looking for something that might very well not exist. People are always looking for their soulmate or "the one". They might exist, but I am guessing it is rarely, if ever, in the form that the seeker is thinking.

When you are with someone, it is natural to wonder if this is it. This is the person you are destined to be with or will someone else come along that is better. My philosphy is that there is always someone hotter, richer, sweeter, or whatever it is you crave than the person you are with but does that mean that person is necessarily better? You have to look into yourself for the answer to this question.

I feel that we will never find "the one" but we can learn to be content with the best one for us. The best one for us may not fit the conventional definition of what we are programmed to look for, but it is someone we get; someone we understand and can be content with.

Life is a series of decisions. The friend was asking if there is something wrong with him because he is always thinking that he wishes he could be with this hot girl or that hot girl, rather than his girlfriend and was asking me if he is destined to be alone forever. I think all of us face temptation but it is what we decide to do with said temptation, that defines the relationships we will be in or those that will cease to exist. If you decide that gratifying yourself with a meaningless one-night stand with a person you find hot (but know nothing of their personalties and how they will get along with them) is worth ruining a relationship with someone you already know is a good person, then DECIDE to do that. But if you think about the consequences of what you are contemplating, than DECIDE to stay in a relationship.

We all need to learn to be content with what we have or decide to do something about it. Just don't say I didn't tell you so.

Blast from the Past

2008-04-23T08:09:00.002-06:00

As I did not do anything interesting in the last two days, I thought I would share a memory from my past. I spent a little under a year travelling in Taiwan, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, New Zeland and Fiji back in 2001-2002. I remember the excitement I experienced when I was about to go on my trip. I spent my last night out at a pub with a bunch of friends. I said all my goodbyes and then I went back with my then boyfriend to his place to spend our last night together.

I remember being really sad and really happy all at once that night. I had started dating that boyfriend at the start of the summer (it was now September) and we had dated for years in the past. In fact, he was the person to whom I lost my virginity. I dated him all through grade 11 and 12 but we broke up for a long time (during which I seriously dated another guy) because we differed in life plans. He was the type that lacked motivation and still worked manual labour jobs despite having been out of high school for 3 years (I had already finished half a degree at that point).

We started dating again knowing that I would be leaving on this year trip and that I did not plan to stay faithful with him during this time. I have no idea what was in this for him but I have a adversity to being alone (ask anyone at home I cannot go more than 3 or 4 months without getting seriously involved with someone) so he kept me not alone. It was a bittersweet summer that we both knew had an expiration date and that night the expiration date was reached.

I knew he wasn't the one for me, especially when I awoke the next morning to news that my flight wouldn't be leaving for another couple of weeks (my flight was set to leave on September 11, 2001) and I was dissapointed rather than elated that I had to stay. If I'd loved him as much as I thought I did I would be happy to have the extra time as I had an entire year to spend abroad, but I was extremely mellon-collie about the whole thing.

I ended up finally being able to leave after 10 days of sitting around as I had quit my job at this point because I was supposed to be out of the country. I tried to keep in touch with the boyfriend for a long time but he grew distant. I was upfront and honest with him about my intentions to enjoy life to the fullest and to be open to meeting men while on my trip, but I believe he was hoping I would miss him so much and come home early. I basically stopped hearing from him when I admitted that I was travelling with a guy. He asked, and I am not one to be dishonest. Upon returning to Canada, I hung out with him a couple of times but I could tell that our relationship was dead. I do not keep in contact with him anymore but I wish him the best.

The Weekend Recap

2008-04-22T13:57:00.002-06:00

This last weekend was pretty fun. On Friday night we had a few friends over for dinner. The boyfriend made a mountain of ribs (we are still eating them and its Tuesday) and some good ass food. I ended up "making" dessert (which consisted of me throwing a pie in the oven and proceeding to burn it). It was a really fun dinner. We had MTV Jams on in the background and we watched it throughout dinner. They had this show on called YO! RAPS! and it had a ton of brutal 90s rap on it. We discussed the wonders that were parachute pants and flatops.

Then I was just about to head to bed when both mine and the boyfriends cell phones erupted in a series of trills. I answered mine and he answered his and it was our two friends. Little did we know they were standing at our window and wanted to come in to play American Idol on Wii. So alas, we played it. Our one friend was super drunk and he can't sing to save his life. He was singing in a sort of hunched-over position and he ended up splitting a hole in his pants. So when the song "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith came up (you know the one from the Armageddon soundtrack) he replaced the words with "I Don't want to Split my Pants". It was hilarious.

We then proceeded to have a competition (i.e. with one person getting knocked out at each round with the Simon-Paula-Randy comments and everything). I heard the boyfriend sing for the first time ever (he is tone deaf to the max). I think that the bad-singing-split-pants friend was so bad it gave the boyfriend some confidence. The boyfriend got knocked out of the first round and then when the second round came, the guy who had split his pants was so shocked when he got knocked out. He looked like someone had told him that they had to amputate his penis or something! It was great! Anyways they finally left and I got to go to bed.

On Saturday morning, I woke up early to go to a hair appointment. My hair is in dire need of a dyeing but alas I will have to wait for another couple of weeks. The hairdresser that I went to was sick that week and couldn't fit me in for another two weeks. She seems a bit nuts. My client told me a story about her a couple of weeks ago. In Bermuda there are tons of stray cats kicking around and they are a menace and have diseases such as cat AIDS (I had no idea there is such a thing). So there is an agency called the Bermuda Feline Assistance Agency which goes around and catches and kills the cats. Kind of mean but I guess what can you do. So they have a few stray cats on this property my client manages and they rip up garbage and stuff and they are dirty, dirty cats. So instead of ignoring them or calling BFAB, this lady started feeding them. Oh well, apparently she is supposed to be wicked at coloring hair!!!! As long as she cleans her hands first!

That night I got all dressed up and went to the Elbow Beach Hotel for our convocation ceremony. I thought it was weird that they included us in the ceremony as I took my exam in Canada but the ceremony would've been very lame if they didn't include the off island graduates as only one Bermudian passed the Chartered Accountancy exam this last year out of the four that wrote the exam. Craziness! I can't believe that more people don't make it through because if you have your CA designation here, you are sitting on a goldmine. But I guess it goes back to the lack of value the youth of Bermuda have for education (read my last post regarding the drop-out rate from high school). I got drunk off of the table wine and then busted a massive move on the dancefloor. I got the DJ to play Soldier Boy (as I always do) and then did the soldier boy dance.

After the convocation dinner and dance, I went to my friends housewarming party and played Rock Band. I sang for a bit and then moved on to the drums. The drums are frickin' hard. Seriously. I was on easy and I was struggling majorly! I think everyone kept their shirts on that night....so that was a first!

Yesterday one of the partners at my firm gave me and the boyfriend tickets to the Bermuda XL Open round 1 tennis match. They were box seats and came with free drinks! So I ended up getting impromptu drunk (which is something I usually avoid like the plague because I can't handle the hangover at work and also it is counterproductive to waking up and going to the gym in the morning). I think I only had like 4 or 5 drinks but they pour them so strong here. I haven't seen any bartender do anything other than free-pour since getting here! I kind of remember having a conversation with my co-workers involving fingers and butt-holes and I remember drunkin calling my sister at her work (Canada is 3 hours earlier in time than Bermuda). I also made the boyfriend make me quasadillas and crackers and cheese when I got home! Needless to say, I didn't make it to the gym this morning and I had a major headache all day! That'll teach me not to drink on a weeknight again anytime soon!

10 Intricacies of the Island

2008-04-17T10:28:00.004-06:00

Bermuda is very much the same but very different than Canada. You can get all the modern necessities of home (good cable, internet, etc.) but it costs a bunch more. For example, I pay $130/month for internet that I could get at home for $35.

Some other weird things about the island:

1. Lots of locals like to get their nails done in hideously long acrylics with horrible multi-color designs. Seriously how the hell do they type or work a cash register with those things. They just aren't practical!

2. Grocery stores suck here. All the stores are pretty much like the Asian/Indian corner stores you have at home (you know the ones where they go to Superstore and buy a bunch of shit and sell it back to you for jacked-up prices) except for Lindos. That grocery store is almost like one at home but their produce is horrendous and it keeps pretty much the same hours as a bank.

3. The locals accents sound like a mix of ghetto and British. It is quite funny.

4. Even though this island is only 23 miles long, most people will refuse to go to Sommerset or to St. George which is basically the equivalent of leaving the downtown core in Cowtown. Some cabs sometimes refuse to go to those areas because "they don't have enough gas". I find myself falling into the trap of the locals (sticking near the middle of the island). To see what I am talking about see this map.

5. The high school drop-out rate here is staggering. Apparently about 50% of kids who start high school, won't finish! That's crazy. At home, there are only a few fuck-ups that don't make it through but in Bermuda, the fuck-ups are close to the majority.

6. People, even customer service people, get pissed off if you don't start you question with "Hi, how are you?" before asking for something. I kind of like this about Bermuda. We should start this at home.

7. There is a dude here named Johnny Barnes, that gets up every morning at 4:30am and goes to the main roundabout before downtown Hamilton and waves and yells "Hello" and "I love you" to all the passerbys. He has been doing this, rain or shine, for 67 years. I heard he once checked himself out of the hospital one morning (when he was an inpatient) to go to the roundabout. The city recently gave him a community service award for this and they have built a statue of him. In Cowtown they would just arrest him because they thought he was crazy. He makes me smile every morning and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

8. In Bermuda there are 3 lanes of traffic. 2 oncomings and 1 middle lane which the bikes go down. It is great if you are on a bike though because you can zoom through a long ass line of cars. It is scary to do, especially on Middle Road, because the roads are so tight and they are surrounded by rock walls. Also, people use their horns to say hello to their friends, neighbors, etc rather than alert someone that they are doing something wrong. It takes a little getting used to and sometimes, when I am actually getting honked at due to my inferior driving skills, I don't even realize it.

9. At my work here and in social settings, it is customary, when the whole work goes out for lunch, to split the bills evenly among everyone. Who cares who got the alcoholic beverages or who ordered a steak; it get split right down the middle. I find this weird because in addition to my firm not covering any meals (which is quite a change from the 1-2 eating out meals I would have on my old firm in Cowtown), I have to foot the bill for people who eat a lot more than me. I think the boyfriend likes this because he usually ends up ordering the most expensive beef dish on the whole menu even when he is paying for himself.

10. You can't buy alcohol here after 9pm or on Sundays (unless you go to a restaurant). I guess its because of the large population of religious people on the island. There are also no casinos. There is one gambling establishment that give you 90 cents on the dollar of everything you win (because they have to pay the rest to the government).

Update: I just drove past a bus that said "Barnes Corner" on it. The awesome waving guy even has his own bus route. You go lil dude!

Catching Y'all Up on My Life

2008-04-16T08:25:00.003-06:00

Well the last couple of weekends has been filled with a lot of Karaoke and Yoga. Yah...good combination! The weekend before last my work had a Karaoke party. Why Karaoke you ask? Well since over half my office is staffed by a bunch a sweetheart Filipinos and Filipinos go with Karaoke like white on rice. I thought Karaoke was more a Japanese thing, but I am informed that it is an all around Asian thing. I wish I was born Asian because as well as having a naturally slimmer body, I would get to hold regular Karaoke-thons at my house!

At the party, no one, and I mean no one, was singing at the beginning. So I ended up singing quite a lot of songs in a row. I am not a particularly amazing singer but I can keep on pitch (so I don't think I quite hurt anyone's ears). I ended up signing a bunch of stupid songs (i.e. Spice Girls Wannabe) but ended with a wonderful rendition of Love Shack with one of the partners at our firm. I was a great time and almost everyone got up by the end of the night to sing. I was kinda pissed off because I didn't even get a pity vote from the boyfriend for best performance. The best performance went to the only person that could actually sing at our firms (one of the Filipino girls). After the party we headed to an Irish pub to spend the last night with the guy who's going away party I had attended the night before. For some reason, all the boys took off their shirts. I usually wouldn't complain.....but you'd know what I was talking about with these guys. Someone needs to introduce them all to wax. "Hi wax....this is my friend BACK HAIR!"

On Saturday night I ended up going to the Folk Club which is held once a month. It's basically an open mic night where anyone can go up and play guitar and sing some songs. I had gone to go see my friends play but showed up too late and had missed them. There were tons of really cute old men singing songs. One even put on an Elvis wig and sunglasses to sing a song. It was a wicked night because they play on an outdoor stage and the drinks were decently priced. I will definitely have to catch the next show.

Last weekend, on Friday, I attended the first happy hour of the summer at the Hamilton Princess. I had heard rumors about how this is the best part of Bermuda...so I of course had to check it out. As large outdoor spaces are at a mint in Bermuda (try to stuff that many people downtown on such a small island) but the Princess has a huge open courtyard that they hold the happy hours at. Happy hours at home usually mean cheap drinks, so it kind of sucked to pay $7 a drink but the atmosphere was wicked. They had a live band, the weather was great and they poured the drinks strong.

I stayed there only for a little while because we headed over to the Irish bar to attend a triple-threat birthday (for 3 of the guys that i hang out with frequently). Again they had a Karaoke machine. The song list for this machine sucked ass! Half the book was filled with country (yo we are in Bermuda not in Cowtown!) and there was nothing past 1999. Since there was a large number of friends there (not just nice Filipinos and some other random work people) so I was a little shier this time. I wanted to find the perfect stupid song to sing as I was not about to test out a song where you need to sing well with this group. I was hoping for Sir Mixalot's Baby's Got Back but had to Settle for Ganstas Paradise. I laid down. I am so white that I am black yo! I also rapped Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby later on. I had a great time that night with much too much drinking. But pretty much everyone turned up!

On Saturday I played in a Rugby tournament. I was hoping to pull off another 5 tries but alas I only got one. The girls seemed to be much more on the ball this time (and I sat off the first half of the first game). After the game we went to the Robin Hood and a couple of drinks (they had sponsored the tourney) and hung out. I found out that the girls from my rugby team do a yearly "tour". I thought that meant that they go down to somewhere and play rugby. I later found out that it is a bonding trip that involved no rugby. We are going to New York for Labour Day weekend. I can't wait. Screw the rugby! I can't wait to go out in New York!

Other than that I have still been keeping up with my training for the half marathon I am running on May 26th. I have never done a half marathon before because of my knee (I have IT Band Syndrome which makes it feel like someone is stabbing my knee with a knife if I run for longer than 30 minutes). But I have been doing a bunch of exercises that I was given by my physiotherapist last year and my knee has been holding up really well. The longest I have run so far is 7 miles. I am only going to run up to about 9 miles before the race because apparently with all the adrenaline you can make it the full 12 miles, therefore you don't need to run the full distance during training. I have about 5 and 1/2 more weeks of training.

I also started two yoga classes. The first class was on the suggestion of a client I have here. It is a type of yoga that I had never heard of called Iyengar Yoga. It is very strict. My experience, in the past, has been with Ashtanga which is strict in the sense of the series of poses you do (they are done in a certain order and are held for a certain amount of breaths) but Iyengar Yoga is strict in how you actually do the poses. So I had to start at the very bottom. I am the most flexible person in my class which is funny because I can't even touch my toes. We use a lot of props (chairs, blocks, blankets, bolsters) in the class so that everyone can do the poses. I think that the props will eventually disappear after we train our muscles to hold the poses themselves. The class is taught by a senior citizen lady with 25 year old boobs. She seriously has a sweet rack! I like it so far. I am an anal type person (not bum sex but I like structure) and this is an anal type yoga. I am also taking a yoga class at the aquarium. It is just the regular type of yoga (a Vinyasa Flow class) but the location is awesome. We do yoga right in the middle of all the giant fish tanks. It's a more challenging class (the Iyengar class is not a very good workout so far because you spend more time watching the teacher and being adjusted, than actually in the poses) and it helps that the instructor is pretty damn hot. I sometimes purposely screw poses up so that he comes and adjusts me! Allegedly he's married (not that I really care).

This weekend we are having some friends over for ribs (the boyfriend cooks some mean ribs), I am getting my hair dyed (I haven't gotten it dyed since I got here! Eeek!) and I am going to my convocation for becoming a Chartered Accountant. Should be a good time!

Beach Party in March! LOVE IT!

2008-04-03T11:27:00.002-06:00

Sorry this is a bit late, considering the next weekend is starting very soon, but I thought I should recap my last weekend. Friday was pretty fun. Me and the boyfriend went for a couple of drinks after work and then ended up getting drunk at home just the two of us. Why? Because we can! It was a fun night of randomly dancing and generally being silly. I enjoyed it thorougly.

On Saturday I spent the entire day trying to convince myself to go for a 6 mile run (as was on my half-marathon training schedule) but finally got around to doing it. I ended up getting a nice sunburn on my face and shoulders but at least I got the run in. I have to run 7 miles this weekend which I am definitely not looking forward to at all! On Saturday night we went to a beach party on the property of one of the partners at the accounting firm I work at. I was a going-away party for this really fun guy whom I didn't get to know that well as I have only been on the island for 3 months (one of which he was in Canada for). He's an awesome guy though and I will be sad to see him go, despite the unfamiliarity. The party was awesome. Picture 30 people sitting around a fire on a secluded white sand beach in March!!!! That wouldn't happen at home.

I figured that someone was going to burn themselves at some point during the time (as everyone was grabbing random pieces of wood and even an abandoned Christmas tree and throwing it in the fire) but the accident de la soir was a girl tripping over coral and bustin her knee open. Usually I cannot look at such stuff, but I glanced over, unaware of what was going on (before it was too late) and saw this gal's knee. It was disgusting. I don't want to go into details, but she fell so hard that it looked like someone had taken an axe to her knee. The poor dear had only moved to the island about a week ago so I hope to god her medical insurance had kicked in. I heard she had 23 internal stitches and 3 external ones to seal up the wound. The weird thing is that she was very calm; even when the ambulance came. I hope she is okay now (I didn't really know who she was).

Sunday was pretty lazy but me and a friend caught a Bermuda Film Festival movie called XXY. It was a very controversial subject but a really good movie. I highly recommend it. On Monday and Tuesday I saw another two really good movies called OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies and a movie called Young People Fucking. The best movie I saw from the film fest was the Young People Fucking movie. First, it was by a Canadian and next, how can you not like a movie with a title like that. Actually, truth be told, it was a brilliant movie. Basically followed 5 groups of people (I say groups because one is a pair plus one!) through one sexual encounter. Very awkward but a good laugh!

This weekend should be a good time too. Going to go to a Karaoke party with work and for a fancy dinner on Saturday night. The party should be fun, as I work with a bunch of quiet Filipinos who apparently are known to let loose when it comes to Karaoke. Can't wait. Should be amusing to say the least.

50 Random Things About Me

2008-03-26T08:11:00.004-06:00

1. I crave Cadbury's Chocolate more than I crave sex (don't get me wrong both are flying around my mind on a regular basis!)
2. I have unlimited text messages on my phone but only send about 10 a month (ya waste of money!)
3. I have a nasty habit of picking at my cuticles and the only way I have ever cured it was by getting acrylic tips (hmmm maybe I should do that again)
4. I like the taste of fake banana (think banana shakes made with syrup at Dairy Queen) more than real banana
5. Speaking of Dairy Queen, I worked at the one in my hometown for 6 years (ya I know I am awesome!)
6. I worked in the plumbing department at Home Depot for a spell too
7. I hate being cold at all (I have a heater blowing at my desk at all times)
8. When I am doing most things in life I wish they were over (i.e. I keep checking my watch frequently)
9. The only things that I don't ever wish to hurry up and get done are movies that make me laugh so hard I could pee (Old School, 40 year-old virgin, etc) and hiking
10. I own a scooter and that is how I get around
11. Getting groceries on a scooter is a bitch therefore I miss my Rav4 from home
12. My favorite country on earth is Thailand because I love the food so much
13. I think the best non-authentic thai food is from Thai Express (yes the chain setup that you find in malls in Canada)
14. I have never felt challenged (overall) at any job as of yet (ie I feel as though I could surf the internet for 4 hours and then do a little bit of work and still get praise for doing a good job)
15. I live on an island that is 23 square miles yet I have never driven from one end to the other
16. When I go to the beach I prefer to read and tan and I dislike going in the water
17. I have my advanced diving certificate
18. When I was 20 I was supposed to go to Australia for 1 year and my flight would have left on September 11, 2001 (I ended up going later)
19. My best friend ever is my sister; though she can be judgmental at times, it is often what I need to hear
20. I love my sister's husband (no not like that) and I think that he and my sister are going to have the most beautiful kids ever
21. The best thing I have ever ate in my life is fried macaroni balls from the Macaroni Grill
22. If I could change anything about myself it would be my thighs - I wish they were thinner but damn soccer has turned them into monsters!
23. I picked my bracket for March Madness based on association (for example I picked Wisconsin because I like cheese and I picked Duke because that is the university that Nathan from One Tree Hill wants to go to when he grows up). I am currently in last place in my pool.
24. I only cook 2 things: Enchiladas and Thai Pita Pizzas (yes the boyfriend is a lucky man)
25. I hated red wine up until a year ago (damn J!) and now I hate white wine because red is so good in comparison
26. I hate when I have new mail in my inbox and I have to click on it so that it is no longer highlighted as "not read"
27. I think Facebook is kind of lame now but cannot stop checking it
28. I think my single friends are the most deserving of boyfriends and my friends that are in couples aren't as deserving (this is not as a rule though)
29. I have little stretch marks on my thighs and I don't care!
30. I have a natural weight of between 140 and 145 and I can't seem to weigh more or less no matter how hard I try
31. The thing I miss the most about home are Wendy's Junior Cheesburgers and Tim Horton's French Vanilla
32. My boyfriend's parents own the best ice cream shop on earth and I am tempted to fly home just to go to the store and get some ice cream
33. My boyfriend's parents are the first parents I have actually liked out of all the boyfriends I have ever had (if we ever broke up, I might even miss them more than him!)
34. I lose my big toenail on my right foot atleast once a year due to soccer cleats being too tight (but damn I can kick the ball)
35. The only reason I am good at sports is because I can run fast (I do not have any ball handling skills whatsoever - with my hands or feet)
36. When I was in high school I was in the chorus of the following musicals: Bye Bye Birdie and Pajama Game
37. At the end of grade 10, I was asked to leave the advanced placement program at my school because my personality didn't fit the typical smart person personality (despite the fact I got high grades)
38. I have ADHD and I think it makes me interesting!
39. I haven't found any really close girlfriends yet on the island and that makes me sad (I miss you J, G and S!)
40. Both times I have gone to Vegas I have cried due too incidents involving too much alcohol and too much gambling
41. There are no good clothes shops on the island and that has been the best money saver ever for me (now only if they could shut down e-bay)
42. I hate the taste of non-diet pop. Aspartame is good!
43. I love yoga but I am the most inflexible person on earth (I guess that's what playing sports hardcore for 15 years without ever properly stretching does to you)
44. When I settle down, I want to move back to home my home town, even though, my entire life, I said that I couldn't wait to get out of there
45. I think there is nothing better than watching Law and Order SVU (sexy crimes!)
46. I hate the Stampede (large rodeo that is put on every year in Cowtown)
47. I think cowboys and army guys are the sexiest (I think I am going to love the movie Stop Loss coming out soon)
48. I can think of a list of the top 10 sexiest woman in Hollywood but cannot think of a list of the top 10 sexiest men (am I gay?)
49. I don't really miss not playing soccer (but I miss the tournaments!)
50. I want a puppy but I want to travel so I have to wait for a while before that is going to happen and that makes me sad

Chocolate Eggs are the Devil!

2008-03-24T08:00:00.003-06:00

I had a really good Easter weekend (my first official holiday on the island). I discovered the world's most wonderful thing: Galaxy Mini Eggs. What do you get when you cross the best year-round chocolate bar with the best holiday treat? Well you get sweet, sweet heaven! Love it!

On Friday I went on a booze cruise. It was a fundraiser for my rugby team. The boat we were on was pretty small. We had originally booked a 500-person boat but the rental company decided to perform maintenance on the boat and informed us about a week before the cruise. So we had to halt sales of tickets immediately. The boat we were on was supposed to fit about 220 people but we had sold 250 tickets. So ya....it was a tight squeeze. Me and some of my Canadian friends spent the first half of the cruise on the front of the boat until it got wayyyyyy too windy. We then moved it inside for a bit and then onto the roof of the boat. I was drinking swizzles (rum with fruit punch - but you can only taste the fruit punch) for the first half of the night (they came out of giant orange gatorade coolers) until it was suggested that I switch to something else because apparently the swizzles are like crack and will turn on you and before you know it, you will puking off the side of the boat.

I successfully did not puke off the side of the boat. I stuck mostly to rum and diet coke's. Even though they were poured half and half, I still managed to keep track of how many I had drank by stacking all my cups. Once I finished a drink, I stacked the next drink in the last drink's plastic cup. That way I wouldn't lose track. Yes...I know genius! Highlights of the cruise included playing "Boob or Bum". "Boob or "Bum" is a game I created by taking pictures of my butt crack and my cleavage (very close up so all you can see is the slit) and getting people to guess which is which. This was the best round ever. I have never had my butt crack look more like boob cleavage. Everyone guessed wrong! Also, there were these people on the boat that were playing "Dentist Chair" and they would keep grabbin people and shoving them in a chair and then throwing a combination of straight vodka and rum down their gullets. I was naive enough to go "What's up with this chair?" and proceeded to get restrained into the chair and had said alcohol poured down my throat! Bastards.

Here is me getting "chaired".

On Friday I went to Horshoe Bay to fly kites. Man flying $5 kites are a bitch. On Thursday, I grabbed the last kite available (Yu-Gi-Oh themed) to fly on Friday. It is a tradition on the island to fly kites on Good Friday. Other traditions include eating fish cakes on hot cross buns (yuck). I did not partake in the latter. It was a pretty nice day out. It was sunny with a bit of a breeze. Saw just about everyone I knew at the beach and finally got the kite in the air after almost losing it on the boyfriend (man that was frustrating!) On Friday night me and the boyfriend went out for supper to Blu (restaurant on Bellmont Golf Course). It was really good. I had the lamb and he had the prime rib. I felt very cheap though because we were using these coupons we had that we purchased earlier on in the month were you get 3 full meals for $130 (appetizer + entre + dessert) and we kept having to ask which meals were included in the deal. The waitress tried the best she could not to roll her eyes. Well we would've ordered two entrees and one appetizer if we hadn't had the coupon so she should be happy to get the extra added tip (they automatically add 15% gratuity to all meals here on the island). The meal was really good but there was this obnoxious British girl that was half way across the restaurant who spoke so loud that it would have been offensive even if she had been sitting across from me at the volume I heard (being half way across the restaurant).

Here is me trying to fly a kite.

Here is the beautiful beach I can get to in a 20 minute drive.

On Saturday I played in the Easter Seven's Tournament. As I am the new girl on the team, I usually only get to play about 5 minutes in each game. Because a couple of the players that are never off the field were either off-island or were playing on the tackle team that weekend, I got to play the entire time. And let me tell you. I did well! I ended up getting 2 tries in the first game and 3 in the 2nd. I had the most tries out of anyone in the tournament (on any of the teams). Hopefully I will have proven that I deserve to start now and will get a bit more playing time! I watched the end of the tackle rugby game between the island team and the team that was down from NYC and we got rocked badly. Oh well....girls playing tackle on the island is a new concept and they have no one to practice against all year. After the games we went out to the bar for the after-party. It was pretty fun but only the tackle girls were out and none of my tag team.

This is my beautiful team.

On Sunday it pissed down rain. So I spent the whole day inside (bar going to the gym to run 6 miles on the treadmill - staying on track with my half-marathon training schedule!) I watched a couple of movies (Karate Kid and Duplex). And then ate a wonderful Easter dinner cooked by the boyfriend. He is a wicked cook. I also baked some cookies....because I really needed more fat after ingesting enough chocolate eggs to feed a small village for a month. I hope everyone had a wicked Easter weekend. Back to work today! Next weekend should be fun as it a going away party for a guy that is friends with practically everyone on the island. He will be dearly missed!

My Damn Arm is Falling Off

2008-02-25T12:23:00.001-07:00

Well I have had the weekend from hell. So on Friday me and the boyfriend got in a small fight over a stupid prank he pulled on me that I thought went too far. So needless to say, Friday night, I wanted to go get my drink on, sans the boyfriend. So me and a couple of guys from work drank in the boardroom for a while. I was supposed to meet the boyfriend at the bar for somebody's going away party whom I didn't know (yes I will miss them dearly?) at 7pm. But I got caught up in drinking and chatting in boardroom that I didn't show up to the pub until about 9pm. The boyfriend had gone home as he knew only one person there (the rest of the people he knew were with me drinking in the board room). At about 2pm that afternoon I started to experience a sharp pain in my elbow. The scariest thing about it, is that I had not banged my elbow on anything, so I found it really strange considering it hurt so bad.

The next morning, I awoke to a very red and swollen elbow. It was so bad that I forced the boyfriend, who, bless his soul, even though he was mad at me for being a no-show at the pub the night before, drove all the way to work to get my helmet out of my bike and then drove back to our place to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, it wasn't that busy because Bermudians are kind of lazy and can't get their asses out of bed until about 11am on a Saturday morning.

My hot-ass arm. It only got worse from this point. Note the circle drawn around the swelling. It about doubled in size from this picture at its worst point!

So I saw a doctor and he said I had an infection and that I needed to go on antibiotics. Usually you get the infection through a cut or bug bite, but strangely I had no such item on the end of my elbow (where the swelling was). So the doctor geared me up with a sling (because it hurt so bad to straighten my arm) and a prescription for antibiotic pills. I think the boyfriend was having sympathy pains because he had a bug bite on his arm that seem to be swelling (though at a much less alarming rate) as well. The nurse also drew a circle around my arm with a pen and told me to come back if the redness and swelling extended out of the circle (as that meant that the oral antibiotics were not doing their job and they would have to put me on IV antibiotics). My arm ended up swelling more so I went back to the hospital and the nurse pretty much laughed at me and told me to come back only if it was swollen significantly outside of the line (it was only about an inch outside the line at this point). She then sent me packing, slightly embarrassed.

On Saturday night we had some friends over and we ate ribs (an amazing feat for me considering I only had one functioning arm) and played Mario Party 8 on Wii (fun game that you'd think guys would be better due to the overwhelming amount of vigorous arm shaking involved). I ended up being able to eat all my ribs and I ended up schooling the boyfriend and our guests at the Wii game! Pretty good for a gimp! I felt so bad for ditching the boyfriend the night before and since the boyfriend was being so nice (he had to make all the food and clean up as I was useless with one arm) I let him go out that night with our guests to another party. Apparently it was the 2nd annual Fryalation party (these people threw the same party last year) where they fry up anything and everything and consume it. Considering the lack of activity I would be experiencing until my arm healed, and the lack of alcohol I was able to drink due to its potential to render my antibiotics ineffective, I was more than happy to give it a miss. I would normally offer to DD but I couldn't operate a bike with one arm.

The next day I woke up and my arm had swollen a bit more but I wanted it to be significantly more swollen before I returned to the hospital and dealt with that evil nurse again. On Sunday afternoon, the "Canadians in Bermuda" club was holding their annual bowling event. Since bowling is about the only sport I could do with one arm, I did not cancel (as many people suggest I did). I scored the lowest on our team in the first two games but I beat the most competitive person in the third game. I think I did decent considering my balance was thrown off by having my left arm in a sling. I named myself Tit, my friend Ass, and the boyfriend Poo.

Here is my patriotic outfit. I have a Canadian flag on my back and note my awesome hair and makeup (yep can't do much with only one functioning arm!)

Here is my sweet ass bowling form. I sling really throws you off balance!

When I returned home I got the boyfriend to inspect the arm, and alas, the redness and swelling had almost doubled in size since the nurse had drawn the circle, so I finally accepted the fact that it may be time to return to the hospital to get hooked up with some IV goodness. When I got there, the nurse concurred that I needed to get an IV. So he put the IV in the most inconvenient place ever (in the crease of my arm) and he put it in my right arm (which basically rendered both arms useless now instead of just the one). Life is hard when you can't straighten either arm! Let me tell you! I ended up bleeding all over the bed and then the nurse didn't even clean it up (he just took the paper off the bed) before sending me home. I hope to god they cleaned that bed before the next patient came along. I was also informed that I would have to come to the hospital 3 times a day (every 8 hours) for IV injections of antibiotics. Also, that I would have to wait, in emergency, each time to get the injections. I don't know if you have ever had the privilege of waiting in an emergency room for a long period of time, but the prospect of having to do so 3 times a day for the next few days was a grim one.

I decided to take the first couple of days off of work. I wanted to go to work, but the boyfriend insisted that I stay home and rest my arm. I guess it made sense considering I would be useless without the use of my arms. So right now I am sitting at home, bored out of my tree, waiting for the boyfriend to come home from work. i have about 200 channels on my TV, but I swear to god nothing is on! But hoorah, I have to go wait in the emergency waiting room for god knows how many hours another two times today. At least that will fill my time!

Fight Night!

2008-02-18T09:53:00.002-07:00

Sorry, I have been gone for a while because I had an unfortunate mishap with my arm (I will explain more in my next post) and I have been generally busy enjoying life here in Bermuda. So to recap the Fight Night Weekend: Friday I just laid low in order to save my energy for Saturday night (Fight Night!) and watched some TV. On Saturday morning, I went to go pickup a sofa-bed from a lady across town but the movers didn't show up. So we gave them a call, and they said they had forgotten about us. So they finally showed up about an hour and a half late. Well it was the first nice weekend day since we moved to the island, so the boyfriend went and got some coolers and chocolate and we sat on the couch, on this lady's lawn (she had to take her daughter to a birthday party) and basked in the sun. The movers finally showed up and we went and picked up our BBQ as well (I love that frickin' thing and have used it every night since I got it!)

On Saturday afternoon we headed to a friends house to go to a pool party. It wasn't all that warm out, so the pool was more a centrepiece to our party than a functional part of it. A couple of people jumped in but I left that to the brave. Also, after finally getting my hair straight (which is a feat and a half in this humid weather) I did not want to destroy said hair with a swim. We drank (alot) and had some BBQ. One thing I noted is that beef in Bermuda is wayyyyyy worse than beef in Cowtown. They are not exaggerating when they go on about Grade A Alberta beef being of much higher quality than beef from anywhere else. It's edible, but nothing to write home about. All the usual suspects were at this party (including the Naked Guy). Highlights included drinking Magaritas out of a Margarita maker that was acquired by the host of the party from the local hardware store in an effort to use up his $15,000 credit he won in a draw before he leaves the island (at the end of April); Naked Guy wrapping himself up in only wrapping paper after a lull in the party on the insistence of his drunk wife, who screamed "PARTY BOY! NOW!" in a plight to entertain off-island guests that were staying with them; Naked boy and two others showing up in their matching hideous Hawaiian shirts; Naked boy and company jumping on the bed demonstrating the sexual norms of having a three-way with same-sexes; the Boyfriend and another person using a wrapping paper tube to "Get all Dominatrix"; etc.

After the afternoon party, we headed, in cabs, downtown to attend the legendary Fight Night. Fight Night is a fundraiser held by one of the rugby teams on the island where anyone can train (with the local boxing outfit) as long as the get in the ring and fight on Fight Night. So basically, a bunch of locals (ie amateurs) fighting each other. Good fun though and an excuse to get ridiculously drunk. Drinks were only $4 each and they poured them with about 75% alcohol and 30% mix. Needless to say everyone got way too drunk, and a night that should have lasted into the wee hours of the morning, ended, for most, after the event.

The fighting was fun but it ended up being only a background to the drinking schenanigens for me and my crew. I somehow got convinced to play in the rugby game on the following morning (which I knew I would be ridiculously hung-over for and unprepared as I had only had one training session prior to the game). I ended up having to go home early because the boyfriend (who was way past drunk) locked himself out of the house and insisted that I had punched him in the face because he had a chipped tooth. I went back to my place and explained to him that I had accidentally bumped him and his teeth smashed together (thus chipping his teeth).

My other friend decided (at 11pm) that he should sleep it off in the office (which is a 5 minute walk from where the event was held) but was dangerously drunk, so Naked Guy decided to follow him to the office to make sure he was safe. Right by the office, there is a 24 hour gas station and when he approached the office, 5 suspicious looking characters followed him up the ramp to our front door but Naked guy called out to him to make sure he was okay and the suspicious characters ran off (god knows what they were up to). Naked boy came home to a very drunk wife who proceeded to tell him to get the hell out, drove his bike to the office (as he had guests on the couch) to get some shut-eye. The other guy that was sleeping at the office, awoke at 6am and decided he needed to get home. Him and Naked Guy both have the exact same scooter so he somehow grabbed Naked Guys helmet and tried to start his bike with his own key (which obviously didn't work). He then got in a cab with Naked Guys helmet (it is still unclear to me why he took his helmet). Naked guy awoke with no helmet and had to walk home (there are crazy steep fees to pay if you are caught driving without a helmet here).

On Sunday I played in my first flag rugby game but had no clue what I am doing. I know the basic rules of rugby and the movements/plays that should be occurring from my short foray in the tackle rugby world back at home, but had no idea what to do with the flags once I pulled someone's off or had mine removed. I left the game more confused than I had came but I have straightened it out since in training. We won the game 11 to 0. My team rocks and I am glad I chose the first place team (well Google chose it as it was the first team to show up when I searched for "Women's rugby in Bermuda")

TGIF/RIP NIU Students

2008-02-15T09:47:00.003-07:00

After a rather unventful week at work filled with client's ignoring my emails and taking off and leaving in the middle of working at their site when they won't be around for the next week, it is finally Friday! Thank goodness. I am bored as hell and can't wait to enjoy this fun filled weekend (Fight Night!)

Valentine's Day was rather unventful. The boyfriend bought me the best of the roses leftover at 10am on Valentine's Day and I showed it to the girl whose boyfriend also works in the office who had received a dozen roses and two giant balloons. She laughed. Meh, don't really care because Valentine's Day is for suckers! Good on you for not getting too far into the spirit of it boyfriend! I ended up getting some Indian Food and watching Resident Evil and drinking wine. I bought myself three bottles of wine because I have always wanted to be one of those people that had multiple bottles of wine that require the use of a wine rack.

"Oh thanks for coming over Foxworth (yes my classy friend's name is Foxworth). What would you like to drink? I have a nice Pinot Noir or a Merlot?"

Unfortunately, alcohol never lasts more than about 24 hours in our house. We buy the amount of alcohol we are likely to drink, then we drink it. I know...classy!

Well I heard about the Northern Illinois University Shooting. That freakin' sucks! And it was in a geology class. There you are, bored out of your damn mind, taking "Rocks for Jocks" (which is what we affectionately referred to geology as at home as every degree is forced to take one science elective to get the degree), and someone comes in guns ablazin'. He didn't even go to the school anymore. Why is he not shooting up some workplace that was pissing him off, instead of these poor kids at school, with their whole lives ahead of them? The vast majority that died were 20 years old! They can't even legally drink! That's just lame. The worst thing that ever happened at my university is that someone once put poop in the projector (yes seriously poop). The guy was apparently off his meds or something. Yo buddy......they were obviously working. And the damn coward shot himself afterwards. Why not just shoot yourself and cut out the middlemen (the victims). Not enough press? Shoot yourself in a public place, but leave everyone else out of it. I wish these people at least had a stance they were fighting for...but I guess we will never know. Well my thoughts and prayers go out to the people who's family members and friends were effected by this shooting. I am so sorry that it had to happen to you guys!

The Dreaded V-Day

2008-02-14T13:05:00.001-07:00

So here comes another Valentine's Day. The stupidest holiday of the year. Where, for some reason, men are supposed to spend tons of money on their girlfriend's just so they won't get bitched at and so they won't look like the lamest one out of their friend's when their girlfriends get talking to each other about how the night went down. How easy is it for them to buy the same old shit on the same day each year? Not that hard. Now give me a boy that will buy me flowers or a sweet gift on a day other than the obligatory Valentines, birthday or Christmas, then we can talk about romance. But, being told by a calendar when to be extra nice.....lame! That is why I like to keep things low-key on Valentines day. Just an excuse to get something different to eat and to watch a movie that I want to see (just for once!)

Well I went to rugby last night and had a really good time. The girls are really nice and touch rugby (sorry to those that play full-contact and would baulk at the thought of the pusiness of tag rugby) is much, much better. I loved rugby when I played and I thought that I might have the ability, once in my life, to be good at something, but I hated the tackling (especially in practices) because it freakin' hurts! I am sort of a jack at all trades but a master at none when it comes to sports. My speed and aggressiveness is welcome in any team sport and considered useful but my lack of ball handling, frisbee throwing, etc. has prevented me from ever being MVP at any time. Maybe touch rugby will be my sport. We shall see? Too bad the season is close to over and I will have to wait until next year to find out. In the meanwhile, I will train with these girls and get ready to kick some butt next year.

Well, going home soon to have the low-key Valentine's Day date. I will update y'all tomorrow on how it went down! Have a happy V-Day!

Hump Day! Hump Day! Everyone Loves Hump Day!

2008-02-13T07:38:00.002-07:00

Well it is my favorite day of the week.....Wednesday. Too far into the week to bitch that the weekend is never going to come but just far enough away from the weekend that it is annoying! Last night we went to our friend's house for his birthday. Many people showed up and I totally blew my Body for Life diet. I ate a butt-load of Cool Ranch Doritos (those things are better than crack to me), a bunch of cookies and some cake. Meh....I am not that fat anyways.

The boyfriend: "Cowtowngal is just on the Body for Life diet because she likes to eat alot. Instead of just having three meals a day, she gets to eat six."

Me: "Yes but they are six smaller sized meals."

The boyfriend: "Well it kind of defeats the purpose when you eat snacks of chocolate and cookies in between each of the small meals."

Me: "Touche!"

Ya I might have to revisit this whole Body for Life thing. It's good because I don't feel hungry throughout the day, but I can't keep my damn hands of chocolate!

So today I got a bill for electricity for 14 days and it is over $570. There is no friggin' way that I used $570 of electricity in 14 days. There is supposed to be a $200 deposit in there but still...$370 in 14 days is crazy. Our friends run their A/C and dehumidifier all day and night long and have a larger place than ours and their electricity bill is only, at the most, $200 for the whole month. This bill did not even include the power used by our dehumidifier as we only got it the other day! I hope there is a mistake or I will go completely broke just turning on lights and the tv!

Tonight I am going to my first rugby practice. Unfortunately the Rugby season in Bermuda is winding up (it is their last game on Sunday) but they invited me to come out anyways. I love that it is touch rugby. I loved the concept of rugby, but hated coming home bruised to shit each night after some 300 pd orangutan bowled me over. Granted it is hard for the bigger ones to catch you, but some of them can move surprisingly fast! They also play sevens, which is a really good game if you are quick. They didn't call me "Speedy" on my soccer team for nothing!

I don't have big plans for Valentine's day. My perfect Valentine's day would be:

1. Get a card with a nice sweet message written in it
2. Get some takeout food
3. Rent a movie
4. Cuddle on the couch
5. Get laid and have it take more than 10 minutes

Is that too much to ask?

Laid-Back Weekend in Paradise

2008-02-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was a pretty uneventful but relaxing weekend. And still no luck with the being sunny on a weekend front. Damn mother nature! On Friday night we got some Indian food and rented a couple of movies and just laid low because on Saturday we wanted to hit some yard sales in the morning. Yes, I said yard sales. I am not 60 years old, but I don't mind using used kitchen shit and I am kind of cheap....so that equals going to yard sales. It is nuts how much stuff people can sell here second hand. You can sell seriously anything. I saw someone selling some plastic throw-away cups that they didn't use and a used Swiffer Wetjet, etc. This country is nuts but everything is really expensive new because of the 25% tax they tack on to imports. I also ended up buying a dehumidifier. That thing is frickin wicked! I could finally sweep my floor because there wasn't a thing layer of mist over everything (my god sweeping a wet floor is probably one of the more frustrating things I have ever done) and my towel finally dried from using the week before (don't worry I shower at the gym from Monday to Friday).

On Saturday night we had a couple of friends over and we drank and played Mario Party on Wii. I love the Wii. The Wii is the best invention ever! I think I play a little too much, but whatever! Mario Party is pretty damn fun. We borrowed it from a manager at work and have played it tons since. I came home from Ultimate on Sunday to find the boyfriend playing a Mario Party a la uno. We are obsessed. Well I needed something to fill the void after Guitar Hero started to get old!

On Sunday I played Ultimate and had pretty crappy games the first two games but the last game I did well. I ended up spiking the frisbee away from two guys and scored a point and an assist. I love ultimate. I hate going but once I get there, it's a blast. Apparently they play touch women's rugby here. That is really good and I am going to look into it because I was pretty decent at rugby the one year I played but I hated being bruised from head to toe from the tackling. This weekend should be more fun because it is "Fight Night" where they turn this car park into a giant boxing ring and local Rugby players fight. Also, I hear the drinks they serve are pretty strong....sure to be a perfect recipe for some good stories!

One last thing before I go! The Grammy's were last night and I totally didn't watch them but I was surprised about the outcome when I looked at the results this morning. Amy Winehouse cleaned house this year. That must be embarassing for everyone involved as they just got beat by a girl who's lucky if she walks out of the house without her pants on her head and her shirt as pants. Hopefully this will snap her out of her bad place and motivate her to clean up her act. She is a wicked singer and I hope she eventually puts out another album. And congrats to Kanye for finally get rap album of the year. He can stop whining now!

Joi de Vie

2008-02-07T06:37:00.000-07:00

So after another hiatus......I am back. I have been settling into work and figuring out how to do my job, so time on the internet has been precious. I would have written sooner, but I tripped over the cord attaching my home laptop to the modem (ya I have been to cheap thus far to buy a wireless modem) and my computer has stopped working. Every time I boot it up it goes into a endless cycle of looking like it is going to boot into Windows and then giving me the evil blue screen of death and then restarting again. I hate the damn blue screen of death. The least it could do is stick around long enough to let me see what the error message is so I could google it and try to home-fix my computer, but alas, the thing stays up for 0.25 seconds and then disappears.

The boyfriend had lugged his desktop computer up from Canada and although it made it through a cross-ocean trip, the damn ghetto movers here in Bermuda, traveling at 40km/h for about 10 minutes, managed to destroy the thing. We are without home computers right now! We are still paying the $100 per month for internet though, which provides us with the intense surfing power of 256kb/s. But don't you worry, I ordered a new laptop from the lovely people of Dell Latin American, and when they get off their fat-asses and make the damn thing, I should return to more regular blogging. I miss the modern conveniences of living in Canada. They would have had my Dell computer assembled and sent to me within a week. In Bermuda, they will likely get it to me in a month and then charge me $300 in duty! But I guess paying $300 in duty is better than losing half my paycheques to the tax-peeps!

So I am settling into life here. Me and the boyfriend have moved out of our guesthouse and into our apartment. The place is furnished but the furniture is so crappy (read: twin bed and futon that won't convert completely upright thus destroying my back). So I have been on a mission to slowly replace the furniture in our place. I am trying to find a decent second-hand sofa-bed but the Bermudians sure do like ugly, gaudy furniture....but I don't! I am going to have to buy a new one, probably at great expense! Another fun thing about Bermuda is the damn humidity here. I usually shower at the gym in the mornings before work but I showered at home last Sunday and then didn't shower again, at home, until the following Saturday. And to my chagrin, my towel was still freakin' wet! I definitely need to get a dehumidifier! And man is sweeping all my long-ass dark hairs off the floor annoying when the floor is always damp! Driving me nuts! What do you even use to get rid of them?

So we have started hanging out with an interesting crew of people and we seem to have weekly drinking and Wii parties at someone's house. We, along with two other couples, have Wiis. Man that thing is fun. I borrowed Mario Party 8 from my manager and have been playing lots of that and Guitar Hero (which I bought the boyfriend for Christmas). One of our new buddies likes to get naked. Like all the time. I have only been here for 1 month, and in the 3 weekends of hanging out with him, I have seen him:

-Completely naked with only the Wii guitar covering his nether-regions
-Wearing a skin-tight Ace and Gary suit (that he had hand-made for Halloween last year)
-Wearing only a jock strap
-Wearing no shirt with a happy face drawn around his belly-button (the belly-button was its mouth and he made it talk)
-Wearing a lovely pair of little briefs

The guy is a riot. Very amusing! His poor wife!

Other than that, I have started playing ultimate frisbee once a week. I have never played before but it is really fun. It's a wicked workout! The thing that sucks is that there is only one other girl that plays and I have only seen her the first day I was out. I am all for equality between the sexes, but men can just run faster than me. So covering people sucks! Also, it is very intimidating when a 6'4 black man, built like a linebacker, purposely tries to scare the shit out of me on a regular basis. For example, I tried to jump to get the frisbee and he towered over me and plucked it easily out of the air and yelled "You want this little girl?" He is actually a really nice guy, as I discovered when the following week he was on my team instead of against me (it is drop-in ultimate frisbee). I have to work on some basic skills to get better at the game such as throwing a frisbee, catching a frisbee and moving to the right spot to have it be beneficial for someone to throw the frisbee to me. Meh....that'll come with time I am sure!

I also joined a yoga class put on by the Dept. of Community and Cultural Affairs of Bermuda called "Yoga for Exercise". The description reads "Learn to relax while toning and trimming your body." It is the world's worst yoga class and should be called "Yoga for senior citizens"! The lady that teaches the class has us put our mats in a circle around her and takes the first 10 minutes of the class taking attendance. Not even sure why she continues to take attendance week after week, since the people are always the same. She is teaching a class of people who range in age from 16 to about 30 but she keeps talking about osteoperosis and back-health. Also, she gets us to put aside our traditional yoga mats and lugs out the thick mats that are used for the kids gyms classes. During the first class, she took us through a really easy stretching routine (not even a yoga move in sight) and then ended up telling us to do the fish pose:

This is probably one of the worst poses for your back! This lady is clearly not qualified to teach this class and I feel like standing up and doing it for her. I think I am going to quit this class and stick to doing yoga via tv (they have this great Fit TV channel that has all sorts of good yoga shows on).

I also bought a new scooter, which I love. Here is a picture of me on it:

I am planning on taking some pretty pictures of the beautiful white and pink sand beaches here in Bermuda some weekend, but every weekend is rainy and overcast. The weather is usually beautiful during the week, while I am stuck inside at work and then turns shitty come Saturday. Seriously, get your act together weather!!!! I need photos to make my friends at home (who experienced -40 to -50 Celcius in the last little while) jealous!

Life is Coming Along!

2008-01-16T12:19:00.000-07:00

So both me and the boyfriend both passed our scooter-driving tests on Monday and are now liscenced to drive a scooter. What an epic journey that was. Well they have this thing called "island time" here. Whatever would take you like 20 minutes at home will take you about 4 hours here.

First of all, our Examiner started the test about 45 minutes late. So we both did our test and then we went inside to wait for the guy to stamp our form as "passed". So the Examiner saw one of his friends and chatted to him for 30 minutes. After that he finally gave us our cards and told us to go to the information desk. The information desk lady then gave us a number. It was about 3:05 at this point. So we waited in line. It was at number 275 and we were number 350 and 351. Finally, they processed our licence at 5pm. We then get home and the boyfriend notices that the dumb bitch who processed our licence had forgotten to put that we were able to drive motorcycles as well as scooters. This would be fine except that the island is really hilly and you need at least a 100cc bike (which is considered a motorcycle here) to pass people on these hills.

At this point the Transport Control Department was closed so I decided I would go the next day. So I went down the next day and complained. Some guy takes my licence and then goes in the back and does not emerge for 45 minutes. He then gives me a piece of paper saying that I passed for motorcycle too and then tells me to see information. I then see information lady and she gives me another number. I am like "You have to be kidding me" and everyone around me gives me a "Stupid white girl is throwing a fit for no reason look". So I sit down and wait in the waiting area. They finally call my number at about 10:30am (I had shown up at the place at 8:30am) and then act like they are doing me a favour by correcting something they should have done in the first place! Ya so needless to say, I hope I never have to go in that damn place ever again!!!!

Yesterday I bought a new scooter (a MIO 100cc cappucino coloured). I will post some photos of it when I get a chance (ie remember to bring a camera with me!) and I got a cell phone. The cell phone salesperson was pretty awesome too. She looked pissed at me when I prevented her from sending text messages for 10 minutes so she could set me up with a phone. It's not like it's not your job biatch! She also had this disgusting long-ass fake nails with some sort of decoration that looked like a spiderweb or something on them. Ah well, gotta get used to a slower-paced life. Not a good move when you come from Cowtown because everyone is so impatient at home. If you don't get served in like 10 minutes of sitting down, in Cowtown, you start to eliminate parts of the servers tip! That shit would never fly here!

First Weekend in Bermuda

2008-01-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend was pretty busy! On Friday night we hit up the gym. By the way, my friends from Cowtown that bitch about Banker's Hall gym being expensive at $1000 per year, they aint got nothing on the gyms here! I had to pay $1700 for a 1 year pass at this gym! That is crazy talk! Since I am a nerdy accountant type, that works out to about $8.50 per visit to the gym (if I am able to make it 4 times a week - which is freakin' unlikely!) After that, we hauled it over to a work-mates home for some burgers.

The guy who's house we went to is quite a joker. He told us all sorts of stories that ranged from when he fell asleep without his pants on in the office and a partner found him to why he failed his Chartered Accountancy exam twice and his CFA exams 3 times. He's a pretty funny guy and his wife puts up with his chananigans quite well. We then headed out to a pub. We had a few drinks there and then my work-mate bought me a Crown and Ginger (one of my favorite drinks ever), which happens to cost practically an arm and a leg here in Bermuda, and some drunk Irish dude threw a blow-up doll at my drink and smashed my drink all over my legs. First of all, what was he doing with a blow-up doll and why the hell was he throwing it. I think I shed a tear for my Crown....because Crown is a mint in Bermuda. I have to switch to rum instead....as the stuff practically comes out of the taps here. It was pretty fun there, but the highlight of my night is when they played "Soulja Boy" and I did the Soulja Boy dance along with some of the locals. I have never seen so many people give me a "Holy Shit what a cracker" look at the same time. Oh well, they didn't even know how to do the dance properly......wannabes!

On Saturday night I went with some friends to the Just for Laughs comedy show. I love me some live comedy. Most of the comedians were friggin' hilarious. One of my favorites is when, in referring to Tyra Banks, one of the comedians says "When the fuck did we start letting models talk?"

On Sunday, as I have been looking for stuff to be involved in, I joined the Bermuda Ultimate Frisbee Federation. I have never played ultimate before but let me tell you, that shit is fun. I ended up getting so into it I was trash talking the other team by the end. I am definitely going to regularily attend! Also, me and my boyfriend finally found a place to live. A really small 1 bedroom apartment, for the bargain price of $2000 per month (trust me that is actually cheap here!) My boyfriend made the comment that we will be living like students for the next 2 years. I am like "why?" because we are chartered accountants now and are making a good amount of money. He's a major cheapskate but whatever I will hopefully be able to change him a bit!

So all I have to do now is pass my scooter test later today, and my life will be almost in order!

Cowtown Gal Becomes Beachtown Gal!

2008-01-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the massive hiatus, but I have been very busy, as of late, and actually didn't have anything that interesting to talk about. But, upon the suggestion of friends, I have started this blog up again to keep my friends at home up to date with what is going on in my life.

Well I got sick of good 'ol Cowtown so I decided to move this show to a different locale. I have officially become a resident of Bermuda. In about May of last year, as I walked through a snowstorm that had no business being there at that time of year (April flowers should bring May flowers god damn it!), I turned to my boyfriend (yes I am still dating the one I was dating a new year's last year) and asked "Hey do you want to move to Bermuda?". He is a chartered accountant too so it was both super easy for us to make the move here. So he obviously agreed and fast forward to January of 2008 and we are now here!

Well lots has happened in the last year:

I went through a change in soccer teams because the coach of my old soccer team cut me from the team after I helped bring him a provincial win

I studied all summer for my Uniform Final Examination to become a Chartered Accountant and passed that shiznit (wrote the test in September then they made me stew in my own nervousness until November 30 when they finally told us the results)

Was a maid of honour when my little sister got married two times (haha I know what you are thinking but it was twice to the same guy - once legally in Canada and once cerimonially in the Dominican Republic)

Went to Vegas for the second time in my life with the boyfriend and won a whole $400 (I know I am so rich) and found out that the boyfriend likes to drunkin' break up with me when he gets past a certain level of drinks (it is about at the 15 beer area) and regret/not remember it in the morning

Went on a trip to Japan and Thailand with my friend from work to celebrate finishing our Chartered Accountancy exam

Went to the Dominican Republic with my sister and family and friends to witness my sister getting married (let me tell you, all inclusives are fun but the food tends to shoot through your system quickly due to its poor quality - if you know what I mean). Dominican Rum is yummy and potent!

Spent Christmas at Canmore with the family and New Year's with friends in Calgary

So all in all, it was a great year, to say the least! I am very broke now but I am rich with life experience. Well if life experience = drinking/no money!

So I own a condo in Cowtown, which I wish I had never bought, which I wanted to sell before I left. My realtor sat me down and said that I would basically only get $10,000 less than I paid for the place (less his $12,000+ in realtor fees that I would have to pay him to do so). He suggested that I wait for 6 months and sell it at that point. At this point, I had my best friend living in the condo with me so I asked her if she wanted to stay, which she did and then we set out on a search to fill the other room with a roommate. I paid money to list it on a bunch of sites and then, when I was at the wedding, one of my sister's friends asked about the place, and ta-da, he moved in. I am losing a bit of money each month but that bit of money is better than losing $22,000! I will try and sell it again after the 6 months is up. The market in Cowtown is ridiculous!!!!!!! No one is buying anything and the only people that sell are those that are willing to part with their place for $30,000 under what they list it for (and that my friends is not me!).

I also sold my car the day before I left to go to Bermuda (thank god) but have to wait for the dude that bought it from me to pick it up from my parents when he gets back from work on the rigs up North. The guy paid me a deposit but I still have to wait for a couple of weeks for the money (which would be really useful right now to pay damage deposits and to buy a scooter!) Ah well, at least I can sleep easy knowing it is sold.

So I finished up work at my old workplace on December 21st and spent the rest of the xmas holidays packing and such to get ready to leave. I managed to pack all my worldly possessions into three 50 pound bags (after giving approximately four very full garbage bags of clothes that I never wore away to charity!) I brought only clothes, shoes, a bunch of bathroom crap and books here with me. It is crazy to go with so little (I typically pack the same amount just to go on a one week trip!) We left to Bermuda on the 3rd of January on the Red Eye flight to Toronto that was supposed to leave a midnight. Unfortunately the plane was two hours late which made us late to catch our plane from Toronto to Bermuda. So we landed at 8am in Toronto and the flight to Bermuda was leaving (from the other side of the airport) at 8:30am. So we hauled ass across the airport and made it to the plane before it left. Because our luggage wouldn't quite make it as fast as us, they would not let us go on the plane. Air Canada sucks, that is all I can say!

In the end, they put us on a Delta flight to JFK and then we transferred onto an American Airlines flight from there to Bermuda. Because me and my boyfriend had extra bags, they made us repay the extra bag fee for Delta (even though stupid Air Canada already had a bunch of our money for that). When waiting for them to re-route the flights, we met a man that actually worked at the place we were going to be working at in Bermuda. He helped us call the office to let my friend that was meeting us at the Bermuda airport know that we would be late. So the Delta flight ended up being 1 hour late because there was too much luggage on the plane (probably mine and my boyfriend's fault so I can't complain too much) and then the American Airlines flight was 2 hours late because customs had to search the plane for something (which was a little worrisome considering the plane came from San Fran prior to arriving to JFK!)

We finally arrived in Bermuda at about 10:30pm (we were supposed to land at noon) and then we had to go through the fun experience of going through customs as a first time resident. This is where they search your bags for stuff you are trying to smuggle into the country. In case you didn't know, Bermuda does not charge income tax to employees that work in their country. So how do they pay for roads, police, firemen, etc. you ask? By taxing the shit out of everything that is imported into Bermuda. They charge 25% on everything other than used clothes and shoes (thank god for that because my jeans collection alone would have cost me about $700) that you bring into Bermuda. My new employer had informed me of this, so they told me to write a list of all my possessions I have that were not clothes and assign them a reasonable value (i.e. what someone would pay for them if they bought them as they were today). I of course opted for a low value (all my stuff is crap anyways).

While we were waiting in line for them to search our bags, some idiot pulled a can of spices out of his bag and they exploded thus making all the customs agents and all us poor suckers that were standing in line, cough our lungs out. The damn potent shiat stayed in the air for a good 20 minutes after he put it away. It felt like the one time someone maced someone in the hallway that vented into the gym I was working out in in Edmonton. The customs agents pulled out the SARS masks which we all put on. It was funny. We all looked like there had been an outbreak of some deadly virus. I would hate to see what the relatives/friends, picking people up at the airport, thought when people walk through the doors with these masks on!

Anyways we finally got through customs, paid a small fortune in taxes, and met up with our poor friend who had been waiting since 10pm to pick us up from the airport. We caught a cab to the guesthouse we were staying at and then passed out. The next day we rented a scooter and found a grocery store. The first thing we noticed is how much everything friggin' costs here. To give you an idea, here is the price of some common household items:

1. Toothbrush - $5.50

2. 1/2 gallon of milk - $4.35 (by the way it is powdered milk too!)

3. 2lb of frozen chicken breasts, boneless, skinless - $9.99

4. Ice cream (1/2 gallon) - $7.20

5. Normal chocolate bar - $1.25

6. Coke (6 pack of cans) - $9.00

Ya so needles to say, I may go broke buying food!

On Saturday night we were invited to a managers house for dinner. They served us a wicked meal (may be the last time I eat after taking in the freakin' price of food here!) We sat around drinking wine and bullshitting! Apparently my friend and the manager whose house we went to that night scrapbook on Wednesday nights. My manager's husband claims that they never scrapbook and just sit around drinking wine. My friend showed me her scrapbook and she had only done 3 pages in 1 whole year. Ya sounds like my kind of scrapbooking club!!!! On Sunday we took it easy and drove around the island a bit (it is only 23 square miles and has a population of about 62,000) and had a picnic on the beach. I love that I only have to drive a 1/2 mile, at the furthest, at any point on the island to reach the ocean!

My first week of work has been very uneventful because the rest of the employees are not starting until January 17th and they do not want to train me and the boyfriend (yes we both work at the same place and yes I know that this will eventually end up causing us problems!) until all the new employees arrive. So I am surfing the net all week (but getting paid!!!) Tonight I am hitting up my first Bermuda pub and then I am going to a Just for Laughs show at some Bermuda hotel. Should be fun! I will take out the camera this weekend and capture some good moments and hopefully capture the beauty of this island a little bit!

You know what makes you feel old....When your Sister, Two Years your Junior, Gets Engaged!

2007-02-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

Well it has been quite a week here. First thing, my sister got engaged on the weekend. He boyfriend (I guess FIANCE now) proposed to her in Radium (a.k.a. the mountains) at the top of a little mountain. He acted completely uninterested in their romantic weekend getaway, set up a romantic little sit down with candles and such and then popped the question. It was their 2 year anniversary. They haven't been together for that long but they are perfect for eachother. My sister is an artist/tattoo artist and he is a DJ/caretaker for mentally challenged people. They both have weird hair/tattoos/piercings. But he is the best guy ever. He's like a brother to me and he's always there when I need him. Congrats sis! I love ya and am so proud of ya!

(Here is the lovely couple. Yes its true...we are getting a lil bit 'o color in the family. Thank god too because we are some of the palest people you'll ever meet!)

Her wedding will most likely be in the Dominican Republic and will be at the end of November. I can't wait. My sister is having 5 bridesmaid (I think that almost everyone going to the wedding will be in the wedding party...eek!) and I am a co-maid-of honor with her best friend. That's a good thing though because I want to be there for my sister but unfortunately I will be a a sucky one til the end of Sept because I am writing my Chartered Accountancy exam, for which I must study for for 2.5 months. It's a 3-day exam where they could ask you essentially anything about accounting/auditing. So I'll be quite occupied.

Other than that, I have been looking for a condo to purchase and rent out for year (then eventually move in). So this weekend I found a wicked place that was already rented out (til Dec). I love it. Its a two-bedroom, 915 sq ft place that is right off of 17th Avenue (the red mile for all you NHL Flames Fans). That may not sound that big of a place but in downtown Cowtown, most two-bedroom places are 700-800 sq ft and typically cost about $20K more. It's bright (south-facing), the floors were recently re-done and it has stainless steel appliances. So I put an offer down and I found out that I could be approved for a lot more than I thought I could for a mortgage because I have good credit. So now the offer is conditional on seeing the condo documents. I'm a little worried about the condo's reserve fund but it looks like it will be okay. It's a stressful situation but atleast I don't have to move in for a while. I decided to keep it rented out because I am getting a good raise next year and will be able to afford to live in it (with a roommate) in a year.

Yah so boring but informative post. On tap for the weekend....I am gonna relax tonight because I have been down with the stomach "flu" (I know TKW that there is no such thing) for the past 3 days. Then I am going to watch the UFC fight tomorrow night and watching the Superbowl on Sunday at my boyfriends "Eat bad food and watch the Superbowl party." Well it wont be much of a party as only me and his roommate are invited....but it's fun to pretend.

Crazy Ladies, Non-Gay Bars and Big Texans

2007-01-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well I am nearing the end of my trip to Houston for two-fun filled weeks for work. During my stay, I resided mostly at the Holiday Inn Express in West Houston. Let me tell you...DO NOT STAY THERE! Why you ask? WHY? Because they have taken crap-hole hotel to the next level. Well to be fair, the hotel was fine last week but this week has been the week from hell.

First, on Monday night, at 1am, I awoke to a loud beeping sound. It took me about 5 minutes to figure out that no, I did not cause this sound. I was so confused that I spent about 2 minutes trying to turn off my alarm (which I finally figured out was set for 6:30am) and then about 2 minutes trying to figure out that my heater wasn't making that sound (yes I have great deductioning logic at 1am). So I poke my head out of the door and I see smoke. I am like oh my god I am going to die. So I do what any logical person would do, I grabbed my pair of Citizen of Humanity Jeans and put them on and ensured that all my new clothes that I just bought were in a bag. Then I placed my work computer as close I could to the door (I wanted that son of a bitch to burn, burn, burn, so I would have an excuse to stop working). I then made sure that I had my camera and other important items like my passport. This took me about 5 minutes. Then I was out the door. It turned out it was the heater in the hall (closest to my room) that apparently hadn't been turned on for months that had started to smoke. I learnt an important lesson about myself...apparently I value clothes more than my own life. I am so sad. In ten minutes, with the proximity of that heater to my room, I would have surely perished, had it actually caught on fire. But damn I would be one hot charred body (my new Citizen jeans and all).

But no the Holiday Inn fun does not stop there! On Tuesday night, the hot water stopped working. So they get someone in to fix it on Wednesday. On Wednesday night I get a letter under my door that apologizes but the valve that needs to be replaced for the hot water to work needs to be flown in and will be there in the morning. This is an exact quote from the letter: "The good news is that the cold water is still working." Wow thanks holiday inn, I am so happy that we have not reverted to third world status, sans running water, as one expects when paying $125 US a night for a crappy room.

So, you ask, what else could go wrong. Well I come back to my room last night (Thursday) and I get a another note under my door that says that, hoorah, the hot water is back, but that the only way to know for sure is to test it out. I'm like....oh thank god a hot shower. Then I scan to the bottom of the letter and there is a lovely post script. It says: Oh by the way our T-1 phone lines are not working and that they have been working on it all day. This normally wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I had just left the client site at 8pm (even though I had like 2 more hours of work to do) in hopes that I could just curl up in my pajamas and do some work back at the hotel because I had spent 12-13 hours a day sitting in the same office out at the client site that week. But alas, I needed internet access for the work I needed to do. At this point I just said "Meh" I guess that is what is to be expected. So this morning, when I went to check out of my hotel, I complained and they offered me 25% off of my room. How does that help me though? My company pays for my hotel...so thanks for putting some more money in the partners pockets. So I made them give me some extra hotel points. Maybe I can get enough to stay at another crappy Holiday Inn. One can only hope.

Well the rest of the trip was decent (other than the long-ass days of work). We (as in me and my co-worker) spent the weekend in downtown Houston and stayed at the cutest little boutique hotel called the Hotel Derek that was right by the Houston Galleria mall. Let me tell you that mall was the highlight of my trip. I love it! So many nice stores. I didn't bother going in the Coach, Versace, etc because the sales people didn't appreciate my $15 Target-bought shoes. So I stuck to the Nordstroms, Macy's, Fossils, etc. I managed to buy a new watch, some new Citizen of Humanity jeans (which I am currently in love with) and some shirts. We also ate at this wicked restaurant called the Cheesecake Factory and at the best freakin cheesecake and appetizers I have ever had. I had a chocolate chip cookie dough-peanut-butter cheeescake and fried macaroni and cheese balls (yumm!) I had all these brilliant plans to eat at all these amazing places downtown but after that massive lunch, I couldn't bring myself to eat anything for like 24 hours.

(This is a picture of me and my new boyfriend....just kidding, he was an Abercrombie and Fitch model that was at the Galleria)

That night we went to a bar called Rich's. We went there because my co-worker is gay and I was up for going to a gay bar (hey why not!) I can play the "Fag Hag" as he put it! We got there and the place was completely empty. I kept looking around the bar and noting that there seemed to be an awful lot of girls dancing with guys at that bar. So in a couple of hours, people start showing up and my co-worker saw some cute guys who turned out to be twins so he went and spoke to them. So I came over and spoke to them too and my co-worker thought they were cute. I had to break the news to him that I think that they weren't gay because they kept coming up and talking to me first and then him. One of the twins explained that the bar used to be a gay bar but now it has turned into an after-hours club. But since we had taken a $20 cab ride to the bar, we decided to stay.

We ended up meeting these two girls and dancing with them all night. Some highlights of the night is when I danced with this 6'5 drag queen and when I went up to this guy, who had just finished this wicked break dancing set in a circle, that had formed on the dancefloor, and I challenged him to a robot-off (FYI in case you have ever seen my robot....it's probably the worst robot in existence). My robot looks like if Elaine from Seinfeld attempted to do the robot. Jerky movements, not so robot-like. Needless to say "He got SERVED!"

(This is a pic of me, the co-worker and one of the random gals we met at Rich's).

Other than that, the trip was pretty uneventful. I ate alot of food and learnt to ask for half-portions (explaining why there are alot of "glandurally-challenged" people in Houston"). Also, the weather was nice up until the day we got to Houston (it rained so much and there was even frost one day) and then got nice the day we left. So that kind of was a bummer!

So last story to leave you with is the lovely surprise when I checked my voicemail last night. I had 3 messages from a crazy East-Indian lady who claimed that I am shacked up with her ex-husband. She kept saying that all she wanted to do was talk to her son and kept telling me that her ex-husband is crap in bed. She left her phone number and I am debating calling her and telling her that she has the wrong number but she seemed pretty loco. I am scared she make think that I am lying and that I am in fact sleeping with her ex-husband. A conundrum. I'm heading home though people and I can't wait (there's someone there I miss alot!!!)

No Actually I am Alive!!!

2007-01-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a long-ass time since I last posted. Sorry bout that. I was really busy. What have I been up to? Well work has gotten pretty busy, I wrote my 5th (and last module) exam of my Chartered Accounting schooling and passed, I did alot of climbing and alot of snowboarding. Although I've had lots to say, I haven't had time to say it. I met a couple of boys in the last while and finally found one that I think I'll stick with for a while.

(Me climbing).

So for Xmas I spent some time in Canmore (a beautiful mountain town by Banff, where my parents are planning to retire). There wasn't much eventful that happened other than my mom exclaiming (while looking at our ridiculously large free-range turkey) "This turkey has large breasts just like us" (we Cowtowngal's have a decent sized bosom). But atleast my parents didn't get pleasantly plastered and tell me to what album I was conceived this year circa Xmas 2005(by the way it was apparently Led Zepplin's physical graffiti). If I ever forget how I became so blunt and inappropriate, I need only to look as far as my immediate family. For xmas I got a new camera, perfume (Vanille de Apricot), and some silver necklaces.

I went snowboarding quite a big over the holiday which was sweet until I hit a tree and busted my bindings. I proceeded to take in my binding strap to try and get a new one and they informed me that they no longer replace 10 year old bindings and then asked me how the hell my bindings lasted that long in the first place. Well I got a new pair of white Burton Custom bindings with some bling (gold buckles) and they are awesome. I can't wait to get out some more and use them.

I also ended up going to Invemere which is a lake town close to Panorama (a sweet ass ski hill) with a bunch of friends. My sister was there with her boyfriend, some other friends and some of the cabin owner's brother's friends. I loved the brother's friends. So much fun. They showed me this fun-ass dice game, which I proceeded to kick ass at and then began losing miserably. But all weekend we were out with the "your momma" jokes. And man were they bad. They were horrible. Anything we heard that we could make into a your momma joke was made into one. We were also making up some stupid handshakes like the rainbow (punch your knuckles together, than make a rainbow motion with your hands and say Awwwwwwwwwww!), the sparkle (punch knuckles together, than wave your fingers and spout out a campy "Sparkle!", and last but not least the semi truck (punch knuckles together, pretend to shift into reverse, and back your knuckles away from the other person going "Beep, beep, beep"). We tried to take these to the local bar in invemere and let me tell you the locals were not impressed. Oh well, we had some fun none the less.

I drove the pipeliner up with me to the cabin and shared a couch with him. But I couldn't bring myself to even kiss him anymore because he was annoying me so much. Also, I kept thinking about my friend at home that I had been hanging out with lately (only supposedly as friends). So needless to say when I got home, I told the pipeliner that we should just be friends because we were better that way. He proceeded to ask me if it was because I had met someone else, and I didn't respond.

Well immediately when I got home, I phoned my friend (the one I was thinking about while hanging out with the pipeliner) and asked what he was doing. He came out with me and I met some his friends and then we met up with some of our friends. I tried to set up my one friend with my friend that I didn't realize I liked but to no avail. So, I went back to my friend's house to hang out and all of the sudden, I found myself cuddling with him on the couch. Seriously had no idea where it came from. It was like, one minute we are friends, and the next minute, we are more than friends. Hmmmm...WTF? Oh well works with me. He's a really good guy. He used to work with me but ended up leaving our company and going to a different auditing firm. So he's cute, doesn't work with me and is super fun to hang out with.

(Me and the guys on new year's eve. The new man is to the right of me).

I spent new years with him and ended up getting wayyyy to drunk but that's okay. I bought a new dress and we went to a club with my new man, his roommate and his roommate's brother. It was pretty fun. I'm pretty sure I was creeping some people out with my sweet sweet drunkin' dance moves, but whatever, I'm sure they liked it. Haha! Not a whole lot worth talking about happened because I was too tipsy to remember what happened. But I had fun. So now and the new man are officially dating (I think that means we are exclusive) so I hope this goes well. We shall see!

Beastiality, Red Bull and the Ocean

2006-11-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Well I just got back from a fun-filled weekend on Vancouver Island where I went and visited a friend that is up there taking law (yes some of my friends are smart because they aren't stupid like me and spend there weekends killing/drowning their brain cells). My flight was rather uneventful. I watched some sweet O.C. action (who knew that that show started up again) on the plane.

When I arrived, we immediately ordered some Pad Thai from my friend's fav Thai place (she apparently lives there part-time) and busted out the Rye. I decided since I was in B.C. and did not want to forget my Albertan roots, I bought the cheapest rye I could find "Alberta Premium" (which is totally ghetto). Victoria is known to be very politically correct so I figured I should offend everyone I could during my short stay on the Island. So at the liquor store my friend was talking about one of her classes she has which is entitled "Animals and the Law" or something like that. So naturally I asked her if they had a module on not having sex with animals (that's a law isn't it?) The liquor store clerk looked slightly appalled, as did everyone else. The whole weekend our motto was "even ugly animals need love". We were commenting on how hot dogs and other wildlife were. Yeah I'm twisted but it's a joke people.

On the Thursday night we got liquored up and went out to this bar that had no one in it. It was a fun night though. Couldn't tell you why because I may not remember. Could have involved some motorboat action with some friends...but one cannot be sure. I danced up a storm on the completely deserted dancefloor and proceeded to get refused entry into the next bar I tried to enter. The bar that wouldn't let us in was called Plan B. Well they were our Plan B so screw them for not letting me in because I was falling over.

On Friday I went shopping in downtown Victoria and I found a really nice pair of Sevens (not Seven but Sevens for all Humanity) for 100 bones. I was super happy about them. They are slightly tight but a couple of rounds of lunges in them should stretch them out. I know so because my other pair of Sevens stretched ridiculously. On Saturday Night we saw Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Gotta love that title. Seriously, all though the hotel scene was traumatizing, that movie was so funny. I pretty much peed my pants the whole way through. My favorite part is when they go to the dinner party. So awkward. Gotta love it! "My wife is dead....High Five!" After that we headed to a bar called Sauce and had a few drinks.

On Saturday, my friend I was staying with went to the airport to pick up her 17 year old brother. Since he was so young, we couldn't go to the bar so we ended up going over to her man's house and playing this game called "Beer Die". It's a silly game where you try to bounce a dice into the other person's drink and they have to try and catch the dice if you miss. If you miss catching the dice then you have to take a drink and if you get the dice in the other persons' drink, they have to drink the rest of their drink. It was pretty fun but got out of hand the more you drank. I spent the entire night making an ass of myself but it was a blast. I may have smooched a guy from the party (I will never tell) and I may have stolen him out from under another girls grip. Whoops! Another inside joke from the party is Gigi the Bum Blaster. But I am not going to explain that one, because those that know are the only ones who get to know!

On Sunday I took it easy and have a wonderful flight back to Calgary. The damn shuttle took about 40 minutes after my late-ass flight to even leave the airport but I save $10 damn it, by not taking a cab. The trip was really fun and I love the people that my friend goes to school with. They are so unjudgmental and they can handle and roll with my sick and twisted sense of humor. I will definitely have to make another trip out there next year to see them all.

One last item of interest from this week is that I scored my first indoor goal of the season in soccer last night by drop-kicking the ball out of the opposing goalies hands into the net. I'm dirty but it put a point on the board and we only won 3-2 so thank god it did!

Hockey Game Hijinks

2006-11-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

My boss came to me yesterday and gave me two tickets to the Calgary Flames Game (NHL) for putting up with the crap client I was working on last week. That is such a sweet deal. I guess I should have a mental breakdown at work more often. In Cowtown we are obsessed with our Flames and I have yet to go to a Hockey Game. The ex told me that he was going to take me to a game last year and then proceeded to go to like 4 or 5 with his friends. Did he ever take me? No. Fucker! Speaking of the ex, I saw him the other night at the Indoor Soccer Centre in Cowtown and he completely ignored me. I typically ignore him but him ignoring me...how rude (I know I am a complete hypocrite).

I went for sushi today with a friend that is going to Thailand tomorrow. I am so jealous of her. It has been a really long time since I've gone anywhere but the US and I am getting the travel bug something wicked. I need to find a job where they will let me work for 9 months and then I can travel for 3 months. I don't care if they only pay me for the 9 months (and I am unpaid for the rest). I don't want to have a normal life where I work 9 to 5 and only have the weekends off. Something is backwards about that shit. Shouldn't you spend the majority of your life doing something you like (i.e. not work) and the minority making the money to do it? I just think providing me with only 3 weeks of holidays a year is bunk. It's not even close to enough time to enjoy my life. Think about it if I was to work until I was 60 and I got on average 4 weeks of holidays a year I would get 140 weeks of holidays. This equates to working 32.3 years and only having 2.69 years off (that is only 7% of my weekdays of my working life spent enjoying myself). That is a raw deal if you ask me.

Anyways I probably wont post again until after the weekend where I will be visiting a friend that lives in Victoria, B.C. (she's going to law school there). There is a cute boy there that I will get to see that I had HUGE sexual tension with when I met him when he came down to Cowtown to visit my friend. But I couldn't do anything with him because I was being faithful to my ex. Who knew that weeks later he would kick the lovely me to the curve. If I could only turn back time! Ah well now I can explore what the cute boy has to offer. I will provide the details! Have a good remembrance day and remember to give your one minute of silence on Saturday at 11 (for those of you in the U.S. disregard the previous).

Stupid Stuff to do when You are Drunk

2006-11-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

So this week at work sucked. I had the most disrespectful client I have ever met try to tell me how to do my job and he also accused me or one of my co-workers of having a ringtone on our phone that says "Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you". What a nut! We were right by his office the whole week and no one had that ringtone. On the plus side my manager didn't believe a thing that was said and took me out for drinks on Friday because I looked like a needed it.

So Friday night started with a couple of drinks at the bar by my work with a bunch of workmates. I got a slight buzz from that and realized that it was 6:30pm and I had to haul ass home to change. My friend and her friend drove picked me up and we went to the James Blunt concert (the guy that sings that "You're Beautiful" song). The concert was pretty good but all the songs are super depressing. So you better believe we had to go out after that (so we didn't go home and kill ourselves).

After the concert we got dropped off on 17th Avenue (the Red Mile) and we went on an impromptu pub crawl. First we got pizza and I put honey on it (my friend suggested that I do so) and damned if it ain't good. After that we hit up a pub called Bungalow but there were a couple of creepy guys there that wouldn't leave us alone so we left that place in a hurry. After that we headed over to another pub called Mercury. That place is crazy. One of the bars is a fish tank but instead of putting rocks in the thing, it is just made out of clear glass. It's really lovely to see the fish poop while you are thinking of what drink to order. "I'll have a fish poop...I mean rye and coke"

We stayed there the rest of the night because we ran into a couple of friends we knew from soccer. One guy that was friends with a friend showed up and he was kind of cute. So I threw on the charm and he seemed interested. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with him. In Cowtown, a friend had put on the 30 Hour Soccer Marathon to raise money for cancer this weekend. So the whole night, we were talking about how we were going to find someone to drive us to the soccer centre to play for the 3 oclock shift. We were kind of half joking. But when the bar closed, me, my friend and the cute guy caught a cab together and we somehow convinced the cabbie to drive us to the Soccer Centre for $20 (it's a long-ass drive so that was a deal) because it was in the name of cancer. We all went and got our soccer gear from our places and went down to the soccer centre then we played our $20 to get in the marathon each.

When we got to the soccer centre there were a bunch of people I know playing soccer. They happened to be none other than my ex's complete soccer team (who I still love despite the breakup) and his best friend and brother. But, thank god, the ex wasn't there (he has to work every Saturday so I guess he didn't go). God all of us were so drunk and we were playing some good soccer. Every time I kicked someone in the shins or something I was like "Sorry, it's in the name of cancer". I would line up these awesome goals and then miss the ball completely and fall on my ass and lie there laughing for like 5 minutes. The best part of the night was that the cute guy was hitting on me harshly and right in front of the ex's best friend and brother. Haha! Take that one home to the ex. He can see just how sad I am about the whole breakup! I know...I'm immature...but I'm allowed to be from time to time.

We played soccer from 3am til about 5:30am. Then we found someone to give us a ride home. I unfortunately didn't get the cute guys number or give him mine because there were so many people in the car. But we run in similar circles...so I'm sure I'll see him soon. I hope so anyways.

Saturday night was pretty chill. The guy that works on the pipelines drove in from where he was working to visit me. We watched a couple of movies. He's pretty cute. We have been joking all week (via text messages) about how I am his sugar momma and that he should feed me grapes. So when he came on Saturday night, he brought grapes. I was like "Awwwww!" He's a good guy but still not sure how serious I can get with him.

We tied my soccer game 1-1 last week and that is only because the ref was an evil she-bitch and she gave us like 4 two minute penalties and 1 4 minute penalty for stuff that was completely incidental and one that was completely unfounded. That's okay though because we played down a 2-man power play from the other team and we scored a goal when they were on a power play (you should have seen the refs face...she was pissed when we did that). I missed a sweet goal in the last 30 seconds that I totally should have gotten. Ah well...what can you do eh? I'm going rock climbing for the first time in almost 2 weeks today so I am super excited. Next weekend I am going to Victoria, B.C. for the weekend to visit a friend. Should be a blast!

All I Want to do is Dance Dance!

2006-11-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

(This was the pumpkin I made the other year but I didn't write a blog back then so I'm posting it now people!)

Well this weekend should've been funner (considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year). It was fun, but I different kind of fun. I saw myself dressing up all three nights (Friday - Sunday) but unfortunately that did not happen. I begged and pleaded with everyone to dress up but it's kind of hard to convince your friends to wear their skankish Halloween outfits when its -10 Celsius outside. Yeah it sure did get cold and just in time to rain on my parade.

On Friday night I headed over to my friend's house for her birthday. I made my first sushi and let me tell you they have given me honorary Japanese citizenship. Damn I was good. I put a ridiculous amount of Rho (orange fish eggs) on my sushi but they were a big hit. It's suprisingly not that hard to make sushi. The Japanese chef's at the sushi restaurants look all intense and it kind of made me thought it took magic or something to do. After that we chilled out and listened to some music. Then the cute boy (from last posting) showed up.

We then headed out to the Ship and Anchor (aka the Pip and Thank Her aka the Hip and Canker aka the Slip and Shank Her, etc) and we bought some drinks. My sister than showed up and me and the cute boy had to keep our distance because we know that she'd be watching and I wasn't ready to let her know that me and a guy that she formerly dated (don't worry people it wasn't serious) might be hookin' up. So we were all awkward.

Then all of the sudden everyone in the bar left except for me and him. So I asked him if he'd like to hang out. So he came over and we stayed up talking til the wee hours in the morning. The poor guy had to work at 7 am but I don't think he made it until 10ish. He brought up the fact that he'd like to not be single anymore and that he'd like to not be single with me. I brushed it off. I just babbled some incoherent shit and pretended to forget what I was saying. It's not that I don't want to date him it's just that maybe he isn't good for me. Like I said in the last post, we have converging life goals and also he works on the pipelines and is gone the majority of the time. But at the same time, he's really cute, sweet and I laugh my head off when I'm around him. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on yet.

The next day I slept most of the day and then I went to a movie. I saw The Departed. What I friggin' good movie. So many good actors in it and for once, Leonardo Dicaprio was able to act his way out of a paper bag. Good for him. He still looks 16 years old though.

After the movie I decided to go to Red Deer to meet said boy again. It was his friend's birthday and also kind of his send off (because he was moving to Costa Rica for the foreseeable future). So I drove down at about 8pm and we went out in Sylvan Lake (a small town by Red Deer). Sylvan Lake was a ghost town so we went into Red Deer to go out. We went to a bar called the Club. I used to not be able to turn a corner without seeing someone I knew in Red Deer but I didn't see anyone I knew all night. That's okay though...some people are there that I don't really want to run into (aka exes). Nothing eventful happened but there were a bunch of obscenely dressed girls there. Last time I check wearing a white bikini and angel wings is not a costume.

After that we went back to the boys place and hung out. He unfortunately rents a room in a barn. I know what a catch eh...but it actually makes sense for him to live in a barn. He works like the majority of the month and then is only home for like a couple of days a month (the rest of the time he is in Calgary visiting friends). The barn was cold, but it's a good excuse to cuddle with said boy. I hung out with him until 5 o'clock on Sunday then I drove back to Calgary to get ready to finally wear my Halloween outfit.

The outfit was really good (if I do say so myself). I dressed up as Britney Spears...but I was pregnant. I wore the hit me baby one more time (schoolgirl outfit) and I had a fake pregnant belly. It was awesome. I also had this hideous doll I bought from Value Village that used to be a girl but I gave it a home haircut. The doll acted as Britney's son Sean Alexander. I kept dropping it on its head and putting smokes in its mouth and feeding it booze throughout the night. She's just like Britney momma. I went to this show that my sister's boyfriend put on. He's so good at what he does. I will post some pics when I can find my damn camera cord and when blogger lets me upload photos. I seriously was never interested in drum and base music until I heard his. It was a fun night but I went home at midnight because I had to work Monday morning.

This weekend should be okay. I am going to the James Blunt concert on Friday night. I am undecided on how much I like him. I think the concert will be kind of depressing because he whines slightly too much. Ah well. I'm excited to go out after the concert though with a friend I haven't seen in forever. Then on Saturday the boy is supposed to be coming in to town for the evening to hang out. Tomorrow night I have a soccer game so I hope I kick some butt. We shall see.

Boys Boys Boys!

2006-10-26T16:58:00.000-06:00

This last week was pretty fun. I attended the Calgary Business Hall of Fame Dinner on behalf of my company and it actually turned out to be a pretty decent affair. The host of the event was Ron McLean. For those of you who live under a rock (or in the US), Ron is a co-anchor on our much beloved Hockey Night in Canada. He regaled us with anecdotes that involved ice of some sort (the most non-hockey related story he told was about a couple of figure skaters). Man that guy is a good story teller. The dinner was really good and fancy but we had, by far, the youngest table going. I swear I have not seen so many middle-aged men in one room, along with their shining bald heads.

On Friday night, we had a girl's night out. We started off with a little indoor wall climbing (which yes, I am still obsessed with), then we went for supper and then to a movie. The climbing was really fun. I'm getting way better at it but I still have a lot to improve upon (aka my chicken arms need to get with the beef). We went out for supper and were going to go to this Cajun place but the bartender claimed that they were setting a table up for us but when we went sent someone in to have a look, they hadn't even touched any of the 5 open tables. So we said Screw you guys and went to a nearby pub and had some very healthy pub food. You can't knock the pub food.

After that we went to the worst movie ever Marie Antoinette. Again, save yourself the time and hit yourself in the head with some stilettos. Dammit, this movie was so pointless and boring. The story didnÃ’t even portray Marie Antoinette as a hero but more as a naive girl that just spent all of France's money. LAME-O!

After that everyone went home and I went on to go see my sister's boyfriend DJ at a pub. He's really good. Then this guy that I know (he's friends with my sister) showed up and started laying on the charm. I have to admit that I think I have a new crush. I'm not sure if he is the type of guy I could have anything super long-term with because he definitely has different life aspirations than I do. foreseeee myself having a good career, eventually getting married (if I meet any boys that aren't complete commitment-phobic poo-poo heads), and having kids. He, on the other hand, wants to buy land in Costa Rica and open up a hostel. Yeah...slightly converging life goals. But I'll be damned if he isn't cute.

So Saturday night I went out with said boy, one of my best buds from Edmonton, and a bunch of my friends and we saw a really good band from Australia play at our local university. They are called Cat Empire, and let me be the first to tell you...best show ever. I don't know if it was just because I'd drank a sizeable amount of rye or not, but I have never danced my ass off more at a concert. They had the whole place dancing all over. If they ever come to you town GO SEE THEM! You won't regret it. Apparently they are huge in Australia and I'm sure they'll do alright here.

After that we went to the pub that my sister waitresses at and had some more drinks. By that point I was so wasted I could barely walk. But when we were at the table, the boy grabbed my hand and held it. He's such a dream-boat. But there is one problem...he used to date my sister. So I am trying to fight this crush but damn is he cute. Anyways we have been texting each other back and forth all week. He's really cute and I get all happy and excited each time I hear the texting beep. Hopefully I will be able to see him this weekend. We shall see.

On Sunday morning, me and my Edmontonian friend were bored so we set up a profile on lavalife so that we could check the listings in Red Deer (the town where I grew up) to see if there was anyone on there that I knew. I set my name up as "Boobs McGee" and my tagline was "I have large breasts. Please put your head in them". Then in the section where it asked you to tell a little about yourself, I wrote "Motorboat. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" The I put the following picture as my profile pic:

(Yes kids.....this are actually my boobs. They may or may not be thrusted vigorously into the camera but impressive none the less!)

So needless to say I got a instant message from someone the someone the second I hit enter. I convinced this guy I was stripping for a living and trying to put myself through medical school. Meanwhile, me and my friend were pissing ourselves laughing. Stupid men!!!

Well this week is almost over and it is sure to be a good one. I have a sweet Halloween outfit lined up, which I will not disclose until I have some good pics to go along with it. I hope y'all have a good Halloween. Trick or Treat. Treat for me s'il vous plait!!!!!

A Long Time in the Making

2006-10-16T13:39:00.000-06:00

Yeah so I suck and haven't posted in a long time. I sat down to write a rather lengthy and inspired post last week but then my laptop, which has a battery life of about 5 minutes after it performs the tedious task of starting up, died on me when I was putting the finishing touches on a good blog. I have only just worked up the motivation to re-write the blog today. Sorry!!! I will upload some photos once blogger stops being STUPID!

Okay so the weekend before last, on Thursday, I went out to a dueling piano bar called "Aussie Rules" and to the lovely Cowboys (circa last Thursdays - still had fake breasts on tap, along with cheap draft beer). I developed my first crush since being single there. But, it is so taboo......on a guy from work. I am normally really outgoing but as soon as I like a guy, I clam up and get all nervous. I don't know what happened. First I'm like "Yeah he's really nice" and that turned into "Actually he's really nice.....looking". And from there I was hooked. I am not going to describe more about him because I know lots of people from work read this and I do not want to specify more about him lest the rumor mill start a turning. It was a fun night, but I drank only one drink, which incidentally was from the breast of a hooter shooter girl (a friend paid me to do it). There may or may not be a video. Eek!

On Friday, I went out with a couple of friends to a bar called "Soho" which plays lots of hip hop and is frequented by lots of black people (which is quite alright with me). I invited the crush to come along....and he did! So that was good. Too bad that I had drank way too much Soho before I went to Soho and he saw me at my best (worst?) He came with 3 girls though (all of which I was assured were only friends), so that sucked. I just played my shy card as I do with people I like and nothing happened and one of his friends made him leave while I was in the bathroom. So my friend wrestled my cell phone out of my hands and texted him "The bar was alot cooler when you were here." Yeah so someone needs to invent a cell phone with a breathalizer in it that will only allow you to call a taxi to take your drunk ass home after about 0.1 blood alcohol level. So I looked at my call list last night and noticed that I called the crush at 1:15am. Totally don't remember that. Hope I didn't say anything too stupid. Whoops!

On Saturday I picked my friend Just an Alberta Girl at the airport and we then went shopping. The weekend before I had bought some tanktops at a store and then put them down to try something on and forgot them in another store. So I rebought those tanktops and I bought a nice hoodie. Then we went back to my place and got ready to go out. We went to a hard rock bar called "The Back Alley" or as people in Cowtown refer to it "Crack Alley" or simply "the Crack" because of its colorful clientele. In the time I was there I saw a girl dancing on the speaker with a short pleated skirt and I think she forgot to put on underoos! I also saw a gothic gal leading around a gothic guy by a leash (ummm no comment!) We took a couple of people that my friend new from Korea. They were hilarious. One guy could barely speak english but he sure did like the scantily clad beer tub girls! He was like the paparazzi! I ran into another couple of friends there that I wall climb with. They were on a date. So I tried to make it as uncomfortable as I could for them (yeah I know I'm nice).

On Sunday night I went to Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving) dinner with Just an Alberta girl. It was me and 30 Basians (people from Barbados). Man are they hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I could barely talk the next day because I laughed so much. And the drunker they got, the louder they got and the stronger their accents got. Some highlights from the evening was where they pulled out some wine and my friends aunt claimed that "Monks make this wine". I looked at the bottle, and it was Kosher wine with Hebrew writing on it. First, I don't think monks drink and I don't thing that they let monks in synagogue. It was funny they had a glass of Kosher wine in one hand and then a fork with ham on it in the other. Also, one of my friends cousins claimed that he bakes bread and makes salad for Co-op (one of our local grocery stores) and then sell it to them and then rebought it to support his own business. Thats why he brought store bought buns and salad. Too funny. I love my friends family!

Monday, I watched Employee of the Month. Trust me, just go save yourself some money and hit yourself in the head with a shoe. I love Dane Cook though! He's cute. And then we had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents (which happens to be my house now). It was good but everyone kept talking to me like I'm gonna kill myself because of the recent break-up. Seriously people....I have moved on! Leave me alone!

This weekend was rather uneventful. Me and my friend have been waiting for like 4 months to watch Get Rich or Die Tryin' but haven't been able to find a night where we could both get together. We watched movies and ate alot of junk food. Than on Saturday, I went for supper at an Etheopian restaurant (who knew that Ethopians even ate) and then we partook in some "herbal remedies" and watched a cheesy movie. Wow, can I ever not make nachos when I'm f'ed up!

We had our first soccer game of the season and am please to report that we won 5-1! Seriously, my team kicks ass. Not so much me personally, but my team is good! I have to play my old team, which I left due to bad coaching, this season. So that won't be fun. All in all, I had a good weekend though because I was able to stay away from the bar.

Oh you.....you crazy world!

2006-10-01T23:27:00.000-06:00

Well I've been crazy busy lately not to mention I was in training last week, and had no internet access at training. And since I'm so awesome, I usually blog at lunch (don't worry I don't charge my time to a client or anything). So I dropped off the face of the earth. I'm extremely sorry to the 5 people that read my blog. I know, it must have been hard for you. Don't worry, I'm here to update you.

So last weekend, I went out to a party with some friends and it was a good time. It was weird though because I met these friends through a girlfriend of the ex's friend. So the one of the ex's good friends were there. I'm sure he enjoyed me telling them how I hate men now. And then watching my other friend trying to find a cute boy in the party to set me up with. Haha! Good, I hope he told the ex all about it. She's doing fine despite your blind, silly ass! We then went out to a bar where my sister's boyfriend was djaying. He's really good. I'm not a big techno fan but I love his stuff. I spent the night with my friend (who happens to be a bit of a male slut) and we were creeping out my sister by trying to convince her we were going home together. She looked full on creeped out. It was classic.

On Saturday I went to another party which was a going-away party for a friend who is taking off to Asia for 3 months. I'm so jealous. That'll be me next summer though. I am leaving for two months (first month to Eastern Europe and second month to Nepaul). Anyways I was promised that there would be cute guys there but all there ended up being were these two guys from work. They are hilarious. They are both a couple of years younger than me, and you can tell. But they crack me up. I think one of them had smoked up for the first time ever and the other one spilt a liter of drinks on the floor an hour.

Last week we spent the week training. All the people from our Vancouver and Winnipeg offices came down. The training is really fun though because one of my favorite managers was teaching it. He's amusing. Slightly politically incorrect but funny none the less. We had a good table. We got nick-named the "ADD table" (ADD in attention deficit disorder). I didn't learn much but I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.

Anyways we all headed out to the bar Cowboys (where the waitresses are famous for their large fake breasts) one night. It was lots of fun. There's this girl from Winnipeg (which is a small city in Manitoba) that was like this little fake looking china doll. She had quite the outfit on (short skirt, leopard print shirt). When we showed all the pics of the night, I think every guy in our training group had a picture grinding with her. Trust me, she was the last person in the room you would have accused of being an accountant. I danced up a storm with one of my good friends from work (neither of us know how to two-step worth a damn!!!) Anways I came home and passed out in my bed fully clothed and with all the lights in the house still on. Thank god I set my alarm to make it to training in time! I think I may also have developed a crush on a guy from work. We shall see. Right now I am scared of men though!

On Friday night, I went out for drinks again. I know, I know. I may be considered an alcoholic lately but it's keeping me busy and I don't know if I could handle sitting at home on a Friday/Saturday because it would make me sad. But alas, I haven't had to yet. I met a couple of friends at a pub and went home early because I was going rock climbing early on Saturday morning and shopping for a new watch.

The Saturday night, I went out (AGAIN) with some friends for a girl from my works birthday. It was a good time. It think that I got hit on for the first time since being single. That was exciting. I'm not yet interested but it was atleast good to know I've still got it. Anyways we tried to go to a bar called Ranchman's but the line was wayyyyyy too long and then we went to a pub next door instead. Pretty tame night, but it was okay. The only problem with the night is that I had two friends say "Hey, Cowtown Gal, I'm right here" when I was talking to them a bit too loud. That is my pet peeve when someone says those exact words to me. I don't know why. Like for god sakes we are standing outside a loud-ass bar and I'm slightly drunk. Seriously, don't make me feel stupid for speaking loudly. I don't blame them. But when people talk loud to me, I just don't say anything.

So that has been the exciting Cowtown Gal's life for the past couple of weeks. Too much booze-filled fun. I miss having a boyfriend only for the fact that it's hard to find someone to just chill out with. As most of my friends are in couples now and it is hard to get one of them to just chill with me and watch movies (because they just want to go out as they spend their chill-time with their boyfriends/girlfriends). Next weekend Just an Alberta Girl is coming down and we are going out on the town. Yes, AGAIN! Woo hoo! Should be good fun. Hopefully I will have internet access during training next week (we are changing locations).

It's High Noon at the O-K Corral

2006-09-20T10:16:00.000-06:00

Well yesterday was a good day because my real estate agent told me that she thinks my condo is worth $30,000 more than the other realtor said. So that means that, if I let the ex buy me out, I will get $15,000 more than before (half the equity). I also went and bought some climbing shoes so I can be on my way to become an expert rock climber! These shoes are on crack. I usually wear size 8.5 women's shoes but I ended up with size 5.5 shoe! My feet have never looked so dainty! My friend ended up with size 3 shoes. Crazy stuff!

So I read this the other day and was so damn proud of Madrid. Seriously banning underweight models! Right on! I am by no means fat (I actually think I am in good shape) but I'm no waif but sometimes, I feel myself wishing I was skinnier. Than I smack myself in the head and wake up. I am in the normal range for BMI but I think it's all the subconscious messages that are being sent to me via my weekly peruse with US weekly (looking at Nicole Richie's and other such starlets skinny asses) and through Cosmo.

Seriously people, bones are not hot. Could you imagine if you were "intimate" with one of those skinny-ass models/celebrities. You would get bruised hips, you'd break her bones and afterwards, she'd probably want to go throw up the $75 a plate dinner you just bought her (which she proceeded to pick at the lettuce and shift the chicken around the plate so it looked like she ate some). The world these days! But atleast they are taking a step in the right direction.

I am really sorry that Cathy Gould, of New York's Elite modeling agency thinks that the "fashion industry was being used as a scapegoat for illnesses like anorexia and bulimia" but seriously, we aren't stupid, we know that there when young girls stop eating it's because of their heroin-induced asses and not because God told them to. And don't even get me started on the "plus-sized" models on America's Next Top Model. They aren't plus-sized, they are normal! Get glasses!

This rant was brought to you by Cowtown Gal and the letter C.

It's my Party and I'll Drink Rye if I want to!

2006-09-18T09:49:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I threw the most epic of birthday party's this weekend and there was a sweet turn out. Nevermind that people probably came out because they all think that I should be suicidal because of my recent break up (which, incidentally, I am definitely not). But I was glad to have em!

Friday - We went out to this small pub in my area of Cowtown and drank ourselves silly. I was very impressed as I filled up half of the pub with my friends. The creepy waiter (think campire - a campy vampire) was like "Oh my gawd!" He couldn't handle all the peeps. I also got a happy birthday wish (from my friend calling me on my cell phone) from who I thought was Ryan Seacrest. He turned out to not actually be Ryan Seacrest but a look-a-like. My friend thought she was pretty funny tricking me like that. We then moved on to another pub and I managed to get so drunk that me and my buddy were singing Bryan Adams songs at the top of our lungs. This guy seriously knows every one of his songs off by heart. It's funny.

Saturday - After waking up with a wicked hangover, me and a couple friends went for breakfast. I love Humpty's because they will give you perogies (a Ukrainian potato dumpling) instead of hashbrowns (which I hate).

Then I went on to play laser tag. I went to the laser tag place, only to find out that they had booked me in for the following Saturday, and not the current one. I was pretty pissed considering I had 18 people showing up. What if we had been 18 six year old kids instead of mature twenty-somethings? This guy is like "Uhhh do you want to keep your booking next weekend?" and eventually "Do you want some free vouchers?" I'm like no....I want to play frickin' laser tag here, right now. I ended up forcing him to phone the laser tag place down the road and getting me to book in there. We then proceeded to rustle everyone up and play a game of laser tag. And seriously, as stupid as laser tag sounds, it was soooo much fun. This place was crazy! It had all sorts of tunnels and ramps and there were 2 floors. They had windows on the 2nd floor that you could pop out of and shoot people. The best part is that there were like 20 kids under 6 playing with us. Call me cheap, but man they were walking cute little targets. My sister's boyfriend (who by the way is the best laser-tagger ever) would send the kids out in front of him, using them as a human shield, and then would kill off all of the other team. We then went out for a quick lunch with the worst service ever. I guess people aren't equipped for my posse!

Then Saturday night, me, my sister and my two friends went to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. It was really cool. They had the sweetest light show going on and they sounded so good live. One complaint though, they didn't play "Under the Bridge". Oh well, I got to hear it last time they were in town. My friend's boyfriend was quite drunk as he drank 6 beers before we even got to our seats! We then went out to a bar and did some dancing. It was really weird being at the bar though. I was thinking "Wow, I could make out with that guy if I was so inclined." It has been 2 and a half years since I have been able to do that. Kind of surreal.

Sunday - I went for breakfast again with some friends and then out for supper with my family at a wicked Thai restaurant called "Thai Chili Club House". They have the best sea bass ever. I felt bad for my dad though, because he is on this medical diet where he can't eat peanuts and that equals bad news at a Thai restaurant. And the Sunday night I went rock climbing with a friend. We took a beginners course. I have taken like 4 beginners courses in my time, but always forget how to tie the knot. It was a good course though and I made a new hippy friend, whom I am going climbing with tonight. Should be fun. Hopefully my arms don't fall off!

The Weekend AT LAST!!!!

2006-09-15T13:12:00.000-06:00

Well it is finally here, my birthday weekend (well I don't technically turn 25 until Monday but Monday is a boring day to celebrate a birthday). This week was pretty laid-back. I spent alot of time (actually way too much) doing schoolwork. I had appointments with house appraisors and the bank. Good times.

I forgot to post on my experience at the corn maze because I returned home after being in the maze, only to be broken up with (sue me....my mind was elsewhere). Anyways, it was a really good time. We got lost because me and the other blonde were leading the way. Everytime we got lost, we looked for my friends husband (who is 6'8) because you could always see him sticking out of the corn. We split up in teams and my team got so bored that we quit half way through and didn't do the 2nd half of the maze. Instead we bought fudgesicles and checked out the farmers.

(I am the farmer driving the tractor. I wish I was the one manhandling the pig!)

After our day out at the farm, we headed out on the town. Me and a friend drank martinis using my married friend's martini shaker that she has not yet cracked open since her wedding (2 years ago). That just proves she is married and that also is a damn shame. We proceeded to drink a whole bottle of vodka and then headed out on the town. I have no idea why but when you go out in my home town, the place to go before 11 is the strippers. So here is a picture of me at the strippers with my other friend (sorry you don't get to actually see any strippers but you can imagine they are dancing in front of us as the pic was taken).

We then went out dancing and I think that my friend's friends (which are a married couple) might have been interested in propositioning me for a threesome. They were both overly nice to me and when I asked my friend if they are just creepy or harmless, she told me that the wife usually ropes the girls and brings em home to pappa with that couple. I was like.....oh...ummm...okay. Well I danced up a storm and ran into my only gay friend. It was nice to see him again!

But this next weekend (my birthday weekend) should be alot of fun.

On tap:

Friday: Going out for drinks for my birthday. A bunch of peeps from work and soccer are coming and a few friends from home.

Saturday: Playing Laser Tag (trust me it was fun to plan a birthday party package at Laser Quest when they are like "And how old is the birthday person turning?" and I'm like "Uhhhh....25.") and out for lunch with the crew. A bunch of friends are coming from the town where I went to university and also the town where I grew up. Then last but not least, I am going to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert! So excited. And the ex, being the nice person that he is, he gave his ticket up and I am now bringing my sister. I don't blame him because we would've been going with one of my best friends and she can give a mean evil stare! I feel bad for him though, because he is obsessed about the Chili Peppers! Well he should've thought about that before he dumped my ass! Just kidding, no hard feelings!

Sunday: Gong out for a birthday dinner with the famdamily to a Thai restaurant. Very excited about it because we are going to the best restaurant. And then I am taking a beginner indoor climbing course. I am so excited about it because it is my first new activity that I am doing now that I have freed up some time sans boyfriend.

I will definitely post and will show some good pics!

Trying to Find the O-K Corral

2006-09-11T17:02:00.000-06:00

So things are now in perspective for me. I am not 100% okay and I will not be for a while. But I am definitely on a break from men. I am trying to force myself to stay single, and find myself, as a result, in the next 6 months. Don't get me wrong, if I see a cute boy and I want to smooch him, I may just partake but I feel as though I have to figure out who I am before sharing that with someone else. I have seriously been that girl who always has a boyfriend. I want to try out single for a while. I think it could be fun. No perma-Saturday night dates, no making sure he is okay with your friends, no more just looking at the menu without sampling, etc.

The perfect man is out there for me and I plan on finding him, but in the meanwhile, I want to have some fun. There are two people whom I thought were him in my life, but they turned out to not be him. He is apparently hiding somewhere in the haunted house that is my life, and he will probably jump out and scare the crap out of me, when I least expect him to.

In the future, here are the qualities I would like to find in my future man:

1. Has to be attractive to me - He does not have to be the perfect Hollywood guy, but I have to be attracted to him.....duh!
2. Has to have a good heart - He has to basically have the capacity to love me and not too fast
3. Has to like the outdoors - I love camping, hiking and other such sports and I would like to share that with someone because I will be doing it regardless
4. Has to have a good sense of humor - Seriously, when a guy talks to me for the first time, it can knock him from a 7 to a 10 or from a 10 to a 6 depending on what comes out of his mouth and how much he makes me laugh
5. Has to be ambitious - If he is my age, he cannot be at the point in his life where he is ready to coast because there is lots more to accomplish (please note that ambition doesn't necessarily=money, but rather a want to enrich his life)
6. Has to be able to disagree with me - something I learnt from this last relationship is that fights are inevitable but if you ignore your issues than they snowball
7. Has to be silly and slightly strange - I like to have fun and sometimes I can get downright silly, he has to keep up!

Well, I spoke to the ex last night and he sounded like he may be slightly regretting his decision. He didn't say for sure but it seemed that way. But I don't think that changes anything. I think that him saying those things to me motivated me to look at our relationship and come to my own conclusion that we were not good together. But how do I know that there is something better out there or that I will not regret this many years down the road?

When the World Turns Around and Bites you In the Ass

2006-09-09T20:08:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven't written in the last week because I was getting perspective on what happened last weekend. I went to my hometown to go in the Corn Maze and when I returned home I convinced my significant other to go for a run. We went for a run and everything seemed great and then when we were riding in the elevator, I looked over and he looked sad. I asked him what was wrong and he proceeded to sit me down and break up with me. He essentially said that he could not see himself marrying me and since he was getting older he did not want to waste my time in something he truly believed would not work. I was seriously like WHAT THE FUCK??? This, seemingly came out of nowhere. I was so emotional that I tried to talk him out of it.

For the last week I have been thinking a lot about our relationship. It is hard to get past the good parts of our relationship and the good memories. When I first saw him, our first kiss, our first trip together, etc. But there is a glimmer of sense in the break-up. It was a hard week filled with very little sleep. We are both fundamentally different people and he may have been holding me down.

I am a guys girl. I get along great with other girls like me (most of my friends from home) and typical guys but when it comes to super girly-girls, I will be nice to them but..... The ex's friends all have girlfriends that are girly girls and, don't get me wrong, they are nice but they are very different from me. When we hang out with his friends that are couples (which are most of them) the girlfriends will sit there and not really talk and the girls themselves are not friends, they are simply there to accompany their mates. I am so not like that. I like to go out and have a good time always so I joke around with them and say my typically obnoxious stuff. I always felt that his friends were humoring me rather than truly listening to me. I felt kind of alienated when I hung out with them. The ex noticed this too and he would call me out on stuff I said to his friends and would over-analyze . He cares too much about what his friends think of him and since I was different than all his friends girlfriends, I guess that was too much to for him to handle.

Also, I think that we may have had different levels of motivation. When it came to our careers, I believe I am highly motivated whereas he is just "buying" his father's business. This would normally not be an issue because I can love anyone no matter what they do, as long as they aspire to do something. In our 2.5 year relationship, he never took any action to purchase the business. Also, as far as doing stuff, he never made any plans. If it was up to him, we would sit at home all the time. At first I tried to get him to come along with me and people I know to do interesting stuff, but gave up on trying and started to do stuff myself sans him. He was also impossible to get to go to the gym.

We also couldn't fight. We had different fighting styles. I would like to cool off a bit before talking whereas he would force me to talk about it immediately in the heat of the moment, where emotions ran high and bad things could be said. Essentially this resulted in us not being able to resolve anything and this snow-balled into the break-up.

I think that neither of us was willing or should have had to change the way we are. So essentially that results in me being SINGLE. Wowsa. The world is in trouble after a couple of months when I get over this shit. I am coming for you cute men! Now all I have to do is figure out how to split up a mortgage. Eeek!

Way Down Yonder in South of Cowtown...That is Where my Work Has Sent Me (To be sung to the tune of Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee)

2006-08-31T13:09:00.000-06:00

So this week I am working in the dirty south (of cowtown) and I have to sit in traffic everyday for like 2 hours. It sucks because I usually get home (b/c I live so close to downtown) in like 15 minutes. I hate traffic. I am planning to go the gym on the way home, to avoid having to sit in it tonight. By the time I have gotten good and sweaty, everyone will be at home eating their happy meals, cats, dogs, whiskey or whatever they eat for supper (Note: No dogs/cats were hurt in the writing of this blog...I am kidding!).

We are working with a guy from Texas this week and we have been sitting around talking about all the things that are different between Canada and the US. He was asking me about if anything was good on the "Sentray" street in Cowtown. I am like what the 'F' are you talking about "Sentray"? He then says "You know the street spelt C-E-N-T-R-E". I finally figured out that he is saying Centre Street which is how we spell Center in good ol' Canada. Seriously the differences between Canada and the US astound me considering how close we are to eachother. Lets all sit down and figure out one temperature gage and decide on km or miles and get on with our lives. Seriously, if the US citizens had embraced the queen o' England, we would all be on the same damn page. Darn proud Americans! (Just kidding, you know I love you guys!!) Another funny thing that this guy says is "Y'all this" and "Y'all that" all the time. I seriously look for his horse to be tied to the fence when he comes to work, but alas he is just driving a rent-an-SUV. I tried to explain to him how cold it gets in Alberta and he looked at me like I'm crazy as it gets down to -50 Celsius which is -55 Fahrenheit. Yeah why do I live here? Because they won't let me move to Cali!

So I watched the movie "Match Point" the other day to reconfirm my suspicion that Scarlet Johanson is the most beautiful girl on earth. That girl needs to share her boobs because she has more than enough to go around. I hate her because life is not fair. They had that fruity looking guy from Bend it Like Beckham (the coach of the gals soccer team) in the movie. I really don't like him. He is skinny and short and looks slightly like he may bat for the other team (if you know what I mean). I would way rather stare at Scarlett than him and I don't bat for that team (again, if you know what I mean).

Guess what! I went to the gym 2 times this week and plan to go again tonight. Me and the boyfriend are having a "Too Sexico for San Francisco" contest. And I am going to win it. I bought some gold-stars and made an Excel Spreadsheet that I magneted to the fridge (after all I am a an accountant and I love the Excel Spreadsheets). The way the contest works is that we tally up how many times we have gone to the gym, run, gone to soccer, etc. (for which you get a star each day) and the person who had the most instances of physical activity for the month gets supper bought for them by the other person (I know buying supper is counter-productive to working out). This is the only thing that will work because me and the boyfriend are quite lazy and what we lack in laziness, we make up for in competitiveness.

This weekend is sure to be fun. We, being the huge-ass hicks that we are, we are going to get drunk on rye-whiskey and go through the corn maze (a maze made of corn) in honour of mine and a couple other gals birthdays. Yeah seriously I am a hick. I am well aware and have learnt to embrace it.

Interesting Day in Cowtown......ummm sure!

2006-08-28T17:36:00.000-06:00

Well I went back to work again today and surprise, surprise, I didn't do any work today. I was not too sad about that though because it was a struggle getting up at 7am this morning after a month of 11am wake ups. So I tackled that beast, and the next plan is to go back to the gym. I plan on packing my stuff in the car and going to the gym after work (its on the way back from the client that I am working at tomorrow). I'll give you an update on whether or not that actually happens.

The news today, I got my annual review at work and I did well. They are lucky because if I didn't I would've snapped. I am a huge nerd and volunteer my time doing lots of stuff for them. I was a CASB (Chartered Accountant's School of Business) module champion (I marked cases for the new people and taught a session), I volunteered to be a mentor for the Junior Achievement High School company from hell (lets just say that they made a loss in their company and had a coup where they fired their president) and I went to a bunch of the women's network events on behalf of the company. To top that off I think I did, at least, a decent job. If they had given me simply an average rating, I would've lost it and quit all my volunteer positions at work. I know I am a huge philanthropist. I didn't find out how much of a raise I get yet but hopefully I'll find out soon so I can start planning all the stuff I am going to buy!

I caught up with people at work today and the only inappropriate thing that I did was have a loud conversation (are there ever any other kind with me?) about sexually transmitted diseases with a friend in front of a partner's office. Disclaimer: I do not have a sexually transmitted disease and neither does my friend, we were talking about the Hep A and B vaccines she had to get before going to Thailand next month). I wore my new polka dot shirt and that was pretty much the highlight of my day as a vibrant slave-driven auditor.

After a Short but Extremely Uninteresting Hiatus....I am Back!

2006-08-27T13:27:00.000-06:00

I have been out of the bloggosphere for a week because I have been studying my butt off. Well I am finally done writing my module 4 test to become a Chartered Accountant. It was a 1 hour multiple choice and a crazy-ass hard 4 hour case. The case was brutal, I had to scramble for the entire 4 hours and wrote a short and concise 28 page answer, The good news is I think I more than likely passed but the bad news is I have to wait until Friday to find out. And then the lovely people at the chartered accountant school of business give me a whole 10 days off before they force me to take module 5. I also get to go back to work on Monday! Eeek! The summer just flew by and I had plans to do way more fun stuff, but I didn't get around to it. Ah well, I guess there is next summer.

This Friday I went to a bachelorette party. It was fun but I only knew the bride. The boyfriend is the best man in his best friends wedding. That means I get to watch him stumble through a speech and have to sit alone with his friends while he sits at the head table. That's okay though. His friends are good people. Sometimes they are slightly appalled about the stuff that comes out of my small-town mouth because apparently they don't build girls like me in the big city. Anyways, at the bachelorette party we went out for supper and then went to the dueling piano bar. That place is pretty fun. There are 3 piano players that rotate and play and sing requests (anything from the traditional songs to Eminem!) They're really good. The only problem is that only one of the piano players is actually funny. The other two are talented but they can put you to sleep after a while. The party was pretty tame. We all went home at midnight. I was considering going and seeing my sister's boyfriend, who is a DJ, spin at a club after but was wiped because my test that I had written started at 8am and I couldn't get much sleep as I was freaked to death that I would fail.

On Saturday I went out for lunch with my sister and then I got all spiffed up and wore my new shorts I bought in Edmonton and went to my friends house for her going away BBQ. She is going back to law school in Victoria, B.C. next weekend. I bunch of her guy friends came out to visit. They were really fun people. I will definitely have to visit her in Victoria later this year. We drank with her family and talked politics (me and my friend are liberals and her family are conservatives). Of course we solved all of Canada's problems, as we always do with drunken debates. Then we moved on to downtown.

We went to a pub which was busy as hell and I knew no one there. Then we went to the infamous Cowboys, where the drinks are small and the fake boobs are big. I danced up a storm with my friend's friends from B.C. while getting progressively drunker. Everytime country music came on I sat in the corner and pouted until one of them dragged me out to the dance floor. Good times. A couple of my friend's friends were switch dancing with this girl they picked up in the line to get into another bar. It was funny. They were taking shifts dancing with her. But in the end she ended up going home alone, despite their protests.

I stayed at the bar super late and then went back to a friend's house to hang out. I haven't stayed up that late in years or laughed that hard in a while. One of my friend's friends went into the shower earlier on in the night (which I didn't notice) and then came out. I introduced myself to him again after the shower because he looked soooo different without his glasses on. He's like "You have to be kidding me!" as I had had a 30 minute conversation with him earlier on in the night. I was a butt of many Clark Kent and Superman jokes after that. During another part of the night one of her friends asked me if my bracelet, which I was wearing part way up my forearm, was keeping my prostheses on. So the whole night we pretended to take are arms off and dance with stumps. It was very politically incorrect and probably wouldn't have been funny unless you had been there. People were giving us some strange looks!

Well I am back to work tomorrow, which sucks, but I am extremely excited to get paid again. I am so friggin' broke right now. And I have my annual review at work at work, so I'll find out what my raise will be this year. I'm nervous but I think I'll do okay.

SPF: Don't Really Understand the Theme this Week but I'll go with It!

2006-08-18T20:52:00.000-06:00

My supplies: I have the coolest job ever that you all should be jealous of......I am an accountant. So my supplies are my laptop and my brilliant mind (hence why I put my fine-ass self in the picture). My laptop is attached to my hip and it's a love-hate relationship (like I frequently wish that my laptop would blow-up so I could get a day off work).

My bag: This is my current favorite. My lovely Coach bag that I purchased in New York. Now guess away....do you think I bought it in the Coach Store or Chinatown? Hahaha! I shall never reveal the truth!

My Mailbox: Since I was too lazy to run down to the lobby of my condo building to take a picture of my communal mailbox and since I didn't want my neighbors to think that I am crazy or lame taking a picture of the mailbox (I have a reputation to uphold with my geriatric neighbors you know!) so I took a picture of the beloved key that opens the box which brings me so much joy (and by joy I mean bills).

Way Back Wednesday - Agua, Eau, Water, Wasser, Acqua, etc.

2006-08-16T11:39:00.000-06:00

I toggled with what picture to use for this weeks WBW because I have about a million of them sitting around from my travels in New Zealand, Fiji, Australia, Thailand and Malaysia. I decided to go with the below, because I had gained about 25 pounds on my trip (I enjoyed the food and the drink a bit too much!!!) This picture is the one that least accentuates that fact.

This is a picture of me cliff diving in New Zealand. It was somewhere on the North Island, close to Rotorua (the stinkiest town on earth). I am not sure how I was able to capture this, as my camera cost $20 (including batteries and a 24 film). It actually turned out to be a great camera (better than the expensive one I bought that happened to fall in the ocean) and the best thing was that I wouldn't give a rats ass if I ruined it! Anyways the water was warm and a beautiful colour of blue, so I had to jump into it!

The Largest Mall in the World and my Disabilities in Playing the Game of Golf

2006-08-15T18:48:00.000-06:00

Well this weekend I went to Edmonton (or as I affectionately referred to it in University as Deadmonton). I haven't been their in a while. The last time I went was for my convocation ceremonies where they unknowingly gave me my business degree diploma. It's better to visit than live in! I drove down there listening to a book on tape by Stephen king on my Ipod through my radio (due to the joys of an I-Trip). Trust me, listening to a book on tape or a comedy CD is the way to go on a long trip, whether that be a long drive or a long run or whatever you would like to end quickly. You forget what you are doing and get engrossed in the book. Just don't fall asleep or veer off the road because one of the main characters die!!!

When I got to town me and my friend ordered pizza and got liquored up to go to the bar. We went to a pub-style bar that has a small dancefloor. This is a place that was legendary in university for its drunken fun times (not to mention it's long-ass lines) which I never went to once in my years living in Edmonton. It did not disappoint. The DJ at the bar loved me! It was like total request Cowtown Gal! He played EVERYTHING I asked him to. And he wouldn't wait the entire night to play a song, he'd play it the next song. This guy was my hero DJ. I was surprised too. Their were tons of way more scantily-clad girls asking him to play songs but he played mine. I wish I could bottle this guy and sell him to every bar I plan to go to in the future. If I have to fight another DJ to play My Pony by Genuiwine so that I can do my patented "My Pony" dance (circa 1999) I will cry.

(This is a picture of me and my friend at the bar with the pink, inflatable flamingo that I stole from a bachelorette party!)

The bar was filled with lots of cute guys, not that I'm looking. Boys are like food in a restaurant to me, I can look at the menu but I always go with my tried, tested and true favorite. Usually I like to bring a single friend along so I can have an excuse to talk to the cute ones (to pick them up and pass em off to a single friend). No single friends on Saturday night though, so I had to avoid them all together. I danced my butt off all night and drank way too much. I also tried to speak my rendition of French to a French guy because I swear I can speak fluent French when I am drunk. He was really impressed! Riiighttt!

On Sunday we met up with a couple of friends that were visiting Red Deer and a couple of my other friends who still have not gotten the memo indicating they should move to the good city (a.k.a. Cowtown!) and still live in Deadmonton, for lunch. I then went to the lovely West Edmonton Mall. Almost immediately after I left Deadmonton they built an Abercrombie and Fitch, a Hollister and an Urban Outfitters in that mall. Since we don't have those stores at all in Cowtown (even though it is a rich oil city that would jump all over and buy up all their merchandise), I went crazy. Well not that crazy. I love Hollister by why don't they turn on the lights there. I doesn't make sense. I also get the impression that they have run out of room or couldn't afford a big enough space because I knocked over a display (then proceeded to run out of there embarrassed). I informed the retail clerks at the store that they should invest in a store in Cowtown. They gave me a "I'll-Get-Right-on-That" look. I also went to MAC and bought my first eyeshadow. I walked in and told one of the artists and told her that I wanted to do the smoky-eyed look and $80 later, I was given some makeup and a card telling me how to do it. I'm scared shitless to try it out though!!! I then went out for supper with the same friends to the Sicilian Pasta Kitchen (the best restaurant if you are ever through those woods).

On Monday, I was invited to play golf with a couple of guys from work. I warned them, many times, that I sucked a lot! But they kept on brushing me off and saying "You can't be that bad". Did I prove them wrong. I seriously lost one ball per hole. Thank goodness my dad lives on a golf course and has a secret-spot where people lose their balls and can never find them. He literally has thousands of balls in his garage. So I feel obligated to lose them (yeah I know, good excuse). Well I went for the hit it into some trees and then go grab the ball (if I can find it) and throw it on the fairway. I stopped keeping score after the 2nd hole because I was on track to golfing a 180. Man I need to take lessons next year!!! The highlight of the game is where the marshall came along and told me to "Put more clothes on". I was wearing a tank top which apparently is too nice for that bougie course!!! Ah well. This weekend is going to be extremely exciting because I have to sit through a three day course (8am til 4pm) as part of my schooling to become a chartered accountant (like the CPA's of Canada). Woo! Go accounting!

Cowtown Gal's First Stuff Portrait Friday

2006-08-11T11:28:00.000-06:00

Since it's a week of first, I decided to join in the SPF fun! And since I was complaning about not having anything to blog about, figured this might fill up today's blog! Be prepared for the most unoriginal SPF ever!!!

Title of a Song - Where Did You Sleep Last Night by Nirvana

This is quite literally where I slept last night. I typically don't make my bed that often (why would I as I spend the majority of my life in it and am just going to get back in it in about 12 hours). Please note how the duvet cover does not match the sheets at all. Our regular duvet cover (that matches) is too thick for the hot summers in my top-floor condo! The sheets are 400 thread-count (which I got super on sale at Linens and Things, but that's beside the point!).

Title of a Book - The Undometicated Goddesss by Sophie Kinsella

Essentially, that is me, in a nutshell. I am the undomesticated goddess. Since you guys have already seen plenty pictures of me, I decided to take a picture of the proof of my undomesticness. Here are dinner dishes from last night. Am I gonna do them? Probably, but in my own good time.

Title of a Movie - Office Space

Another original one. Here is a picture of my beautiful office. I never go in here because there are no windows and its bloody hot! I am thinking of taking out the desk and the rest of the odd furniture that is in here (that you can't see) and making it into a workout room with a bench and some weights. So I can have yet another gym I won't go to. At least it will cut down on the excuses!!

I hope you enjoyed the first installments of Cowtown Gal's Stuff Portrait Fridays!!! Hopefully I'll remember to play again next week!

What Do People Blog About on a Daily Basis?

2006-08-10T19:38:00.000-06:00

I would love to blog daily but my life is just not that damn exciting. My blog would go as follows:

Got up at 11am. Did some school work. Made something to eat. Watched some TV. Talked on messenger. Did some more school work. Went to bed.

If I was extremely motivated that day I may even throw in a "I went to the gym". Doesn't happen often, but once in a while. I'm actually kind of excited to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I am sure that will wear off when I actually go back to work and the reality sets in! I guess in the meantime, I'll talk about the most exciting thing that I do....watch movies. Woo hoo (don't you wish you were me?)

Well today was as uneventful as the last. I watched the Ringer yesterday. That movie is funny but at the same time, I feel really bad for laughing at mentally challenged people. I am not sure how this movie came into being. There are at least 20 actually developmentally disabled people in this movie but it's a comedy. Who the hell allowed this to happen? I guess it's a learning experience for Johnny Knoxville because the mentally challenged people become his "friends" at the end of the movie but he starts out by doing a really poor imitation of them. I'm glad that Johnny could take some time out of his busy schedule of tattooing a likeness of himself on his back and shooting rockets out of his ass to bring us this heart-felt classic, but which guardians let their mentally challenged children be in this movie to be laughed at by millions?

I also watched the Blue Lagoon the other day. I remembered liking that movie way more than I did when I watched it the other day. You know that this movie had to have been made a while ago because there are full-on naked children in this movie when that run around the island. I am talking tatas and ding-dongs, naked. Nowadays, there is no way that any person, under 18, would be allowed to be naked in a movie, unless it was child porn. I swear the pedophiles of the 80s must have cursed the day their Betamax fizzled and they could no longer watch their precious Blue Lagoon. They must have rejoiced when it came out on DVD. One thing that struck me a weird in the movie is that Brooke Shield's character notices that she is bleeding from her cookie one day (aka she is becoming a woman) and she tries and hides it from her cousin (who she proceeds to have a baby with later in the movie - but don't let me get started on that) but doesn't know why because they didn't have sex ed in school back in the time period this movie was set in. She emerges from the pool where the incident occurred and apparently her "bleeding" is done. It is not mentioned for the rest of the movie. I have never, in my life, heard of a girl who gushes from her hoo-hoo for 5 minutes than never does it again. I could only wish for such a blessing!

Well on tap for the next few days is perhaps more sleeping and I might go see "Talladega Nights" sometime this weekend. I am planning on going to Edmonton (home of the largest mall in the world) this weekend to visit a couple of friends (one of which just recently abandoned me in Cowtown and moved there). I can't wait to go to the first Abercrombie & Fitch in Canada and look at some stuff and then scramble through the dark, with my arms out, in dark-ass Hollister and find the same thing for $20 cheaper. I also wouldn't mind visiting some of my old favorite bars from my University days (as noted in the last post they ended so long ago - last year!) Also, tomorrow I will most likely go for a drink with my friend, who is back from California, where she is currently working as a genetic counselor. I haven't seen her in like a whole 2 months (god knows how she affords to come back so frequently?) Have a good weekend!!!

Beautiful B.C. - A Vacation from my Vacation

2006-08-09T16:02:00.000-06:00

Well I have returned after a hiatus of doing jack squat, to tell you more about my jack squat!!! Last Sunday I took off to the beautiful Shuswap lake (houseboating capital of the world). We stayed at the boyfriends boat-access-only cabin. It's a beautiful cabin that barely has electricity and water. A while ago, the group of cabins that his cabin is in rigged up a generator in the creek and they put tubes in the creek to get running water. It's a really nice cabin though that his parents built by themselves (which I am surprised because I watched his dad try and build a door that looked like a fence that had been crashed into).

(This is me enjoying the 1 hour of nice weather I saw the whole week!)

Well his dad is a proponent of the phrase "working holiday". It's fine and dandy to put your son to work for a day each year (considering he usually spends a max of 7 days a year out there) but to put him...and his girlfriend to work for 3 full days out of the 5 they spend there....ummm lame. His dad had us digging holes for vines the first day and we had 2 very labour intensive days of staining his cabin (this is the 2nd time in 28 years it has been done). The cabin is super tall too. You can't even reach the top with one of those huge-ass extendo ladders, so his dad had to rig up some freaky-ass looking scaffolding which he made with spare planks he had kicking around and it was really scary because I do not trust his dad's building skills (see above). But it actually worked out okay which was a good thing considering he sent the boyfriend up there and I thought that he was going to bite it.

Anyways, so we worked our asses off which was okay because the weather was crap. I have only been out to the cabin 5 times and 4 times, the weather has been complete shit. I have the worst luck because it was 35 Celsius the week (even the day) before I got there and then 29 Celsius the day after I left. Oh mother nature, what the F did I do to you. I am sorry that I couldn't wait until the rest stop and a peed behind a tree on the way up, but I was trying to be one with nature.

We spent most of the weekend inside and we played some cards and had a sweet debate. I schooled his entire family at hearts (which they had just taught me the first night). I swear that is the easiest game ever. My game plan was to screw over the boyfriend's dad as much as I could (least I could do after all the work he made us do). I would dump the queen of spades on him like it was going out of style.

Me and the boyfriends father had a debate about health care one night. My position is that even broke people should be able to have a chance to live and be healthy (i.e. have access to all the cancer treatments, MRIs, etc.. that rich people have access). I also said that some people can't get jobs (which gets them the good insurance) through no fault of their own (e.g. if they are an alcoholic because their father was an alcoholic and they are predisposed to be an alcoholic, they can't afford school because their family is poor, they have mental disabilities, etc.). His position was that if you have money, you should be able to spend it how you like. So if you feel like paying a crap load of cash to get that special cancer treatment, you should be able to. It was a frustrating debate in which neither of us budged. Kind of made me want to pull my hair out of my head, but it explains a lot about how the boyfriend fights with me (like father, like son!)

After the lovely cabin experience, me and the boyfriend jetted off to the desert (aka Kamloops) for the annual August long-weekend soccer tourney. I got there before everyone else but
shortly after, my friend from Vancouver arrived. She hadn't seen her boyfriend for 6 months because he had been in China. Her boyfriend is on the boyfriend's soccer team. We walked towards the boyfriend's hotel (which was two blocks away) and we saw the boyfriend and her boyfriends walking down the road. We both turned to them (me to my friend and the boyfriend to her boyfriend) all wide-eyed, expecting an exciting movie-style reunion. But they were being casual, so we clapped them on and my friend (who is like 5 ft 3 and a super-pint-sized-and-cute Japanese girl) finally started running and jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. We all laughed a little and cried a little. All in all, a beautiful reunion. That night we took it easy and slept because we had a game the next day at 8am.

Well I discovered, during the evening that we had been placed in the competitive division of the tournament because we were supposed to be playing with a really good team (none of whom actually ended showing up). We are a team of older gals (aged 25 + on average) which never practice and drink wayyyy too much beer. We had to play university and major league teams. They are essentially mostly 18 year olds that practice 5 days a week for soccer. Essentially were ready to get schooled. We show up at the field like 10 minutes before the game and the girls we were playing had obviously gone to bed at like 9pm and had been warming up for at least 1 hour. We show up and are like "Don't worry you are going to smoke us because we suck". They didn't believe us. Did we show them though (how to provide us with a really good ass-kicking).

We decided to rename our team "the Snakes" because we were wearing these heinous uniforms that looked like snakeskin (our back up jersey for our team at home). Our cheer was to slither like a snake and hiss like a snake and go SSSSSSSS-NAKES! Yeah I am well aware that we are probably the coolest people that you have ever met, but please try to contain yourselves! We kept making snake references. I started operation "Snake in the Grass" . This is where we lay low and "pretend" like we suck the first half of the game (staying in the grass) and then we pounce on the other team the second half. Oh and pounced we did by conceding another 4 goals!!! We also kept referring to giving them the "snake bite" and that our goalie is like a snake charmers "cobra in the basket". Needless to say we sucked it up all weekend and our best game ended in a 0-4 defeat. I took a stint in goal as goalie and ended up standing in front of the attacking forward (on the goal line) and trying to stare her down and waved my arms to distract her. Not the best tactic but apparently amusing to watch (one of our teammates was on the ground rolling and laughing). But it was the most fun I have had playing soccer since my college girls soccer team got beat by our college guy's hockey team.

We played another game that day too and lost horribly but ended up going out that night. We ordered pizza after a long-deserved nap (I mean we played so hard that day!) and then got all beautied up to go to the bar. We got to the bar super-early (at about 9pm) and walked in. We were the only girls in the whole bar when we got there and there were about 50 guys. They all turned towards us, tongues hanging out, when we walked in. Gotta love that. It was a fun night. We danced our tushes off and got even drunker. The boyfriend and a couple of his friends decided not to play soccer that day (because the team they came up with had 20 players already). Instead they played a game of golf and ended up having another person join them as their fourth. This guy turned out to be the owner of the bar we went to. So the boyfriend and his friends all stayed at the hotel drinking until 11pm and sauntered up to the front of the line for the bar (past the 100 people standing in line) and said hey we are blah blah and blah and we played golf with the owner. The bouncer had been told about them and they got to come straight in. The best part is that my old soccer team was standing in line (I left the team because they are a bunch of back-stabbing bitches) and they walked in right past them.

A couple of little gems of stories from the night were when our goalie decided to pretend to be a waitress at the bar because she found a tray. Needless to say she got "hired" and then "fired" in the period of 3 minutes when she went up to a table of people we didn't know and asked them if they would like a shot (she had 3 empty shot glasses and two beer glasses on her tray). She then proceeded to fall over and flip the tray face down on their table with a HUGE SMASH and then she ran off. Also me and my soccer teammates have been joking about how we were going to hook one of the gals from the team up with a guy off of the boyfriends team and that they were going to make out. We have been teasing her about it for 2 months. Needless to say....mission accomplished. They had a little kiss-and-tell-which-spreaded-to-the-whole-two-teams at the end of the night. I've never been more proud of her. Lastly, there is a girl on my team that is 6ft and she had this guy off of the other team that was about 5ft6. He was intrigued with her height because when he stood up straight, he was straight at her boob level. I have never seen so many motorboats in one night! Ahh good times. No one parties like soccer girls!

The next morning we played our last soccer game which we agreed to forfeit if the other team would lend us some players. We were all so hung-over that we were yelling at each other "could you get that" when the attacker beat our defense. We also fell all over the place and sweat out alot of booze. We spent the rest of the day being lazy and watched a soccer game. When we were sitting in the beer gardens after the game, there was a streaker. He was money. He ran out during half time of another game. Ran off with the ball (that was sitting at half) and tried to score a goal (which he missed by a mile). He then got down on the ground (remember he is naked all this time) and threw his arms in the air screaming "NOOOOO!!!!" He then casually sauntered back to the beer gardens and put on his shorts and continued to drink.

That night we went for dinner at this place that was really good. It was called "the Players' club Chophouse" and his owned partly by our hometown hero, Jerome Iginla of the Calgary Flames. If you are ever through Kamloops, I highly recommend it! Then we played sociables at the hotel room before going to the soccer dance. When we got there we went and bought some drink tickets and discovered that when you bought your drink, you had to mix it yourself. They had a table with a bunch of bottles of pop on it that you could put in your little glass of hard alcohol that you got when you handed over your ticket. I swear if someone put Rohipnol in one of those pop bottles, they would have gotten a lot of people F-ed up.

A couple of fun stories from that night is when our goalie found a beer bong which had some letters on it. The only letters I could find was an R, an S, a P and another R. So me, being the nerdy accountant I am, spelt RRSP with the letters. RRSP, for those of you from the states, stands for Registered Retirement Savings Plan (like a 401K). I then put them on my arm as a tattoo (see picture below) and made up a RRSP cheer song:

R-R-S-P
What does that mean to me?
Life Savings!
Ya! Ya!
Life Savings!
Wooooo!

(Me with my sweet RRSP tattoo).

Also the boyfriend had a dance off with his friends and got bootied out of the circle by his best friend; Me and my friend tried to climb on the top of some scaffolding to dance like party girls but got chased down by the bouncer (who we made a stealth getaway from); I got my ass grabbed by more guys then a care to count; etc.

We then found a bus out front and chartered it to go to our hotel. We thought that we were all cool convincing the bus driver to give us a ride, but we then found out that the bus was kept to drive drunk people back from the party to their hotels rather than everyone having to take cabs. I made up some good songs for each of the people on the bus (like we used to do back on the school bus in elementary) and then fell on my ass when the bus stopped and I was trying to take a picture. We hung out at the guy's hotel room for a bit and then went back to sleep off the last night. The next day we drove home.

All-in-all, it was another fun soccer tourney. But it is unfortunately the last soccer tourney of the summer. So you guys will have to wait another year to hear of more fun stories. I am trying to convince the girls to go to a tourney in Edmonton during indoor soccer where we can hit some of my old stomping grounds from my university days (I talk like they were a long time ago rather than last year). Other than that my summer has been uneventful. I will try and do something interesting in the next little while that would be worth talking about!

Cowtown Gal's First Way Back Wednesday

2006-08-09T12:19:00.000-06:00

I had the perfect picture for this Way Back Wednesday, so I couldn't resist! I didn't stray too far from the stated idea (pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey), but this pic is money!

This is a picture of the bachelorette-version of pin the tail on the donkey. It's appropriately called "Pin the Macho on the Man". The kit had assorted "machos", some of which even had faces! Please note my friend's sweet ass phallic ring. Ahh bachelorette parties......too much fun!

Why The Hell Do I get Sick in the Summer?

2006-06-28T19:42:00.000-06:00

Seriously, it rains for the last two weeks and I'm banned to inside (so I don't get wet) and as soon as the weather takes a turn for the best, I get sick. It's a beautiful 30 degrees Celsius outside and I get really sick. Also I was working with a friend this week and we were super busy. So instead of drinking a ton of neo-citran and passing out like I usually do when I am sick, I had to go do the audit from hell. The audit was supposed to take 2 days and ended up taking 3 weeks. It's not even done but today was my last day of work before I go on study leave for two months.....so guess what? I don't care! My manager can finish the damn audit! But it's fun asking clients question when you head feels like it is in a vice and your ears are ringing so loudly that you can hardly hear their answers!!!!

This weekend was pretty fun! On Saturday I drove out to Banff and laid by Johnson Lake all day and listened to my friend talk about her roommate that she made the mistake of doing. The lake was lovely but my poor friend. She always gets herself into these sort of situations because I don't think she respects herself. I keep telling her to stop pursuing these losers (her roommate is currently dating and maybe sleeping with 2 other girls). Ah well. I didn't get to go in the lake though because it was too cold. The lake is glacier fed. Last year, me and my friends swam across the lake and one of my friends had an asthma attack because her lungs tensed up due to the cold ass water.

On Saturday night I watched this cute foreign film called Advertising Rules. It was German and let me tell you, the Germans do not disappoint....in the strange department. Then me and the boyfriend went for a walk around our neighborhood. We don't do that enough. I mean we paid an extra $50K to get a condo in a trendy neighborhood with good shopping, that's close to the river, and we never even walk around. Well we ran into a couple of the boyfriends friends and went for a drink at my favorite neighborhood pub, Original Joe's. We didn't get too wild but we decided that we are going to all dress up, as a group, as Dog the Bounty Hunter and his gang for next Halloween (I know...we sure are planners). And I get to be Beth. Sweet! I must go to Value Village and get a pair of tapered legged, black jeans, some huge-ass heels and a tight black wife-beater. Oh and can't forget the teased blonde wig. I will stuff a beach ball in the belly and two balloons for ta-tas. I'll be so hot.

On Sunday I went to a wedding. It was my best friend's sister's wedding. It was a cute and short ceremony in a little church. The priest was really cute (looked like Santa Claus) and the bride looked gorgeous. Unfortunately the groom is kind of a dungeons and dragons kind of nerd. His best man had an undercut. Eeek! Me and my friend got pretty drunk off of rye and cokes and ending up leaving after the bride and groom. My sober boyfriend was nagging me to go the whole night because we were seated beside a couple of boring gals (or deaf-mutes as the boyfriend puts it) and the best man's girlfriend. I thought that the best man had done well for himself (because his girlfriend was cute) until his girlfriend opened her mouth. I was like talking to a stick of gum. Seriously. We stayed over at my only friend who still lives in Red Deer (my home town).

On Monday we slept in and then floated down the Red Deer river. The weather is perfect but I could've used a couple of beers on the river. Ah well. And remind me not to share a raft with the boyfriend. He is such a pain in the butt. It never gets old to boys to splash their girlfriends with cold ass water.

Well tomorrow I am off to Fairmont for a vacation of laying by the hot spring pools and getting a tan. I also plan to drink a lot (surprise, surprise). Hopefully I'll have some good stories for you after the weekend. Happy Canada Day!

Aloha, Mr. Hand

2006-06-21T08:49:00.000-06:00

Wowsa it's been a long time since I last posted. Well what's new? Not a whole lot! Things are winding down at work here and I am getting ready to go on study leave for 2 whole months. I can't wait! I can sleep in until 11 and watch as much of my secret nerd vice as I want (Star Trek the Next Generation). Yeah I am aware that I am cool but everyone has to like one lame thing. Actually come to think of it, I love crappy teenage movies too (Think Crossroads starring Britney Spears) and 80s movies and don't even get me started on crappy 80s teenage movies (Fast Times at Ridgemont High baby, Ahhh Yeah!). My boyfriend says that I have a tv crap radar in me. At any time during the day, I can find the worst possible thing on tv and will sit down and watch it. It's better than watching UFC though...so whatever boyfriend.

My best friend's little sister is getting married this weekend. It makes me feel old. God knows if the boyfriend is ever going to pop the question to me. Seriously, he's not one to go against the norms of his friends and they are like a bunch of confirmed bachelors that are in monogamous relationships (don't ask me how that works, but it does). His best friend has been dating his girlfriend for 5 years and they are just moving in together and I have only been dating the boyfriend for 2.5 years. Ah well, no rush. I plan on traveling as much as is possible in the future. And we have to see if the boyfriend can hack my new job that I plan on taking next year, where I travel a lot. We shall see, we shall see.

Well as far as my sports life, not much is new either. We are still either tying or losing at soccer (we've only won one game so far) and we are still sucking ass at rugby. My rugby team is currently planning a mutiny against my coach. I don't really know why. I think he is a decent coach. I mean he shows up and runs our asses off. Everyone is complaining that he doesn't explain anything to the new girls but I am spankin' new and I understand the game now and also that he doesn't play anyone, every game but I am on the field for the majority of the time and I am probably one of the worst players due to my lack of experience. I just sit there going.....duhhhh! And then one of my teammates will yell at me and I will move to where they tell me. I have learnt not to listen to certain players (as they have no idea WTF they are talking about) and to listen closely to others.

Plans for the summer -> since I actually get to do shit this summer, I am planning on going to British Columbia a lot this summer! British Columbia has some sweet lakes and the boyfriend has a cabin on one of them. The cabin is boat only access. I can't wait to bbq my ass off there and be driven by his father into slave labour (he always makes everyone earn their keep when he comes out at the same time as us). The slave labour sucks but the lake is sweet. Going wakeboarding all day and lying on the dock. Trying to get on people's houseboats (the lake that his cabin is on is the "houseboating capital of the world").

I plan also to do the Calgary Stamped up right (the Calgary Stampede is the largest outdoor show in the world). It's a sweet ass rodeo. The whole of Calgary dresses up in jeans (which is pretty crazy considering most people downtown could pass for New Yorkers usually, as they are so dressed up for work) and don the cowboy hats. Then you listen to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" and various Garth Brooks songs and get drunk out of your tree. The whole city puts on free pancake breakfasts speckled around downtown and you eat your fair share of pancakes and if you are lucky, they have those hotel buffet breakfast eggs that are made from a powder. There is also the Stampede grounds where you pay $10 to get in and then you spend $50 on various fair food (mmmm elephant ears) and, if you are lucky, you catch a free show (I think Nelly Furtado, the Trews, and Sam Roberts are coming this year). I want to go to the actual rodeo this year as I have never been. It looks like fun. I also plan on going to the bar Cowboys a couple of times (apparently there is an urban legend that if you work at that bar for long enough, the owner will buy you fake boobs).

Well I will attempt to blog more frequently in the near future, because I will have a ton more time (will be off work in t-minus 4.5 working days). Love yall!

America, Fuck Yeah!

2006-05-30T15:34:00.000-06:00

So I went to the Sasquatch Music Festival in the beautiful Gorge (see picture above) this weekend and it was sweet!!!! The venue is beautiful. It is a stage set before the valley containing the Columbia River. It looked like someone had put up a giant Hollywood backdrop up behind the stage because it was so pretty it looked fake. So many good bands. The drive was really freakin' long though. We drove through Crowsnest pass down through Idaho to Washington. We stayed overnight in Sandpoint Idaho. The name Idaho is sweet. I'm completely lame but I could not stop saying "No You Da Ho" everytime someone said I-da-ho! I bought a sweet hat for $5 in Moses Lake that said "My Ex Wife's Car is a Broom". I got some interesting comments on that one!!!

After a 10 hour drive we arrived in a farmers field called "the Gorge". I was like, where the fuck is the stage? For god sakes we paid $100 US for 3 days of camping and we were camping under one of those giants irrigation things on wheels on a field that probably had cows cruisin' around it but a couple of days ago. So we set up our camp and freshened ourselves up in the port-a-potties. Allegedly there were showers somewhere, but I didn't see them all weekend. I guess they were an urban legend. We met some nice Americans from Spokane when we got there and proceeded to get obscenely drunk so that we could pretend to like Nine Inch Nails. As I was completely lame (a.k.a drank half a bottle of vodka), I passed out right after the concert in my giant tent (this tent has 2 rooms in it but there was only me and the boyfriend sleeping in it).

When I woke up the next morning, the tent was kind of wet, every pair of spare underwear I had was sitting in a giant pool of rain water, I discovered that the boyfriend had had a "Pants off - Dance Off" (this is where you take off your pants and dance, actually quite literally as the name implies) against one of the people from Spokane and a couple of people showed up at 2am from Victoria to meet my friend that I went up with (she goes to law school there).

I decided to get less drunk on the Saturday because the weather was shitty. We watched two bands and then the sky got really black. I decided to tempt fate, and fingered the storm cloud (see picture above) and then the heavens opened up on us, while we were stuck in a field watching a band, and it shit down rain. Then the rain started to hurt a bit and I was like "What the hell?" and it turns out the rain was hail. So it hailed for a good 15 minutes. It was seriously like a disaster area. Everyone was huddled, 4 under 1 umbrella. There were a bunch of stupid bitches who thought they were all hot in their short-ass skirts, they were freezing to death. I laughed at them. I wore a head-to-toe yellow rain suit. It was sweet. After it stopped hailing, I challenged a hippie, wearing a bright orange rain slicker, to a slip-and-slide off. He won, but barely. I maintain that had a been a bit more heavy, I would've kicked his ass. Should've ate more Chunky soup that morning! Dammit!

Anyways the hail stopped and then we stayed the rest of the afternoon to see the Tragically Hip, the Shins and Ben Harper. Ben Harper was really, really good. You cannot beat when 20,000 people are completely silent and holding lighters, its dark out and sings "With my Own Two Hands". Loved it. I was so tired and went back to the campsite and I missed the Flaming Lips who apparently had Santa's dancing on the stage. Lots of people said they were the best act.

The Sunday was the best day. I saw the Artic Monkeys, We Are Scientists, Queens of the Stone Age, Matisyahu (a Jewish Reggae singer), the Decemberists and Beck. Most of these names are likely foreign to you, but I assure you that they are kick-ass bands. The music was really good but the venue was falling apart. The port-a-potties had toilet paper coming out of the top of the toilet seats (i.e. you couldn't sit down), there was garbage everywhere, and you had to wait 1 hour in line for food for them to tell you all they have left is Nachos. Make a friggin' sign and save us all some time hos! My favorite band was Beck because, on the giant screens at the side of the stage, they had puppets reinacting all the songs that Beck was singing. I took me a long time to notice that the puppets were actually on the stage.

Then we drove to Spokane and stayed the night in a Best Western. We then drove back through Crownest Pass and spent the rest of trip trying to scope out places that BrokeBack Mountain was filmed. It's a really beautiful drive. There are rolling hills with mountains in the background. I hope I can go to Sasquatch again next year! We'll see.

Air Conditioners + Condo Boards = Bad News, Bears

2006-05-24T14:08:00.001-06:00

So the boyfriend goes out to buy an air conditioner last night. I told him to buy a portable one but he comes back with one of those window installations. So he proceeds to put the whole thing together and I ask him "Hey, does anyone else in our building have a window air conditioner?" He goes outside and checks. Nope, definitely no one in our condo building has one. And our building is H-O-T. So I stop him before he drills holes with wood screws in our metal window frame and ask "Are we allowed to have a window air conditioner". So I go grab the condo documents and sure enough, you cannot have anything, and I mean anything (e.g. you can't even hang a towel over the edge of the balcony after a day at the pool) hanging outside your window or on your balcony.

So sure enough we have to buy one of the portable ones that are huge but have nothing sticking out the window. The price difference: the portable ones are approximately 3 times the price of the window dealies. Lovely. Stupid condo by-laws. Ah well, atleast he bought it from Costco, at which I once watched a person working at Costco's returns desk take back a used toilet. So they'll most likely take this back. The other bad news, there are like no decent portable air conditioners for sale in Cowtown so we are going to have to order one online. Neither me nor the boyfriend have a Costco card so that means that we shall have to order on his dad's card. I love the boyfriend, but so help me god, if he ever does anything within the month you ask him to do it, it's a miracle. So my predictions is the air conditioner will be ordered at the end of June and we will get it sometime after summer is over. Last night I was so hot and dilusional in my sleep that I was having hallucinations. I seriously dreamt that I got up, took a shower, put on makeup and got to work. It was so real. Come on dreams, we don't dream about that shit, we dream about Brad Pitt, BRAD PITT!!!! Seriously dreams, get on board with the team. And then my boyfriend's alarm went off an hour after mine should've and I hauled ass to work late.

Well I finally heard back from my best friend who is currently in Australia. I miss her a lot and presumed she was dead for a long time as I had not heard from her in months (usually we can't go more than a few days without talking). She has met an Aussie hottie and is shacked up with him. She will more than likely be coming home in 2 to 3 months. I hope she is happy with her man but if she likes him enough to stay with him, she's moving him to Canada. She'll ruin are plans to have a boy and girl baby at the same time, go running with them in our Gladiator strollers, have them play on the same co-ed soccer team and then they fall in love. I can't wait to go drinking with her and see pics of her hotty!

Oh Australia, how I miss that life. In case you didn't know, me and some friends went to Australia for a year in 2002-2003. It was seriously the best time of my life. Every day I'd lay on a beautiful white sand beach reading my women's crap novels, cook sweet dinners and get drunk off of Australian wine. I can't wait to go travelling again. After I write my UFE (the giant exam I have to write to become a chartered accountant, Canada's version of a CPA) I am planning to go to Thailand with the boyfriend for a month and then fly to Nepaul and meet a friend there and go hiking for 3 weeks. I hope it materializes because I need to get the heck out of dodge.

Well tonight is another fun soccer game and my ankle, which is currently a cankle (mix between a calf and an ankle) because of the weekend's wear and tear, still hurts like a bitch. We are playing the first place team which has anihilated every team so far. Sweet, cause half my team has played 6 games in the last week!!!! Oh well. As for rugby, I haven't gone in forever and will start it up again next week. I had to rest a bit, I was falling apart!!!!

Weekend Shenanigans

2006-05-23T10:33:00.000-06:00

This weekend was quite alot of fun!!!! Well me and three girls left Cowtown at 1pm on Friday to go to our soccer tourney. I knew two of the girls relatively well from playing soccer with them for a year but the third girl I did not know. She turned out to be my personality twin....so much fun times!!! On the way up not too much that was eventful occurred. On the drive up we got "passed" (more like friggin' cut off) by this idiot in a truck that had a "Size does matter" decal on the back of his truck. That is seriously hot.......................not!!!! Anyways this jackass cut us off and then we went to a truck stop to use the facilities and this guy was there. His wife was in the truck and he started hitting on us. He was the hugest redneck ever. He had a wife-beater on and he was wayyyyy to tanned for it being May. He proceeded to tell me friend that he is "going to check up on his nice cabin in Kelowna and then he is going to put his 40 ft. boat in the water". He told us he would come to Penticton and give us a ride on his 40 ft. boat. Well buddy seriously take your 2 inch penis and go hit on some drunk 18 year olds because that stuff does not work on us!!!

Next we drove for a while and went to another truck stop where we met this guy called Gordon Bird. He was doing a cross-country bike ride from Victoria to Charlottetown. He started on April 1st and was only at Rogers Pass (whoa fast.......ummmmm). He was telling my friend about his bike and said that it was really compact, so she was picturing a bike that you could fold up and put in a briefcase, so she wanted to see the bike. So she went out and was looking at his bike and couldn't help but notice the Birdman's huge bulge in his bike shorts. So funny! So all weekend we were talking about his bulge...oh road trips, how I love thee.

When we got there we played 4 games and won 3 of them. We played this team from Langley, BC and we were all falling apart, as it was our 6th game in a 1 week period, and they beat us 3-2. Under normal circumstances we would have kicked their butts but they had 6 subs and we had none. Anyways they figured that they were for sure in the finals to play for first, as they bragged right in front of us in the beer gardens. But they did not know about the wild card team. So usually, a wild car team is when a team that is close to the bottom is given a chance to play their way back into the tournament when they would have normally been knocked out. Typically they play the 1st or 2nd place team to have a chance to get back into the tourney. But instead, the brilliant organizers of this tournament allowed the 2nd last place team to play the last and the 3rd last place team. So of course they had more points than all the others teams, seeing as though they got to play another whole game and of course they won both games and made it to the finals to play for first place. So the team that we annihilated 5-0 was playing for first.....nice!!! They bumped the 2nd place team from Langley into the bronze medal finals (who were positive that they were playing in the gold finals). The gold and bronze finals were played at different times. So we show up at the pitch at 11 am to play the bronze medal finals against Langley who didn't show up. Instead the coach of the 5th place team who thought he was playing for 3rd against us shows up and we decide to offer to play them for 3rd place instead of stupid Langley who was still asleep in their friggin hotel. Anyways we beat them and won some butt ugly t-shirts and some wine.

The rest of the weekend was fun. We went out to the local Penticton bars (or as we now prefer to refer to it as Pen"dick"ton) and had a good time. The first night it was only the 4 girls from room that went out as we had a game at 9 am the next day. The bar we went to was slightly stange. There were a bunch of skanky gals that we full on grinding with these guys from a frat from the states (they came down because the drinking age in B.C. is 19 instead of the State's legal age of 21). These gals had no shame. They were bending over and stickin' their butts in the guys crotches and shaking it and when they tried to come back up the guys would push them down. They would also shimmy down and they were wearing wayyyyyy too short of skirts and I saw way too much underwear!!!! Ewww. We looked like grandmas, compared to these gals, as we were all wearing jeans and we were dancing normally. Classy girls, classy!

The second night another few girls from the team joined us and we got liquored and went to another bar with our coach. He was happy going out with 8 or 9 gals dressed to the nines!! We danced our asses off and drank way too much. As I was one of the only gals that weren’t single, I was going out and scouting for guys for my friends. I found my one friend this really cute guy that was a bit younger. Turns out he was a virgin (no idea how I found out that) but he tried to dance with my friend with his hands on her butt a la grade nine slow dance style. She wasn't down and told him to beat it. We did all such of other fun things like danced this guy off the speakers.

On the way home we also had a good time. There were these guys honking at each other in one of the huge ass tunnels that protect cars from rock slides in B.C. So we decided to join in the fun and I mooned them. They then passed us and mooned us and then my friend mooned them. The next time they came by one of them had written "HI", one letter on each cheek, on their butt. So my friend was like "Will you write I heart you on my butt?" And I'm like for sure!!!! So my friend rolled down her seat completely and dropped trou and I wrote I love you on her butt. The heart was half on one cheek and half on the other. They next time we mooned them and they were pissing themselves laughing. So they drive by with their number written on a piece of paper. My friend, balsy as she is, immediately phoned them. Her and my other single friend are going out for drinks with them next week. What will they tell the grandchildren about their first meeting? Who knows????

When I got home the boyfriend was a bit mad at me because he thought I would be home way earlier than 11pm and my cell phone was dead so I couldn't call him. Anyways I asked him if he knew the girl I had never met before but had a really good time with and it turns out they had hooked up before. Funny, she never mentioned that.....haha!!! Ah well I guess it's a small world. I will definitely hook with her for drinks sometime despite that knowledge because she and the other gals from soccer team remind me of my friends from Red Deer (the small town an hour and a half North of Cowtown). They were small town gals from the big city. Usually most of the girls I meet that grew up in Calgary are a bit prissy so it's a breath of fresh air to know that there are still people in this city that I don't have to censor myself in front of!!!!

I wonder was crazy shiat we'll get up to this weekend when I go to the Sasquatch Music Festival (http://www.hob.com/tickets/festivals/sasquatch/2006/) at the Gorge this weekend with the boyfriend and two friends? I'll keep you posted.

Summer Lovin'

2006-05-18T20:20:00.000-06:00

I seriously love this season. If summer and winter got in a fight than summer would jump winter, kick its ass, knock out it's teeth and then piss on it while it laid in pool of it's own blood. On a happy scale of 1 to 10, I am constantly at a 9 or 10. If something bad happens (e.g. a bad breakup, getting fired, etc.) I may dip down to an 8 but in the winter I rarely get up to a 7 on a good day. In honor of the good weather, I did something completely impractical and bought a white suit (look left). It's gonna get so dirty. I just hope that I am not that girl you see on the bus that has crap on her ass and you don't think it is your place to tell her because its on her ASS. Ah well it's a sweet suit. From this angle it looks like the pants are giant but they actually aren't that big! I swear. I do not have that much junk in my trunk.

Well I am officially getting older. My joints are not working like they used to. My soccer coach must think that I am a hypocondriac because I'm always hurt with something. Last week I wasn't playin my best because my hip flexors were fatigued because I hadn't taken a break since I did my leg in the Banff Calgary relay race on the weekend. And then last night my ankle was aching because I had hurt it in the previous game. Lastly, I got a friggin' charlie horse in my calf in the game last night (I worked through the pain in my ankle only to be booted in the calf by a hefty gal). I was limping around like I had a wooden leg today at work. Took me 30 minutes to walk 3 blocks. People were looking at me like I was drunk. Ah well screw them I hurt it being active while they were sitting on their sizeable behinds watching the Oilers make it to round 3.

This weekend I am off to Penticton for a soccer tourney. Penticton is a sweet lake town on the Okanagan lake. The lake is really clean and the sand is pretty decent (not exactly white sand but the best I've seen on a lake). The problem is that we only have 11 players. That means that we have no subs. So if I get injured again (which I likely will) I will still have to play or we will be playing short. Shitty. Ah well, we mostly go to get drunk and go out. And this will be the first tourney in a long time where the boyfriend won't be there. His team usually frequents the same tourneys as mine but allegedly, we are the only team from Cowtown in that tourney. Should be good times.

It's Gonna be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight!

2006-05-16T21:09:00.000-06:00

Well it's fuckin' hot here in ol' Cowtown. The wheather here is fucked. It's only a matter of time before the farmers start complaining. Two years ago they complained because it was too dry and last year they complained because it was too wet. What the hell do you want from mother nature? It was 28 celsius today (83 farenheit for you Americans). It's apparently not too hot for people from Colorado but it's hot enough for me that lives in a 3rd floor condo with no AC. I have to play soccer tomorrow and I hate playing in the heat. Lately I cannot cuddle with the boyfriend at night. It's too hot. He gets pissy about it but I roast to death on my own without the added body heat.

Today my work had us doing this ghetto rendition of the Amazing Race for all the summer students that started. Instead of doing fun stuff like bungee jumping and sledging and going to exciting places such as Thailand or Greece, we arranged pictures in the middle of our version of Central Park (Prince's Island park) while people eating lunch looked at us like we were on crack and we went to the zoo and the mall. It was better than working all day, so I can't complain but why didn't they do this shit when I started. It's gay, instead of spending money to retain the people they have (turnover is ridiculous at my accounting firm - about 1 out of 8 people will stay for more than 3 years) they spend money recruiting new people. I'm pretty sure I read something about how its like 10 times more expensive to train a new person than retain a current employee.

Random rant - I came across this school in another person's blog called BYU (Bringham Young University http://www.byu.edu/webapp/home/index.jsp) and this place is crazy. Fair enough that all the people from one religion want to go to the same school and don't get me wrong, I am for any religion that stops people from doing bad things (aka killing people, stealing, peein in public, etc.) but this place is fucked. They force you to stay in their dorms or you have to have a residence that is approved by the "off-campus housing board". They force you stay in homes that they have chosen that are conductive to their moral and spiritual growth. Okay seriously, wtf happens when these people join the "real world", after they have been forced to go to BYU by their parents and don't have these imposed rules. Mormons gone wild!!! Seriously, I'd love to go to a BYU party. Chips and pop and Disney movies all around.....then a little over the clothes feel-up because you got a little crazy off of a sugar high from too much Mountain Dew! I also read their "Moral Code". Exact quote from the Moral Code: "Advocacy of a homosexual lifestyle (whether implied or explicit) or any behaviors that indicate homosexual conduct, including those not sexual in nature, are inappropriate and violate the Honor Code. " I'm not gay but wow.....that's all I can say is wow!!!!!

The Weekend Lowdown

2006-05-15T09:40:00.000-06:00

Well it's nice that the weekend is finally over. It was too jam-packed with fun.

Friday -> I went out for drinks on the firm for my friend's going away thing. She's not really going away, but going upstairs to a different department. But anytime is a good occasion to go for free rye and diets!!! We watched the allergy game and I was extremely pessimistic but then they ended up winning. I love jumping the bandwagon (but I still like the Flames the most but I'd be cheering for them if they hadn't bit the big one!)

Saturday -> I went to Red Deer to go to a bridal shower. It was the first bridal shower I ever went to and it was for a good friend's little sister. What is the point of a bridal shower and why does one have to buy so many gifts for the bride whereas the groom gets hardly any. The bride gets a bridal shower gift and a stagette gift. It's crazy. Thank god most of my friends are likely not to get married in the near future (unless they are sending off to the old country for mail-order-grooms) because it could cost me a mint!!!! The shower was good. We went to Houlihans in Red Deer. That restaurant is hilarious. I have a theory, any guy that takes you out to Hoolihans or the Keg for a first date is bad news. They are all about showing a girl how much money they have (because those are the "classy and expensive" restaurants in Red Deer). And if you are dating a guy that thinks that showing a girl how rich he is instead of trying to be interesting, you know its gonna be bad news. Every guy I've ever gone out with that first took me out to those restaurants......have been BAD NEWS!!!!

In the morning, I woke up extra early and got CHILI PEPPER TICKETS!!! So excited. But, there is a potential issue. I think that the boyfriend's best friend is getting married that day so I may have to miss the concert (I'm not entirely positive on the date but I have a suspicion). That would make me slightly irked and normally I wouldn't go....but the boyfriend is the best man. Gotta keep those bridesmaids off my man.

I also went out for my friend's birthday to a place called Aussie Rules. Its a pretty sweet time if you are drunk. Its a dueling piano bar. They take requests and play all sorts of songs from r&b to hard rock. The whole point of the place is to get up on your chairs and dance. I got relatively pissed off rye and diets and proceeded to take my shirt off and swing it around my head. But don't worry readers, I had another shirt on underneath....the joys of layering. We danced the whole night long. The boyfriend came along and enjoyed our rendition of "Accountants gone Wild". We are crazy......ummm yeah?

Sunday -> Went out to Canmore to visit the momma for mother's day. Me and my sister bought her a gift certificate to her favorite pub. She had just gotten back from England. She enjoyed her trip but man can that woman bitch about family. Her mom has too much old shit in her house, my dad's sister is still smoking, her sister wanted to meet at an extremely annoying time, her sister's husband flirts with her...blah blah blah. She gives my grandma the hardest time. My mother strives to be the exact opposite of her mother. But all in all, it was nice to see momma again and my dad, after he got back from golfing. He shot an 80. Don't know what the hell that means but he sounded excited!

I also went to the Strokes concert on Sunday night. It was pretty good. I wasn't too big of a fan, but the boyfriend really likes them. The lead singer looked cute but I couldn't see from all the way in the back of the concert hall. I wonder what the Strokes thought of us Calgarians. They played to a half-filled building which is normally used to sell cattle in. Did I mention that it is called "the Corral". Man we are hicks. But they don't call it cowtown for nothing!!!! I'm sure that them, being all New Yorkesque, thought we were the hugest rednecks ever. Ah well.....they like their culture like we like out livestock!!!

Come One Come All!

2006-05-12T12:43:00.000-06:00

Welcome all! This is essentially about my life as I reach the crossroads in my life, what do I want to do with my life? I live the life of a CA student (a chartered accountant student) in Calgary but I am the least likely to be mistaken as an accountant. I have many friends that ask me: "Doesn't your undiagnosed ADD prevent you from working to your full potential as a accountant?" It's true it does sometimes, but right now I am working to live and not living to work. You are welcome to come with me on my journey of discovering how to do the opposite.

I am obsessed with outside. I love being outside and I hate winter. Why do I live in Calgary? Because it is too damn expensive to live in Vancouver or Victoria, which are the only places in Canada that have half decent wheather year long and the job market sucks there. My dream is to move to California, but I am prevented to by a long-term boyfriend, with which I have purchased a nice condo in Kensington with, who is taking over his father's business and is sort of immobile as a result. The one good thing about Calgary is the proximity to the mountains. I love to hike and snowboard and there's no better place to do it.

I play soccer and rugby, but don't mistake me for a butch. I've been playing soccer for a really long time and rugby is a new addition this year. I figured I always end up taking out girls in soccer, might as well do it legally in rugby. I'm catching on to the game quite quickly but the roughness is a bit hard to swallow. My first game was last week and I got out of it with minor injuries (two large bruises and concussion). Right now I am just trying to adapt to being so active as I have 2 rugby practices and 1 soccer practice a week plus a game for each.

Other than that, I like to spend my time drinking on patios at pubs (when its not -30 celcius) and watching some quality reality tv. My poison of choice is rye (its a Canadian thing) and/or malibu. I loooove Laguna Beach, Lost (I know its not reality), the Office and My Name is Earl. It's quite the tv-crap line up but no one can argue that it is my form of escapism.